Why I Do What I Do
I never really understood what my mother went through with me as a strong-willed daughter until I had my own children. After the childhood I had, I never wanted kids of my own. Kids were worrisome, needy and a pain in the neck! And they were yours forever! No I didn’t want children of my own. However after 3 -4 years into my first marriage, I knew I wanted somebody that looked like me. Sound selfish? Yes I’ll admit it was probably selfish. It didn’t help that my parents and my in-laws were constantly asking – “WHEN ARE YOU HAVING KIDS?”
So my parenting journey began. From the beginning I believed that children were little adults with opinions and thoughts of their own. As idealistic as that sounds, I always wanted to give my kids an opportunity to speak openly and honestly. My parenting ideas were not well-received by my mom and her generation, because children were seen and not heard when she was a child. An out-spoken kid was considered a disrespectful one. As a mom, I was more concerned with raising leaders and critical thinkers, not followers. 
While my parenting journey began in the middle ‘80s, my career as an author began a decade later. A painful divorce and family relocation left me with co-parenting responsibilities as well as the challenge of parenting with adults who had entirely different philosophies of what being a parent meant. I was an old school parent with 21st century parenting ideas. Basically, I believed in eating dinners together, kids that obeyed, and bed times with technology turned off. I also encouraged my kids to talk because I wanted to hear what they were thinking and that they had a right to be heard. It’s hard to run a company or manage a city, if you’ve never been taught to think on your own.
This time of COVID-19 quarantine is a challenging time for many reasons. Men and women are working from home and parenting from home. For some parents, that’s a new skill-set that you are building. Normally you spend 5-6 hours per day with your children. With the quarantine in place, you’re spending 24 hours per day with your children AND you’re trying to work 
from home. How’s that working? Not so bad, if your child is school age and can work on his or her own. You can put together a family plan that gives your child time to complete school work, family time together and mom/dad work time.
If your child is under five years of age, your parenting skills are getting a great workout. Your day is structured to include lots of interactivity with your child, nap time and consistent meal times. I know work is important, because that’s how you support your family. However, if I had to choose between working or spending time with kids, I’d say make the time with your child first. Build memories that your son or daughter will talk about for the rest of their life. Have as much fun and meaningful time as possible. If your job requires daily online meetings, work around that work meetings and do something physical with your children every day.
So why do I do what I do as a parent? I do what I do, because my children are part of the next generation and I care about their success as humans.
Stay safe and healthy!
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
Chickenpox Vs Coronavirus
If you’ve ever had a child with chickenpox, you know how important it is to stay in the house and how miserable your child who has the chickenpox is. Chickenpox is highly contagious. You’re usually feverish and very itchy, and like the coronavirus, you are quarantined to stay inside until you’re healed.
Coronavirus reminds me of the chickenpox, because you feel terrible if you catch it, and it’s contagious! The huge difference is that some people are dying because of the coronavirus, and that’s pretty scary. So stay inside and keep a social distance from everyone… well except your family.
As a parent, I think about all the opportunities that this quarantine is offering me:
- I get to spend more time with my family and my husband (actually as empty-nesters, my husband and I get to spend a lot of time with each other)
- I get to make memories that I’m otherwise too busy to make
- Limited take-out – we eat more often as a family
As an adult, I can:
- Stay up late
- I can binge watch TV programs I never have time to watch
- Read books I have promised I would read, as soon as I get time
You get the idea… These are benefits of this quarantine. If you are an Entrepreneur, you’re still busy trying to figure out how to stay connected with your customers or clients. You may have to change how you do business because you are now forced to communicate with people online, by social media, by phone. I know these are new challenges for me. However as a mom, I stay in touch with my children daily, and I think about how to stay engaged with them, even though we are miles apart. If we were together what board or card game would we be playing or what movie would we watch together? My kids loved board games and we would play Monopoly, Life, Uno or Phase 10. We also enjoyed cooking and eating together and then sitting around the table and talking to each other.
QuaranTeened
For those of you with teens, the biggest challenge is probably for your teenagers who are very social and used to talking to their friends instead of you. They would rather stay in their room and talk on the phone or talk to their friends on Snapchat or Instagram. This quarantine is a great opportunity to open those communication channels between the two of you and start talking. Ask their opinion on the coronavirus quarantine. It might be a little awkward, getting the conversations started. It’s okay, keep talking and finding topics that they will talk about with you.
- Cook together
- Depending where you live, ride bikes together
- Watch movies
- Have fun and enjoy each other.
I believe this time is really designed for us to get closer to the people that we love or at least learn how to love them.
In-House Spouse
Probably the next biggest challenge is how to play nice with your spouse when you are both working from home. It’s easy to forget what attracted you to each other, if you are cooped up, raising kids, working from home or trying to figure out how to pay your bills, because one of you have lost your income due to the quarantine.
The challenge is to do something fun daily together. Bring up wonderful memories from the past. Binge watch programs together. Show interest in something that your spouse or partner is interested in.
Oh, and switch up the chores with your kiddos, so that Mom (or Dad) don’t get burned out. Tweens and teens can cook and clean too!
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
Money Management Advice for Parents
Today’s guest blog is written by Sara Bailey.
As a parent, knowing how to manage your money is essential to creating a solid financial future for your children. It will also help alleviate some of the financial stress that can rub off on your children. Money management requires some key financial planning moves that will ensure that you not only set goals but accomplish them as well.
You Need to Have the Talk
If you and your partner haven’t had a serious talk about money before, then it’s definitely time. According to OppLoans, in order to have meaningful communication about finances, partners need to be open and honest about their financial circumstances. It’s suggested that you get comfortable with discussing general terms before jumping into the actual figures or creating a budget. You’ll want to avoid making it personal but focus on setting goals that you can accomplish together. It might be helpful if you think about some ways that you can start saving money as a family and bring that to the table as well. These money-saving activities may include preparing meals to avoid overspending at the grocery store, using coupons or cutting back on the money spent on your children’s clothes.
Craft a Finely Tuned Budget
The Balance gives a good overview of the things parents need to consider when designing a budget. To start with, you’ll need to determine the family’s income and track your monthly expenses. It’s also important that you devise a plan to manage your debt and increase your savings. You should make sure that you’re filing taxes correctly as this could decrease the tax obligations and free up money for your savings. When designing and maintaining your budget, don’t be afraid to make technology your friend. There are a variety of apps available that can help you track your spending, pay your bills and help you reach your savings goals. Once you’ve saved enough, you can start putting money away for your children’s college tuition or a down payment on a home. It is possible to purchase a home with a minimal down payment, but you will have to pay extra for mortgage insurance.
Start Your Estate Planning
Depending on where you are in life, it may seem odd to start thinking about what should be taken care of in case of your passing. It’s important to remember, though, that things don’t always go according to our timelines. When dealing with estate planning, you’ll need to consult an attorney to develop documents that will dictate who will make medical decisions for you in case you’re incapacitated and who will be your child’s guardian if they are underage when you pass away. You should also create a will and ensure that your beneficiary information for all policies and accounts are up-to-date.
Another key aspect of estate planning is putting life insurance policies in place, which will protect your family financially if something were to happen to you. The right term length of your policy depends on your age and how many people are in your household. You can use an online calculator to determine how much coverage you need and how the cost can fit into your budget.
Maximize Your Benefits
If you work for a company that offers great benefits like childcare facilities and extended parental leave, then great! Even so, you should research other programs that you might be eligible for as a parent. Some of these government programs include Head Start and Early Start programs that are focused on the school readiness of children from birth to age five, as well as the childcare and development fund that provides assistance when parents need to find childcare services in order to go to work or attend school. You should also look into the Child Tax Credit or Child and Dependent Care Credit that would enable you to save on your taxes.
Parenthood can be a bit of a challenge on your finances. However, it’s something you can handle when you take all the steps necessary to have things under control. Start discussing finances with your spouse, then begin to take measures to cut costs and save for what matters most. Follow Sara Bailey at: thewidow.net
Photo courtesy of Pexels
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
What Love Means to Me
When I think of Valentine’s Day, I think of red roses 🌹, candlelit dinners and romance. I remember receiving a huge box of chocolates 🍫 and one of those silver chain link bracelets from my high school boyfriend. Mom made me return the bracelet, and I believe she took the box of chocolates too; telling me I was too young to receive gifts 🎁 from boys!
What do you think of when you hear the words – Happy Valentine’s Day? Do you think of love – the “I’ll be with you forever” kind of love? Or do you think of how much you love ❤️ your kids, your family, friends, neighbors, etc.?
Love changes everything we do. It changes how we feel about each other. It can melt anger and resentment. Love can soften a hardened heart ❤️.
Happy Valentine’s Day. ❤️💞
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
#love #relationship #family #parenting
What Happened to Our Sex Life?
When marriage first starts, you can’t stop touching each other. And then there’s the sex. That is never a problem, until you get into the throes of child-rearing, or money gets tight and while trying to figure that out, you forget about the intimacy.
A few months ago, I had a conversation with one of my daughters who said “Mothers don’t share enough of the challenges of being a wife and mother.” I tried not to get defensive, but as I continue to think about her comment, I think about things I wish my mother shared with me.
When you talk to women who have been married for years, they say things like:
“Cherish your husband.”
“Nurture your marriage”.
“Trust God to bring you through”.
Depending on the stage of life you are in, you experience hot flashes and nobody says – your body goes from 98.7 F to 150.7 in seconds and you feel slightly insane! Does anybody bother to tell you that parts of you dry up and have to be hydrated with over-the-counter products? No, of course not! Nice women don’t tell their business…
One day you wake up and the hot flashes are gone… Yay… But the sex (and possibly the desire for it) has disappeared too! How in the world is that possible? And more importantly, how do women stay married during “such a time as this”?
Interested in learning more about women as mothers? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru. Look for our upcoming Modern Moms Love Themselves conference. Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
Stop Holding Onto Anger and Resentment
Have you ever had a problem with your co-worker or a family member like your mom or spouse, and the more you think about it, you notice a migraine, sore throat, or a head cold starting to develop…?
Or maybe you find yourself resentful of something someone said or did that you can’t let go! At first you notice that you’re not sleeping well. Then you wake up with a stomachache or sore throat. 🤒 🤯
It’s your body’s perfect way of staying in touch with your emotions and letting you know things ARE NOT okay.
During the holidays we had a lot of family and friends visit. People came to our house that we hadn’t seen in years; others were family members that lived out of town. Seeing everyone was fun and very enjoyable.
I thought…
I couldn’t understand why I had the sniffles most of the holidays, and a full-blown head cold last week. For a person who seldom gets sick, I purchased over-the-counter meds and stayed in bed a couple of days. By Day Three during my morning meditation, it dawned on me that I was holding on to some unresolved issues of anger and resentment. Some of those delightful visitors had pushed buttons that haven’t been pushed in years…
Clearly whatever my issue was, it was unresolved.
As I breathed deeply, I released the anger, the resentment and my breathing slowed to a more normal pace. It took about 30 minutes.
And I noticed…
I was no longer congested. 🤧
I haven’t taken the cough syrup or the night time sleeping medicine since.
Life is good… 🤩
What do you need to release to make you feel better?
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
Hey Mom Lose The Guilt!
It never surprises me when I ask a question to a mom and her daughter, and they have entirely different thoughts about how a particular experience or conversation turned out. Invariably the daughter may feel that the experience was worse than what her mom thought.
When that happens, mom feels like she has to defend her position. But it’s not the end of the world; just an opportunity to have a deeper understanding of what took place during that experience.
When my daughter was a teen, what I remember thinking was that I was a pretty understanding mom. According to my daughter, I was intolerant (and in her words – scary) 😞.
The good news was that I had a choice. I could modify my behavior so that we could hear and understand each other or I could decide that we just didn’t understand each other and never would. Feeling like a “bad parent” was the bad news.
As a parent, there are lots of uncharted territory, and if you feel guilty every time you do something that backfires, you’ll feel guilty A LOT! Plus your kids will use your guilt against you to get more privileges 😉.
After listening to many stories about challenges and misunderstandings that mothers and daughters face, I began conducting Mother & Daughter Teas. These events are fun, generate laughter, dress up, silly photos, yummy foods, good feelings and authentic conversations. 
I conduct them in school settings, ideally on Saturdays (or Sundays after church). If you are interested in how this event can be conducted with your school’s parents reply to this email.
I have a limited number of dates between March and May, so don’t wait!
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
Your No-Stress Guide to the Perfect Family Getaway
Unsplash.com
Guest blog by Leslie Campos
Becoming a parent might mean that your days of traveling on a whim with nothing but a backpack are behind you, but it doesn’t have to mean staying put at home, either. Traveling with young children will require some extra planning and preparation. But with strategic budgeting and the right attitude, you can avoid common travel pitfalls.
Want to save money and avoid stressing on your next family vacation? These tips will help you cut costs and enjoy your time off with your little ones.
Travel With Relatives
If you’re planning to hit the road during the holiday season or over the summer, when most people have time off, reach out to relatives or friends with children and see if they would be interested in joining you. Yes, traveling with another family can present challenges, like figuring out finances, coordinating schedules, and making sure the kids get along, but there are also plenty of perks.
With more adults around, parents can swap nights of staying in and babysitting the kids so that the other couple can have a romantic evening out. If you choose to rent a home or a large, multi-room hotel suite, you can save money by splitting the costs. Plus, the kids are less likely to get bored and antsy when they have cousins to hang out with.
Plan to Pump on the Go
When your child is still breastfeeding, you might feel nervous about going on vacation. It’s perfectly normal to have concerns about pumping, breastfeeding in public, or properly storing breast milk while you’re en route to your destination. Having the right supplies can help—for instance, The Bump recommends packing a cooler bag, a leak-resistant bra, and a nursing poncho.
If you’re flying, check out the TSA guidelines for transporting breast milk and other necessities for your baby before you take off. According to Kindred Bravely, women who are breastfeeding and need to store the bottles while traveling should be aware that breastmilk will technically last for about four to five days if refrigerated. However, it’s best for your baby to consume it within 72 hours. To keep the bottles as cold as possible, place them in the back of the fridge once you get to your accommodations.
Baby Wearing
Lugging a stroller around on vacation can be cumbersome, especially if you know that you’ll be flying or taking busses to get around. Instead, try babywearing! Since you’re in an unfamiliar place where your child will inevitably be exposed to extra stimulation, being physically closer to you will be soothing for your baby, especially if they are feeling a little fussy.
There are plenty of options for baby carriers and wraps. If you’re traveling with a newborn, Lamaze Internationalrecommends a ring sling to make nursing easier. Extended babywearing can be uncomfortable for your child’s hips, so it’s important to give them a break every hour or so. Your back and shoulders will thank you!
Early Bedtimes
Every parent knows that kids will be more prone to tantrums if they stay up past their bedtime. On vacation, your kids will probably be tempted to try bending the rules around bedtime, but letting them do so can lead to meltdowns. Treat your kids by letting them stay up a little later than usual, but make it clear that they will still have to stick with a relatively early bedtime.
Waking up and going to bed earlier means that your family can enjoy the popular attractions in the morning when crowds are thin. Bonus: If you make early dinner reservations, you may be able to take advantage of “Kids Eat Free” deals, which will help you cut down on your overall spending.
The costs and effort involved in booking a family vacation can dissuade some parents from hitting the road with their kids. But finding great deals, linking up with relatives, and packing all the gear your family needs can help you have a successful, stress-free trip.
Wishing you and your family a happy new year!
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
Co-Parenting Tips For The Holidays
Great article by Kelly Frawley and Emily Pollock
Having survived divorce and coparenting, I appreciate the pointers that are listed here for parents who are divorced and share custody.
“The most wonderful time of the year” has the potential to become not so wonderful when parents who share custody of their children don’t have a mutually agreeable holiday plan in place. This isn’t the time for arguments over who’s getting which day or who’s buying what gift; a carefully thought-out plan can help you avoid tension and uncertainty so that all of you — most importantly, your kids — can enjoy a drama-free winter break.
When deciding how to schedule time and collaborate during the holidays, co-parents should take a number of factors into account: the children’s ages, family traditions and religious beliefs, how well the parents get along, and the kind of relationships the parents have with each of the children (it’s important to respect the traditions that are important to each of them). You might also want to factor in what happens during other school breaks during the year. For example, if one parent traditionally takes the kids on a vacation during spring break, then perhaps the other should get the bulk of winter break.
Looking at the big picture can help you see the logical plan for your family.
Setting a Sensible Schedule
Co-parents typically choose to manage the holiday season one of two ways:
1. Alternating years. One parent keeps the children for the entire winter break in odd-numbered years; the other parent gets them for the entire break in even-numbered years. This approach enables each parent, in their designated years, to plan a lengthy trip or schedule activities throughout the break period without needing to worry about giving the other parent equal time. It tends to work best when neither parent has a strong affinity for the season. Perhaps their religious traditions are celebrated at other times of year; a family may have already celebrated Hanukkah, for example, which often falls before winter break.
The downside of this type of arrangement is that one parent is deprived of holiday time with the children during the parent’s “off” years. This causes many co-parents, especially those who place a high value on holiday traditions, to take a different approach.
2. Equal time. Often, co-parents divide winter break in half, which typically gives each of them a week to celebrate the holidays or take a trip with their kids. They may alternate years when considering who takes the first week versus the second, since Christmas usually falls in the first. Parents may also choose to split the time by day, particularly when it comes to Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. By each taking one of these important days, both parents, as well as the children, get meaningful Christmas time together each year.
In situations where co-parents get along, a third possibility arises: giving the children time with both parents together. For example, children who believe in Santa and cherish Christmas mornings might appreciate having both parents present in those festivities. In fact, children of any age might appreciate a visit by their other parent, as long as the experience remains amicable.
Buying Gifts: Together or Separately?
If your winter break includes a gift-giving occasion, it makes good sense to collaborate with your ex-spouse so you don’t duplicate gifts for your children or inadvertently neglect to buy the gifts they wanted most because you assumed the other parent was buying them. In a Santa situation, discuss who is responsible for that experience. Will it change year to year based on who has the kids on Christmas, or will you work together?
The more collaborative you can be, the better. However, if you absolutely cannot work with your ex-spouse, then it’s important to work through counsel to determine who will be responsible for what so you don’t put your children through undue awkwardness or stress.
You may also want to consider taking your children shopping so they can buy a holiday gift for the other parent. It teaches children not only about giving, but shows that you encourage kindness towards your ex-spouse.
Making the Plan Official (more…)
Modern Moms Embrace The Holidays 🦃🎅🏽🎄
Thanksgiving is right around the corner and Christmas soon after. How are you feeling? Is the stress building up?
I am so excited 😆 about seeing my new grandson Baby A, my kids and the many family members that will join us for dinner. However, I think about all of the things that need to get done 😝before we sit down to Thanksgiving dinner. It’s pretty overwhelming!
I’m a list creator, so I’ll create a list of things that need to be done like grocery shopping (3 different stores), chop up onions and celery for the dressing, clean off my kitchen counter… 😩
One of the biggest things for me is deciding what to do first 🤔? The second biggest thing I need to think about is who can I delegate the tasks to that I don’t want to do??
What about you? Which best describes you getting ready for Thanksgiving or any other major holiday?
“I can’t wait for the holidays” or “I’m exhausted just thinking about all that I need to do to get ready for the holidays”.
I have to admit that I love the holidays, but it’s also easy to feel completely overwhelmed, especially if you like things to be done perfectly. If you’re the type of person who has a thousand tasks, then creating a timeline will help you tremendously! A timeline also allows you to decide who can help you with tasks, whether other family members live with you or are willing to come by and help out.
If you’re a single parent and your kiddos are too young to help with the tasks, think about cutting down on some of the holiday tasks, so that you’re not overwhelmed. For example you may decide, not to decorate the outside of the house or perhaps you get an artificial tree instead of a real one because there’s less clean-up after the holidays.
As you put together a timeline of the things that need to be done, be sure to schedule time for something fun for you too. Book a hot stones massage, attend a yoga class or schedule girls’ night out.
Yes the majority of the responsibility for keeping holiday traditions and customs falls to “Mom”. But… it doesn’t mean that we have to be exhausted and irritable once guests arrive.
I talk about these and more ways to help busy moms reenergize in my upcoming online course. There are five seats left. Reply to this email to hold your seat.
These concepts work whether you are married and busy or single and busy. Stop letting holiday blues get you down and let’s “deck the halls” together.
Happy Thanksgiving 🍁🦃
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