Posts filed under ‘#lessonslearned’
Parenting Skills All Moms Need
How many times have you thought that your kids were the worst kids in the neighborhood, but you weren’t sure how to make them more well behaved? 🤔
Reading the news and watching people with their children, I wonder what kind of discussions take place at home. For example, you tell your child “Clean up your room”. You walk by his room an hour later, and not only is it not cleaned up, but he’s also playing a video game.
What do you do?
1. Yell at your child
2. Ignore them
3. Institute consequences
I love instituting consequences because it teaches your child life lessons. The life lesson is that people like dealing with well-mannered people. So, as adorable as your child is (to you), when they mis-behave no one likes them, including you. 🤷🏽♀️
Did you know, the older your child is, the harder it is to teach them manners and good behavior. They are difficult to deal with at school and in public. Then they become the teacher’s problem, or a statistic with law enforcement.
If you ask your child to do something and it’s not done – how do you hold them accountable?
If you don’t hold them accountable, what are the consequences to you and your child?
How do they learn the lesson that you’re trying to teach them?
If you are having a difficult time holding your child accountable, it might seem easier to expect your child’s teacher or another adult to take responsibility for parenting your child. It sends mixed messages to a child when someone else outside of you or your spouse becomes the responsible parent your child. Because that’s what happens when law-enforcement gets involved or the teacher has to discipline your child at school. Instead start when your child is very young, giving consequences that are appropriate for them at their age.
For example, before naptime, show your child how to pick up their toys and put them in the toy box. They cannot take a nap until the toys are in the toybox. My mom used to do that with us. What’s crazy is that I hated taking naps, 😴 so I can’t believe that I was duped into cleaning up my room before I laid down to take a nap that I didn’t want.
But it worked!
If you start when they’re 2-3 years old, by the time they are 5, 6, or 7, they are pretty well mannered.
The other thing about discipline and consistency is that it doesn’t work (as well) if you are not giving your child your attention on a regular basis. If the only time you interact with your child is to discipline, yell or scream at them, then you have lost their attention (and respect) when you want them to be well mannered and obedient.
Let me know how instituting consequences works for you and your child. If you need help, click on the link and let’s talk:
Want to learn more about how to get along with your family members?
Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
Raising Children Without Losing Yourself
Guest blogger, Jenny Miller
Becoming a parent changes everything. Your priorities shift, your responsibilities grow, and suddenly you’re no longer the most important thing in your life. While it’s normal for parenthood to bring major changes, becoming a parent shouldn’t mean losing your sense of self, though. In fact, it’s possible to be a great parent without putting your goals and dreams on pause. Today, C. Lynn Williams explains how!
Loving with Limits: Why Parents Need Boundaries
You’d do anything for your child. However, many parents struggle to balance supporting their child with setting limits.
- Healthy boundaries benefit a child’s emotional and social development, encourage autonomy, and ease the workload of parenthood.
- According to Hand in Hand Parenting, children need four types of limits to flourish: safety, values, expectations, and proposal limits.
- Limits also promote age-appropriate independence. At an early age, that may mean entertaining themselves. As they get older, independent children can troubleshoot problems and do simple chores.
Maintaining Your Identity in Parenthood
Do you feel like you’ve lost your identity since becoming a parent? Parenthood takes a lot of time and energy, but it’s possible to adjust and feel like yourself again.
- Make time for adult relationships. Schedule kid-free time with your partner and maintain a social life, even if it looks different nowadays.
- Set goals for yourself. Do you want to get back into a hobby, learn something new, or adopt a healthier lifestyle? Goals are the key to building a happy life long-term.
- If you’re a stay-at-home parent, consider going back to work. There are numerous job boards where you can find a position that fits your skills. Use a resume builder to give your resume a makeover, then create a winning cover letter to get noticed.
- If you need extra education or training to improve your hireability, look into online learning. For instance, most popular medical coding courses can be done online in less than 30 hours and can really open up doors!
Self-Care Is Family Care
Self-care tends to drop down the priority list after starting a family, but it shouldn’t disappear from it entirely. A good parent is a happy parent, and happiness starts with self-care.
- Focus on the positive changes parenthood brings. There are always challenges, but practicing gratitude makes them feel easier.
- Spend quality time with your children. Take just a few minutes for meaningful connection each day. Even reading to your children each day makes a big difference for you and your kids.
- Take care of your health. Not only do healthy habits give you the physical and mental stamina to rise to life’s challenges, and it also sets a good example for your children.
There’s no question that parenthood requires sacrifice. However, you don’t have to sacrifice your own goals to be an exceptional parent. In fact, by taking care of yourself and continuing on a path of personal growth, you provide your children with a role model for thriving through life’s transitions.
C. Lynn Williams is a veteran educator, speaker, workshop presenter, passionate mother & wife, as well as author of “Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen: A primer for parents”, “The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son”, “Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES!“, “Yours & Mine: A Winning Blended Family Formula“, and “Daddy & Daughter Thoughts: A Dad’s Guide to Daughters“.
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
My Spouse and I Parent Very Differently
How is it possible that the person you fell in love with; who understands you perfectly and finishes your sentences… parents so differently from you?
Not only do they parent differently, it’s inconsistent, they show favorites with your kids and it’s ALL WRONG 😑
Well, I wonder if they feel the same way about you?
The funny thing about parenting, is this: how can someone else tell you how to raise your child? Yet, that’s exactly what has to happen when you coparent whether you are in the same household or in separate households.
Ideally you discuss things that are important to you to instill in your children before they are born. If it’s important that your son or daughter to speak candidly, then your spouse can’t be annoyed when your out-spoken child speaks at a family gathering (and the comment embarrasses you).
Parenting isn’t one of those “scripted” professions. You start out with the best intentions of raising your child together, until you hit a non-negotiable topic.
Here are 3 things to consider to help you resolve those sticky parenting issues:
- Take a moment to calm down (if you’re angry)
- Think about whether you can accept what your spouse is saying (lose the ego)
- Communicate your concerns with your spouse (outside of your child’s hearing)
Trying to talk while angry, is insanity. Once you calm down, you may feel differently and be willing to compromise. Marriage and raising children require compromise and patience from both of you. Acceptance of your spouse’s parenting style is important to your relationship, and the relationship of your spouse and child.
If you or your spouse are the bonus parent, and are new to the parent-child relationship, either one of you may have a difficult time, “allowing” the other parent to share in important decisions, behavior management and life issues. It’s a normal human emotion to be protective of your child. However, the blending takes place when you share your concerns and decide how to handle.
That was the challenge my husband and I faced when we married and blended our children of previous relationships together. It wasn’t easy when we started. It took a lot of conversations and a few arguments (when the kids were not around). It also took prayer and patience. Our children are adults now, and we are celebrating 20 years of marriage later this year.
You can do this!
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
How to Boost Your Confidence to the Max
When you exude confidence and you’re comfortable in your own skin, the world becomes a better place, and you attract positivity. During times of stress, your mental and physical health can take a nosedive, and it affects your outlook on everything. There are many steps you can take to get your motivation back on track so that you can look and feel your best. Guest blog by Gwen Payne from invisiblemoms.com.
Ways to Look and Feel Good
Sign up for a family photoshoot
Family photoshoots can inject a lot of fun into your life and give you an opportunity to connect with your loved ones. For the photoshoot, you can dress up and make an effort, which can help make you feel positive about your appearance. A skilled photographer will capture you and your family in the best light, making everyone look and feel good.
Improve your nutrition
Both sugar and caffeine give you an instant boost of energy, but too much can make your body crash and become fatigued. Too many additives, sugar, and processed foods can lead to weight gain. Improving your overall nutrition with a balanced diet can help clear brain fog and give you more body confidence.
Improve your living space
When your house is cluttered, disorganized and messy, it can feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. And most likely, you never want anyone to visit. If you love to entertain, this is likely holding you back from spending time with friends and family. Fortunately, you can easily reverse this! Spend a few weekends clearing out everything, cleaning and reorganizing your space. Next, open the shades, light some scented candles and add some new decor, and your home will be primed for maximum positivity.
Set goals
Set future goals and hold yourself accountable. When setting goals it’s important to make them challenging but achievable by breaking a big goal down into short and long-term goals. Draw up a step-by-step plan to achieve your goal, and then break it down into daily tasks. If you don’t achieve your daily or monthly goal, do better the next month.
A good goal is to go after career and academic goals. For example, if you’ve always wanted to get your master’s degree, enroll in an online program to start. An MBA program can increase your business knowledge in areas such as strategic planning and leadership, and enhance your self-awareness and self-assessment abilities.
Monthly pamper sessions
Don’t feel guilty about indulging in some pampering, as these can be great for detoxing, circulation, and creating a sense of calm. Whether it’s a sports massage or spa treatment, these moments can really make you feel good about yourself.
Pursue a childhood hobby
Get in touch with your child-like spirit by pursuing a hobby you enjoyed as a child. Loved roller skating? Buy a pair of skates! Enjoyed dancing and gymnastics? Sign-up for online dance classes. You don’t have to be the best at it — just do something you enjoy.
Outdoor activities
Nature has the power to rejuvenate both mind and body. Take up an outdoor sport like running, walking, hiking, biking, or watersports, to enjoy the healing effect of nature and the rush of endorphins. Treat yourself to new gear when you take up an outdoor sport. Track your progress by investing in a fitness watch where you can download apps to map out new routes and monitor your efforts in real-time.
Take Steps to Feel Good
If you’re stuck in a rut, you’ll have to make a conscious effort to change. The most important thing is sticking to a game plan and making one small change at first.
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my parenting coaching programs that help guide you through Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters drama, Mothers and their Sons challenges, Fathers and Daughters as well as Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
Who We Are Matters
When I was growing up, my mom would tell me that my actions were a direct reflection of my home training by her and my dad. While I hated hearing that, I taught the same thing to my children as well.
Who we are matters.
I have been trying to write today’s blog since the January 6 insurrection at the White House. As I watched the people storm through the barriers, break glass, pump their fists, and FaceTime their audiences; all I could think of was “What would your mom (or dad) think of you?” Also, how could I explain (to my children) why these people are allowed to deface the nation’s capitol without being dragged to jail. Most of the people who participated in the insurrection were white males and females.
The other major event that has my attention, is a rash of carjackings/robberies that have been taking place in different communities in the Chicagoland area. Many of the young people who are carjacking people, are young black teenagers. I thought how I would feel if one of those young men was my son.
In each case, I’m angry and think what kind of training did the insurrectionists and carjackers receive at home while growing up? Were they raised to respect others? Were they respected by the people they lived with?
Here’s something that I want parents to remember: how your child shows up is a reflection of how you interacted with them. Children aren’t born to fight and attack. They learn that behavior. When you grow up in an angry environment, that’s what you do when you respond to situations whether you understand what’s going on or not.
There are many young people who are raising themselves; who are not participating in online school learning, (parents may or may not be home with them) and who are trying to survive. Survival tells them that they must steal from other people in order to survive. They believe If they don’t steal, they won’t eat or they will be unsheltered.
The insurrectionists have been told that the rights and privileges that they are used to experiencing, are going away. Having to play nice with people that don’t look like them, is a scary idea!
In both cases, people are afraid. They feel that they don’t matter. And when people feel that they don’t matter, they do extraordinarily dumb things to help those around them know that they do matter.
So what does that mean to everybody else?
- God made us a little lower than the angels, which means we are powerful.
- We are each other’s keepers.
- No one can achieve what they are trying to achieve by themselves.
- Our differences and cultures are okay – we don’t have act like anybody else to succeed.
Raising your children to “be somebody” as my grandmother used to say, is still noble and honorable. Love and respect yourself and know that what you do to others and for others – Matters. ✌🏽
What are your thoughts?
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my parenting coaching programs that help guide you through Aging Parents, Mother and Daughter drama, Mothers and their Sons challenges, Fathers and Daughters as well as Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Reprinted from January 28, 2021
How to Build Accountability In Your Child
Happy New Year and no… this is not a list of resolutions for better parenting!
Having talked to quite a few parents during the Holidays who wanted their child to do what they were asked; I’m reminded of two things:
- Keep it simple
- Hold your child accountable
As you tell your child for the 5th time to pick up his/her toys, clothes, etc. you might wonder what it will take for that delightful child of yours to become more accountable.
According to Century Dictionary, accountability is the state of being accountable or answerable; responsibility for the fulfilment of obligations; liability to account for conduct, meet or suffer consequences, etc.
The thing is, we want our kids to grow into accountable adults, which means that we want accountable teens, youths, toddlers.
So how do you get started?
Start now…ideally when your child is very young and impressionable. My daughter has been “guiding” our 2½ year old grandson with picking up his toys, since he could walk. He understands what picking up toys means, how to do it and the consequences of leaving them all over the floor.
Is she 100% successful? Nope, but she and her husband have a great start provided they stay consistent with their work with him. It gets more challenging, if you are starting to with children who are older and aren’t used to having to pick up after themselves.
Not impossible, but your work is cut out for you because your child won’t understand why all of a sudden, you are asking them to do something they’ve never had to do before.
3 tips for helping your child be more accountable:
- Model behavior (that you want to see repeated)
- Be as consistent as possible in holding your child responsible for what you’ve asked them to do
- Help your child see things from another person’s viewpoint
Modeling the behavior, you want to see, is one of the skills that a leader uses. It’s much easier to get your child to pick up their toys, clean their room, clean the bathroom, if they see you do the same.
Teaching your child to see things from another’s perspective builds empathy and compassion. If occasionally you have your daughter help her brother or sister clean their room, fold clothes or clean the kitchen, they may be less inclined to fight, argue and compete with each other.
Just a couple of thoughts as we enter 2022.
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
Relinquishing Control Releases Stress
It’s the wee hours of the morning, as I lay here trying to go back to sleep, a car sits outside beeping it’s horn for whomever is supposed to come out. I want to yell at that person to stop 🛑 waking up everyone while he tries to get his passenger. 🤬
The question at the moment is, can I do anything about the beeping horn? Am I going to lose more sleep 😴 or can I refocus on something else?
2021 taught me three things:
• There are things I can’t change like: when COVID ends, how to make an adult act differently, etc.
• Remember who I am and be true to myself
• Focus on what is working instead of what isn’t
The common denominator here was that I focused a lot on controlling events, relationships and my feelings. When I chose to live through each experience, I discovered the best parts of it and moved on, I was happier.
I learned in 2021 that when it comes to peace of mind, control is overrated‼️
Are you thinking about those Aha” moments you experienced?
Or maybe like me, you’ve had enough experiences occur that have left you worn out‼️ As my friends at Unity School of Christianity say – “Give life the light touch”
How are you ending 2021? 🤔💬
Wishing you and your family lots of love and a happy and prosperous new year. 😘 🌚🎉🧧
Thanks for reading my blog, and following me on Instagram, Twitter & TikTok @MsParentguru.
C. Lynn Williams
My Teen Is Old Enough…
Being a teen is overrated. They are old enough to know what to do, but they don’t have the maturity or experience to consistently make the right decisions.
Being a teen is overrated. They are old enough to know what to do, but they don’t have the maturity or experience to consistently make the right decisions.
I was the oldest child and my mom and dad taught me the difference between right and wrong. I was responsible for “setting a good example” for my brother and sister. While I didn’t want to disappoint them, my parents also had “eyes” in the community and throughout the city; other adults who would report back if they saw me in places where they didn’t think I should be. Even so, I broke the rules… like the time I rode on my boyfriend’s motorcycle. Two broken rules:
- No boyfriends (at my age)
- No riding on anyone’s motorcycle
Never mind that we could have an accident and I could be hurt or killed. That never occurred to me (as a teen) because I was fearless and willing to try things. Even if it meant breaking the rules.
Parents often believe that once their child becomes a teenager, they don’t need as much supervision. That’s not true either. You don’t have to worry that your teen will fall down the stairs, like a 2- or 3-year-old. But they could accept a ride from a stranger when they need to get someplace on time. Or they may be tricked into giving out their phone number in an online chat, because the person they’re talking to says they are 15 too, like your child.
Think about the recent rash of carjackings or smash and grab crimes that are being performed by teens. Some of the kids are 12 or 13 years old. I can hear you – “Not My Child”.
How do you know?
You work every day and you’ve taught your child right from wrong. They would never steal a car, hold a person at gunpoint/knifepoint, or snatch their purse/wallet. Right?
You say, “my child is smart, comes from a two-parent family, we are not poor.” Those crimes only occur with/by… You fill-in the rest of this sentence with your thoughts or biases.
As a parent expert who has taught and studied adolescents, teens, and 20-somethings for the past 20 years, I can tell you this:
- Teens love thrill and excitement
- They are easily influenced by their peers and the world around them
- Leaving them on their own for 3-4 hours every day (after school) without supervision is a problem
Join my Zoom Parent Masterclass on Thursday, October 21st where we will discuss teens: their wants, needs and love language. Admission is $25 until October 9th; $45 thereafter.
CLICK HERE to Register.
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting coaching programs that help you through Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters and Fathers and their Sons.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
We Can Save Our Boys
It’s hard to advocate for equality and fairness from others, when our sons kill each other. Beefs, challenges, gang wars, whatever… it takes superhuman strength to change the heart and action of young men once the streets have become their parents.
Offer them love, support, structure and discipline while they are young. Continue it through their adolescent and teen years. Teach them to be good people, so they will grow up and be great adults
Be willing to move them out of dangerous communities and away from dangerous people. When I was growing up, an unruly young man was sent to the Army or military school.
If you are a single mom and your son’s dad is not in his life, find a good role model that will provide male support and discipline. Let’s start repeating affirmations of peace, freedom and love over ourselves and our sons. Instead of sending your son out to play, go outside and play with him. I coach parents, and one of my parents said her son has no one to play with outside, because the other kids are afraid of getting shot. That’s a sad commentary on some of our communities now. We can do better.
Our current circumstances do not define who we are, or who our sons are.
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting coaching programs that help you through Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters and Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams @MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
How to Develop Our Children Into Critical Thinkers
This summer we have seen two top female athletes stop competing and take time off to practice self-care and work on mental health concerns. Earlier this month, professional tennis player Naomi Osaka told us it was okay not to be O.K. and walked away from the U.S. Open. She said she needed some time away to deal with issues of exhaustion and depression.
Last week, gymnastics superstar Simone Biles, withdrew from the Tokyo Olympics to focus on mental health.
Also impressive is by how singer Britney Spears is taking control of her life, her career and her fortune.
Those are not easy decisions to make.
What these young women are showing us is that they are:
⁃ Taking control of their life
⁃ Saying no when it comes to protecting their physical & mental health
⁃ Prepared to accept criticism from people who don’t understand their why
When we raise critical thinking children, we are teaching them to think, speak and act in ways that are beneficial to them and the people or organizations they believe in.
It can be challenging when they use those same critically thinking minds to disagree with us.
Tweet
It happens, but simply means the process is working.
In order to build those positive, well-adjusted adults, follow these Do’s & Don’ts:
- Do: Spend “child-centered time” with your kid every day.
- Don’t: Stop your kid from making his/her own mistakes — and learning from them. It may be one of the hardest tasks as a parent.
- Do: Praise personal effort instead of personal qualities, such as intelligence, otherwise you can make your kids self-conscious, which may lead to unwanted complexes like shame when they do t accomplish their tasks.
- Don’t: Shine the light on your child’s misbehavior as it can often backfire.
- Do: Practice gratitude with your munchkin on a daily basis. Ask questions like: who is someone you love or who is someone who helps you?
- Don’t: Positive stories are good, but negative ones are just as — if not more — effective, because they illustrate perseverance.
- Do: Happy kids have friends, so help your child develop his friendships. You can start by not neglecting your own friends.
Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens 
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