Posts filed under ‘#MsParentguru’

My Spouse and I Parent Very Differently

How is it possible that the person you fell in love with; who understands you perfectly and finishes your sentences… parents so differently from you?

Not only do they parent differently, it’s inconsistent, they show favorites with your kids and it’s ALL WRONG 😑

Well, I wonder if they feel the same way about you?

The funny thing about parenting, is this: how can someone else tell you how to raise your child? Yet, that’s exactly what has to happen when you coparent whether you are in the same household or in separate households.

Ideally you discuss things that are important to you to instill in your children before they are born. If it’s important that your son or daughter to speak candidly, then your spouse can’t be annoyed when your out-spoken child speaks at a family gathering (and the comment embarrasses you).

Parenting isn’t one of those “scripted” professions. You start out with the best intentions of raising your child together, until you hit a non-negotiable topic.

Here are 3 things to consider to help you resolve those sticky parenting issues:

  • Take a moment to calm down (if you’re angry)
  • Think about whether you can accept what your spouse is saying (lose the ego)
  • Communicate your concerns with your spouse (outside of your child’s hearing)

Trying to talk while angry, is insanity. Once you calm down, you may feel differently and be willing to compromise. Marriage and raising children require compromise and patience from both of you. Acceptance of your spouse’s parenting style is important to your relationship, and the relationship of your spouse and child.

If you or your spouse are the bonus parent, and are new to the parent-child relationship, either one of you may have a difficult time, “allowing” the other parent to share in important decisions, behavior management and life issues. It’s a normal human emotion to be protective of your child. However, the blending takes place when you share your concerns and decide how to handle.

That was the challenge my husband and I faced when we married and blended our children of previous relationships together. It wasn’t easy when we started. It took a lot of conversations and a few arguments (when the kids were not around). It also took prayer and patience. Our children are adults now, and we are celebrating 20 years of marriage later this year.

You can do this!

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

clynnwilliams.com

April 28, 2022 at 8:00 pm Leave a comment

How to Boost Your Confidence to the Max

Image via Unsplash

When you exude confidence and you’re comfortable in your own skin, the world becomes a better place, and you attract positivity. During times of stress, your mental and physical health can take a nosedive, and it affects your outlook on everything. There are many steps you can take to get your motivation back on track so that you can look and feel your best. Guest blog by Gwen Payne from invisiblemoms.com.

Ways to Look and Feel Good

Sign up for a family photoshoot

Family photoshoots can inject a lot of fun into your life and give you an opportunity to connect with your loved ones. For the photoshoot, you can dress up and make an effort, which can help make you feel positive about your appearance. A skilled photographer will capture you and your family in the best light, making everyone look and feel good. 

Improve your nutrition

Both sugar and caffeine give you an instant boost of energy, but too much can make your body crash and become fatigued. Too many additives, sugar, and processed foods can lead to weight gain. Improving your overall nutrition with a balanced diet can help clear brain fog and give you more body confidence. 

Improve your living space

When your house is cluttered, disorganized and messy, it can feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. And most likely, you never want anyone to visit. If you love to entertain, this is likely holding you back from spending time with friends and family. Fortunately, you can easily reverse this! Spend a few weekends clearing out everything, cleaning and reorganizing your space. Next, open the shades, light some scented candles and add some new decor, and your home will be primed for maximum positivity.

Set goals 

Set future goals and hold yourself accountable. When setting goals it’s important to make them challenging but achievable by breaking a big goal down into short and long-term goals. Draw up a step-by-step plan to achieve your goal, and then break it down into daily tasks. If you don’t achieve your daily or monthly goal, do better the next month. 

A good goal is to go after career and academic goals. For example, if you’ve always wanted to get your master’s degree, enroll in an online program to start. An MBA program can increase your business knowledge in areas such as strategic planning and leadership, and enhance your self-awareness and self-assessment abilities. 

Monthly pamper sessions

Don’t feel guilty about indulging in some pampering, as these can be great for detoxing, circulation, and creating a sense of calm. Whether it’s a sports massage or spa treatment, these moments can really make you feel good about yourself.

Pursue a childhood hobby

Get in touch with your child-like spirit by pursuing a hobby you enjoyed as a child. Loved roller skating? Buy a pair of skates! Enjoyed dancing and gymnastics? Sign-up for online dance classes. You don’t have to be the best at it — just do something you enjoy. 

Outdoor activities

Nature has the power to rejuvenate both mind and body. Take up an outdoor sport like running, walking, hiking, biking, or watersports, to enjoy the healing effect of nature and the rush of endorphins. Treat yourself to new gear when you take up an outdoor sport. Track your progress by investing in a fitness watch where you can download apps to map out new routes and monitor your efforts in real-time.

Take Steps to Feel Good

If you’re stuck in a rut, you’ll have to make a conscious effort to change. The most important thing is sticking to a game plan and making one small change at first.  

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my parenting coaching programs that help guide you through Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters drama, Mothers and their Sons challenges, Fathers and Daughters as well as Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Coach, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

March 2, 2022 at 2:39 pm Leave a comment

Is It Really Okay to Not Be Ok?

Many of us view success as pretty, handsome, moneyed, good job, well-liked…

Then when we don’t achieve success for any of the reasons listed below or more…

  • Haven’t finished (or started) college
  • Don’t have the right job
  • Grew up in the wrong neighborhood
  • Married… didn’t marry
  • Wrong skin color, gender, religious belief

We wonder why we feel defeated, depressed, uninspired.

Or, we have “everything going for ourselves”, outwardly as my mom would say, and yet we feel defeated, depressed, or uninspired inside. Today in our How to ❤️ Love ❤️ Yourself More…Intentionally clubhouse, we talked about how being pretty and beautiful are NICE, but have nothing to do with how you feel inside. People are obsessed with looks and fortune. How can you be sad and depressed when you have good looks and wealth?

Easy!

As my co-moderator said, we are “cracked glass” and looking out we don’t see our external beauty and wealth. We only feel brokenness and sadness. Many of us live in quiet desperation and don’t know how to find our way out.

Suicide is not the answer.

I’ve lost several family members to suicide and while I don’t know exactly what each one felt before taking their life, I know what it feels to be the one left to pick up the pieces and try to figure out what happened? Each member had worth and value but did not feel that there was another way for their story to be told.

One of the best things you can do is open up and share your pain with a supportive friend, group, or a therapist. The other thing to do is remember, you are unique with a God-given purpose! Be who you want to be instead of a copy of someone else. Stop buying the “image” and be the original – one of a kind – amazing you!  

Interested in loving yourself more deeply? Click Here – to schedule a complimentary chat with Ms. Parent Guru about how her How to Love Yourself In 30 Days coaching program can support you.

Click Here to become a part of her parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Coach, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

February 4, 2022 at 1:00 pm Leave a comment

Being Happy Like a Child

Over the last couple of months, we have seen or interacted with our 2 1/2 year old grandson for multiple periods of time. While it’s been exhausting, what I’ve enjoyed most about spending time with him, was his playful nature and his ability to make anything fun!

Fun to him was hiding behind the plant in the living room, or running through the house saying “chase me” “chase me“! He could look at you, make a face and burst out laughing. 😂 When we corrected his behavior and he didn’t like it, he cried for a few minutes and then the sadness and tears were gone. He was off to another adventure!

I just wondered what would it take for us as adults, living our adult lives, to just burst out laughing! 😂 Would people think we were crazy and wonder if everything was OK? Seriously… how do we take moments in our day and turn them into joyful experiences, or just times to laugh and have fun?

I’m on a quest this year, in 2022, where I am looking for joy in my experiences; to lighten up and just laugh, have fun and enjoy myself more! 🤸🏽‍♀️🤸🏽‍♀️

Yeah I like that – enjoy myself more.

I know there will be bills to pay and serious discussions to be had and work to do, but there’s lots of fun out here to have and it doesn’t have to cost a lot of money or any money. Just go and do!

Hey… have a joyful, fun, delightful day today! 😂🤪

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact meMs. Parent Guru to receive information about my parenting coaching programs that help guide you through aging Parents, Mother and Daughter drama, Mothers and their Sons challenges, Father and Daughter issues as well as Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Coach, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

January 26, 2022 at 12:00 pm Leave a comment

Who We Are Matters

Photo by Markus Spiske on Pexels.com

When I was growing up, my mom would tell me that my actions were a direct reflection of my home training by her and my dad. While I hated hearing that, I taught the same thing to my children as well.

Who we are matters.

I have been trying to write today’s blog since the January 6 insurrection at the White House. As I watched the people storm through the barriers, break glass, pump their fists, and FaceTime their audiences; all I could think of was “What would your mom (or dad) think of you?” Also, how could I explain (to my children) why these people are allowed to deface the nation’s capitol without being dragged to jail. Most of the people who participated in the insurrection were white males and females.

The other major event that has my attention, is a rash of carjackings/robberies that have been taking place in different communities in the Chicagoland area. Many of the young people who are carjacking people, are young black teenagers. I thought how I would feel if one of those young men was my son.

In each case, I’m angry and think what kind of training did the insurrectionists and carjackers receive at home while growing up? Were they raised to respect others? Were they respected by the people they lived with?

Here’s something that I want parents to remember: how your child shows up is a reflection of how you interacted with them. Children aren’t born to fight and attack. They learn that behavior. When you grow up in an angry environment, that’s what you do when you respond to situations whether you understand what’s going on or not.

There are many young people who are raising themselves; who are not participating in online school learning, (parents may or may not be home with them) and who are trying to survive. Survival tells them that they must steal from other people in order to survive. They believe If they don’t steal, they won’t eat or they will be unsheltered.

The insurrectionists have been told that the rights and privileges that they are used to experiencing, are going away. Having to play nice with people that don’t look like them, is a scary idea!

In both cases, people are afraid. They feel that they don’t matter. And when people feel that they don’t matter, they do extraordinarily dumb things to help those around them know that they do matter.

So what does that mean to everybody else?

  • God made us a little lower than the angels, which means we are powerful.
  • We are each other’s keepers.
  • No one can achieve what they are trying to achieve by themselves.
  • Our differences and cultures are okay – we don’t have act like anybody else to succeed.

Raising your children to “be somebody” as my grandmother used to say, is still noble and honorable. Love and respect yourself and know that what you do to others and for others – Matters. ✌🏽

What are your thoughts?

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my parenting coaching programs that help guide you through Aging Parents, Mother and Daughter drama, Mothers and their Sons challenges, Fathers and Daughters as well as Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

clynnwilliams.com

Reprinted from January 28, 2021

January 13, 2022 at 8:15 am Leave a comment

How to Build Accountability In Your Child

Happy New Year and no… this is not a list of resolutions for better parenting!

Having talked to quite a few parents during the Holidays who wanted their child to do what they were asked; I’m reminded of two things:

  1. Keep it simple
  2. Hold your child accountable

As you tell your child for the 5th time to pick up his/her toys, clothes, etc. you might wonder what it will take for that delightful child of yours to become more accountable.

According to Century Dictionary, accountability is the state of being accountable or answerable; responsibility for the fulfilment of obligations; liability to account for conduct, meet or suffer consequences, etc.

The thing is, we want our kids to grow into accountable adults, which means that we want accountable teens, youths, toddlers.

So how do you get started?

Start now…ideally when your child is very young and impressionable. My daughter has been “guiding” our 2½ year old grandson with picking up his toys, since he could walk. He understands what picking up toys means, how to do it and the consequences of leaving them all over the floor.

Is she 100% successful? Nope, but she and her husband have a great start provided they stay consistent with their work with him. It gets more challenging, if you are starting to with children who are older and aren’t used to having to pick up after themselves.

Not impossible, but your work is cut out for you because your child won’t understand why all of a sudden, you are asking them to do something they’ve never had to do before.

3 tips for helping your child be more accountable:

  • Model behavior (that you want to see repeated)
  • Be as consistent as possible in holding your child responsible for what you’ve asked them to do
  • Help your child see things from another person’s viewpoint

Modeling the behavior, you want to see, is one of the skills that a leader uses. It’s much easier to get your child to pick up their toys, clean their room, clean the bathroom, if they see you do the same.

Teaching your child to see things from another’s perspective builds empathy and compassion. If occasionally you have your daughter help her brother or sister clean their room, fold clothes or clean the kitchen, they may be less inclined to fight, argue and compete with each other.

Just a couple of thoughts as we enter 2022.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Coach, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

January 6, 2022 at 9:38 pm Leave a comment

Relinquishing Control Releases Stress

It’s the wee hours of the morning, as I lay here trying to go back to sleep, a car sits outside beeping it’s horn for whomever is supposed to come out. I want to yell at that person to stop 🛑 waking up everyone while he tries to get his passenger. 🤬

The question at the moment is, can I do anything about the beeping horn? Am I going to lose more sleep 😴 or can I refocus on something else?

2021 taught me three things:

• There are things I can’t change like: when COVID ends, how to make an adult act differently, etc.

• Remember who I am and be true to myself

• Focus on what is working instead of what isn’t

The common denominator here was that I focused a lot on controlling events, relationships and my feelings. When I chose to live through each experience, I discovered the best parts of it and moved on, I was happier.

I learned in 2021 that when it comes to peace of mind, control is overrated‼️

Are you thinking about those Aha” moments you experienced?

Or maybe like me, you’ve had enough experiences occur that have left you worn out‼️ As my friends at Unity School of Christianity say – “Give life the light touch

How are you ending 2021? 🤔💬

Wishing you and your family lots of love and a happy and prosperous new year. 😘 🌚🎉🧧

Thanks for reading my blog, and following me on Instagram, Twitter & TikTok @MsParentguru.

C. Lynn Williams

clynnwilliams.com

December 30, 2021 at 8:33 pm 1 comment

The Voices Heard Before Suicide

Suicide is a profound tragedy…

My daughter was a young girl when my brother committed suicide. I was devastated. He had been suffering with a chronic illness and told us he was praying to die, while we prayed for him to live.

He had talked about dying years before that because he was so unhappy. Suicide is seldom unplanned, and victims leave clues.

It is up to us to pay attention to those clues and intervene. That’s easy to say, and harder to do. There are lots of external influences that will make it challenging to notice the clues.

These days children are dealing with life issues that they don’t want to talk about. Bullying. Sexual abuse. Peer pressure. Parental expectations. Excelling in school. These issues are further exacerbated by the separatism that technology provides. Many of these issues young people face without appropriate coping skills. When an unpleasant event occurs they feel that life can’t go on and so they attempt suicide or they are successful. 🤯

I recently heard the story of a good kid who received detention at school and then was reprimanded by his s parents at home. Concerned that he had jeopardized his chances to get into a Ivy League school for college; he committed suicide. Did he leave any clues that he was fragile?

What about the girl who can no longer face school or online bullies and decides that suicide is a better alternative to living. What behaviors did her parents notice before she took her life?

How do we stop this madness?

Suicide is beyond devastating! It’s really bad when it happens to a child that you think is safe; has a good life; and looks normal.

Are there warning signs? They’re probably aren’t many if any unless you are watching intently and you are in tune with your child; even then there’s no guarantee that you will be aware of what’s going on.

Here is what I can tell you:

  • Watch for changes of behavior
  • Mood swings
  • Quiet and withdrawn in an otherwise outgoing joyous kid.

There’s no guarantee that you’ll catch the clues then, but it least if you start a conversation beyond ‘how was your day’; if you talk about how to build resilience; if you let your child know that there is nothing worth taking their life over…

Have those hard conversations now when everything is good. Let your child know that correcting their behavior is your job, but that you are always proud of them and love them. reprinted from November 23, 2019

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Coach, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

October 14, 2021 at 7:04 am Leave a comment

3 Thoughts on The Overuse of Resilience

We keep telling ourselves that “kids are resilient”. By that we mean:

⁃ Teens handle change well (not always true)

⁃ Teens embrace technology (some tech; not all)

⁃ Teens are able to move past personal & professional trauma (untrue without professional mental health support)

Teens handle change well when parents and the related adults in their life, help them build coping skills like acknowledging that bad things happen and you can survive. When we teach our children that they must have the highest grades or top success as student athletes, it builds stress and anxiety which they hold inside. Depending on how fragile they are to change, can be an indication of how they internalize pressure (and fix it by harming themselves).

Many teens and tweens love the technology that gives them ways to communicate with each other, and watch movies and videos. Their natural curiosity allows them to understand (intuitively) how to use new tech, games and apps. Being technologically savvy does not mean they will write papers faster or complete homework on time unless you have instilled that skill into their daily routine early in their educational career.

We assume that our teens are able to move past trauma easily because they are flexible, young and tell us everything is okay. These thoughts are far from the truth when you look at the number of teens who perform self-injury or attempt suicide.

This period of isolation (caused by the COVID-19 pandemic) has also contributed to our teens anxiety and depression.

Things to remember that will help your teen be more resilient:

• Stay connected by communicating & listening 👂 🗣

• If your instincts say something wrong… It is… 😰 If your teen won’t talk, reach out to the school counselor, social worker or ask your pediatrician for a referral to a child psychologist 👩‍⚕️

• Stay connected to school staff as they can be resources for support 🎗✂️✏️🖇

Your teen will tell you that you are overreacting. It’s not overreacting if they need help and you are able to provide it.

Parents who have lost their children to death by suicide, would love a 2nd opportunity to follow their 1st mind.

Besides reaching out to your child’s school support staff or pediatrician, here are a couple of additional resources:

Suicide Prevention:

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Self-injury Awareness:

https://www.destinationsforteens.com/destinations-blog/march-is-self-injury-awareness-month/

Thanks for reading my blog, and following me on Instagram, Twitter & TikTok @MsParentguru.

C. Lynn Williams

clynnwilliams.com

October 7, 2021 at 11:33 pm Leave a comment

My Teen Is Old Enough…

Being a teen is overrated. They are old enough to know what to do, but they don’t have the maturity or experience to consistently make the right decisions.

Teen male on a motorcycle

Being a teen is overrated. They are old enough to know what to do, but they don’t have the maturity or experience to consistently make the right decisions.

I was the oldest child and my mom and dad taught me the difference between right and wrong. I was responsible for “setting a good example” for my brother and sister. While I didn’t want to disappoint them, my parents also had “eyes” in the community and throughout the city; other adults who would report back if they saw me in places where they didn’t think I should be. Even so, I broke the rules… like the time I rode on my boyfriend’s motorcycle. Two broken rules:

  • No boyfriends (at my age)
  • No riding on anyone’s motorcycle

Never mind that we could have an accident and I could be hurt or killed. That never occurred to me (as a teen) because I was fearless and willing to try things. Even if it meant breaking the rules.

Parents often believe that once their child becomes a teenager, they don’t need as much supervision. That’s not true either. You don’t have to worry that your teen will fall down the stairs, like a 2- or 3-year-old. But they could accept a ride from a stranger when they need to get someplace on time. Or they may be tricked into giving out their phone number in an online chat, because the person they’re talking to says they are 15 too, like your child.

Think about the recent rash of carjackings or smash and grab crimes that are being performed by teens. Some of the kids are 12 or 13 years old. I can hear you – “Not My Child”.

How do you know?

You work every day and you’ve taught your child right from wrong. They would never steal a car, hold a person at gunpoint/knifepoint, or snatch their purse/wallet. Right?

You say, “my child is smart, comes from a two-parent family, we are not poor.” Those crimes only occur with/by… You fill-in the rest of this sentence with your thoughts or biases.

As a parent expert who has taught and studied adolescents, teens, and 20-somethings for the past 20 years, I can tell you this:

  • Teens love thrill and excitement
  • They are easily influenced by their peers and the world around them
  • Leaving them on their own for 3-4 hours every day (after school) without supervision is a problem

Join my Zoom Parent Masterclass on Thursday, October 21st where we will discuss teens: their wants, needs and love language. Admission is $25 until October 9th; $45 thereafter.

CLICK HERE to Register.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting coaching programs that help you through Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters and Fathers and their Sons.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Masterclass

October 2, 2021 at 12:47 pm Leave a comment

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