Posts filed under ‘Parenting’
Good Grief Dad…It’s Only Money
I’m on a flight back to Chicago and I overhear the following conversation between a dad and his teenage daughter. She must have asked him for something, and this is how he responded. “… Didn’t I give you $173?” Smile from the daughter (I think she was a teen). “How much did you spend? You spent all of it??? That was $173 that I put on your card!!!” His teen daughter just smiled, although this time the smile looked a little sheepish. “You spent it all at Victoria Secret?” “I can’t believe you spent all of it!”
“You and your sister got your ears pierced? Who gave you permission to get your ears pierced?” This time his younger daughter spoke up and said “Mom told us it was okay with her if it was okay with you.” The father didn’t push the conversation any further, and the next thing I knew he was joking with the non-verbal daughter.
I felt sorry for dear old dad because from that brief conversation it was obvious that his daughters had him wrapped around their fingers; he was divorced from his wife, and they had not established rules on important things like piercings. Am I ancient or what? Reply and let me know if you agree that both Mom and Dad should agree on their kids’ having piercings or tattoos before they occur. Mark it hashtag dadparenting (#dadparenting)
C. Lynn Williams
#MsParentguru
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#You’re Still My Little Boy
Have you ever felt guilty for saying ‘NO’ to your son when he’s asked for something that he did not need or you couldn’t afford?
I remember the story my husband tells where his ex-wife bought a car for their (teenage) son against his wishes. Son crashed the car by the third week of owning it. What do you say? Mothers say “I’m glad he’s unharmed. What a blessing.” Fathers say “That boy didn’t need a car. He’s too young for the responsibility and he won’t take care of it.” Fathers remember when they were teen boys and are speaking from their experience. Mothers just want their sons to be happy. Who’s right? Does it matter? Yes it matters a lot because there are quite a few boys today who are being shown a lifestyle (by their mothers) that they haven’t earned and it sets them up for failure as men. It teaches them to rely on women instead of themselves.
I know I made mistakes when raising my son. The way I know this is because he’s emotionally crippled today. Had I had the courage to ignore his wants and stick to the adage that I grew up with – “Go to school or Go to work”, maybe he would be well on his way with college and graduate school behind him. Instead I felt guilty and believed that I needed to be more accommodating because of my divorce from his father. I also felt that he might take the easy way out and take drastic measures like my brother did.
If you want to understand more of what makes your son tick, invest in a copy of my book, ‘The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son’. http://amzn.to/1l6PUcv If you would like to ask questions or dialogue with me about how tough adult issues affect our sons, reach out to me on Twitter @cgwwbook or on my Facebook fan page www.Facebook.com/CGWWBooks. Use hashtag #You’reStillMyLittleBoy
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach
www.clynnwilliams.com
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
If You Make Time, They Will Come..
Ever wonder why we like reality TV? Probably because the stories are so true-life; the characters get to say & do whatever (ridiculous or not) comes to their minds (or the mind of the show’s writer) and there’s always a new angle! Oh most importantly — they are addicting.
Here’s an alternative: You and your daughter take some time 30-60-90 minutes; list your top five issues with each other. Set ground rules and make it ‘safe’ to talk openly & honestly. Promise each other that you will not HOLD Grudges after your time together. For my journalers, write down your thoughts. At my recent Stop Driving Me CraZy Mother – Daughter Retreat, daughters shared that they liked the activities like Mirror-Mirror and Trust Me! Some opened up and told their moms what was on their mind. Mothers enjoyed the video and breakout sessions.
It might feel awkward or ‘fake’, but don’t worry it can breathe life into your relationship. She may act like it doesn’t matter if you both talk or not. But don’t listen to that. Secretly (inside) she is dying for a wonderful relationship with you! Your normally unresponsive, hormonal teen daughter may share things you wouldn’t have imagined. Just try not to flip out if you hear something weird.
By the way, feel free to share this blog post with others and (share) your thoughts with me. I’d love to hear them! My next mother – daughter retreat will be held in November in Chicago, IL. Interested? Email me at clynn@clynnwilliams.com
Happy Relating!
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach
www.clynnwilliams.com
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Communications, 2013)
Energize your writing life with these three tips from other writers
Being a crazy writer and all-around nuts individual, this article appealed to me. I am writing my next book and as one thing after another gets in the way of my story line, I was reminded in this wonderful blog about taking a different path. Parents this works for you too, when it comes to getting your tween or teen to cooperate.
MsParentguru signing off…
Sometimes the trick to having a great writing day is just getting started. Here are three tips from other writers that inspired me and may help you too.
Write scenes out of order. Sometimes I know the end of a story before I know the beginning. So I go ahead and write the last scene. Or sometimes I have a key scene in mind that is asking to be written. I write it, and it gives me momentum to find the rest of my story.
This drives one of my writing friends crazy because she absolutely must write her novels starting from the beginning. I say, do what works. You’ll find advantages and disadvantages to every approach. But if you’re stuck about how to approach your next piece of writing, think about writing scenes in the order they come to you. Read about how Roz Morris started doing this in…
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Rites of Passage for our Daughters
No offense guys, but today’s blog is probably not your cup of tea, unless you are a single dad raising a daughter..or two. If so, continue readings and pay close attention.
Daughters: Have you had a ceremony to celebrate your passage from young girl to womanhood? That’s right I am talking about a rites of passage that celebrates the start of your menstrual cycle. You are probably wondering – “Who celebrates the start of the curse?”. It’s not a curse, it is a blessing. The beginning of your menstrual cycle is when you becomes fertile and are able to bear life, like Mother Earth. Maybe if we had ceremonial rituals for our girls entering womanhood, there might be more reverence for our bodies and more care put into having children and our roles as nurturers.
Historically, different Native tribes celebrate this time with symbolic ceremonies. The Apache tribe calls their rites of passage, “Sunrise Ceremony” and include many activities and rituals that signify a young girl becoming a woman. The Navajo tribe conducts an elaborate four-day celebration called the “Kinaalda“. The celebration includes dances, different rituals, and cake (I love any celebration that includes cake). Many other Native American tribes celebrate their girls crossing a bridge into womanhood. http://bit.ly/1p6SZt7 In many African, Middle Eastern and Asian countries, a female rite of passage called female circumcision or female genital mutilation is practiced. While a traditional custom, female circumcision is controversial because it poses a health risk and is carried out not only on pubescent girls, but right after birth. Tissue is excised from the vulva of the female. http://tiny.cc/5szxgx
In today’s American culture, this kind of positive association with womanhood is generally not considered with the possible exception of the bat mitzvah. However, I don’t believe the bat mitzvah celebrates a young girl’s first menstruation, (my Jewish readers – please let clarify for me), instead it holds a girl accountable for her actions as an adult.
When my daughter’s cycle began, I wanted to celebrate her ‘bridge‘ to womanhood and not have her consider it a curse. I bought a small, beautifully colored journal, and asked each of the significant women (aunts, grandmothers, godmother, close family friends) in her life to write their thought of her or something special that she would be able to read then and reflect on later. We had a special dinner and and she was given gifts and cards. Since no one else in our family or friends had done this before, there was no precedence and she was embarrassed “Mom how could you tell EVERYBODY!”. I just told her how special she was to me as my precious daughter. Feel free to read more about raising a daughter in my latest book: Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! available at Amazon.com.
I would love to hear from you if you have conducted your own rite of passage with your daughter, niece or granddaughter. Email me at cgwwbooks@gmail.com.
Warm wishes,
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach
www.clynnwilliams.com
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Communications, 2013)
On Memorial Day….
Couldn’t have said this better myself. Thank you to the soldiers in my family: Dad, Grandad, Cousin & Uncle Walter
I am Turning into my Parents
I’m not sure when I realized that I had turned into my mother… It might have been when I said “You will not talk to me like that young lady!”.
Assault rifles stolen from Chicago rail yard
Raising hormonal teens amid gunfire and gang wars is no easy task. With this kind of weaponry on the streets (assault weapons) “concealed and carry” sounds necessary. What do you think?
Stop Telling Me NO!
A couple of weekends ago I took a break from my duties as a teacher chaperone (weekend regional stud
ent competition), and went shopping. I don’t shop often for a number of reasons, primarily it takes more time than I want and I impulse buy – not good.
This shopping excursion was a little different because Mother’s Day was around the corner and there were lots of families shopping together. I did tell you how much I LOVE people watching? Well while people watching, I noticed several mothers and how they managed their children.
One little toddler kept walking toward the counters trying to pull the clothes toward him. His mama didn’t say “Hey Jonathan stop that!” She did something interesting. Instead she redirected him away from the counter of clothing. Being a child with a mission, he made his way back to that counter at least three more times. Each time she redirected him. #Patience
As exhausting as raising a toddler can be, I was surprised and amazed at how calmly this mom worked with her young son. It reminded me of a story a nanny told me recently. The nanny (Janie) interviewed for a job and was told that under no circumstances could she tell the couple’s children ‘No‘. She could tell them the consequences of their actions – don’t tell them NO! If she used the word No with them, she would be fired immediately! During that same shopping excursion, I watched and listened as other mothers yelled across the aisles to their kids – No! Shut up! Come here NOW! Don’t do that! The Caucasian mom redirected her son; the African American mothers yelled. Was it cultural? My mother didn’t have to yell at us. She just looked at us and we knew to behave. Don’t remember how she treated us as toddlers.
Interesting huh? Is that a more informed way of parenting? Are the ‘No’ children calmer, more obedient or are we setting up our kids to fail?
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach
www.clynnwilliams.com
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Communications, 2013)
Relationship Blogs – Women GET to be Picky!
The truth of the matter is that Opinionated Man is dead right! Women control the relationships and choose how quickly a man moves from first base to second.
It’s just taking us (women) a minute to realize this important fact. C. Lynn Williams
Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens 
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