Posts filed under ‘feelings’

It’s Complicated…

My daughter and I are hosting a series of romance webinars (one per month) and last night was our 2nd webinar. In our Dating With The Right Tools webinar, we talked about those areas and behaviors that keep us attracting the wrong person. The term It’s Complicated was mentioned and it sounded like a great topic to talk more about it in my blog today. its-complicated
It’s Complicated… There are two things I think about when I hear those words. One is the Facebook status that talks about where you are in your relationship, and the second is the movie with Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin.

It’s complicated usually means that one of the two of you is in multiple relationships with other people. While we didn’t stay on that topic for very long last night; we did talk about the importance of knowing what you want in a relationship (whether you’re in a relationship or not).

Knowing what you want out of a partner helps you determine whether the man or woman you meet on Friday is someone you want to spend more time with or not. In our romance series we want to level the playing field and say out loud, what women think in their heads, but don’t say. If you want to date multiple people, go for it! As long as everyone involved knows what’s going on, it’s simple – not complicated. If you want to be in a monogamous relationship, that’s simple too, as long as you discuss what you want with your partner and they agree with you. Being afraid to enter a new relationship because of issues of trust, is challenging and a topic that women don’t often share, but feel very deeply.

While my daughter is the relationship therapist, I coach working women to find balance in all areas of their lives: work/business, children, significant other and themselves. I believe women can have it all with a plan, organization and the ability to say no without guilt. Recently, many women have told me that they are basically ‘married’ to their work and have no room for romance or dating. That is complicated! Don’t let this be your story. Knowing how distracted I can become when I’m working on a presentation or writing a book, it’s easy to work night and day. However, I’ve learned to walk away (from my work) and take some time to enjoy my family and husband. This is what I share in my Finding Superwoman coaching program.

Here are four tools You Can Use to get more out of dating whether you are single, in a relationship or married:

  • Set Goals for yourself on what it is you want out of a relationship. If you want to spice up a relationship that you are currently in, plan fun things and set a regular date night. It doesn’t have to be expensive, be creative. If you are interested in starting the dating scene, think of things you enjoy doing. They can range from becoming involved in a local choir, joining a meetup of movie lovers or donating your time at a local girls and boys club.
  • Stay Honest by discussing your likes dislikes and values when you begin dating instead of assuming the other person knows what they are, or trying to be somebody that you’re not.
  • Changing others to make them fit into the mold that you want never works… at least not very long. Both of you will be unhappy because neither is appreciated for who they are.
  • Romance is an investment because not only is money part of this equation, but your time and your partner’s time is as well. If you know you love a person with champagne tastes, why date someone with beer tastes and expectations? In other words, date someone with similar interests to yours. You will be much happier.

If you feel you keep attracting the wrong person or are giving far more than you want, then click here to replay our Dating With The Right Tools webinar:

Our next live webinar is scheduled for Tuesday, January 10th at 7 pm (CST) and it’s titled “I Want to Get Married, Now What?” Here’s the link to register: Click

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Coach & Author
www.clynnwilliams.com

December 9, 2016 at 12:13 am Leave a comment

The Cost of Anger to Me

Last week as I was driving to a meeting, I signaled to move into the lane to my right. Apparently I was too close to the driver behind me because the road-rage
next thing I knew, he sped ahead of me, changed into my lane and put on his brakes… I said to myself – “I’ve just been a victim of road rage! He probably didn’t think more about it, because he had satisfied that moment of complete rage. But I thought about how our anger, our rage gets the best of us every day.

My hubs tells me I’m on the ‘red train’ when I get really angry. Physiologically, my head hurts and I feel irrational. Imagine what that does to the organs in our bodies like our hearts, our brains, etc. The urban idiom is called ‘pop off’ meaning you lost your cool.

According to Livestrong.com, “Anger is an emotion that is associated with resentment, frustration, irritability and rage. Chinese medicine asserts that this choleric emotion is stored in the liver and gallbladder, which produce and store bile, respectively. This anger can affect many biological processes that sap energy and cause headaches, dizziness and high blood pressure.”¹ According to Lavelle Hendricks, “Before anger affects any part of our body, it has to affect our brain first. When we experience anger, the brain causes the body to release stress hormones, adrenaline andScream noradrenaline. These chemicals help the body control the heart rate and blood pressure.”²

Just think about how many people you know who have experienced heart attacks or aneurysms. I’m thinking about how my anger affects not only me, but also my kids and my husband. As a mom, I like being in control – to understand where everything is, my role, and how it affects my family. But, there are so many things that are outside of my control. Like someone bumping into to me on the street, or driving too close, or your kid having a bad day and saying something disrespectful. For our own sanity and the sake of our bodies, we have to let things go and move on without anger or self-recrimination. Hey…don’t lose your cool

[1] http://www.livestrong.com/article/193234-what-emotions-affect-different-organs-in-the-human-body/

[2]http://www.nationalforum.com/Electronic%20Journal%20Volumes/Hendricks,%20LaVelle%20The%20Effects%20of%20Anger%20on%20the%20Brain%20and%20Body%20NFJCA%20V2%20N1%202013.pdf

 

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, MothersDaughters, Mothers and their Sons or  Finding Superwoman™ for Overworked Moms.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
Want more Romance  in your life? Register for my Nov 1st webinar: How To Put Romance Back Into Your Schedule

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Speaker & Author

www.clynnwilliams.com

October 26, 2016 at 2:31 pm Leave a comment

How We Make Them Feel

20151029155315-disgruntled-employee-unhappy-talking-disruptive

For my business owner friends, have you ever had a client who arrived late to their appointment with you? How did you make them feel? That was my story recently. I had a wonderful massage and nail service planned and got caught in traffic. Ugh… I probably needed to leave 20 minutes earlier. ¡Ay Caramba (good grief), I missed 20 minutes of my relaxing massage, but the masseuse was kind, warm and inviting. The massage was wonderful and life was wonderful. I went happily on to my next service which was a nail repolish and the nail tech wouldn’t talk to me at all except to tell me that they are normally very busy on Fridays. Blah, blah, blah. Oh my God, I felt like I was 10 years old again, being chastised by my mother. Yes I was late and in the beauty business, the entire day is hijacked with one late client. I get it! But honestly I would have preferred to have been rescheduled to another time than to be given the silent treatment.

As a business owner, I learned a valuable lesson from that experience: How you treat your customers is what they remember forever. If they have done something that you have issues with, like show up late, fit them in (with a smile) or reschedule them. By no means, treat them or let your employees chastise them with a disapproving attitude.

What do you think?

C. Lynn Williams

Founder & Creator of Finding SuperWoman
Click here if you want to know more

Follow me @MsParentguru on  Twitter & Instagram

www.clynnwilliams.com

April 8, 2016 at 5:35 pm 1 comment

Oh Weight!

It’s that time of year again, when I excitedly clean out my closet and begin to think about weight 2buying new outfits to wear. Normally by this time, I have started my Lenten fasting and am comfortable looking at myself in the mirror. This year is a little different. During the fall and winter months, I was busy going back and forth to the various hospitals and nursing homes that took care of my father. I thought about eating healthy foods and tried, but I really found that food made me feel…better… while I processed the fact that my father was dying.

As I attend my different women’s conferences and workshops, I look around and notice my heavily figured friends and associates who too are carrying extra weight. I can’t help thinking how many are care givers for ailing parents or family members, and just don’t have the will power or time to eat a healthy meal. How many of us are emotional eaters? When I think about women like me, I think about all the issues that increased weight brings to us in the way of diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, cancer. Oweightkay! I’ve got my own attention again. No more candy and I suppose I can give up cookies too!

Interested in learning more about your health or your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging parents, Mothers and Daughters or Mothers and Sons. Email me at: info@clynnwilliams.com

 

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Author, Coach & Family Dynamics Specialist

www.clynnwilliams.com
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
NEW Yours & Mine: The Winning Blended Family Formula (220 Publishing, 2015)

March 7, 2016 at 9:20 pm 1 comment

10 Daddy Tips for Raising A Daughter

I ran across this simple, but powerful list for dads to consider when interacting with their daughters, compliments of http://www.loveplayandlearn.com/10-daddy-tips-for-raising-a-daughter/  — Enjoy  dad-holding-school-age-daughter-beach

1. Love Her Mother:

I list this first because, arguably, this is the most important in helping to develop my daughter’s ability to develop, and maintain, a stable relationship in her future. Parents are the largest influence in this area and how you treat your spouse reinforces the kind of relationship that your child will seek in their adulthood. Love her mother, treat her with respect, and don’t be afraid to express your love for her in front of your children. Expecting your child to know that you love your spouse without ever showing/expressing it around them sends mixed signals. To put it simply, think of it this way: would you want your daughter to marry someone that treats her the way you treat your spouse?

2. Tell Her She’s Beautiful AND SMART:

It goes without saying that fathers play a significant role in helping develop their daughter’s (really their son’s as well) self-esteem. Your daughter faces a world that is not afraid to bash her self-esteem, and/or self-image, in order to sell her something. It’s important that early, and often, you remind her that you think she’s beautiful, inside and out. Of course beauty isn’t everything and your daughter should know that you value her intellect as much, if not more so, than her appearance. Help her understand that her self-worth is not reliant on her physical appearance so that she learns not to base the value of others on their appearance. Teach her that beauty can be found in everyone and that intellect will help her live a rich and fulfilling life.

3. Spend Time With Her:

We live in an increasingly connected world. Yet, paradoxically, our personal relationships have become disconnected as a result. Your daughter wants requires your attention. There are certainly times in which this will be incredibly difficult, given the demands of your career, but the investment of your time in her life will reap rewards beyond measure in her adulthood. Make sure that she understands, and feels, that she is your number one priority in life.

4. Don’t Be Afraid to Act Silly:  daughter-dad

Creative play engages your daughter and enriches her imagination. This means that you shouldn’t be afraid to sit down to a tea party, or dress up now and then. You may feel ridiculous but your daughter will love you for it. It shows her that you value her happiness more than your personal pride and helps stimulate her creativity. This may mean you’ll have to watch a silly, childish movie on occasion, but would you prefer that she remember all the fun you had with her as a child, or the times that you turned her down because it was beneath you?

5. Read…Read…Read:

Nothing stimulates your daughter’s intellect, increases her vocabulary, and helps strengthen your relationship like cuddling and reading a good book. Dedicate a short portion of each day- bedtime is usually the easiest- to read to her whichever books she chooses. If your schedule makes spending time with your daughter difficult, say due to career obligations, commit a small window of your time just to this task and do everything within your power to be there each night – even if it means reading over Skype. This will become something that she looks forward to each day.

6. Share Your Hobbies With Her:

Who says that your daughter wouldn’t be interested in watching the football game or your favorite movie? When she’s young she’ll see this as an opportunity to spend time with her daddy doing something he enjoys. Include her in some of your hobbies so that she can learn to love and appreciate you even more. Perhaps even more importantly, be involved in her hobbies as well. Does she enjoy dance? Sports? Perhaps art? Be sure that you know the answer to that and you show her you care by participating in her hobbies as well. Sure, she may no longer want to join you as she gets older but don’t forget to extend the invitation. She may rather hang with her friends than spend time with the “old man” but at least you’re reminding her that your hobbies can be just as enjoyable, if not more so, with your daughter in tow.

7. Be Respectful of Others:

One of the biggest challenges that your daughter will face in her youth is developing a positive self-image and self-esteem. This is especially critical when she’s in her early teens as her self-esteem is particularly fragile. Be cognizant of what you say of others, especially women, when your daughter is with you (though best practice is even if she’s not with you). Remember that your “joke” or insult may have lasting consequences on your daughter’s psyche. Don’t forget that she looks to you to get an idea of what to expect from the opposite sex.

8. Be Her “BFF”:

At 19 months, I make it a priority to ask my daughter how her day went every night I come home from work. Sure, her incoherent ramblings usually consist of a smattering of words along with pure gibberish but I appear genuinely interested nonetheless. I make it a habit so that when she gets old enough to speak, she’ll know that I look forward to hearing about her day each evening. Your daughter will face many challenges and frustrations in her youth; make sure that she understands that she can always come to her daddy to share the good, and the bad, of her day on a regular basis. There will be times when she’ll need your shoulder to cry on, or just a pat on the back for a job well done. Be there, nonetheless. She’ll remember it.

9. Help Her Reach For The Stars:

Whether it’s an artist, nurse, lawyer, engineer, or mathematician, remind her that she can achieve whatever she sets her mind to, regardless of her sex. Help her understand that she can break the boundary and become successful in whatever endeavor she chooses and then help her achieve this. Don’t just tell her that she could be President of the United States if she asks, take her to a local government meeting to see politics in action. She won’t reach for the stars if you simply tell her to; she needs you to show her how to get there.

10. Cherish The Moments:

The most common line I heard when we were expecting was, “enjoy it; they grow up fast.” I wasn’t sure just what this meant until one day, several months ago, my daughter went from stumble-walking to running, practically overnight. It dawned on me that day that she was never going to be the little baby that would fall asleep in my arms during a movie. Cherish every moment with your daughter, because one day you’ll look back and wish that you had just given her one more hug, one more kiss, or one more “I love you”. She’ll always be your little girl but there’s only so long that you’ll be able to hold her in your arms and carry her up to bed after a long day of play. I’ll be the first to admit (and my wife will likely be the second to confirm) that I don’t always follow these steps perfectly. As long as I give it my best effort, I can feel comfortable in the knowledge that I’m giving my daughter the best chance to grow up to be a happy, self-assured, woman.

Happy Parenting!

C. Lynn Williams
#MsParentguru
www.clynnwilliams.com

 

February 23, 2016 at 9:08 pm 1 comment

The Peculiar Language Between Mothers & Their Sons (reprinted)

Periodically I write articles for Moms Magazine. It’s a great resource for mothers. I encourage you to check them outmomsmagazine.com This is my article reprinted from Moms Magazine 2/16/2016

When my biological son was in his late teens, he stopped communicating with me. It was an odd time because he had started college and I didn’t see him often, so talking with him was very important to me. What I didn’t know was that he was having difficulty managing his time and assignments. I knew something was wrong, (a mother’s instinct) just didn’t know what. So my husband (his stepdad) and I took a road trip down to his campus and made a surprise visit. The conversation wasn’t easy and he continued to give us one word answers and stony looks, but we eventually understood the entire story.
I continued to use the practices and tips that I talk about in my book – The Pampered Prince: Mom Create a GREAT Relationship With Your Son and made sure that whemother-kissing-sonn I felt he was distant or needed to talk, I reached out and didn’t tell myself I was wrong. Once he knew I wasn’t just trying to “get in his business” or “wreck his life”, he talked to me.

I thought about our relationship as I watched the ABC 20/20 show where the mother of one of the Columbine shooters talked about how she didn’t acknowledge the distance she felt with her son, and how she had no idea he was planning the shooting or was so easily influenced by another boy, also a shooter. She also did what many of us do when our sons show us some attention – she thought things were much better. It was just a smokescreen to get her out of his Kool-Aid. My point here is that some of the messages we receive are a mother’s intuition and while it may not make sense, if we don’t act on it, we’re screwed.

columbine mom
It may be awkward if you are not used to conversing with your son. They are very good at ignoring us or making us feel like we are wasting their time. Push through that feeling and make some space for a conversation to begin. Inviting my son to dinner or out for ice cream worked 90% of the time. He loves both and once we start eating, the words seem to tumble out. This idea works for sons from teen to mid-twenties. Try it and let me know what happened. I would love to hear from you.

Want to learn more about how to communicate with your son? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my life-changing parenting programs for blended families, aging parents, mothers and daughters or mothers and sons. Email me at: info@clynnwilliams.com

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author ~ Coach ~ Family Dynamics Specialist
www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
NEW – Yours & Mine: The Winning Blended Family Formula (220 Publishing, 2015)

February 17, 2016 at 8:35 pm Leave a comment

Teaching Millennial Young Women…OMG

young-women

I have been absent from this blog for the last month. Hard to believe, but it’s true and I apologize to those of you who look forward to my weekly posts. I have a good excuse though; I’ve been teaching a group of young ladies that have given me a run for my money. Call them young female millennials.

These young women are outspoken, opinionated, oppositional and hard to love. Many of them have dysfunctional relationships with their mothers – they have said “I hate my mom”, don’t respond well to rules and have very short attention spans.

I took it personally at first and couldn’t understand why I was dealing with this type of student. Then I realized that many of you have these young girls or women in your home. These are your daughters and they are not easy to parent or get close to. There are many reasons explaining why our daughters appear distant from us.  It could be the fast pace of social media; how women and girls are portrayed in the media, or the inattention that they receive at home from us their mothers and fathers when we’re busy.

I know we have to change our mindset in order to reach this generation. They love technology. That means we can’t hate technology and expect to stay in touch with our girls. Whether it’s through texting, emailing, Face-timing or Facebook messages, talk to your girls and let them know you love them and are there for them.
millennial women 2
While the attitudes of these students were enough to make me think about retiring early; I realized that I was being given an opportunity to do what I love to do – get close and share my love with this millennial generation – your daughters. There are all kinds of things going on in their young lives. Some good; some not so good. They just need to know that someone really cares and is listening. No matter what type of outward attitude they give off.

Keep the lines of communication open Moms…your daughters really are listening.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for millennial daughters, aging parents, or mothers and sons.

Email me at: info@clynnwilliams.com

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Author, Coach & Family Dynamics Specialist

www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
NEW: Yours & Mine: A Winning Blended Family Formula (220 Publishing, 2015)

 

November 2, 2015 at 10:10 pm Leave a comment

How Does A Teen Adjust To Parent’s Gender Transition?

Having my parents separate and divorce when I was 16 is a trauma I won’t forget! I felt vulnerable, no longer protected from society and isolated from my peers (whose becoming usparents were still married). This major life event caused cycles of things to occur: reduced family income – my mom had the three of us to raise on her income and male misidentification – my brother began his cycle of getting into trouble as a way of dealing with losing his role model – my father. Having been a victim of divorced parents and the trauma that it brings to the entire family, my heart goes out to those children who have to adjust to the pain of separations.

I’ve been seeing a commercial for the upcoming ABC Family series – “BECOMING US’ – A TEEN ADJUSTING TO PARENT’S GENDER TRANSITION. Knowing the shame and discomfort I felt having divorced parents, I can only imagine the pain, shame and trauma that this young male teenager is facing, as he watches his dad change into a ‘woman’. It is one thing to live that experience, but how do you live it under the microscope called TV?

You say it’s okay to tell everything – that’s the type of society that we live in now. I completely disagree! As parents, our role is to protect our children. It doesn’t mean that we won’t experience life changes; however, some topics are not for primetime TV.

PARENTS: What do you think? Please send me your comments. #parentgender

Interested in learning more about co-parenting? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for raising Tweens, Teens and Adult children, Mothers and Daughters or Mothers and Sons. Email me at: info@clynnwilliams.com

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Author & Generational Development Strategist

www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)

June 2, 2015 at 12:33 pm 2 comments

10 Dating Tips for College Women

three college womenNext
Dating in college can be really fun. It can also be disappointing, frustrating and just plain old annoying, but finding the right guy for you doesn’t need to take an act from Congress. So here are the top ten dating tips by college students for college students, or in other words things that have worked! (reposted from EmpowerHER.com)

Tip 1

Find someone who likes you for you. This might sound cliché, but it means that your guy loves you even with your many imperfections. If you worry about what he thinks about you too much it can hurt your relationship more than it could help. Your man should love you for all the quirks and cute things you do, just because he cares about you.

Click on the link below to read more tips.

http://www.empowher.com/sex-amp-relationships/content/top-ten-dating-tips-college-students

Interested in learning more about self-care and balance for women? Join us on March 24th for our Balancing Life with Love virtual webinar. REGISTER => http://bit.ly/1b9sCko

Contact Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about her inspiring parenting programs for Mothers & Daughters, Mothers & Sons or Dads & Daughters. Email her at: info@clynnwilliams.com

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Author & Generational Development Strategist

www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)

March 15, 2015 at 3:31 pm Leave a comment

If You Make Time, They Will Come..

Mom Talking to Daughter 2

Ever wonder why we like reality TV? Probably because the stories are so true-life; the characters get to say & do whatever (ridiculous or not) comes to their minds (or the mind of the show’s writer) and there’s always a new angle! Oh most importantly — they are addicting.

Here’s an alternative: You and your daughter take some time 30-60-90 minutes; list your top five issues with each other. Set ground rules and make it ‘safe’ to talk openly & honestly. Promise each other that you will not HOLD Grudges after your time together. For my journalers, write down your thoughts. At my recent Stop Driving Me CraZy Mother – Daughter Retreat, daughters shared that they liked the activities like Mirror-Mirror and Trust Me! Some opened up and told their moms what was on their mind. Mothers enjoyed the video and breakout sessions.

It might feel awkward or ‘fake’, but don’t worry it can breathe life into your relationship. She may act like it doesn’t matter if you both talk or not. But don’t listen to that. Secretly (inside) she is dying for a wonderful relationship with you! Your normally unresponsive, hormonal teen daughter may share things you wouldn’t have imagined. Just try not to flip out if you hear something weird.

By the way, feel free to share this blog post with others and (share) your thoughts with me. I’d love to hear them! My next mother – daughter retreat will be held in November in Chicago, IL. Interested? Email me at clynn@clynnwilliams.com

Happy Relating!

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Author & Parent Coach
www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Communications, 2013)

June 19, 2014 at 4:39 pm Leave a comment

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