Posts filed under ‘boys’
How Well Are You Managing Your ADULT Pampered Prince?
I keep running into women who tell me these incredible stories about how their moms (and dads) are still taking care of their brothers. Mind you we aren’t talking about teen or college-aged sons, but sons in their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s and 50’s. Depending on the situation, taking care of your adult son, means you are paying his rent, car note, buying groceries, washing his laundry or he’s still living with you.
Portrait of a mother and her young adult/late teen son.
While there are cultures where the children stay home until they marry, the son or daughter is either in school or working. These are not the families I’m talking about. I’m referring to those households where no matter what the son has done, mom defends him. I experienced this while teaching at an all-male high school. If my student had cheated on a test or plagiarized a paper, his mom wanted to know what was I doing to cause her son to cheat or plagiarize. Crazy!
I’ve also been guilty of zealously taking my son’s side when I thought his father or stepdad was being too harsh with him. But here’s the thing I’ve learned: the more you defend your son to his father, stepdad, teacher, or whomever – the more your son feels that he can do whatever he wants without consequences. You see it in toddler boys. Often his behavior is considered cute even when he says “shut-up” or hits you back. It’s a different story when he tells you to shut up and he’s six or 16. Then it’s not cute. Hold him accountable when he’s a teen and doesn’t want to stay in school. It’s not okay to let him quit just because he can’t get along with his teacher or coach.
As a divorced mom, I thought I was raising my son properly. At the time, it was hard hearing any criticism of him. Not that I thought he was perfect, more that I felt it reflected badly on my parenting skills. In my The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son book, I talk about how teaching at the all-male high school made me a better parent. I required my students to follow my class rules, complete their assignments on time and be respectful. When they didn’t, I had consequences for them. As I thought about it, I realized those same rules applied to my own son – my pampered prince. It was a great AHA moment for me! 
Today as I watch the news and hear from mothers who vigorously defend their son’s behavior, I think about the importance of holding those sons accountable at an early age. Saying “shut up” at two and three years old isn’t cute, it’s disrespectful. If you allow that behavior to continue, you’re creating a monster. Just like you teach your son to read, write and count. Teach him to be accountable for what he does, and to be respectful of others – those who look like him and those who don’t. If life brings him back home to live with you (as an adult), remember he is an adult and can take care of himself. Washing his clothes and cooking meals for him is not going to encourage him to move out of your house, or make him good material for marriage!
#StaySane
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to pick up a copy of this book. 
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
The Peculiar Language Between Mothers & Their Sons (reprinted)
Periodically I write articles for Moms Magazine. It’s a great resource for mothers. I encourage you to check them out – momsmagazine.com This is my article reprinted from Moms Magazine 2/16/2016
When my biological son was in his late teens, he stopped communicating with me. It was an odd time because he had started college and I didn’t see him often, so talking with him was very important to me. What I didn’t know was that he was having difficulty managing his time and assignments. I knew something was wrong, (a mother’s instinct) just didn’t know what. So my husband (his stepdad) and I took a road trip down to his campus and made a surprise visit. The conversation wasn’t easy and he continued to give us one word answers and stony looks, but we eventually understood the entire story.
I continued to use the practices and tips that I talk about in my book – The Pampered Prince: Mom Create a GREAT Relationship With Your Son and made sure that whe
n I felt he was distant or needed to talk, I reached out and didn’t tell myself I was wrong. Once he knew I wasn’t just trying to “get in his business” or “wreck his life”, he talked to me.
I thought about our relationship as I watched the ABC 20/20 show where the mother of one of the Columbine shooters talked about how she didn’t acknowledge the distance she felt with her son, and how she had no idea he was planning the shooting or was so easily influenced by another boy, also a shooter. She also did what many of us do when our sons show us some attention – she thought things were much better. It was just a smokescreen to get her out of his Kool-Aid. My point here is that some of the messages we receive are a mother’s intuition and while it may not make sense, if we don’t act on it, we’re screwed.
It may be awkward if you are not used to conversing with your son. They are very good at ignoring us or making us feel like we are wasting their time. Push through that feeling and make some space for a conversation to begin. Inviting my son to dinner or out for ice cream worked 90% of the time. He loves both and once we start eating, the words seem to tumble out. This idea works for sons from teen to mid-twenties. Try it and let me know what happened. I would love to hear from you.
Want to learn more about how to communicate with your son? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my life-changing parenting programs for blended families, aging parents, mothers and daughters or mothers and sons. Email me at: info@clynnwilliams.com
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author ~ Coach ~ Family Dynamics Specialist
www.clynnwilliams.com
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
NEW – Yours & Mine: The Winning Blended Family Formula (220 Publishing, 2015)
Other Mothers’ Sons…
I am tired, angry, and discouraged with the number of deaths by gun violence over the last 2-3 year
s. As a mother with two sons, I thought about how I would feel if my sons were shot or killed randomly or by police. I mean, nowadays, there is such a disdain for life by “lost souls” that a bullet meant for someone else, can find its way to my boys.
When I read the news accounts on how the son (Joseph Graves or substitute any dead young man’s name here) was killed, I wonder what were the last words his mother said to him. I think about how he was raised, who were the influential people in his life, was he part of the problem or part of the solution. Since we are at epidemic proportions of young men dying by gun violence, I’ve changed my focus from the mothers of sons who have died, to the mothers of sons who are doing the shooting.
That’s who I want to think about in this post. Who do these young men go to for guidance? What kind of manners are they taught? What are their unmet needs? Do they need more love, more male interaction, or are they dealing with an untreated mental illness? Good behavior starts at home with good consistent parenting. Sons don’t start out bad, they are allowed to misbehave. It is reinforced when we don’t chastise, redirect them, discipline and teach them how to respect us and themselves.
When I was growing up and got out of control, we were called ‘wild hooligans’ and punished. Bad behavior was not tolerated. Nowadays, what are the consequences for temper tantrums for these boys at ages 2, 3 and 4? This is the age to train them to respect us (their parents) and authority. It i
s impossible to wait until your son is a teenager to train him on respect and good behavior.
My oldest son was raised by his mother and I got to be a part of his life when he was a late teen. He was very well-mannered and respectful. That’s how he was raised. My younger son, spent part of his years with me when I was a single parent, and his high school years with his father. He too understood the rules.
What I’m saying here is that respect and good behavior is learned and reinforced. The same is true for misbehavior. If you allow your son to say anything he wants to you, especially when he’s young and you think it’s cute, then you are breeding a monster. If he is a handful, put some male role models in his life either through your church, the local YMCA or a fraternity sponsored program.
Mothers, we can stop the gun violence now. Start controlling your ‘wild hooligan’ I mean your young man now. Teach your son how to treat people and how to behave appropriately, so that the streets or law enforcement won’t have to.
Interested in learning more about your how to best manage your son’s behavior? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for aging parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and Sons or Blended Families. Email me at: info@clynnwilliams.com
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author, Coach & Family Dynamics Specialist
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
NEW: Yours & Mine: The Winning Blended Family Formula (220 Publishing, 2015)
The #Ferguson Experience
We are living through a time of dichotomies. What’s good for you & your family is not necessarily what’s good for me & mine. Clearly this is true for Michael Brown, his family and officer Darren Wilson.
As a Divine spirit living a human existence as an African-American mother, I do not know how to talk to my sons about their rights as African-American males in these United States. It is unfortunate that my sons who have been educated and raised in American schools, and lived a middle class life, can have their lives taken in cold blooded murder by a trigger-happy law enforcement officer. #TrayvonMartin
To make matters worse, yesterday the grand jury decided that Officer Wilson was justified in shooting an unarmed teen and voted not to indict. #MichaelBrown #Ferguson
It is at times like these that I understand and agree with the philosophies of H. Rap Brown versus those of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
This Ferguson experience is unexplainable to me. How do I continue to justify America’s social justice to my sons? A society that allows the killing of African-American males is not the answer to its’ problems. It’s just a matter of time, before my son becomes your son. #removethemaskoffear
If you want to continue this discussion about protecting our #sons, sign up for my Parenting Newsletter. Want to ask questions or dialogue with me about how tough adult issues affect our families; reach out to me on Twitter @MsParentguru or on my Facebook fan page www.Facebook.com/CGWWBooks. #parenting
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Generational Development Specialist
www.clynnwilliams.com
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
4 Shockingly Simple Rules That Could Keep Lots Of Teenaged Boys From Committing Rape (reblog)
A lot of people feel that this article is inappropriate and will be offended. I suggest that you read to the end and decide for yourself. Reblogged from Angieup.tumblr
Instead of teaching girls how to not get raped (“don’t wear this,” “don’t ever drink,” etc.), what if we went to the root of the problem and raised boys to know the ins and outs of consent?*
Here’s how you can rule out sleeping with someone:
1. She’s hammered.
2. She seems unsure if she wants to (you should never have to talk anyone into it).
3. She’s passed out.
4. It seems like there’s any other reason she might regret it in the morning. (Even if it’s not rape, do you really want to be someone’s morning-after regret, when instead they can remember you as a total gentleman?)
P.S. My he/she conventions here are in no way an attempt to shut out gay men from the conversation — these are notes to my son (who happens to be heterosexual) and other heterosexual sons. To gay sons out there, just pretend I said he, because this goes for you, too!
Here’s how you can be sure it’s okay to proceed with sex:
1. She is in control of her faculties.
2. She is enthusiastically willing.
3. Check in with her! “Do you want to be doing this?” is a great thing to ask when things are going to another sexual level. The worst thing that will happen is she’ll rethink it and say, no, she’s actually not ready. It’s important at that point to pivot to doing something else together, and not make her feel guilty for changing her mind. While that may feel like a bummer to you in the moment, what you’ve just achieved there is fucking badass. You’ve just put someone else’s feelings ahead of your physiological needs. You’ve just treated somebody the way you hope another guy would treat your sister.
All of this is to say, I actually think you’ve got this. You’re going to do great things in the world as you fully inhabit your manhood, and I think the integrity you’re made of is going to come through in all kinds of situations. I really wish you a great, fulfilling sex life where you each mutually benefit and you each come away from it feeling fortified and better for it; not damaged, confused, or disappointed in yourself.
Love and hugs and rainbows and all that,
Mom
To read the full article, click here: Son It’s Okay
If you liked what you read, follow my blog for more articles, info and camaraderie with other people just like you & me. Reach out to me on Twitter (@cgwwbook) or Facebook (CGWWBooks)
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Generational Development Coach
www.clynnwilliams.com
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens 
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