Posts filed under ‘Parenting’
If You Are A Too Busy Working Mom…
Have you ever felt completely at your wits end because you had a project due at work or in your business, and your 
daughter needed you? I’ve been there and remember how difficult it was to make the choice to spend time with her. Yes I chose my daughter. Because there will ALWAYS be a project, a meeting, an event to attend.
Here’s the million dollar question! What’s the consequence if you don’t spend time when she needs (wants) you? Will she want to talk a week, month or year later? Will what was so important to her to share with you today, matter in six months (when you have more time)?
Go to my YouTube channel: MsParentGuru and check out my YouTube video blog: Click Here
If you are struggling to have meaningful conversations with your daughter and want help, let’s have a conversation about your next steps. Here’s a link to reach me. While you’re deciding if you really want to talk about that mother-daughter relationship, pick up a copy of my book, Raising Your Daughter.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentGuru
Connect with my parent community: www.clynnwilliams.com
The Cost of Anger to Me
Last week as I was driving to a meeting, I signaled to move into the lane to my right. Apparently I was too close to the driver behind me because the 
next thing I knew, he sped ahead of me, changed into my lane and put on his brakes… I said to myself – “I’ve just been a victim of road rage! He probably didn’t think more about it, because he had satisfied that moment of complete rage. But I thought about how our anger, our rage gets the best of us every day.
My hubs tells me I’m on the ‘red train’ when I get really angry. Physiologically, my head hurts and I feel irrational. Imagine what that does to the organs in our bodies like our hearts, our brains, etc. The urban idiom is called ‘pop off’ meaning you lost your cool.
According to Livestrong.com, “Anger is an emotion that is associated with resentment, frustration, irritability and rage. Chinese medicine asserts that this choleric emotion is stored in the liver and gallbladder, which produce and store bile, respectively. This anger can affect many biological processes that sap energy and cause headaches, dizziness and high blood pressure.”¹ According to Lavelle Hendricks, “Before anger affects any part of our body, it has to affect our brain first. When we experience anger, the brain causes the body to release stress hormones, adrenaline and
noradrenaline. These chemicals help the body control the heart rate and blood pressure.”²
Just think about how many people you know who have experienced heart attacks or aneurysms. I’m thinking about how my anger affects not only me, but also my kids and my husband. As a mom, I like being in control – to understand where everything is, my role, and how it affects my family. But, there are so many things that are outside of my control. Like someone bumping into to me on the street, or driving too close, or your kid having a bad day and saying something disrespectful. For our own sanity and the sake of our bodies, we have to let things go and move on without anger or self-recrimination. Hey…don’t lose your cool…
[1] http://www.livestrong.com/article/193234-what-emotions-affect-different-organs-in-the-human-body/
[2]http://www.nationalforum.com/Electronic%20Journal%20Volumes/Hendricks,%20LaVelle%20The%20Effects%20of%20Anger%20on%20the%20Brain%20and%20Body%20NFJCA%20V2%20N1%202013.pdf
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers & Daughters, Mothers and their Sons or Finding Superwoman™ for Overworked Moms.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
Want more Romance ♥ in your life? Register for my Nov 1st webinar: How To Put Romance Back Into Your Schedule
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Speaker & Author
www.clynnwilliams.com
Why do most diets fail? (reprinted)
At this time of the year, the weather has changed to wonderful my favorite time of the year #fall and my body tells me it’s time to get 
ready for winter. Heavier foods like homemade soup, and chili are more bearable because the weather isn’t so hot. One of the issues I face is how to eat smart and not eat Everything I love!
So I was talking to Aga Loncar, the author of this blog post, and she said an amazing thing about food, weight and eating. If you are constantly dieting or care about what you eat, keep reading.
Why do most weight loss diets fail? by Aga Loncar 
We think of weight loss the wrong way. We think that we can go on a restrictive diet for 30 and lose weight. And we do lose weight, but 95% of us gain it back plus often times more than what we lost. Every time we yo-yo diet the fat lost that we gained back becomes more resistant, its harder to lose it the second or third time around.
Companies that design restrictive diets and sell their products, as a required part of the program don’t addresses the real cause of weight gain like hormone malfunction, systemic inflammation, poor gut health or even chronic dehydration. Their main agenda is to sell you the product. If you come back again because you gained all the weight back, well even better.
This approach doesn’t teach us the importance of changing our poor eating habits forever, not just for 30 days. Frankly it doesn’t teach us anything.
Nobody brushes their teeth 5 times a day for 30 days, then stops and hopes that they will just remain clean forever. Sounds like a silly example, but it isn’t this essentially what 30 day diets are, all in and then nothing.
We choose 30 day diets and detox programs because we tend to pick a path with the lowest resistance. As long as we think this easier option exists we will go for it. The truth is however when it comes to health and permanent fat loss, it doesn’t. There is no 30 day detox program that actually works, it is all a marketing hype.
Please watch this short informative video: https://youtu.be/lw08dtKt4oY
Our bodies have an amazing detox system put in place, like skin, liver, etc. The best “detox” is to stop eating all the crap. To read more click here.
C. Lynn says – As women, we often eat to satisfy our unmet needs for love, attention, sex, nurture, etc. How many times have you eaten a bag of potato chips and a soda pop or a plate of meatloaf and mashed potatoes… and while it may have satisfied you momentarily, those same unmet urges come 
back. I believe when we (women, moms, wives) take time to care for ourselves, while balancing parenting, love lives and work lives, there will be no need for dieting, binge eating.
If this is your story and you want to change it, let’s chat. Send me an email: clynn@clynnwilliams.com to set up some time to talk.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community and receive monthly updates.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Coach & Author
The Divorced Kid Shuffle (reprint)
This article by Tiffany Beverlin so resonated with me as I tried to maintain a relationship with my kids and their father during and after our divorce.
– C. Lynn Williams 
www.clynnwilliams.com
I am writing this blog while having just distributed, varies suitcases, and bags to each of my children to start packing for spring break, like all holidays for most children of divorced parents, my children are expert packers and spend their lives going back and forth between my home and their fathers. It’s still the part of divorce that bothers me the most, when the children started to have to go on back and forth between us, I would have hard time holding it together long enough to pack their little cases and kiss them good bye then to watch them walk down the drive with their bags in tow before I would cir-cum to tears. Fast forward 3 years, it still bothers me, they trek their instruments, their bags, science projects they even take their tortoise and chameleon back and forth, kissing them good bye still has a bitter sweet feel, but my attitude to it has changed. Click on the link below to read more…
3 Ways to Protect Your Daughter
I went to a local viewing of Lady Sings the Blues last week and remember how much I enjoyed the music. The clothes and make-up were beautiful and the singing by Diana Ross was superb. Her life story was hard to watch and I couldn’t finish the movie. I was also reminded of how easy it was for her to be 
marginalized as a young black teenager. Everybody that was supposed to keep an eye on her had other ideas. Her mom sent her to live with her aunt (mom’s sister); she was left home to clean the house, and was molested because nobody was really looking out for her. As she became a young successful woman, it was easy to assume she was living a great life because she had the ‘look’.
I just wished Elenora/Billy Holiday’s and her mother had had a real conversation and her mom was able to offer her some true support. I believe this is where some of us are with our sons & daughters. If we’re bold enough we ask the right questions:
1. Are you having sex?
2. Are you using/selling drugs?
3. Are you dating older men?
4. Are you being sexually abused by my new husband? 
We need to be prepared to handle the answers that we may receive? Here are some ideas:
1. If your daughter’s behavior changes ask her “what’s going on“.
2. If she tells you an unbelievable story, believe her.
3. If she is being harassed or abused, support and protect her without judgement.
If we want to turn around our current and future generations, we have to be courageous and fearless. Our kids certainly are.
Discipline Disparity Between Black Boys & Everybody Else’s Son
When we African American mothers complain that the system is against our son(s), we are told that we are paranoid. Probably not.
Of course it doesn’t help when our sons are consistently targeted /stopped / jailed / shot by law enforcement officers.
When my son was three, I took him to a neighborhood in-home day care. The day care provider had three kids; two who were too young to attend school. One day when I picked up my son, she told me that he bit her youngest son. While I wasn’t surprised; he was going through a biting stage; her next words surprised me. “You better get him some help or else he’s going to be a a danger to society (not verbatim).”
While I didn’t disregard his biting behavior, I also knew we had recently relocated the family and he was moved from a home he had known and loved since birth to one that was unfamiliar to him. I also knew other sons who bit, spit and punched each other and their moms simply said “Boys will be boys“.
Understand that I am not saying our sons can do no wrong. If they are wrong, it is our responsibility to correct their behavior. Continual targeting is not the way. If you are a single mother without a positive male role model in your son’s life, then it will be hard not to take to heart what school (or daycare) officials say. Don’t believe the hype.
It’s really important to the socio-emotional health of our sons for us to protect them when it appears that they are constantly punished, suspended or jailed for acts that are considered quite normal for sons of other races and ethnicities.
Please read the Washington Post article by Tunette Powell and let me know your thoughts on this topic. Click here to read.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Founder & Creator of Finding Superwoman
The Beauty Inside…
Last week I had a chance to spend time with my biological sister and my wonderful sorority sisters of Alpha Kappa Alpha. It was our 
biennial conference and thousands of us descended onto Atlanta, Georgia. It was a beautiful sight, and connecting with each other, some who I hadn’t seen in two years, was just great. My sorors are part of my extended family.
However I also thought about my biological sister and how blessed I am to have her in my life. I know there are families where sisters don’t get along or support each other. I’m the oldest, and when I was growing up, my mother told me to look out for my sister. I never forgot my mother’s words and we continue to look out for each other.
I also look out for my “girls” – ladies I grew up with and those who are more recent friends. That’s something we were raised with, but I don’t think it’s being taught anymore. Look out for your family, friends, or neighbors. It’s about me and nothing more. That’s probably why there are the random acts of violence taking place all over the world instead of random acts of kindness.
Do me a favor. Smile at someone as you walk down the street. Hold the door open for a perfect stranger. Let a car pull out in front of you and instead of cursing, give them a friendly nod. Sisterliness begins with me and I’m paying it forward. 
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for aging parents, Mothers and Daughters or Mothers and their Sons. Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
While we may come from different walks of life, as women young and old, we share common challenges, goals and passions. If you want to share the love with girls and other womenfolk join me on August 14, 2016 by attending my Mom & Me ❤ Tea, designed to provide a setting where girls and their caregivers can enjoy an afternoon of communication, culture and fun together. Register here.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Coach & Author
http://www.clynnwilliams.com
Gun Violence Begins at Home
Growing up in the 50’s and 60’s, all I wanted was to be accepted for who I was – glasses and all, and look like my best girlfriend Susan. What I later learned is that it wouldn’t have mattered what I looked like, because most kids wanted to look like or be someone else.
While most of my friends had strict parents, I didn’t have any close friends (that I knew of) whose parents were verbally (or physically) cruel. I say that because as a kid we had parental permission to visit our close friends and I often watched how my friends’ moms and dads interacted with them. Yes I’ve been fascinated with family dynamics since I was a kid. I know what it’s like to grow up in a house where you’re constantly criticized or made to feel bad for who you are. I’ve seen it firsthand. As a child, it feels awful to be constantly criticized.
I also feel sorry for parents who expect to have (what they consider to be) normal kids, who aren’t. Maybe the child is sick, disabled/handicapped or have a different sexual orientation. It’s understandable to expect your child to grow up and be awesome! All parents want that. But when your child grows up and chooses a career or life that you did not expect or don’t value as acceptable, what do you do?
I believe you internalize your disappointment and think you’ve failed as a parent. Depending on your upbringing, you become critical of that young man or woman and say hurtful things that create division and separation. But let me tell you what can happen to that young man or woman; they feel rejected and hurt. You may never hear those feelings because it’s not safe for them to share them with you. If the dynamics in your household is violence and anger, they internalize that too.
Think about it! The gun violence over the last 6 years has often been random and impersonal. As a kid, if you haven’t been hugged, kissed or told how much you are loved (by your parents); if your only validation was to be told ‘How stupid you are’, ‘You’ll never amount to anything’, ‘I wish you were never born’ or ‘Shut up’; you’re ignored or beaten, it is easy to see how you would internalize those feelings and become bitter.
Anytime I read or hear about a mass or random shooting, I wonder what kind of environment that person grew up in. Were they loved, nurtured and well-cared for? Or were they allowed to do their own thing and somewhat ignored because their parents worked (a lot), didn’t know how to reach out to them, didn’t care. 
I am truly sorry for the mass shootings in Orlando, as well as the daily shootings in Chicago. Folks wake up! It’s not too late to reestablish a loving relationship with your child – no matter how old they are. ♥♥
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for aging parents, Mothers and Daughters or Mothers and Sons. Email me at: info@clynnwilliams.com
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Coach & Author
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
Yours & Mine: The Winning Blended Family Formula (220 Publishing, 2015)
3 Tips to Prevent Excessive Prom Spending (reprinted)
Reprinted 5/26/2016 from Moms Magazine ~~~ 
Eons ago, I attended prom. I actually had my dress made and it was a big deal to match the dress with my shoes. I wore a natural hair style, so I only needed a trip to the barbershop to have it properly shaped. I’m sure I wore some make-up and polished my nails, but the entire the whole preparation didn’t cost more than maybe $200.
Have you had to prepare your child for prom recently? I remember getting my own daughters ready for prom and it was certainly more elaborate than when I was in high school. I believe the cost of one of the prom dresses was three hundred dollars!
There was even a process for how your date asked you to prom. Apparently your favorite girl wouldn’t consider going to prom with you unless you had a creative way of asking her. 
Attended a prom party lately? My hubs and I attended a prom party and I was amazed and surprised at the elaborate things that took place. Her dress was flown out of New York and he had on the baddest pair of shoes I’ve ever seen even on a grown man; the fact that he was a high school kid made it unreal. I believe the shoes were blue suede. Between the videographer and the Rolls Royce limo, I imagine those parents easily spent $4,000.
Some parents feel if you have the money to spend why not spend it? My concern is that if you’re spending thousands of dollars for prom, what do you do when your daughter(s) or son(s) get married?
I believe we’re teaching our young people that they are entitled to this kind of excessive spending, when in actuality they aren’t. What have they done to deserve this excess?
Instead here are three things we can teach them to help them develop fiscal responsibility.
1. Let them know that they are responsible for some of their prom expenses. Set a dollar amount of what you will contribute.
2. Open a savings account when they are in grade school. Help them develop a habit of savings.
3. Teach them the value of being frugal. Show them how to get the best for their money. (Help them learn this early – during middle school would be good.)
Recently parents were telling me how concerned they were that their children particularly the teens acted so entitled. How can you not feel entitled if your parents will allow you to spend thousands of dollars on your dress or tux without establishing limits?
Interested in learning more about your how to communicate with your teen daughter? Pick up a copy of my book -Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring family coaching programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters or Mothers and Sons. Email me at: info@clynnwilliams.com
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author, Coach & Family Dynamics Specialist
http://www.clynnwilliams.com
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
Yours & Mine: The Winning Blended Family Formula (220 Publishing, 2015)
Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens 
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