Posts filed under ‘Parenting’
Monitoring What Your Kids Watch; Listen To…
Is it Old Fashioned to Monitor What Your Kids watch on TV, listen to on the radio or watch at the movies?
I know the beats are cool and everybody is listening to the latest song or watching the latest video by Mr. or Ms. Sexy Rapper, but is that alright with you? We talk daily about how quickly our kids are growing up, what they are wearing and how many t(w)eens are sexually active. How do you think they got this way? It’s up to us to LIMIT what they are exposed to. One song comes to my mind by Li’l Wayne. I loved the beat, but the words were quite vulgar and even listening to the clean version meant you missed most of the words. Not a song that I wanted my kids to listen to, or to hear me listening to. When I had to hear it, I listened to it when no one was around.
According to an article I read the following statistics are true:
– Quick Facts Listening to degrading sexual lyrics has been shown to speed sexual activity (Pediatrics, 2006).
– Girls with a heavy sexual media diet engage in sexual activity younger than their peers (Harris Interactive, 2007).
– 68 percent of TV shows have explicit sexual content, but only 15% of that 68% discuss risk and responsibility (Harris Interactive, 2007).
– More than 40 percent of teens and preteens said they’d recently come across nudity and pornography on the internet (ForbesLife, 2007).
http://xfinity.comcast.net/articles/news-general/20130205/csm.media.sex/?cid=hero_media
Listen to the songs, watch TV and the music videos with your kids. Discuss them. Are they too explicit? Are they too violent? Is there too much profanity in the lyrics? If so, you have my permission to turn it off and make it a teachable moment. Your kids will surprise you later when they tell their friends that they shouldn’t listen to “that” song and explain why. Happy Parenting!
#Msparentguru
Let’s Go Back to Parenting 101
My heart goes out to all of the parents who have lost children, no matter whether it was due to a serious illness, child custody, runaway, and suicide or gun violence. We are seeing troubled times these days, and a large part is probably due to a number of reasons, one being that people have lost their minds! Also in this wonderful, global society we live in, news is reported instantly overwhelming us with tragic news accounts throughout any given day.
Example of someone who has lost his mind: A person that kills a school bus driver, kidnaps an autistic kid and holds him hostage for unknown reasons. http://www.cnn.com/2013/02/05/us/alabama-child-hostage/index.html
Between situations like this and the random (and not so random) shootings that are killing our children at alarming rates, I recommend that we go back to Parenting 101!
Parenting 101 requires:
• That you know where your child is (and your child knows you have eyes watching him or her) at all times.
• Your child comes home directly after school lets out. If (s)he is involved in extracurricular activities, you arrange for your child to be picked up by a family member or trusted family friend
• You know most if not all of your child’s friends.
• You are friends with your neighbors and they have your permission to chastise your child when you are not around.
• Your child is at home, not out on the streets when the streetlights come on.
By the way, it’s also good to eat at least one meal together daily, so that you and your child can talk about the day’s events, possible issues at school with friends or bullies, and share time with each other. Just my parent thought.
C. Lynn Williams, #msparentguru
Author and Parenting Coach
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
A Mother’s Tough Love
I was talking to a close friend the other day, and she shared one of her recent parenting moments with me. Her daughter is a preteen and is becoming more popular in school; starting to notice boys more each day and getting quite a reputation as a great volleyball player. As my mother would say, “she’s feeling her oats”. My friend has stressed the importance of staying focused in school and getting a great education by completing your homework, participating in class, and asking for help when needed. She told her daughter that if she got a ‘D’, she would have to leave home. Ah.. the things we tell our kids.
Well, last week she picked up her daughter from school, and her daughter was crying. My friend immediately wanted to know why she was crying. Are you hurt? Did someone say something to hurt your feelings? What’s wrong? Her daughter told her she got a D on an assignment and she was worried because she knew she hadn’t given her best on that assignment. My friend told her daughter “Well I’m sorry you got a ‘D’ on your assignment, I guess you will have to pack your bags and find somewhere else to live”. Her daughter immediately started crying harder. “But where will I go? I know I didn’t take my time on this assignment? Do you think if I redid the assignment and turned it in to my teacher, you would allow me to stay?” My friend told her she would think about it.
Needless to say, the assignment was redone and submitted, and my friend ‘allowed’ her daughter to stay. In this day of parenting ambiguity and relaxed rules, I believe the move was a courageous one for my friend. Whether her daughter continues to stay focused in school remains to be seen. I do know a good parenting moment took place that day.
What are your thoughts, and tell me what parenting moments have you used to motivate your children?
C. Lynn Williams
Author and Parenting Coach
#MsParentguru
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Mothers – What’s Happening to Our Sons?
It’s been little more than a month since the Newtown shootings, and as a mother, I am still at a complete loss for how a son could kill his mother. I have two sons, my own and one I lovingly inherited when I married his father. I love them both and while I have had difficult conversations and tense moments with both sons, never in my wildest nightmares, would I imagine dying by their hand.
While we will never hear Nancy Lanza’s story about her relationship with her son Adam (the shooter), I came across an article where she cautioned one of her son’s babysitters to never turn his back on her son. Can you imagine living with a person and not being able to turn your back on him? http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-201_162-57559502/ex-babysitter-says-newtown-conn-school-shooter-adam-lanzas-mother-warned-dont-turn-your-back/
When we raise our sons, we pour so much love, attention, (hopefully) discipline, values and the kitchen sink into our boys, and yet many of them end up being killed, killing others, or going to prison. Mothers, where are we failing and why?
I also came across another article, where another mother lost her only son to gun violence and he was a good kid! We always think our sons are good kids! But this teen did what he was told; went to school every day (one of my requirements); obeyed his mother; and yet was randomly shot in the back after leaving a basketball game. http://my.chicagotribune.com/#section/544/article/p2p-74054502/
I’d like my sons to grow into wonderful men with families and great careers, like my dad and granddad. Is that too much to ask these days?
C. Lynn Williams
Author and Parenting Coach
#msparentguru
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
We Care…
These last two months have been tumultous months of chaos and violent events especially geared toward children and women. Just in the last two weeks, I have read about violence in Illinois, Colorado, Indiana and now Connecticut and China. I used to write that the violence that we are experiencing in our country is based on the breakdown of the family, lack of morals being taught in the home, or a lack of discipline. That is probably an easy answer. A more honest answer is that brutality and violence are common in TV shows, movies, comics, etc. and what way to look “cool” than to do the unconscionable – hurt someone! That may be a simplistic answer as well, so I’m not sure why there is such an attack on humanity, but the killings that are occurring in our homes, schools, businesses and communities is alarming to say the least!
What can we do as parents to shore up and protect our children from the chaos that is currently taking place in our world? There is no guarantee that you and your loved ones will be reunited at the end of the day. So here are my suggestions:
1. Love and hug your kids EVERYDAY!
2. Explain and communicate in a way that your child understands your care & concern for them!
3. Be concerned about other kids in your community as well, and
4. Support the teachers in your child’s life.
We are experiencing an enormous shift in how little we interact with each other and how easy it is to hide behind the technology that conveniences our lives. My son and daughter tell me they can always tell if a good television program is on. They can tell because I can hardly say two words together – I am distracted. Today is not a good time to be distracted from our children. We miss things they feel, think, say and do when we are distracted.
My heart goes out to the victims of domestic violence, dating violence, gun violence, and bullying.
CLW
BLACK FRIDAY Deals from C. Lynn Williams
Start your Holiday Shopping Early. Black Friday normally starts the day after Thanksgiving, but since you are already here…Deals Are Here…
Get your holiday shopping done early by getting several parenting books to give as gifts for the parents in your life:
Your Son’s Role Model?
I keep trying to understand the male culture of taking one’s enemies out. As a woman, it is not an easily understood phenomenon. In my neighborhood, African American men and boys resolve their differences by shooting each other. Lots of males are dying these days. This kind of ethnic cleansing happens in Hispanic neighborhoods as well. Males in mainstream America also shoot, often harming or killing everyone in the general vicinity.
Very little discussion takes place because our society doesn’t seem to remember a time when we resolved our differences by talking things out. Tolerance is not a skill that seems to be taught or valued anymore. In the political arena, instead of working together, candidates annihilate each other with lies and insinuations, basically killing the accused candidate’s chances of winning anything. In corporate America, money and power rule to such an extent, that discussion and the possibility of working things out, very seldom occurs, unless a watchdog agency intervenes.
How do we teach our sons a better way to grow up in a society that does not value love, respect, honor and truth? What happened to the dads of yesteryear? My dad is one of those “yesteryear” dads. He was Dr. Huxtable from The Cosby Show, Steve Douglas on My Three Sons (dating myself here), or the Mr. Eddie’s father on the Courtship of Eddie’s Father. I am talking about a dad that spends time with his family and talks to and with his son(s). How else can boys grow into men without that kind of guidance?
I wonder if the Colorado shooter had had positive, quality time with his father during his formative years, if he would have been inclined to randomly shoot and kill people in a movie theatre. Don’t get me wrong, women own a piece of this parenting debacle too. Our boys can’t grow up like wild, uncontrollable plants without our assistance or good parenting. However, in the end they (our sons) are looking for a male role model; any old role model will do. If the only available role model is a drug dealer, that is who our sons will follow. If the role model is a caring, tolerant, man of faith – that’s who are son will follow instead.
Who is your son’s role model?
C. Lynn
When to Cut Finances to Your Adult Child
When do you stop helping your children (even those over age 21) financially? I remember paying my daughters’ phone bills until they were about 25 years old. We wanted to make sure they were able to handle their household bills, and we were able to help them, so we did.
What’s interesting is that I met a woman whose husband still relied on his mother to pay his rent. This man was 50 years old. That’s pretty riduculous right? Here is a link to an article that advises us on when to close our checkbooks:
http://www.bankrate.com/finance/personal-finance/cut-financial-cord-on-kids-1.aspx?ec_id=cmct_02_comm_PF_mainlink
Let me know what you think..
MsParentguru
My Pampered Prince Turns 22
What age determines ADULTHOOD?Over the weekend, my son turned 22 years old, and I had mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, I realized, I no longer have to caretake him, he’s a man now. Exciting!! However, we’ve had a year of ups and downs while he determines where he wants to go in life. He’s drifting right now, and it’s hard to understand a kid who drifts.
He recently shared that he was still stuck about the divorce of his father and I, and attributed that to his bouts of depression and inactivity. I don’t know about you, but as a mother, I felt responsible for why he was stuck. Crazy!!
Even with our difference in gender, I remember wanting to be my own person in my early twenties, and only communicating with my mother when necessary. I shouldn’t be surprised when I get the same treatment from him. And yet, if he were successfully completing college or had a promising job, I wouldn’t be so concerned for him. For me the hardest part of parenting is patiently waiting for him to be more than he’s settling for. Oh well, I’ll wait.. Ugh, I hate waiting..
Peace,
C Lynn
Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens 
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