Posts filed under ‘#lessonslearned’

Co-Parenting Tips For The Holidays

CoParenting Tips

Great article by Kelly Frawley and Emily Pollock
Having survived divorce and coparenting, I appreciate the pointers that are listed here for parents who are divorced and share custody.

“The most wonderful time of the year” has the potential to become not so wonderful when parents who share custody of their children don’t have a mutually agreeable holiday plan in place. This isn’t the time for arguments over who’s getting which day or who’s buying what gift; a carefully thought-out plan can help you avoid tension and uncertainty so that all of you — most importantly, your kids — can enjoy a drama-free winter break.

When deciding how to schedule time and collaborate during the holidays, co-parents should take a number of factors into account: the children’s ages, family traditions and religious beliefs, how well the parents get along, and the kind of relationships the parents have with each of the children (it’s important to respect the traditions that are important to each of them). You might also want to factor in what happens during other school breaks during the year. For example, if one parent traditionally takes the kids on a vacation during spring break, then perhaps the other should get the bulk of winter break.

Looking at the big picture can help you see the logical plan for your family.

Setting a Sensible Schedule

Co-parents typically choose to manage the holiday season one of two ways:

1. Alternating years. One parent keeps the children for the entire winter break in odd-numbered years; the other parent gets them for the entire break in even-numbered years. This approach enables each parent, in their designated years, to plan a lengthy trip or schedule activities throughout the break period without needing to worry about giving the other parent equal time. It tends to work best when neither parent has a strong affinity for the season. Perhaps their religious traditions are celebrated at other times of year; a family may have already celebrated Hanukkah, for example, which often falls before winter break.

The downside of this type of arrangement is that one parent is deprived of holiday time with the children during the parent’s “off” years. This causes many co-parents, especially those who place a high value on holiday traditions, to take a different approach.

2. Equal time. Often, co-parents divide winter break in half, which typically gives each of them a week to celebrate the holidays or take a trip with their kids. They may alternate years when considering who takes the first week versus the second, since Christmas usually falls in the first. Parents may also choose to split the time by day, particularly when it comes to Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. By each taking one of these important days, both parents, as well as the children, get meaningful Christmas time together each year.

In situations where co-parents get along, a third possibility arises: giving the children time with both parents together. For example, children who believe in Santa and cherish Christmas mornings might appreciate having both parents present in those festivities. In fact, children of any age might appreciate a visit by their other parent, as long as the experience remains amicable.

Buying Gifts: Together or Separately?

If your winter break includes a gift-giving occasion, it makes good sense to collaborate with your ex-spouse so you don’t duplicate gifts for your children or inadvertently neglect to buy the gifts they wanted most because you assumed the other parent was buying them. In a Santa situation, discuss who is responsible for that experience. Will it change year to year based on who has the kids on Christmas, or will you work together?

The more collaborative you can be, the better. However, if you absolutely cannot work with your ex-spouse, then it’s important to work through counsel to determine who will be responsible for what so you don’t put your children through undue awkwardness or stress.

You may also want to consider taking your children shopping so they can buy a holiday gift for the other parent. It teaches children not only about giving, but shows that you encourage kindness towards your ex-spouse.

Making the Plan Official (more…)

December 18, 2019 at 10:18 pm Leave a comment

Have a Son – Be Prepared to Be Swept Off Your Feet

My grandson is 7 months old and his personality is coming out more and more. I’m always happy to hear about his latest discovery and activity. While my daughter and son-in-law believe in Baby A sleeping in his own bed, lately he has been sleeping in theirs.

My daughter says she woke up one morning and Baby A had his arm around her neck, like a boyfriend and she was amused. Her hubby wasn’t…

Here’s what I know:

Moms are the first “girl” that their son knows…

He quickly learns that she takes care of him a lot, especially if she is breastfeeding him.

She plays with him and he loves it, so he gives her attention and unconditional love.

Unconditional love is intoxicating like a delicious bottle of wine…

You can’t get enough of it.

As baby boys get older, they bring their “favorite girl” (Mom) flowers (dandelions), gifts (worms or rocks) and anything else that will make her smile. Mom of course loves the gifts and the attention, and now the sweeping off your feet is taking place.

There is nothing like a son. Depending on his home environment, he will always be concerned about “Mom”. It’s a wonderful relationship to have as long as we remember that our sons will grow up, fall in love and leave home.

Let him and welcome the person that he chooses.

He will always be your son and you will always be his mother.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics?

Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

October 10, 2019 at 1:37 pm Leave a comment

Lessons Learned Don’t Have to Be Seen As Mistakes

Last week, I was giving myself a good talking to because I kept finding mistakes with a project I was working on. Once I realized the negative self-talk that was happening in my head, I stopped and talked to myself. Now before you think I’m crazy, think for minute about how you self-correct.

You do self-correct, right?

So, let’s get back to the mistakes… No one likes to make them; however, they are part of what makes us human, and often we learn more from mistakes than we do from anything else.

I reminded myself that I was learning something new (about the topic and myself) and what was important was the lessons that I was learning. There was nothing wrong with making mistakes. What the Universe was also showing me, was that I consider myself a lifelong learner. How can you be a true learner, without making mistakes.

Here’s what I was saying to myself: I was so ready to beat myself up and throw in the towel! What was wrong with me? Why was I making so many mistakes?

I thought about these negative messages and wondered if my peers (that are women) talk the same way to themselves? And, do my peers that are men talk to themselves the way we women do when they make mistakes?

I also had to tell myself that I learned more that day from that series of mistakes than I learned when I do things in what I consider an organized way.

The other question that I thought about on that day, is how many of us, self-correct the negative thoughts we have before we talk to our children and/or the people that work for us?

Lessons learned don’t have to be seen as mistakes…

They are just lessons learned

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

September 26, 2019 at 4:44 pm Leave a comment

How the Sins of Our Mothers Scar Us

My sister and I always felt that our mom favored our brother Tony. Her heart seemed to be softer on his behalf. Don’t get me wrong, Tony got into trouble and was punished too, but not as much once my parents split up. What I now know, is that Mom was compensating for my dad being absent in his life. She did the best she knew how.

Since I was in college during my sister and brother’s high years; years AD (after divorce), I didn’t see much preferential treatment bestowed on Tony.

Mom could do a lot of things really well! When it came to organization and getting things done, my mom was AWESOME! I learned how to speak up for and take care of myself because of my mother. Showing emotions, wasn’t her strength. She was unable to teach me how to love and nurture myself or anyone else. So in high school and college, I was pretty detached in my relationships. I kept to myself and only opened up to my closest friends.

Once I became a mom and started seeking my mother’s advice, I asked her why she seldom said she loved us or hugged. Her words were “My mom didn’t treat us that way.”

Here’s the deal: families live and die emotionally through experiences with the moms in their lives. If your mom did not receive praise and lots of ‘I love yous’ ❤️ as a child, then they either feel that it was unwarranted (when they raise children) or they are emotionally unable to share those kinds of feelings.

It is definitely possible that mothers will give lots of love and praise when they have their own children even if they didn’t receive it as a child. I have many friends who are wonderful moms, and when asked about their childhood, they say they didn’t get along with their mom. When pressed to explain further, they say they wanted a different experience for their own children. ❤️

When mothers are harsh and don’t exhibit warmth and love to their son or daughter, that child grows up similar to a sociopath who acts without feelings or conscious.

How do we change that behavior?

One child at a time…

Yes I know you are busy working and raising a family…

Yes, I know you never had a relationship with your mom or dad and don’t know how to talk (civilly) or show love…

Yes, it’s hard…

But not impossible…

Start by taking baby steps.

  • “Good morning, I love you.”
  • “Good night I love you.”
  • “Have a good day at school.” (Hug your son or daughter)
  • “You mean everything to me.”

These statements go a long way toward building a better relationship.

That’s nice. ❤️

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

March 28, 2019 at 5:33 pm Leave a comment

Which One Are You Today?

It’s funny when your kids are small, you don’t ever want them to grow up. They are so innocent and precious and they listen to our every word. Then the day comes when they start saying things like “I’m grown, I can make my own decisions.” And you realize they are growing up and maybe you should let them (make their decisions). 

Then they change back into a non-adult! They say things like:

  • Can you pay for my phone?
  • Will you complete my FAFSA?
  • Do you have money for me to get my nails done?
  • Can you pay my car insurance?
  • Will you pay my rent?

Wait a minute!

  • I thought you were an adult?
  • Isn’t that what you told me you were?
  • What happened to “I can do this? Please stop telling me what to do!?”

This is the brain of our teenage or twenty-something kid. The problem is that they really don’t want a lessons learned talk, they kinda want to figure it out, but don’t mind asking for your money and support.

My feeling is that when your kid says, “I can do it”, it’s important to let him or her do it. I believe today’s parents don’t want their children to make the mistakes that they made. It sounds good, but isn’t realistic. Growing up means you make mistakes. I made them? You did too. It’s okay. 

Young people today don’t mind making mistakes. They don’t want to be nagged or guilt tripped, but they also want to be rescued when they’ve made a mistake. It’s doesn’t work both ways! Some lessons can only be learned through experience. A daughter who has a child without the security of marriage (against the advice of her parents), takes a risk that she will raise her child alone. A son who wants to play pro ball and decides not to go to college, takes a risk of having an injury (that keeps him from playing) and working the rest of his life as a laborer.

It’s hard watching our children make mistakes especially ones that can follow them for life. It’s harder when they tell you to butt out – let them live their life. Those are hard lessons for us as parents. However, just like our parents had to let us go and grow… we have to do the same thing. A little lesson learning never hurt anybody! Happy 2019!

Are you saying Yes when you really mean No? Click here to Join my FREE Facebook Group – Balanced Moms Club to join with other moms to receive tips about time management, organization and basic meal planning.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

January 4, 2019 at 10:14 pm 5 comments

Are You An Invisible Woman?

Have you ever felt like you didn’t matter? Like you were invisible? Earlier this year, I began feeling that I could be easily replaced with someone who was just as fantastic as me, but younger. I began to feel that age mattered. It’s a sad but true fact that so many women over forty feel invisible. Then I read about Deborah Boland and her story.

“One of the things that inspired me to do what I now do, after having had an executive position with a telecom giant, was an experience I had one day following one of my seminars.

An attractive, well dressed woman came up to me and told me that the thing she hated most about becoming older was that she felt invisible. She explained how, everywhere you look, you see woman in their twenties and thirties being presented as role models for beauty and style. Rarely do you see mature women in TV and print ads and some of the fashion magazines feature teenagers as models. There are only a few magazines devoted entirely to the mature woman – More Magazine is one of them.”

Just because we’re getting older doesn’t mean we have to become an invisible part of society. It doesn’t mean that we have to let ourselves go, gain weight and start looking frumpy. My aunt Mary, while in her eighties, looks like she just stepped off the cover of Vogue whenever she goes out.

A woman can still look great as she ages if . . . she learns how to do it. 

Many of the makeup techniques that work on a twenty or thirty-year old, are a disaster on the face of a forty-five year old woman.

Unfortunately, many older women have not yet learned this. As we age, one of the makeup secrets we need to know is that “Less is better.”

Mistakes in wardrobe are even more apparent. Recently, Deborah Boland was asked by a national magazine to comment on some celebrity women. Here’s what she had to say about an outfit that Kim Cattrall was wearing: “Belly bearing cutoffs and lace up top are not for the over forty woman. Longer, boy cut shorts and a fuller cut tank with a built-in bra would give her the same bare look.”

Below are some fashion anchors every woman over forty should have in her wardrobe:

  • A “Little Black Dress”
  • Black/Navy Pencil or A-Line Skirt
  • Black/Navy Slacks/Trousers
  • Black Cashmere Sweater
  • White Shirt
  • Comfortable yet Chic Black 2” heels
  • Classic Trench Coat

Fashion tips: Pants with clean lines, no pockets, no pleats look best on almost every woman because they are slimming.

Black or navy will make you look thinner, but add some color with accessories to give your look some flair. Elastic waist pants or skirts are to be avoided at all costs because they flatter no one.

Develop a signature. Wear a favorite ring or special bracelet all the time. Something people will always identify and remember about you.

The scarf should be a wardrobe staple. Learn how to use it and wear it many ways, such as, looped through your pants as a belt, or tied on the handle of your handbag.

If you want to learn more about Deborah’s insider techniques for looking fabulous after forty, fifty, sixty and beyond, visit: http://www.FabulousAfter40.com

Until next time, keep looking your best and claim your power.

Interested in learning more about yourself as a superwoman? Contact me – Finding Superwoman creator, C. Lynn Williams, to receive information about my inspiring work-life balance programs for corporate and entrepreneurial moms.

C. Lynn Williams, #FindingSuperwoman

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

December 26, 2018 at 9:25 am Leave a comment

It’s Always About Relationship

The good news is that this has been a week of successes for me. The backstory is that I finally UNDERSTAND the message that the Universe has been sending me. I finally Get It!

For the last four weeks, I’ve been teaching parenting classes to a group of parents who want to communicate with their children more consistently.

I’m also teaching a group of millennial women (different subject) and in both instances, the connection that we’re making is because of our relationship with each other.

When there is no relationship, the person you are trying to influence could care less about what you are saying. They need to know that you care about them. Caring is the missing equation in many relationships with issues.

For example, I show my students how I feel about them by sharing parts of my life with them, and asking them about the people and circumstances in their life. They know that they matter to me and it makes it easier to “connect” with me.

In our work environments this is true as well. Your millennial workers want to know that they matter to you. They care about community and commitment as much as the company’s bottom line. If you have explanations for why your organization runs the way it does, and share that philosophy (mission) with them, you will see a different level of commitment.

Guess what? Your children are the same way (most of them). They care when they see why something matters to you. Gone are the days of “Do it because I said so.” Take time to explain what you want (from them) and why you want it. When they know that you are interested in them and their interests, they will talk to you more.

Interested in learning more about generational communications? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

November 7, 2018 at 6:39 pm Leave a comment

Older Posts


Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 14,475 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 11,758 hits

Contact Info

(224) 357-6315
Online: 8 am - 8 pm

Follow me on Twitter


tembceducation

"From Crayon to Career" Resources to provide sustainabilty to your educational practices and training