Posts filed under ‘parents’

Kids Do the Darnedest Things

I have the cutest great nephew, and one day he said s*~t. He was two years old and we couldn’t understand where he heard a word like that and could repeat it so clearly. Periodically, swear words are sprinkled throughout his conversations especially when he gets frustrated. It doesn’t really matter where he picked up his irreverent language, just know that he was imitating someone close to him (that he respected).

Young children are like sponges and they pick up our words, phrases and mannerisms so easily. They watch us to determine how they should act, and then they surprise us with an exact replica of ourselves. That’s one of the things they do quite well without any prompting from us.

I said young children didn’t I? Actually it doesn’t matter how old our child is, they imitate our behaviors whether positive or negative.

Both my parents smoked like sailors as I was growing up. The first semester that I was home from college, I lit up a cigarette in front of my mother. She was horrified and asked “Why are you smoking?” I told her that since she did it, I’d decided to smoke too. Then we had a conversation about her addiction to cigarettes. She begged me to stop and that was the first (and last) cigarette I smoked.

Here are five thoughts to remember as your kids continue to grow:

  • Watch your language
  • Manage your temper (no popping off)
  • Model kindness
  • Be open (for them to talk)
  • LISTEN

Enjoy your family and have a Happy Thanksgiving.

 

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

clynnwilliams.com

November 17, 2018 at 2:05 pm Leave a comment

Have You Established A School Routine?

When I was in elementary and high school, my mother started preparing my siblings and me for our 1st day of school several weeks in advance. She changed our bedtimes and reduced our outside playing time to prepare us for the new school year. It didn’t make sense at the time, but the transition to school was smoother and we weren’t sleepy in the mornings. 

Once I had children of my own, having a routine, made a lot of sense. And as a former high school teacher, I could tell which students had routines at home and those who didn’t. Email me back if you want to know how I knew….

If you are dreading the first week of school and wondering how you are going to prepare for a new routine where everyone is on time to where they are going – l CAN HELP!

As a Back to School gift to all parents who are getting children of all ages back into the groove of school, I am offering you a gift of peace instead of chaotic mornings and bedtimes. To receive this gem of information, join my parent community. I promise that your contact information will be safe and is not for sale by me or anyone on my staff.

Below is a link to preschool, elementary and high school routines that I created to help you help your child get into the groove of school as easily as possible. 

CLICK HERE

If your current routines aren’t working to your satisfaction, build a new set of routines this year. The routines will teach your children how to manage themselves and their time for better success in school. Have a great school year!

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

August 29, 2018 at 9:14 pm Leave a comment

How to Successfully Communicate With Adult Children

When my children were little, we discussed lots of different topics with them and encouraged them to talk (to us) about anything. Things that were going on in their school, with their classmates, in our family and current events were all fair game. It didn’t matter whether we liked or agreed with their thoughts or not, we encouraged them to talk about whatever was going on in their lives. 

I believed if we listened to their small issues, they would be comfortable talking with us about their bigger (scarier or life threatening) issues. While I’m sure we didn’t hear everything that occurred in their lives, listening taught me three amazing lessons!

  • Like what my kids liked
  • Be open-minded
  • Ask questions of interest

These three tips allowed me to stay relevant with my children as they became adults. As I approached adulthood, I had secrets that I never shared with my mom or dad. I didn’t want to be judged or reminded, so I didn’t share many things that were going on in my life. As much as I loved my parents, I didn’t want to hear them say, “OMG why’d you do that?” No adult really wants to hear that.

However, I wanted a more open relationship with my children, especially as they became adults. I wanted to stay relevant in their lives. As an example, I liked rock music growing up. When my son realized that I was OPEN to listening to grunge and alternative music, he would invite me to listen to new songs that he liked. “Hey Mom, listen to this.” Keeping that doorway open into his adulthood, allowed to me ask him, “So what’s new?” He could choose to either tell me about some new music he liked, or share a more personal thought or concern.

The same was true with my daughters. I wasn’t afraid to share some of my ‘young woman’ mistakes with them, hoping they wouldn’t make those same mistakes. In turn, they were comfortable sharing their life with me. On the way to learning more about them, I continue to learn more about myself. Isn’t life grand?

It’s never too late to start a conversation with your children. If it’s a new experience, start small, but be consistent. The rewards will change your relationship in a positive way.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

February 11, 2018 at 5:01 pm Leave a comment

How to Best Support Your (Child) Athlete Before They Are Sexually Abused

I have a young great-niece named Alyssa who is amazing. She taught herself how to do backflips watching YouTube videos. She was such a natural athlete, that she’s starting on one of the leading gymnastics teams in Illinois.

But That’s not why I’m telling you about Alyssa. As I listen to the most recent stories about adult gymnasts who were sexually abused and violated as children by Larry Nassar, I think about our sons and daughters who are young athletes. I hope sexual abuse will never happen to them.

According to childwelfare.gov, your daughter has a 1 in 4 chance and your son has a 1 in 6 chance of being molested. That’s pretty scary!

If a coach or doctor touched your child inappropriately would she or he be able to tell you what was happening? Don’t worry about the authorities, believing that a violation had taken place. How would you handle the situation?

According to Everyday Feminism, many kids are afraid to tell their parents that they’ve been sexually abused, because they are afraid that they will be in trouble. Let’s be proactive instead.

Here are 5 ways to talk to your kids about sexuality and abuse:

1. Have calm, casual conversations about appropriate & inappropriate touch – often.

2. Begin talking to them as young as 2 years old. Make the conversations age appropriate.

3. Teach them the actual names of their private parts.

4. Share the only instances when their private parts can be seen and touched.

5. Let them know what appropriate and inappropriate touching is.

It’s important that your child know they have the right to control their bodies. Help them feel comfortable to talk about their body to you (as their parent) and to tell you immediately if someone touches them inappropriately. Most important – please believe them if they tell you someone has touched them (inappropriately), no matter who it is.

I would love to hear your thoughts. Please feel free to comment in the Reply section below.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

 

January 22, 2018 at 4:57 pm Leave a comment

Question for You!

What should you do if you don’t like your kid? “I didn’t want a child, but my husband did. So we had a child. She is cared for by my husband and his parents. She is 4, and talks constantly. She’s driving me crazy. What can I do?”


(This question was posed on one of my online networks for parents, and it really touched my heart)

How would you advise this mom? I’d love to hear back from you. I’ll print the first 5 responses (serious answers only, no sarcasm please) in next week’s blog.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
www.clynnwilliams.com/contact

October 4, 2017 at 6:55 am Leave a comment

Asking For Help

How often do you ask for help? 

Once a day? Once a month? Never? I know my examples sound extreme but a few weeks ago, I was talking with one of my Finding Superwoman™ coaching clients and she talked about how overwhelmed she was at her home. She has a teen son, a tween daughter and a husband.

When I gently reminded her about these people that live at home with her, she laughed and said ‘Oh they won’t help out.’ 😨 ‘What do you mean they won’t help? Have you asked them?’ ‘Well no, I didn’t think I had to ask for help.’ I now understood her dilemma, she didn’t know how to ask for help. I grew up in a culture of everyone pitching in at home; with the exception of my dad whose only household chores were cutting the grass and painting. 🤷🏽‍♀️

As young kids, my mother trained us to pick up our toys and clean our rooms (before we were allowed to take our daily nap). As we got older, our responsibilities increased to include things like starting dinner and doing laundry.

My husband and I share household things like cooking and kitchen clean up. If I cook, he cleans the kitchen. The chores are not split equally but I don’t feel like Hazel the maid either.

Asking for help and training your children to help around the house is important for you to maintain a semblance of sanity and order. Whether you work outside of your home, or work from home, doing ‘everything’ does not help you manage your household workload or your peace of mind.

Teaching your children the value of taking responsibility for household chores builds character. It also helps you busy mom (or dad) to do those activities that are uniquely yours to do to insure that the household runs properly.

If you grew up in a house where your mom or dad did not require anything from you except to go to school and get good grades, then this is an opportunity to get outside of your parent comfort zone and build a new skill. It takes three things from you:

1. Decide what chores you want your child(ren) to do

2. Have a family meeting to discuss what your expectation is and when the chores will begin as well as the consequences of what will happen if the chores are not done

3. Be flexible as you establish these new routines. Rome wasn’t built in a day, nor will your tweens and teens easily accept a new set of responsibilities without some grumbling. Stay consistent with your expectations of them and stay sane!

For more tips like these, look for my weekly blog. Click here to download my Moms Can Have It All worksheet.

Best wishes,

C. Lynn Williams – #MsParentguru

http://www.clynnwilliams.com

April 20, 2017 at 7:25 am Leave a comment

The Good..The Bad..The Ugly

Even though my kids are adults, I’m still an involved mom because I talk with one or all of them daily about the good, the bad, and the ugly in their lives. It’s sort of like being on call. I find that I constantly manage my life and work (marriage too) around theirs. Moms who are reading this know what I’m talking about if this happens to you: You have a perfect plan to complete the chapter for your next book and receive a call from your daughter who needs to talk. Do you tell her – “I’m sorry I have a deadline for this chapter and I’ll have to talk with you later”? Or, do you put on your mother hat, and listen to her talk out the 20th problem that is ruining her life?

Whatever you decide, stress sets in when you allow too many of your children’s problems and concerns to hijack your day, week, or month. It’s difficult to say no to our kids, because we are so used to doing for them. However, since they are used to being cared for by us, it can become a challenge letting them grow into the wonderful, self-sufficient adults that we know they can be. Statistics show that 25% of parents are using their retirement to pay rent or groceries for their millennial children (21 years or older).communicating-with-adult-children-1c7xd8i

For Superwomen like me, here are some ideas on how to achieve less stress when it comes to your children:

  1. Take a moment to think about your answer and what you are committing to before you commit. For example if your son asks you to pay his car insurance (“Just for this month Mom”). Think about what it does to your budget. If you can afford it. What lessons does it teach him?
  2. Listen without advising the next time your daughter asks you what should she do about the guy that she’s been dating for five years. (You’re not crazy about him anyway, so keeping your opinions to yourself will be very challenging.)
  3. Let the call go to voicemail when your child calls you for the 5th time today because she can’t figure something out. I know this is really a tough one because who else will talk her through if not you. Give her some time to build her mental muscle (she is a superwoman in the making) and call her later. You will be surprised to see how she worked out her problem and matured a little more in the process.

 

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons or Fathers and Daughters.

Click Here to receive my newsletter and notices of my future events.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

January 13, 2017 at 9:16 pm Leave a comment

Older Posts


Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 18,170 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 10,199 hits

Contact Info

(224) 357-6315
Online: 8 am - 8 pm

Follow me on Twitter


MyReporterIAD

Music and inspiration to aspire you to declare the best YOU.

tembceducation

"From Crayon to Career" Resources to provide sustainabilty to your educational practices and training

WILDsound Festival

Weekly Film Festival in Toronto & Los Angeles. Weekly screenplay & story readings performed by professional actors.

You can't argue with crazy

Migraines suck, and other tidbits of my life!