Posts filed under ‘twentysomething’

Which One Are You Today?

It’s funny when your kids are small, you don’t ever want them to grow up. They are so innocent and precious and they listen to our every word. Then the day comes when they start saying things like “I’m grown, I can make my own decisions.” And you realize they are growing up and maybe you should let them (make their decisions). 

Then they change back into a non-adult! They say things like:

  • Can you pay for my phone?
  • Will you complete my FAFSA?
  • Do you have money for me to get my nails done?
  • Can you pay my car insurance?
  • Will you pay my rent?

Wait a minute!

  • I thought you were an adult?
  • Isn’t that what you told me you were?
  • What happened to “I can do this? Please stop telling me what to do!?”

This is the brain of our teenage or twenty-something kid. The problem is that they really don’t want a lessons learned talk, they kinda want to figure it out, but don’t mind asking for your money and support.

My feeling is that when your kid says, “I can do it”, it’s important to let him or her do it. I believe today’s parents don’t want their children to make the mistakes that they made. It sounds good, but isn’t realistic. Growing up means you make mistakes. I made them? You did too. It’s okay. 

Young people today don’t mind making mistakes. They don’t want to be nagged or guilt tripped, but they also want to be rescued when they’ve made a mistake. It’s doesn’t work both ways! Some lessons can only be learned through experience. A daughter who has a child without the security of marriage (against the advice of her parents), takes a risk that she will raise her child alone. A son who wants to play pro ball and decides not to go to college, takes a risk of having an injury (that keeps him from playing) and working the rest of his life as a laborer.

It’s hard watching our children make mistakes especially ones that can follow them for life. It’s harder when they tell you to butt out – let them live their life. Those are hard lessons for us as parents. However, just like our parents had to let us go and grow… we have to do the same thing. A little lesson learning never hurt anybody! Happy 2019!

Are you saying Yes when you really mean No? Click here to Join my FREE Facebook Group – Balanced Moms Club to join with other moms to receive tips about time management, organization and basic meal planning.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

January 4, 2019 at 10:14 pm 2 comments

Are We Properly Preparing Our Daughters?

One of the things that I was most proud of as a mom, was how I prepared my biological daughter for what challenges life had for her.

Often our conversations were predicated on what was going on in my life like divorce, disappointment, dating, career changes, etc. 

Other people’s life experiences were fair game too because they were teachable moments that I could use to explain why life operated as it did.

So I thought I did a pretty GOOD job … until we had our latest conversation and she told me that mothers don’t really prepare their daughters for life as a mom; as a working mom or as a married working mom.

She felt we’re not honest about the job description. Somehow the picture that we paint is idealistic and not representative of what it takes to be married, work and raise children.

In actuality, you marry the man of your dreams (hopefully), you have a baby or several babies, and you work outside of the home. When you get home from work, you take care of your family. In the taking care of your family you seldom have time for yourself. And depending on your husband’s culture and upbringing, he may or may not support you in the raising of the children and helping with the household chores.

That sucks, because there is such a difference between the American dream for women and what many young women experience as wives and mothers. We tell our daughters to get a good education, find a good job, get married and have children. And live happily ever after.

It’s more realistic for us as mothers, to share realistic experiences with our daughters throughout their adolescence and teen years, so that they can decide what they want out of life. And they understand the trade-offs that are required depending on which path they take.

For women who decide to take the career path and not have children, mothers need to share what that may feel like as the daughter gets older. Having the conversation may help minimize the regret of not having become a mother.

On the other hand, for daughters who want a career and also a family; explain how exhausted they can be during the first 5 years of their child’s life because of sleep deprivation and adjustments to new family routines. They may have a supportive spouse and they may not. Give them guilt-free permission to hire a nanny or a housekeeper to help with the house and children.

I mean if we are not honest with our daughters, who will be?

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

August 13, 2018 at 12:10 pm Leave a comment

The Good..The Bad..The Ugly

Even though my kids are adults, I’m still an involved mom because I talk with one or all of them daily about the good, the bad, and the ugly in their lives. It’s sort of like being on call. I find that I constantly manage my life and work (marriage too) around theirs. Moms who are reading this know what I’m talking about if this happens to you: You have a perfect plan to complete the chapter for your next book and receive a call from your daughter who needs to talk. Do you tell her – “I’m sorry I have a deadline for this chapter and I’ll have to talk with you later”? Or, do you put on your mother hat, and listen to her talk out the 20th problem that is ruining her life?

Whatever you decide, stress sets in when you allow too many of your children’s problems and concerns to hijack your day, week, or month. It’s difficult to say no to our kids, because we are so used to doing for them. However, since they are used to being cared for by us, it can become a challenge letting them grow into the wonderful, self-sufficient adults that we know they can be. Statistics show that 25% of parents are using their retirement to pay rent or groceries for their millennial children (21 years or older).communicating-with-adult-children-1c7xd8i

For Superwomen like me, here are some ideas on how to achieve less stress when it comes to your children:

  1. Take a moment to think about your answer and what you are committing to before you commit. For example if your son asks you to pay his car insurance (“Just for this month Mom”). Think about what it does to your budget. If you can afford it. What lessons does it teach him?
  2. Listen without advising the next time your daughter asks you what should she do about the guy that she’s been dating for five years. (You’re not crazy about him anyway, so keeping your opinions to yourself will be very challenging.)
  3. Let the call go to voicemail when your child calls you for the 5th time today because she can’t figure something out. I know this is really a tough one because who else will talk her through if not you. Give her some time to build her mental muscle (she is a superwoman in the making) and call her later. You will be surprised to see how she worked out her problem and matured a little more in the process.

 

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons or Fathers and Daughters.

Click Here to receive my newsletter and notices of my future events.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

January 13, 2017 at 9:16 pm Leave a comment

Every Adult Is Not Parent Material

When I read or listen to the news about parents abusing or killing their children, my heart breaks and I know they must not have had someone that they could reach out to and ask child-abusefor help. Last night I read about a woman who was insanely jealous and suffocated one of her children because she thought her boyfriend was cheating on her.  Other stories talk about how women didn’t feel they had anything to live for and decided to take their own life and the lives of their children.

I realize that children come into our lives in different ways. Some people have kids very early in life (or late in life) and love them as the spiritual gifts they are. Other people have them “accidentally” and treat them as objects or hindrances and never really “get it“, that the child in their life is truly a gift from God and here to teach us specific lessons.spiritual-gifts

While I was a twenty-something, I didn’t want kids. I wanted to climb the corporate ladder and go as high as I could without the responsibility of raising children. Plus growing up I had had many jobs babysitting kids (as well as watching my own brother & sister), so no thank you was my answer to having kids! After much thought and five years of marriage, I decided, I had room in my heart for a child. While that was my decision, I realize not everybody gets to decide or puts that kind of thought into having their children; I just wish they would.

Raising kids is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done! Kids take your Time, your Patience, your Energy and all of your Money! However I would do it again without a second thought. Were there times that I wanted to give them back to the Creator? Yes – probably so! But that’s the time that you reach out to someone close to you; someone who is saner than you and you say “Help! I need some time to myself“.

If we’re honest, we know some of those women before they’ve reached the breaking point. If you’re like me, you feel their “strangeness” when they come around you. Follow your intuition next time. When you feel that one of your women-friends  or family members is a little too quiet or withdrawn, reach out to her and offer her your time and attention. Take her children for the day, so she can take some time for herself. You’ll have to do it without judging her because life has a way of coming back around to each of us. Today it may be your turn to help a woman out, and tomorrow, that woman may be in a position to help you. You never know. I call it KARMA.

For my prayer warriors, here is my prayer: “Father, today we pray for those facing desperate and lonely times. We pray especially for poor and defenseless children everywhere. Help us meet their needs as we are able.” Daily Bread 12/21/2016

Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays!

C. Lynn Williams
@MsParentguru
www.clynnwilliams.com

December 22, 2016 at 1:04 pm Leave a comment

3 Habits for Healthy Families

happy-thanksgiving

During this Thanksgiving holiday, we will share many things with our families: holiday traditions, good-night hugs and good times. I truly love family customs and traditions, hugs (not just at night) and the good times we share as our family gathers together.

In addition to these things, check your ‘list’ to see if you are including these healthy habits as well. I’m including three of my favorite ones here:

  • Make mealtime family time – This matters because shared meals help families catch up and connect. Studies show that kids who regularly eat with their families have healthier eating habits than those who don’t.
  • Volunteer together – This is important because helping others lifts our spirits and improves our overall sense of well-being. It also teaches our children that they can make a difference, which can help boost their self-confidence and make them feel good about themselves.
  • Handle anger in a healthy way – When we lash out it strains relationships within and outside our family. “Kids tend to express anger by lashing out at parents and teachers, and their anger may isolate them from their peers.”[1] In adults, angry outbursts can raise the risks of heart attack and stroke.

           Thank you Rush University Medical Center for these healthy tips for our families!

As you welcome your college students back home and see family members you haven’t seen in a while, take time to relax and enjoy them. Even Aunt Josephine who manages to say something completely crazy to everyone she sees, still needs a hug. 

Time Saving Tip: Sparkl Now – The Car Wash Service That Comes to You!

Are you tired of riding around in a dirty, cheerio-ridden car?

I was just like you!  As a mom of busy and messy boys, I found myself living most of my day in the car—shuttling to/from school, practices and play dates.  My kids often had to eat meals in the car in order to get to where we needed to be on time.

This is what inspired me to launch Sparkl – an eco-friendly, waterless car wash that comes to YOU.  All you have to do is download our app, register, and schedule a date and time.  We do the rest.   Our products are bio-degradable and our waterless solution is safe enough to use on any car.  All of our washers are background checked and trained to provide a quality car wash anytime anywhere.  We will come to your home, office, parking garage, or just the street.  It’s that simple…and convenient.  No more dirty car… and no more waiting in line at the car wash!  Now your car can get cleaned without wasting your precious time…or our environment’s precious resources. To learn more about Sparkl, please check out our website:  www.sparklnow.com.

C. Lynn Williams’ Upcoming Events:

Dating With The Right Tools webinar Dec 6thPart 2 of Romance Series
Kick the Chaos workshop Dec 9thkickthechaos.eventbrite.com

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons or Fathers and Daughters.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Coach & Author
www.clynnwilliams.com

[1] Adrienne Adams, MD, MS – Rush University Medical Center

November 23, 2016 at 1:25 pm Leave a comment

If You Are A Too Busy Working Mom…

Have you ever felt completely at your wits end because you had a project due at work or in your business, and your img_9908daughter needed you? I’ve been there and remember how difficult it was to make the choice to spend time with her. Yes I chose my daughter. Because there will ALWAYS be a project, a meeting, an event to attend.

Here’s the million dollar question! What’s the consequence if you don’t spend time when she needs (wants) you? Will she want to talk a week, month or year later? Will what was so important to her to share with you today, matter in six months (when you have more time)?

Go to my YouTube channel: MsParentGuru and check out my YouTube video blog: Click Here

If you are struggling to have meaningful conversations with your daughter and want help, let’s have a conversation about your next steps. Here’s a link to reach me. While you’re deciding if you really want to talk about that mother-daughter relationship, pick up a copy of my book, Raising Your Daughter.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentGuru

Connect with my parent community: www.clynnwilliams.com

November 10, 2016 at 1:32 pm Leave a comment

Teaching Millennial Young Women…OMG

young-women

I have been absent from this blog for the last month. Hard to believe, but it’s true and I apologize to those of you who look forward to my weekly posts. I have a good excuse though; I’ve been teaching a group of young ladies that have given me a run for my money. Call them young female millennials.

These young women are outspoken, opinionated, oppositional and hard to love. Many of them have dysfunctional relationships with their mothers – they have said “I hate my mom”, don’t respond well to rules and have very short attention spans.

I took it personally at first and couldn’t understand why I was dealing with this type of student. Then I realized that many of you have these young girls or women in your home. These are your daughters and they are not easy to parent or get close to. There are many reasons explaining why our daughters appear distant from us.  It could be the fast pace of social media; how women and girls are portrayed in the media, or the inattention that they receive at home from us their mothers and fathers when we’re busy.

I know we have to change our mindset in order to reach this generation. They love technology. That means we can’t hate technology and expect to stay in touch with our girls. Whether it’s through texting, emailing, Face-timing or Facebook messages, talk to your girls and let them know you love them and are there for them.
millennial women 2
While the attitudes of these students were enough to make me think about retiring early; I realized that I was being given an opportunity to do what I love to do – get close and share my love with this millennial generation – your daughters. There are all kinds of things going on in their young lives. Some good; some not so good. They just need to know that someone really cares and is listening. No matter what type of outward attitude they give off.

Keep the lines of communication open Moms…your daughters really are listening.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for millennial daughters, aging parents, or mothers and sons.

Email me at: info@clynnwilliams.com

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Author, Coach & Family Dynamics Specialist

www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
NEW: Yours & Mine: A Winning Blended Family Formula (220 Publishing, 2015)

 

November 2, 2015 at 10:10 pm Leave a comment

Older Posts


Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 18,151 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 10,406 hits

Contact Info

(224) 357-6315
Online: 8 am - 8 pm

Follow me on Twitter


MyReporterIAD

Music and inspiration to aspire you to declare the best YOU.

tembceducation

"From Crayon to Career" Resources to provide sustainabilty to your educational practices and training

WILDsound Festival

Weekly Film Festival in Toronto & Los Angeles. Weekly screenplay & story readings performed by professional actors.

You can't argue with crazy

Migraines suck, and other tidbits of my life!