Posts filed under ‘family’
Hey Parents What Are You Wearing?
When I was growing up, there were certain things that I could wear while playing outside (like shorts) that I couldn’t wear off the block. My mom and dad were really particular about how we looked and the impressions we would make on other people.
Not only was my mother specific about what we wore or didn’t wear, she and dad had a specific way they dressed as well. One of the family rules was no rollers out of the house. which simply meant that your hair was combed and you had on appropriate clothes and shoes. My father was formal (old school) and wore a shirt, usually a tie and pants. Depending on where he was going, he had on a brim. The only time he had on house slippers was in the house.
There was no way my mother would’ve come out of the house with her house slippers or anything that looked like pajamas either. As she put it, she would never want to embarrass her family’s name or ours.
Fast forward to today’s times where some parents show up to their child’s school dressed really bad! So I wasn’t surprised to read the article yesterday where the Houston principal, Carlotta Brown gave her parents a dress code when coming to school. She was tired of them showing up inappropriately dressed and setting bad examples for her students.
To all of the haters who disagreed with the principal’s rules, saying that it was discrimination against those parents who had low income. I disagree! Have one dress or shirt (blouse) and pair of pants that looks respectable. And wear that – even if you wear the same outfit every time you attend a school event.
It’s really about the kids and the role that you play in your child’s life. It is completely inappropriate to wear see-through clothing around adolescents – your child’s or someone else‘s. Talk about early sex education! “Hey John, I could see through your Mom’s blouse! She’s hot!” How embarrassing is that? Also leave the hair bonnets at home too. They are just to protect the hair while you sleep.
I know you believe that as an adult you can do whatever you want.
You can!
Just remember that everything you do reflects back on your children and sets an example (for the rest of their lives) whether you like it or not.
Just my two cents worth.
Learn more about your family’s dynamics. Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to be a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
www.clynnwilliams.com
How the Sins of Our Mothers Scar Us
My sister and I always felt that our mom favored our brother Tony. Her heart seemed to be softer on his behalf. Don’t get me wrong, Tony got into trouble and was punished too, but not as much once my parents split up. What I now know, is that Mom was compensating for my dad being absent in his life. She did the best she knew how.
Since I was in college during my sister and brother’s high years; years AD (after divorce), I didn’t see much preferential treatment bestowed on Tony.
Mom could do a lot of things really well! When it came to organization and getting things done, my mom was AWESOME! I learned how to speak up for and take care of myself because of my mother. Showing emotions, wasn’t her strength. She was unable to teach me how to love and nurture myself or anyone else. So in high school and college, I was pretty detached in my relationships. I kept to myself and only opened up to my closest friends.
Once I became a mom and started seeking my mother’s advice, I asked her why she seldom said she loved us or hugged. Her words were “My mom didn’t treat us that way.”
Here’s the deal: families live and die emotionally through experiences with the moms in their lives. If your mom did not receive praise and lots of ‘I love yous’ ❤️ as a child, then they either feel that it was unwarranted (when they raise children) or they are emotionally unable to share those kinds of feelings.
It is definitely possible that mothers will give lots of love and praise when they have their own children even if they didn’t receive it as a child. I have many friends who are wonderful moms, and when asked about their childhood, they say they didn’t get along with their mom. When pressed to explain further, they say they wanted a different experience for their own children. ❤️
When mothers are harsh and don’t exhibit warmth and love to their son or daughter, that child grows up similar to a sociopath who acts without feelings or conscious.
How do we change that behavior?
One child at a time…
Yes I know you are busy working and raising a family…
Yes, I know you never had a relationship with your mom or dad and don’t know how to talk (civilly) or show love…
Yes, it’s hard…
But not impossible…
Start by taking baby steps.
- “Good morning, I love you.”
- “Good night I love you.”
- “Have a good day at school.” (Hug your son or daughter)
- “You mean everything to me.”
These statements go a long way toward building a better relationship.
That’s nice. ❤️
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
How to Defuse Anger in Your Family
Have you noticed that the people around you (at work or school) are so angry? Maybe it’s you or people within your family.
How do you keep that anger emotion from taking over?
Listen to my YouTube vlog and let me know what you think. Click here. Once you’re done subscribe to my YouTube channel.
Want to learn more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
Acceptance Is Key to Personal Happiness
Have you ever done something you regretted?
That happened to me last night.
I watched the nightly news – that was my regret. But while watching, I saw the story about actor, Jussie Smollett being attacked by two masked men who shouted MAGA. For those of you that don’t know what MAGA means — it means Make America Great Again. First of all, if you are proud of what you are doing, why hide behind a mask?
Someone on Quora coined MAGA as Morons Are Governing America. Either way you look at it a crime against another human being is wrong and usually behavior that is learned at home or learned under prejudicial leadership. And more importantly, criminal behavior should not be copied. People imitate what they see and respect. When weak people see that people who look or act differently (from them) should be punished, they perpetuate that behavior. Considering that we live in a country rich in diversity, acceptance needs to be one of our skillsets.
America is part of a global society of countries that influence people, economies and political leadership. We are asking nations like the Middle East, Africa, and Latin America, to respect the citizens in their countries and treat them fairly; respect their differences. We have to do the same in America. Accepting the differences that we encounter within our families, our communities, our workplaces has to take place.
The time is now to remind ourselves of three things:
- You don’t have to like someone to work with them.
- You don’t judge a book by its cover.
- Your life’s purpose is unique and not based on looking or being like someone else.
Being great again means having honor and integrity. It means using your voice to help others, not denigrate, embarrass or misuse them. Being great means that you are inclusive instead of exclusive. That means that judging a person by their socio-economic status, ethnicity, faith or gender preferences is unacceptable.
Being great in a positive way trickles down from top government to state and local governments, communities and families. Doctrines should inspire people to do better and be better. As you accept others for who they are, it has a reciprocal effect. Accepting others may help you accept things about yourself (that you may have rejected in the past).
There is too much work to do to HATE. Just my two cents.
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
Which One Are You Today?
It’s funny when your kids are small, you don’t ever want them to grow up. They are so innocent and precious and they listen to our every word. Then the day comes when they start saying things like “I’m grown, I can make my own decisions.” And you realize they are growing up and maybe you should let them (make their decisions). 
Then they change back into a non-adult! They say things like:
- Can you pay for my phone?
- Will you complete my FAFSA?
- Do you have money for me to get my nails done?
- Can you pay my car insurance?
- Will you pay my rent?
Wait a minute!
- I thought you were an adult?
- Isn’t that what you told me you were?
- What happened to “I can do this? Please stop telling me what to do!?”
This is the brain of our teenage or twenty-something kid. The problem is that they really don’t want a lessons learned talk, they kinda want to figure it out, but don’t mind asking for your money and support.
My feeling is that when your kid says, “I can do it”, it’s important to let him or her do it. I believe today’s parents don’t want their children to make the mistakes that they made. It sounds good, but isn’t realistic. Growing up means you make mistakes. I made them? You did too. It’s okay. 
Young people today don’t mind making mistakes. They don’t want to be nagged or guilt tripped, but they also want to be rescued when they’ve made a mistake. It’s doesn’t work both ways! Some lessons can only be learned through experience. A daughter who has a child without the security of marriage (against the advice of her parents), takes a risk that she will raise her child alone. A son who wants to play pro ball and decides not to go to college, takes a risk of having an injury (that keeps him from playing) and working the rest of his life as a laborer.
It’s hard watching our children make mistakes especially ones that can follow them for life. It’s harder when they tell you to butt out – let them live their life. Those are hard lessons for us as parents. However, just like our parents had to let us go and grow… we have to do the same thing. A little lesson learning never hurt anybody! Happy 2019!
Are you saying Yes when you really mean No? Click here to Join my FREE Facebook Group – Balanced Moms Club to join with other moms to receive tips about time management, organization and basic meal planning.
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C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
Kids Do the Darnedest Things
I have the cutest great nephew, and one day he said s*~t. He was two years old and we couldn’t understand where he heard a word like that and could repeat it so clearly. Periodically, swear words are sprinkled throughout his conversations especially when he gets frustrated. It doesn’t really matter where he picked up his irreverent language, just know that he was imitating someone close to him (that he respected).
Young children are like sponges and they pick up our words, phrases and mannerisms so easily. They watch us to determine how they should act, and then they surprise us with an exact replica of ourselves. That’s one of the things they do quite well without any prompting from us.
I said young children didn’t I? Actually it doesn’t matter how old our child is, they imitate our behaviors whether positive or negative.
Both my parents smoked like sailors as I was growing up. The first semester that I was home from college, I lit up a cigarette in front of my mother. She was horrified and asked “Why are you smoking?” I told her that since she did it, I’d decided to smoke too. Then we had a conversation about her addiction to cigarettes. She begged me to stop and that was the first (and last) cigarette I smoked.
Here are five thoughts to remember as your kids continue to grow:
- Watch your language
- Manage your temper (no popping off)
- Model kindness
- Be open (for them to talk)
- LISTEN
Enjoy your family and have a Happy Thanksgiving.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Have You Established A School Routine?
When I was in elementary and high school, my mother started preparing my siblings and me for our 1st day of school several weeks in advance. She changed our bedtimes and reduced our outside playing time to prepare us for the new school year. It didn’t make sense at the time, but the transition to school was smoother and we weren’t sleepy in the mornings. 
Once I had children of my own, having a routine, made a lot of sense. And as a former high school teacher, I could tell which students had routines at home and those who didn’t. Email me back if you want to know how I knew….
If you are dreading the first week of school and wondering how you are going to prepare for a new routine where everyone is on time to where they are going – l CAN HELP!
As a Back to School gift to all parents who are getting children of all ages back into the groove of school, I am offering you a gift of peace instead of chaotic mornings and bedtimes. To receive this gem of information, join my parent community. I promise that your contact information will be safe and is not for sale by me or anyone on my staff.
Below is a link to preschool, elementary and high school routines that I created to help you help your child get into the groove of school as easily as possible.
CLICK HERE
If your current routines aren’t working to your satisfaction, build a new set of routines this year. The routines will teach your children how to manage themselves and their time for better success in school. Have a great school year!
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
You’re No Good To Us Dead
This week I sat in a very somber ceremony where we were celebrating the lives of women that had recently died. As I thought about their lives, I wondered how many of these women led the kind of life where they were more concerned with pleasing the people around them than taking time for themselves.
As women, we are often told that what matters is the sacrifice we make for other people – as mothers, wives or friends. I think about my mother, who give all of her time, money and energy to us (her children), family members, her friends and community.
It sounds so wonderful to sacrifice yourself, and continuously give to other people, but when we don’t take time to nurture our dreams and create time for ourselves, we become tired, overwhelmed, disillusioned, or sick. Then we are no good to ourselves or anyone else.
When my children were young I don’t remember taking time to practice daily self-care or knowing what self-care was until two things happened:
- I lost a work colleague to cancer. Our lives mirrored each other’s in many ways: we were both in our 30’s, married with young children and working in corporate America. She seldom took time for herself. Lunch was an opportunity to purchase groceries or finish a project. Birthday gifts were practical household gifts. Everyone talked about how efficient and practical she was, but ultimately she didn’t get to live out her life.
- I went through a divorce about 10 years later. Going through divorce caused me to stop and take time to figure out what was important to me; where I wanted to be and what made me happy. It’s amazing how life crises can cause you to look at your life differently.
You don’t have to wait until a life crisis makes you make positive change in your life. Take time now to do something just for you every day. Begin a physical activity or a hobby that you love and start it today. Why wait? Find your inner Superwoman and nurture her.
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my Finding Superwoman™ programs.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
Take Your Sister with You
I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, and she told me that her young daughters are constantly bickering and crying with each other and I thought about growing up with my sister. 
It seems like every time I left the house, my mother would say, “Take your sister with you”. I thought, “Why? She’s a crybaby!” It wasn’t until I went to college, that I discovered what a wonderful relationship I had with my sister and still do. I started thinking about sibling rivalry and what causes it, especially with girls.
Girls are allowed to be more emotional. I say allowed because behavior is learned, and if you get the attention of your parents by crying when things occur, then you’ll cry to get what you want. Make no mistake, boys do it too. It’s a great parenting idea to practice managing the emotions and the rivalry when they first occur because the longer you let it go on the harder it is to stop the behavior. Kids are brilliant! They watch us carefully and they know what we will respond to and what we won’t.
Try these three tips to help your children manage sibling rivalry:
1. When the whining and crying starts, have the girls sit down and talk with you about what’s going on.
2. Have them figure it out together without your involvement. Get them used to working through their issues with each other.
3. Put them in charge of each other. Usually the oldest is responsible for the younger sister.
On those occasions when the bickering doesn’t end, have your daughters take care of each other’s things by cleaning up each other spaces and doing each other’s chores. Create opportunities for them to spend even more time together as opposed to separating them when they can’t get along.
This is not an overnight parenting tip, and will probably take you several weeks before it begins to work.
Hopefully what you’ll see is that your daughters will start to rely on each other in a way you would never have imagined and the bickering will be a thing of the past.
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Motivational Speaker
How to Successfully Communicate With Adult Children
When my children were little, we discussed lots of different topics with them and encouraged them to talk (to us) about anything. Things that were going on in their school, with their classmates, in our family and current events were all fair game. It didn’t matter whether we liked or agreed with their thoughts or not, we encouraged them to talk about whatever was going on in their lives. 
I believed if we listened to their small issues, they would be comfortable talking with us about their bigger (scarier or life threatening) issues. While I’m sure we didn’t hear everything that occurred in their lives, listening taught me three amazing lessons!
- Like what my kids liked
- Be open-minded
- Ask questions of interest
These three tips allowed me to stay relevant with my children as they became adults. As I approached adulthood, I had secrets that I never shared with my mom or dad. I didn’t want to be judged or reminded, so I didn’t share many things that were going on in my life. As much as I loved my parents, I didn’t want to hear them say, “OMG why’d you do that?” No adult really wants to hear that.
However, I wanted a more open relationship with my children, especially as they became adults. I wanted to stay relevant in their lives. As an example, I liked rock music growing up. When my son realized that I was OPEN to listening to grunge and alternative music, he would in
vite me to listen to new songs that he liked. “Hey Mom, listen to this.” Keeping that doorway open into his adulthood, allowed to me ask him, “So what’s new?” He could choose to either tell me about some new music he liked, or share a more personal thought or concern.
The same was true with my daughters. I wasn’t afraid to share some of my ‘young woman’ mistakes with them, hoping they wouldn’t make those same mistakes. In turn, they were comfortable sharing their life with me. On the way to learning more about them, I continue to learn more about myself. Isn’t life grand?
It’s never too late to start a conversation with your children. If it’s a new experience, start small, but be consistent. The rewards will change your relationship in a positive way.
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens 
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