Posts filed under ‘#MsParentguru’

How to Develop Our Children Into Critical Thinkers

This summer we have seen two top female athletes stop competing and take time off to practice self-care and work on mental health concerns. Earlier this month, professional tennis player Naomi Osaka told us it was okay not to be O.K. and walked away from the U.S. Open. She said she needed some time away to deal with issues of exhaustion and depression.

Last week, gymnastics superstar Simone Biles, withdrew from the Tokyo Olympics to focus on mental health.

Also impressive is by how singer Britney Spears is taking control of her life, her career and her fortune.

Those are not easy decisions to make.

What these young women are showing us is that they are:

⁃ Taking control of their life

⁃ Saying no when it comes to protecting their physical & mental health

⁃ Prepared to accept criticism from people who don’t understand their why

When we raise critical thinking children, we are teaching them to think, speak and act in ways that are beneficial to them and the people or organizations they believe in.

It can be challenging when they use those same critically thinking minds to disagree with us.

It happens, but simply means the process is working.

In order to build those positive, well-adjusted adults, follow these Do’s & Don’ts:

  • Do: Spend “child-centered time” with your kid every day.
  • Don’t: Stop your kid from making his/her own mistakes — and learning from them. It may be one of the hardest tasks as a parent.
  • Do: Praise personal effort instead of personal qualities, such as intelligence, otherwise you can make your kids self-conscious, which may lead to unwanted complexes like shame when they do t accomplish their tasks.
  • Don’t: Shine the light on your child’s misbehavior as it can often backfire.
  • Do: Practice gratitude with your munchkin on a daily basis. Ask questions like: who is someone you love or who is someone who helps you?
  • Don’t: Positive stories are good, but negative ones are just as — if not more — effective, because they illustrate perseverance.
  • Do: Happy kids have friends, so help your child develop his friendships. You can start by not neglecting your own friends.

C. Lynn Williams, @MsParentguru

http://clynnwilliams.com

August 1, 2021 at 2:21 pm Leave a comment

7 Ways to Be Less Critical…

Photo by Ebuka Onyewuchi on Pexels.com

Do you find yourself criticizing the people around you more often than complimenting them? Perhaps you’re harsh on yourself as well…

One of the ways to stop being critical of others is to learn to define your own self-worth intrinsically, which means that you learn to see the beautiful qualities of who you are – caring, compassionate, empathetic, kind, and generous.

Today we will focus on ways to be less critical of our children.

7 Ways to Be Less Critical of Your Child 👶🏽 🧒🏽 

  1. Describe the Situation Instead of Fixing Blame.
  2. Say Nothing.
  3. Express Your Feelings.
  4. Put Things in Perspective and Let Things Slide.
  5. Make the Praise Descriptive Instead of Generic.
  6. Focus on the Effort Instead of the Outcome.
  7. Focus on Encouragement instead of Judgement.

We all make mistakes. 

We often criticize ourselves more severely than our loved ones or peers, interfering with our sense of harmony in our mental and emotional capabilities, strength, and spiritual beliefs. 

Maturity occurs as we practice forgiving ourselves, our children and each other.  

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parent coaching programs that help you through Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Coach, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

June 30, 2021 at 9:39 pm Leave a comment

Six Tips for Being Better Parents

Avoid harsh discipline

Explain your role and decisions

Be involved in your child’s life

Guide your child through their mistakes and weaknesses

Live in the now 

Be a parent, not pal

Happy birthday to my amazing first-born, **Candace**, who started me on this journey of parenting and being better. The first child is lucky because s/he pulls love and emotions out of you that you never knew existed. They are also your “experiment” child. You try techniques, other people’s thoughts and that firstborn is like a stew of everyone’s ideas of how you should raise your child.

Just remember that this is your child!

Follow your gut!

Have fun!

Make wonderful memories together!

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting coaching programs that help you through Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Coach, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

June 24, 2021 at 12:56 pm Leave a comment

Tell Me Something Good

Growing up, one of the worst things I could do was challenge my parents. Or more specifically, talk back. Not a good move as a kid.

In my young mind, I wasn’t talking back, just pointing out what they were doing wrong. In other words, I was responding to my parents in ways that I learned from them. I didn’t hear a lot of “good job” or “you’re a patient big sister”. The comments I received were more focused around what I could do better, or “why didn’t you think…”

You give back what you receive.

If you find yourself criticizing (your child) far more often than complimenting them, think about how you would feel, if you had a manager that treated you with negative guidance. Would it feel differently if the manager’s comments were well-intentioned?

Of course not. You would start to feel like crap.

A more effective approach is to catch your kid doing something right. Example: “You made your bed without being asked – that’s terrific!” Or “I was watching you play with your brother, and you were very patient.

These statements will do more to encourage good behavior than repeated scolding and sarcasm. Make a point of finding something to praise every day. Be generous with rewards – your love, hugs and compliments can work wonders and often are reward enough. According to family psychotherapist, Virginia Satir, we need 4 hugs a day to survive, 8 hugs a day to maintain ourselves and 12 hugs a day to grow.[1]

Soon you will find you are “growing” more into the behavior you would like to see.


Interested in improving your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs and workshops for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Coach, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

[1] https://free-to-live.com/how-many-hugs-do-you-need-a-day/

June 9, 2021 at 3:22 pm Leave a comment

Being Friends With Our Kids

I remember one of my mother’s favorite phrases when I was growing up – “I am not here to be friends with you.”

I never wanted to be friends with her, I just wanted her to stop being so mean… 

And then I had my own children…

What I found, was as my children became tweens and teens, I wanted to be friends with them. I wanted to laugh and enjoy them because they were growing into people that I loved and respected

Photo by Any Lane on Pexels.com

What I found out that was, being friends with my kids compromised me being their boundary setter, the consequence handler, the Mom that they could count on when they needed somebody to talk with them honestly; when they need the adult-in-charge to take over!

I found it difficult to be both friend and adult parent. So I too repeated my mom’s words: “I’m not here to be your friend, but you can count on me anytime and all the time.” 

What I learned from my kids, is that when I gave them boundaries they felt safe, and I often heard them repeating the house rules to their friends. I liked that! Being the adult in charge is important because your kids don’t have to worry about who you are today. They know you are the person they can rely on when life is crashing and burning  around them. 🔥 They won’t have to worry if you allow them to drink or smoke illegal substances (because you’re their friend) one day and other days it’s not tolerated. The lines are not blurred.

The friendship between the two of you will definitely come, probably when you’re both adults and they are making their own decisions. By then, sharing an alcoholic beverage is both legal and tolerated

I help parents build the kind of communication and trust that allows relationships to grow and feel better. Call me to schedule a complimentary chat session or to book a seat in my coaching program.😘 

Thanks for reading my blog. Follow me on Instagram and Twitter @MsParentguru.

C. Lynn Williams

clynnwilliams.com

May 12, 2021 at 8:15 pm Leave a comment

Why Don’t Dads Talk More… Like Mom?

When I was a kid, I remember my dad playing games with me, my brother and sister. On good days, he would jump out of the closet and scare us. The other days he would tell stories. 

Besides those times, my dad was a man of few words. Even when he chastised us, it didn’t take a lot of w o r d s.

As I headed off to college, we had more conversations. I asked questions and Dad gave me answers. It was then that I realized how different he was than my mother and how much I relied on his advice and wisdom.

As an author of several relationship books for parents, it took me a while to write about father and daughter relationships. I wasn’t sure how I felt sharing my very private dad, with the world, and yet with the help of other fathers and daughters, I was able to embody thoughts that many dads and daughters later said -“you nailed it!” That book is: Daddy & Daughter Thoughts: A Dad’s Guide to Daughters, and helps those reading it develop, repair and reflect on the importance of a loving relationship between a father and his daughter. Pick up a copy to read and one to share. 😉

Since COVID-19, I have been hosting online conversations between fathers and daughters heal hurt feelings, mend broken relationships, and help women and men move forward in positive ways. Please join us on Saturday, April 17th, 10 am CDT. The Zoom link is included once you register: https://wisedad.eventbrite.com

Thanks for reading my blog, and following me on Instagram and Twitter @MsParentguru.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

clynnwilliams.com

April 15, 2021 at 6:33 am Leave a comment

Who We Are Matters

Photo by Markus Spiske on Pexels.com

When I was growing up, my mom would tell me that my actions were a direct reflection of my home training by her and my dad. While I hated hearing that, I taught the same thing to my children as well.

Who we are matters.

I have been trying to write today’s blog since the January 6 insurrection at the White House. As I watched the people storm through the barriers, break glass, pump their fists, and FaceTime their audiences; all I could think of was “What would your mom (or dad) think of you?” Also, how could I explain (to my children) why these people are allowed to deface the nation’s capitol without being dragged to jail. Most of the people who participated in the insurrection were white males and females.

The other major event that has my attention, is a rash of carjackings/robberies that have been taking place in different communities in the Chicagoland area. Many of the young people who are carjacking people, are young black teenagers. I thought how I would feel if one of those young men was my son.

In each case, I’m angry and think what kind of training did the insurrectionists and carjackers receive at home while growing up? Were they raised to respect others? Were they respected by the people they lived with?

Here’s something that I want parents to remember: how your child shows up is a reflection of how you interacted with them. Children aren’t born to fight and attack. They learn that behavior. When you grow up in an angry environment, that’s what you do when you respond to situations whether you understand what’s going on or not.

There are many young people who are raising themselves; who are not participating in online school learning, (parents may or may not be home with them) and who are trying to survive. Survival tells them that they must steal from other people in order to survive. They believe If they don’t steal, they won’t eat or they will be unsheltered.

The insurrectionists have been told that the rights and privileges that they are used to experiencing, are going away. Having to play nice with people that don’t look like them, is a scary idea!

In both cases, people are afraid. They feel that they don’t matter. And when people feel that they don’t matter, they do extraordinarily dumb things to help those around them know that they do matter.

So what does that mean to everybody else?

  • God made us a little lower than the angels, which means we are powerful.
  • We are each other’s keepers.
  • No one can achieve what they are trying to achieve by themselves.
  • Our differences and cultures are okay – we don’t have act like anybody else to succeed.

Raising your children to “be somebody” as my grandmother used to say, is still noble and honorable. Love and respect yourself and know that what you do to others and for others – Matters. ✌🏽

What are your thoughts?

By the way, I’m collecting data on a new relationship trauma program and would love your feedback. Please click here to answer the questions.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

clynnwilliams.com

January 28, 2021 at 9:21 pm Leave a comment

Essential Self-Care Tips for Exhausted Working Parents

Life as a working parent can be exhausting.

Continue Reading December 22, 2020 at 7:28 am Leave a comment

Holiday Sanity and Self-Care

How well are you managing yourself during this pandemic as the holiday festivities begin? Unless you begin preparing for Thanksgiving and Christmas during the summer, the flurry of emails, texts, and ads to buy have bombarded us since Halloween. Frankly, that can be stressful, especially with everything else you have on your plate.

Which one of these is you?

“I’m prepared for the holidays, but…”

Maybe you are attending one Zoom meeting after another and aren’t eating healthy foods or staying hydrated. Or perhaps you could benefit from an adequate morning routine of exercise, prayer, meditation, and breakfast. Maybe you’re the last one in bed at night, because “chores won’t take care of themselves”; and you also get up (in the middle of the night) when the baby needs feeding, or your 3-year-old has nightmares.

Face it – you are taking care of everyone else: your family, your co-workers, your clients! But are you practicing a little compassionate self-care? Where is the balance that you need to be sane, healthy and happy? According to hrzone.com, home and work-life balance refers to the level of prioritization between one’s personal and professional activities and the level to which activities related to their job are present in the home. COVID-19 isn’t helping because we are quarantined and asked to stay inside – to stay safe.

“I am constantly tired and slightly depressed…”

It’s quite possible that you are completely disenchanted with COVID-19 and have decided that you won’t catch the “virus”. So, you take unnecessary risks like not wearing your face mask.

If any of this is happening to you, you are not crazy.

There are two things happening here. One, you may be experiencing home and work-life imbalance. And two, you could be experiencing what Candace Hamell, LCSW calls “pandemic fatigue”. “Pandemic fatigue” can occur when people get tired of the pandemic measures and become less likely to follow public health practices or simply begin to drown out those messages. Pandemic fatigue can be experienced differently for everyone but often presents itself as:

  • Feeling restless
  • Irritable
  • Lacking motivation
  • Difficulty concentrating on tasks

You may even notice yourself withdrawing from socializing with others or physical symptoms such as changes in eating and sleep habits.[1]

Ms. Hamell is working with the American Heart Association this holiday season, to provide wellness tips to combat holiday stress and make your soul happy. Here are her wellness tips:

  • Manage stress – incorporate meditation and mindfulness practices into your day to distance yourself from daily stress.
  • Eat a healthy, well-balanced diet – avoid overeating or using substances such as alcohol to cope.
  • Stay physically active – this is one of the best ways to keep your body and mind healthy during this season and improve your quality of life.
  • Practice gratitude – write down five things that you are grateful for each day. This is a powerful tool that can reduce levels of depression, anxiety and improve sleep.

Make some boss moves and follow these tips to feel better and improve your quality of life!


Follow Ms. Hamell at candaceawilliams.com.

Follow me, C. Lynn Williams @MsParentGuru on Instagram and Twitter.

[1] https://www.chroniclejournal.com/life/beating-quarantine-fatigue-through-nature/article

December 5, 2020 at 8:20 pm Leave a comment

Has Human Companionship Disappeared

Human companionship isn’t working well these days is it?

It’s gotta be the pandemic’s fault!

Maybe it’s all of the togetherness that we are experiencing as a result of sheltering in place. Snuggling up, spooning, boo’ed up is not as much fun, when you’re in the house 24/7 and so is your sweetie (with you). Basically you start to get tired… of each other.

There I said it!

Now, clearly I’m talking to just a few of you… the honest ones. I know it’s not the end of the world, but it’s scary because you’re admitting that the one person that you pledged to be with FOREVER… isn’t enough to keep you going during this pandemic crisis. And for my single friends, it’s really scary, because how do you date (responsibly) during a viral scare when you have no idea where that delightful person who looks great online, has been.

I had a long talk with God yesterday and decided (remembered), that our mates, spouses, boyfriends/girlfriends, partners are human companions. They are not designed to please us indefinitely. Matter of fact, they are probably wondering why they feel so… blah (with you)? I’m not saying that the thrill is gone, nor am I saying it’s time to look for a new mate. It’s just that we are on a journey, and part of that journey is physical (relationships) and the rest is spiritual. The spiritual journey helps you build inner resources to realize that a human will never be enough (forever). God is the only forever relationship.

So forgive your partner if he or she wears the same shirt for an entire week. They’re doing the best they can. Same with you. Be real. Make jokes. Have fun. Be thankful for what you have.

Build up your spiritual relationship with your source. I call my source… God. Take time away from your kids, your partner, your phone, your Zoom calls and get quiet. You will be surprised at how peaceful life really is. And how much better you feel.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring relationship-building programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters, Fathers and their Sons or Mothers and themselves.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Coach, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

September 23, 2020 at 1:18 pm Leave a comment

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