Being Friends With Our Kids
I remember one of my mother’s favorite phrases when I was growing up – “I am not here to be friends with you.”
I never wanted to be friends with her, I just wanted her to stop being so mean…
And then I had my own children…
What I found, was as my children became tweens and teens, I wanted to be friends with them. I wanted to laugh and enjoy them because they were growing into people that I loved and respected.
What I found out that was, being friends with my kids compromised me being their boundary setter, the consequence handler, the Mom that they could count on when they needed somebody to talk with them honestly; when they need the adult-in-charge to take over!
I found it difficult to be both friend and adult parent. So I too repeated my mom’s words: “I’m not here to be your friend, but you can count on me anytime and all the time.”
What I learned from my kids, is that when I gave them boundaries they felt safe, and I often heard them repeating the house rules to their friends. I liked that! Being the adult in charge is important because your kids don’t have to worry about who you are today. They know you are the person they can rely on when life is crashing and burning around them. 🔥 They won’t have to worry if you allow them to drink or smoke illegal substances (because you’re their friend) one day and other days it’s not tolerated. The lines are not blurred.
The friendship between the two of you will definitely come, probably when you’re both adults and they are making their own decisions. By then, sharing an alcoholic beverage is both legal and tolerated.
I help parents build the kind of communication and trust that allows relationships to grow and feel better. Call me to schedule a complimentary chat session or to book a seat in my coaching program.😘
Thanks for reading my blog. Follow me on Instagram and Twitter @MsParentguru.
C. Lynn Williams
clynnwilliams.com
What Mother’s Day Means to Me
As we approach Mother’s Day, I’m reminded of a question that I asked my Mom years ago as my sister and I were planning a Mother’s Day celebration for her. I wanted to know why she waited to confirm our activities (with her) until she had spoken with my grandmother – her mother. She told me as long as her mother was alive, she would celebrate Mother’s Day with her. My mom is no longer with me, and as a mom and grandmother, I now understand the “order of things“.
Here are 5 lessons that I learned from my mom:
- Be nice to people (you never now what they’re going through)
- Slow down and look at yourself in the mirror (you’re moving too fast)
- Have FUN
- When things are going awry (crazy), declare Divine Order
- Keep a credit card or mad money handy in case you need it
Those tips helped me through the sanest and the craziest times of my life. My mom was very practical! My mother wasn’t the affectionate type who constantly told me how much she loved me. That was okay, because she showed me how much I meant to her – that mattered.
Celebrate the love you have for mother figures in your life. I realize that some of us didn’t have the love relationship with our mothers. If so, I hope you had someone that nurtured you in loving ways. If you haven’t spoken in a while, pick up the phone and say hi. Mend the fence. Let go of those painful memories and make some new ones. Think of the other women who made life complete for you – grandmothers, aunties, your best friend’s mom and everyone else who held the space that mothers hold. Enjoy your weekend.
Life is too short to sweat the small stuff!
Happy Mother’s Day
C. Lynn Williams, @MsParentguru
How Are You Processing Change?
Usually for Lent, I give up something tangible like sweets 🍫 or carbs. It’s not easy, but I figure that it’s my sacrifice as I prepare for Easter.
With a year of sheltering in place, I decided I had had enough of tangible sacrifice and would look inside myself to see what needed changing. Unity Village puts out a wonderful spiritual practice for Lent guide every year, and the one they created in 2019 is what I have to read during this Lenten season.
“I fast from anger.”
“Sometimes the events of my life leave me disappointed, frustrated or irritated…” Unity School of Christianity
Today’s message seemed so appropriate with all that we have experienced over the last year: Covid-19, police brutality and social and civil unrest.
It seems like somebody opened Pandora’s box 📦 and there are a lot of unexpected “feelings” rising up in us like anger, resentment, disconnectedness and who knows what else. 🤯
Fasting from anger…
It’s not easy especially when you think about how contagious a n g e r is. Anger seems to travel like the coronavirus, undetected but deadly. Letting go of anger, disappointment, frustration, resentment, fault finding and their friends, takes commitment and practice. It could easily take 40 days to build a habit of letting go of anger.
You have a choice. Embrace peace and harmony. Make it an affirmation that you say over and over: I let go of anger and resentment. I embrace peace and harmony.
It may feel strange and fake. Keep saying it until it’s your own.
Be the drop of water 💦 that starts the change.
If you’re a father or stepdad, join me (and bring your daughter) for a Zoom discussion about relationships on Saturday, March 20th 10 am CDT. The Zoom link to join: http://bit.ly/3eViH63
C. Lynn Williams, @MsParentguru
How We Teach World Peace Matters
Let’s practice world peace for our children.
The Resilience of Youth
When my oldest daughter was five years old, we took a plane ride to California. The ride was V E R Y turbulent, and it was all I could do to keep calm and not run up and down the aisle screaming! To her, we were on a roller-coaster and it was fun!
Here we are many years later, dealing with a pandemic, the coronavirus, vaccines, work-from-home, remote learning, etc.
I find it hard to stay calm and positive.
But to our children: toddlers, a young child, your middle-school aged child; this is another moment in their life. A new adventure!
How you see the world, is how they see it.
Read further about what a group of UC Berkeley students is offering:
Looking to make friends and explore your interests during quarantine? Connect-In-Place is a FREE virtual program, launched by college students at UC Berkeley. We offer classes on everything from Intro to Programming to Bollywood Dance, as well as support groups and tutoring groups, all led by college students from top universities. So far we’ve served 3,300+ middle and high schoolers in our small, friendship-building classes. If you need some extra help, or just want to get excited about learning again, Connect-In-Place is the right community for you.
Session 5 (Feb 22 – March 20) sign-ups are open now and close Friday, February 19th at noon PT!
Register for Session 5:
tinyurl.com/cips5-middleschool
tinyurl.com/cips5-highschool
Stay safe and have fun!
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
Educational Staycation Ideas for Homeschooling Families
Guest blog by Jenna Sherman, parent-leaders.com
With travel off the table for many families this year, it’s a good idea to come up with fun alternatives that can help break up the monotony of self-isolating and homeschooling. Use this guide for ideas on how to take an educational staycation, whether it’s doing science experiments in your backyard or getting a new challenging video game for your kids. If you need some support or help coming up with ideas, read C. Lynn Williams’ blog.
How to staycation
If your kids have been homeschooling for most of this year, it’s getting a bit old by now. Between video lessons and Zoom chats with their teachers, it’s likely they’re missing the social parts of going to school, not to mention recess. To help break up the monotony of homeschooling, it’s a great idea to come up with educational staycation options.
When you’re considering educational activities, think about subjects that genuinely interest your child. For kids who love science, help them come up with a science experiment they can do in the backyard. One fun option is building a rocket out of an old film canister, baking soda, and vinegar.
Or if your kid loves biology and the natural world, visit a forest or a park near your house and identify as many plant and animal species as possible. Encourage your child to start a journal to keep track, and visit every couple of weeks to add new species to the journal. Take a camera to record each species, and print off the photos so they can add them to their journal.
For kids who are interested in the culinary world, it’s a great idea to come up with some fun cooking or baking projects. Have them pick out their favorite meal or dessert, and hand over the recipe so they can be head chef. Help them where needed, but let them take the lead if they’re ready. Not only will you help them explore a new hobby, but you’ll also have some (hopefully) tasty meals or treats to enjoy as a bonus.
Extra-curriculars at home
One great option for kids who are into gaming is finding some educational and challenging video games. If your kid needs a break from their geography book, they might have more fun playing a game like Where on Google Earth is Carmen Sandiego? The game will help them learn the capitals of countries around the world and will help them learn to use the Google Earth tool. It’s free to play, and there are three different versions to keep your kids interested.
To help your child learn to solve problems, the Nancy Drew interactive mysteries series will keep your kid entertained for hours. The games are spinoffs of the original Nancy Drew book series that dates all the way back to the 1930s. There are 33 games in total, and they can be played on PCs, mobile phones, and some gaming consoles.
While video games often get a bad reputation for being addictive, there are actually many benefits. Not only do kids learn hand-eye coordination, but games also help promote cognitive skills such as problem-solving. And for kids interested in computers, gaming can help open up a learning opportunity in computer science.
Gaming can be great fun but is often frustrating if you don’t have an internet connection that can handle the workload. Be sure to boost your internet speeds if you want your kids to game at home, especially if other members of the household need the internet for work or school.
Homeschooling can be highly monotonous for kids, so coming up with fun staycation ideas will help keep them engaged. Educational staycation projects such as backyard science experiments and cooking or baking are great alternatives to lesson plans while still helping your kids learn. And if they need a break from the school grind, educational video games will be entertaining and beneficial for your young learners.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
Essential Self-Care Tips for Exhausted Working Parents
Life as a working parent can be exhausting.
Continue Reading December 22, 2020 at 7:28 am Leave a comment
Holiday Sanity and Self-Care
How well are you managing yourself during this pandemic as the holiday festivities begin? Unless you begin preparing for Thanksgiving and Christmas during the summer, the flurry of emails, texts, and ads to buy have bombarded us since Halloween. Frankly, that can be stressful, especially with everything else you have on your plate.
Which one of these is you?
“I’m prepared for the holidays, but…”
Maybe you are attending one Zoom meeting after another and aren’t eating healthy foods or staying hydrated. Or perhaps you could benefit from an adequate morning routine of exercise, prayer, meditation, and breakfast. Maybe you’re the last one in bed at night, because “chores won’t take care of themselves”; and you also get up (in the middle of the night) when the baby needs feeding, or your 3-year-old has nightmares.
Face it – you are taking care of everyone else: your family, your co-workers, your clients! But are you practicing a little compassionate self-care? Where is the balance that you need to be sane, healthy and happy? According to hrzone.com, home and work-life balance refers to the level of prioritization between one’s personal and professional activities and the level to which activities related to their job are present in the home. COVID-19 isn’t helping because we are quarantined and asked to stay inside – to stay safe.
“I am constantly tired and slightly depressed…”
It’s quite possible that you are completely disenchanted with COVID-19 and have decided that you won’t catch the “virus”. So, you take unnecessary risks like not wearing your face mask.
If any of this is happening to you, you are not crazy.
There are two things happening here. One, you may be experiencing home and work-life imbalance. And two, you could be experiencing what Candace Hamell, LCSW calls “pandemic fatigue”. “Pandemic fatigue” can occur when people get tired of the pandemic measures and become less likely to follow public health practices or simply begin to drown out those messages. Pandemic fatigue can be experienced differently for everyone but often presents itself as:
- Feeling restless
- Irritable
- Lacking motivation
- Difficulty concentrating on tasks
You may even notice yourself withdrawing from socializing with others or physical symptoms such as changes in eating and sleep habits.[1]
Ms. Hamell is working with the American Heart Association this holiday season, to provide wellness tips to combat holiday stress and make your soul happy. Here are her wellness tips:
- Manage stress – incorporate meditation and mindfulness practices into your day to distance yourself from daily stress.
- Eat a healthy, well-balanced diet – avoid overeating or using substances such as alcohol to cope.
- Stay physically active – this is one of the best ways to keep your body and mind healthy during this season and improve your quality of life.
- Practice gratitude – write down five things that you are grateful for each day. This is a powerful tool that can reduce levels of depression, anxiety and improve sleep.
Make some boss moves and follow these tips to feel better and improve your quality of life!
Follow Ms. Hamell at candaceawilliams.com.
[1] https://www.chroniclejournal.com/life/beating-quarantine-fatigue-through-nature/article
Care Enough To Join Me
We had an event in my community yesterday and it had been a culmination of twice weekly activities over a six week period, that included young people from elementary through high school as well as adults.
We had a pretty decent turnout, with most parents attending with their child. The odd thing was that the parents of one of our teens did not attend. She said they were home cleaning house 🧼 🧽. I was really bummed out, for her. She had had some rough times during our weekly meetings with family issues but during the entire time, we never met her parents. 👁👁
It took me back to the days when my children were younger. We tried to attend everything they were involved in. Of course that wasn’t possible, but we tried. And maybe this was true for my teen’s parents. Maybe they attend every other event and just couldn’t with this one. Watching her during our project meetings I got a different impression. To me she felt lonely and alone.
So this is what I want to say to her parents: It is important to show up in your kid’s life as often as you can. Doesn’t matter if they are 5, 15 or 25 years old. Our kids love our support! Yes it’s easy to show up for the large events like graduations and milestone birthdays. But sometimes we have to be parents no matter how busy our days are and be available! That means we play games with our kids, we go for walks (yea put down the headphones, game controllers and phones) 😁
As the parental unit (one of my daughter’s favorite phrases), our kids won’t remember that we were trying to make a living and had to put food on the table that’s not the first thing that they will remember about us. What they may remember is that we sat on the stairs and talked with them about what the 2020 election means; they’ll remember that we drove to the lakefront and watched the sunset; that we talked into the night about good and bad decisions, that we watch their favorite Disney movie 10 times… in a row. They will remember playing Monopoly with you and how many properties you bought!
Your child will remember the times you spent doing stuff together!
I feel bad because my teen friend looks and feels lonely. It doesn’t feel like she has a good support system and I hope she has a stronger one in the future.
Oh and parents… try to be more mindful of the time your child really needs with you.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Has Human Companionship Disappeared
Human companionship isn’t working well these days is it?
It’s gotta be the pandemic’s fault!
Maybe it’s all of the togetherness that we are experiencing as a result of sheltering in place. Snuggling up, spooning, boo’ed up is not as much fun, when you’re in the house 24/7 and so is your sweetie (with you). Basically you start to get tired… of each other.
There I said it!
Now, clearly I’m talking to just a few of you… the honest ones. I know it’s not the end of the world, but it’s scary because you’re admitting that the one person that you pledged to be with FOREVER… isn’t enough to keep you going during this pandemic crisis. And for my single friends, it’s really scary, because how do you date (responsibly) during a viral scare when you have no idea where that delightful person who looks great online, has been.
I had a long talk with God yesterday and decided (remembered), that our mates, spouses, boyfriends/girlfriends, partners are human companions. They are not designed to please us indefinitely. Matter of fact, they are probably wondering why they feel so… blah (with you)? I’m not saying that the thrill is gone, nor am I saying it’s time to look for a new mate. It’s just that we are on a journey, and part of that journey is physical (relationships) and the rest is spiritual. The spiritual journey helps you build inner resources to realize that a human will never be enough (forever). God is the only forever relationship.
So forgive your partner if he or she wears the same shirt for an entire week. They’re doing the best they can. Same with you. Be real. Make jokes. Have fun. Be thankful for what you have. 
Build up your spiritual relationship with your source. I call my source… God. Take time away from your kids, your partner, your phone, your Zoom calls and get quiet. You will be surprised at how peaceful life really is. And how much better you feel.
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring relationship-building programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters, Fathers and their Sons or Mothers and themselves.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens 
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