Posts filed under ‘parents’
How to Best Support Your (Child) Athlete Before They Are Sexually Abused
I have a young great-niece named Alyssa who is amazing. She taught herself how to do backflips watching YouTube videos. She was such a natural athlete, that she’s starting on one of the leading gymnastics teams in Illinois.
But That’s not why I’m telling you about Alyssa. As I listen to the most recent stories about adult gymnasts who were sexually abused and violated as children by Larry Nassar, I think about our sons and daughters who are young athletes. I hope sexual abuse will never happen to them.
According to childwelfare.gov, your daughter has a 1 in 4 chance and your son has a 1 in 6 chance of being molested. That’s pretty scary!
If a coach or doctor touched your child inappropriately would she or he be able to tell you what was happening? Don’t worry about the authorities, believing that a violation had taken place. How would you handle the situation?
According to Everyday Feminism, many kids are afraid to tell their parents that they’ve been sexually abused, because they are afraid that they will be in trouble. Let’s be proactive instead.
Here are 5 ways to talk to your kids about sexuality and abuse:
1. Have calm, casual conversations about appropriate & inappropriate touch – often.
2. Begin talking to them as young as 2 years old. Make the conversations age appropriate.
3. Teach them the actual names of their private parts.
4. Share the only instances when their private parts can be seen and touched.
5. Let them know what appropriate and inappropriate touching is.
It’s important that your child know they have the right to control their bodies. Help them feel comfortable to talk about their body to you (as their parent) and to tell you immediately if someone touches them inappropriately. Most important – please believe them if they tell you someone has touched them (inappropriately), no matter who it is.
I would love to hear your thoughts. Please feel free to comment in the Reply section below.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
Question for You!
What should you do if you don’t like your kid? “I didn’t want a child, but my husband did. So we had a child. She is cared for by my husband and his parents. She is 4, and talks constantly. She’s driving me crazy. What can I do?”
(This question was posed on one of my online networks for parents, and it really touched my heart)
How would you advise this mom? I’d love to hear back from you. I’ll print the first 5 responses (serious answers only, no sarcasm please) in next week’s blog.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
www.clynnwilliams.com/contact
Asking For Help
How often do you ask for help? 
Once a day? Once a month? Never? I know my examples sound extreme but a few weeks ago, I was talking with one of my Finding Superwoman™ coaching clients and she talked about how overwhelmed she was at her home. She has a teen son, a tween daughter and a husband.
When I gently reminded her about these people that live at home with her, she laughed and said ‘Oh they won’t help out.’ 😨 ‘What do you mean they won’t help? Have you asked them?’ ‘Well no, I didn’t think I had to ask for help.’ I now understood her dilemma, she didn’t know how to ask for help. I grew up in a culture of everyone pitching in at home; with the exception of my dad whose only household chores were cutting the grass and painting. 🤷🏽♀️
As young kids, my mother trained us to pick up our toys and clean our rooms (before we were allowed to take our daily nap). As we got older, our responsibilities increased to include things like starting dinner and doing laundry.
My husband and I share household things like cooking and kitchen clean up. If I cook, he cleans the kitchen. The chores are not split equally but I don’t feel like Hazel the maid either.
Asking for help and training your children to help around the house is important for you to maintain a semblance of sanity and order. Whether you work outside of your home, or work from home, doing ‘everything’ does not help you manage your household workload or your peace of mind.
Teaching your children the value of taking responsibility for household chores builds character. It also helps you busy mom (or dad) to do those activities that are uniquely yours to do to insure that the household runs properly.
If you grew up in a house where your mom or dad did not require anything from you except to go to school and get good grades, then this is an opportunity to get outside of your parent comfort zone and build a new skill. It takes three things from you:
1. Decide what chores you want your child(ren) to do
2. Have a family meeting to discuss what your expectation is and when the chores will begin as well as the consequences of what will happen if the chores are not done
3. Be flexible as you establish these new routines. Rome wasn’t built in a day, nor will your tweens and teens easily accept a new set of responsibilities without some grumbling. Stay consistent with your expectations of them and stay sane!
For more tips like these, look for my weekly blog. Click here to download my Moms Can Have It All worksheet.
Best wishes,
C. Lynn Williams – #MsParentguru
The Good..The Bad..The Ugly
Even though my kids are adults, I’m still an involved mom because I talk with one or all of them daily about the good, the bad, and the ugly in their lives. It’s sort of like being on call. I find that I constantly manage my life and work (marriage too) around theirs. Moms who are reading this know what I’m talking about if this happens to you: You have a perfect plan to complete the chapter for your next book and receive a call from your daughter who needs to talk. Do you tell her – “I’m sorry I have a deadline for this chapter and I’ll have to talk with you later”? Or, do you put on your mother hat, and listen to her talk out the 20th problem that is ruining her life?
Whatever you decide, stress sets in when you allow too many of your children’s problems and concerns to hijack your day, week, or month. It’s difficult to say no to our kids, because we are so used to doing for them. However, since they are used to being cared for by us, it can become a challenge letting them grow into the wonderful, self-sufficient adults that we know they can be. Statistics show that 25% of parents are using their retirement to pay rent or groceries for their millennial children (21 years or older).
For Superwomen like me, here are some ideas on how to achieve less stress when it comes to your children:
- Take a moment to think about your answer and what you are committing to before you commit. For example if your son asks you to pay his car insurance (“Just for this month Mom”). Think about what it does to your budget. If you can afford it. What lessons does it teach him?
- Listen without advising the next time your daughter asks you what should she do about the guy that she’s been dating for five years. (You’re not crazy about him anyway, so keeping your opinions to yourself will be very challenging.)
- Let the call go to voicemail when your child calls you for the 5th time today because she can’t figure something out. I know this is really a tough one because who else will talk her through if not you. Give her some time to build her mental muscle (she is a superwoman in the making) and call her later. You will be surprised to see how she worked out her problem and matured a little more in the process.
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons or Fathers and Daughters.
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C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
Every Adult Is Not Parent Material
When I read or listen to the news about parents abusing or killing their children, my heart breaks and I know they must not have had someone that they could reach out to and ask 
for help. Last night I read about a woman who was insanely jealous and suffocated one of her children because she thought her boyfriend was cheating on her. Other stories talk about how women didn’t feel they had anything to live for and decided to take their own life and the lives of their children.
I realize that children come into our lives in different ways. Some people have kids very early in life (or late in life) and love them as the spiritual gifts they are. Other people have them “accidentally” and treat them as objects or hindrances and never really “get it“, that the child in their life is truly a gift from God and here to teach us specific lessons.
While I was a twenty-something, I didn’t want kids. I wanted to climb the corporate ladder and go as high as I could without the responsibility of raising children. Plus growing up I had had many jobs babysitting kids (as well as watching my own brother & sister), so no thank you was my answer to having kids! After much thought and five years of marriage, I decided, I had room in my heart for a child. While that was my decision, I realize not everybody gets to decide or puts that kind of thought into having their children; I just wish they would.
Raising kids is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done! Kids take your Time, your Patience, your Energy and all of your Money! However I would do it again without a second thought. Were there times that I wanted to give them back to the Creator? Yes – probably so! But that’s the time that you reach out to someone close to you; someone who is saner than you and you say “Help! I need some time to myself“.
If we’re honest, we know some of those women before they’ve reached the breaking point. If you’re like me, you feel their “strangeness” when they come around you. Follow your intuition next time. When you feel that one of your women-friends or family members is a little too quiet or withdrawn, reach out to her and offer her your time and attention. Take her children for the day, so she can take some time for herself. You’ll have to do it without judging her because life has a way of coming back around to each of us. Today it may be your turn to help a woman out, and tomorrow, that woman may be in a position to help you. You never know. I call it KARMA.
For my prayer warriors, here is my prayer: “Father, today we pray for those facing desperate and lonely times. We pray especially for poor and defenseless children everywhere. Help us meet their needs as we are able.” Daily Bread 12/21/2016
Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays!
C. Lynn Williams
@MsParentguru
www.clynnwilliams.com
If You Are A Too Busy Working Mom…
Have you ever felt completely at your wits end because you had a project due at work or in your business, and your 
daughter needed you? I’ve been there and remember how difficult it was to make the choice to spend time with her. Yes I chose my daughter. Because there will ALWAYS be a project, a meeting, an event to attend.
Here’s the million dollar question! What’s the consequence if you don’t spend time when she needs (wants) you? Will she want to talk a week, month or year later? Will what was so important to her to share with you today, matter in six months (when you have more time)?
Go to my YouTube channel: MsParentGuru and check out my YouTube video blog: Click Here
If you are struggling to have meaningful conversations with your daughter and want help, let’s have a conversation about your next steps. Here’s a link to reach me. While you’re deciding if you really want to talk about that mother-daughter relationship, pick up a copy of my book, Raising Your Daughter.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentGuru
Connect with my parent community: www.clynnwilliams.com
Motivated Mompreneurs – Parent Goodies #4
Check out my YouTube video on balancing family, business, and having time for yourself too! This is for successful entrepreneurial mothers like you and me…
Parent Goodies – Motivated Mompreneurs
Ms. Parent Guru
www.clynnwilliams.com
Are You Asking Me to Parent You Too?
If you are part of the sandwich generation, this article is for you… 
The sandwich generation is a generation of people who care their aging parents while supporting their own children. Sound familiar? This phrase fits me too and I didn’t realize it until my dad casually told me (during one of our conversations) that he had gotten lost coming home from one of his daily errand runs.
“What do you mean you got lost?” I asked. “Well there’s a lot of construction going on in the area I was driving in, and I didn’t recognize where I was.” Now my mind is on fast-forward and I’m wondering what kind of changes will I need to make to insure his safety? Is he starting to experience early onset of Alzheimer’s? All of these thoughts are running through my mind. “So, how did you make it home?” I asked. “I stopped at Target; told them where I live and got directions home. I also bought a new juicer.” OMG!
You can only imagine all of the things that were running through my mind! Want to know my biggest concern? How would I start to guide and instruct my dad in ways that would allow him to maintain his daily routine and manage the times when he gets confused? By the way, my dad is 83 years old, lives 900+miles away from my sister and me, and doesn’t own a cell phone. And he is not accustomed to being told what to do by his daughter, and it feels awkward parenting him too. So I walk a fine line between parenting him as I would my own children, and treating him with the dignity and respect that I’ve always given him as my parent. 
I reached out to Alzheimers.org to research dementia, Alzheimer’s disease and how to prepare for changes in my daddy-daughter relationship. Click here for 10 Early Signs and Symptoms of Alzheimer’s.
Interested in learning more about generational parenting? Contact Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about her inspiring parenting programs for aging parents, Mothers and Daughters or Mothers and Sons. Email her at: info@clynnwilliams.com
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Generational Development Strategist
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
Desperate for Love…
Some of us marry to close that gaping hole. Others of us have sex early in our lives; maybe we have children (earlier than we are ready) that we hope will love us and fill that void. 
What we find is that NOTHING fills that void like a relationship with God. But as little girls, before we know God, we know our parents. As I watch programs like Being Mary Jane… or any reality show that deals with society’s view of relationships, I want you to know is that, the very first love that a young girl knows is with her father. She determines that by how much he provides emotional support and is present in her life. The second but equally important relationship is her relationship with her mother. Here she learns what is acceptable and what isn’t. Programs like Empire or Scandal may be entertaining, but the situations are fake. We have to teach our daughters that those are actors, who are paid to act a certain way. Teach them not to idolize the lifestyle shown in these programs; this is not real life.
If we want daughters that grow up without gaping holes, we must tell them w
e love them. We must show them we love them by making time for them and being patient as they grow and mature. We have to use words that heal instead of those that tear down. She is not a little b*&^%! If we want them to respect themselves, we (women) have to upgrade our standards for ourselves by walking away from dysfunctional relationships. Not every man is the one for you. If he is married, leave him alone. Take time to take care of you. Let’s focus on taking care of our bodies, mind and spirit too.
Let’s move away from desperate, damaged and defeated to caring, courageous, and CONFIDENT!
Interested in learning more about parenting, self-care & self-love? Contact Ms. Parent Guru (by email) to register for her parent mentoring program for Mothers and Daughters. Email her at: info@clynnwilliams.com
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Generational Development Strategist
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
How to be a Committed 2015 Parent
As 2014 draws to a close, thank you for supporting me and reading my Staying Sane blog. 2014 was a tough year for parents. The news constantly reported assaults (or murders) on our kids whether from strangers, peers or adults. It’s enough to make you want to move to an uninhabited island until your child becomes an adult. However, we know that’s not going to happen! The best we can do is enjoy the time we have with our young people, and be awesome role models. As a parent, my goal in 2015 is to be a better listener and example setter. What are your parent goals for 2015?
Love between dads & daughters
It’s easy to be the type of parent that says “Do What I Say” instead of being the type of role model that you want your son or daughter to follow. God holds us accountable to be the best parents we can be. Fatherless or motherless kids are forced to raise themselves and we have seen the devastation that a kid trying to raise himself/herself brings.
Are you committed to being the best parent you can possibly be? Our kids spell L-O-V-E with T-I-M-E. Make 2015 special with the time, love and commitment that you share with your son or daughter. Dads talk to that pre-teen daughter about a pledge to wait before having sex. Moms help your son become the best man he can become by holding him accountable to complete tasks and responsibilities when you assign them.
Is parenting easy? Not at all, however you can do this. And I can help! Become a part of my new parent membership program called Parent Sense. Click here to give me your contact information so that I can notify you with more details.
Happy New Parenting Year!
Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens 
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