What Do I Need to Do To Get Your Attention❓
What’s one of the first things you do when you get a moment to yourself? You probably pull out your phone. 📱
There’s so much you can do on your phone. You can have a whole conversation by text or talking. You can play a game, shop or watch one of your favorite shows.
However, when you’re raising children, there’s so much of you that’s required for them to grow up healthy: physically, mentally, and emotionally. Most important is to know what’s going on in their heads.
I was talking to one of my friends about their kids who are under the age of 5. We all agreed that if your child was awake and the house was quiet 🤫, they were probably getting into something! You had to watch them constantly!
As our kids get older, we feel that we don’t have to watch them as closely and assume that things are okay with them. If they weren’t, our kids would tell us. Natural assumption right?
Wrong!
In families today, our children are relying on us to put aside our devices and initiate discussions; listen to what’s going on with them. It’s not easy….
Your teen will talk. They have to be assured that you’re listening and won’t judge them. There can’t be any topic that you won’t discuss with them. Are you willing to talk about anything and everything? Can you listen without letting your facial expressions show how horrified you are with the conversation? 😫🤯
We are living in times where anything is possible and are kids want to explore, try out new and different theories, relationships and experiences. Being able to share their thoughts and concerns with you, helps them put them in perspective. Keeping the lines of communication open, by relating to your child’s thoughts and feelings; asking them what they think – makes all the difference in the world.
Have a meal together; it doesn’t matter which one. First require that all phones and tablets be put away. 2nd requirement: allow your child the freedom to say whatever is on their mind (must be respectful). Ask “Tell me what’s going on”. The first several conversations may be awkward while your kids try to figure out if you’re being honest and whether they can say what they feel. 🤷🏽♀️
Every time I hear or read about another mass shooting; I wonder who the shooter had to talk to within his family. If they shot or killed a family member before taking other lives, I wonder what kind of dysfunction was taking place. Were they able to share the fact that they were being bullied or that they were feeling anti-social? Were they abused? Are they suffering from a mental illness that went unaddressed?
I realize these are simple questions for complex issues. But what I do know is that young people have lots of challenges going on in their lives these days. We as parents can’t solve them all. However, being watchful, following your intuition (if you feel something is wrong, it is) and making it safe to tell you what’s going on, goes a long way to minimize issues that cause our kids to self-harm or harm others. Peace.
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my parent coaching programs that help guide you through Aging Parents, Mother and Daughter drama, Mothers and their Sons challenges, Fathers and Daughters as well as Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
My Spouse and I Parent Very Differently
How is it possible that the person you fell in love with; who understands you perfectly and finishes your sentences… parents so differently from you?
Not only do they parent differently, it’s inconsistent, they show favorites with your kids and it’s ALL WRONG 😑
Well, I wonder if they feel the same way about you?
The funny thing about parenting, is this: how can someone else tell you how to raise your child? Yet, that’s exactly what has to happen when you coparent whether you are in the same household or in separate households.
Ideally you discuss things that are important to you to instill in your children before they are born. If it’s important that your son or daughter to speak candidly, then your spouse can’t be annoyed when your out-spoken child speaks at a family gathering (and the comment embarrasses you).
Parenting isn’t one of those “scripted” professions. You start out with the best intentions of raising your child together, until you hit a non-negotiable topic.
Here are 3 things to consider to help you resolve those sticky parenting issues:
- Take a moment to calm down (if you’re angry)
- Think about whether you can accept what your spouse is saying (lose the ego)
- Communicate your concerns with your spouse (outside of your child’s hearing)
Trying to talk while angry, is insanity. Once you calm down, you may feel differently and be willing to compromise. Marriage and raising children require compromise and patience from both of you. Acceptance of your spouse’s parenting style is important to your relationship, and the relationship of your spouse and child.
If you or your spouse are the bonus parent, and are new to the parent-child relationship, either one of you may have a difficult time, “allowing” the other parent to share in important decisions, behavior management and life issues. It’s a normal human emotion to be protective of your child. However, the blending takes place when you share your concerns and decide how to handle.
That was the challenge my husband and I faced when we married and blended our children of previous relationships together. It wasn’t easy when we started. It took a lot of conversations and a few arguments (when the kids were not around). It also took prayer and patience. Our children are adults now, and we are celebrating 20 years of marriage later this year.
You can do this!
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Easter: Preparing for What’s Next
As we prepare for Easter week, I think about some of the things that we did when our kids were growing up. My husband and I wanted to share our faith with our children, but we also wanted them to have fun. 🤩🐣
While there was always an Easter program at church that our kids participated in, we did things like dye eggs for Easter egg hunts, find hidden Easter eggs in the yard and attended good Friday service.
As our kids got older we talked about giving up “something” for Lent, as a sacrifice, as a way to understand what Jesus gave up by going through the Cruxifixion.
This week, as I celebrate Maundy Thursday and Good Friday, I think about the people I have met this year. Was I kind and generous? Have I done my best to share my faith as a Christian?
I hope so.
Happy Easter 🐣🐰 ☦️
C. Lynn Williams, MsParentguru
What Being Patient Does Not Mean
Have you ever had somebody tell you, “just be patient, it will come in time.”?
What did you think?
Did a little guilt or anger creep in? Or perhaps all you could think about is OMG, when is “it” going to happen!?
The problem with statements like just be patient, is that we are impatient by nature. We want what we want, right away. Today’s technology just exacerbates that right-now mentality because of our ability to request & respond to people immediately!
Today, I’m not interested in talking about how to be patient; what I do want to talk about, is what being patient does not mean.
For creative, inventive, amazing people, there are many other things to do, to prepare for what’s coming. Here are things I think about when I am waiting…
- Is there any preparation that I can complete?
- Are there other unrelated tasks that need to be completed?
- What fun activities can I do, to take my mind off of “are we there yet” questions?
- Walking, yoga, running, or working-out, are great activities to help you refocus
Preparing for something new that’s coming into my life, whether it’s a book that I’m writing, new clients joining my coaching program, or a vacation that I sorely need, requires patience.
Being patient does not mean being inactive or sitting still. Instead you are focusing your energies on activities, thoughts and preparation, so that when what you are expecting to come, occurs, you are ready for it!
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my parenting coaching programs that help guide you through Aging Parents, Mother and Daughter drama, Mothers and their Sons challenges, Fathers and Daughters as well as Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
Raising Our Daughters to be Fearless
As we celebrate Women’s History Month, I think back to when I found out our firstborn child would be a girl. Coming from a long line of strong women, I was excited to be a girlmom. 😆
I believe in women being bold, sassy and speaking their truths. What better way to raise a daughter who would live life from her internal perspective instead of how the world thinks she should live.
What’s crazy is that nobody expects girls to speak with confidence, especially girls of color. 🙄 As mothers, we have to encourage that confidence daily, so that our daughters are comfortable speaking up and out whether with their girlfriends, boyfriends, in the classroom or in their work environments. Living life on your own terms is important today where there are many opportunities to succeed, even when people tell you, you can’t.
Patience is key in this relationship with our daughter(s). As you help her build her “voice”, she will use it to argue and sometimes compete with you.🗣 Don’t be offended, just know that as her staunchest supporter – her mom, you are someone she trusts and loves.
Be her fence, love her unconditionally, but give her room to grow. She may make decisions that you don’t respect as she grows and matures. It’s okay. It has to be okay – it’s her life. Be there as her guide and coach.
Enjoy the journey with her, as she becomes the woman you always wanted and expected her to become. 🌸💕🌺
C. Lynn Williams, aka MsParentguru
How to Boost Your Confidence to the Max
When you exude confidence and you’re comfortable in your own skin, the world becomes a better place, and you attract positivity. During times of stress, your mental and physical health can take a nosedive, and it affects your outlook on everything. There are many steps you can take to get your motivation back on track so that you can look and feel your best. Guest blog by Gwen Payne from invisiblemoms.com.
Ways to Look and Feel Good
Sign up for a family photoshoot
Family photoshoots can inject a lot of fun into your life and give you an opportunity to connect with your loved ones. For the photoshoot, you can dress up and make an effort, which can help make you feel positive about your appearance. A skilled photographer will capture you and your family in the best light, making everyone look and feel good.
Improve your nutrition
Both sugar and caffeine give you an instant boost of energy, but too much can make your body crash and become fatigued. Too many additives, sugar, and processed foods can lead to weight gain. Improving your overall nutrition with a balanced diet can help clear brain fog and give you more body confidence.
Improve your living space
When your house is cluttered, disorganized and messy, it can feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. And most likely, you never want anyone to visit. If you love to entertain, this is likely holding you back from spending time with friends and family. Fortunately, you can easily reverse this! Spend a few weekends clearing out everything, cleaning and reorganizing your space. Next, open the shades, light some scented candles and add some new decor, and your home will be primed for maximum positivity.
Set goals
Set future goals and hold yourself accountable. When setting goals it’s important to make them challenging but achievable by breaking a big goal down into short and long-term goals. Draw up a step-by-step plan to achieve your goal, and then break it down into daily tasks. If you don’t achieve your daily or monthly goal, do better the next month.
A good goal is to go after career and academic goals. For example, if you’ve always wanted to get your master’s degree, enroll in an online program to start. An MBA program can increase your business knowledge in areas such as strategic planning and leadership, and enhance your self-awareness and self-assessment abilities.
Monthly pamper sessions
Don’t feel guilty about indulging in some pampering, as these can be great for detoxing, circulation, and creating a sense of calm. Whether it’s a sports massage or spa treatment, these moments can really make you feel good about yourself.
Pursue a childhood hobby
Get in touch with your child-like spirit by pursuing a hobby you enjoyed as a child. Loved roller skating? Buy a pair of skates! Enjoyed dancing and gymnastics? Sign-up for online dance classes. You don’t have to be the best at it — just do something you enjoy.
Outdoor activities
Nature has the power to rejuvenate both mind and body. Take up an outdoor sport like running, walking, hiking, biking, or watersports, to enjoy the healing effect of nature and the rush of endorphins. Treat yourself to new gear when you take up an outdoor sport. Track your progress by investing in a fitness watch where you can download apps to map out new routes and monitor your efforts in real-time.
Take Steps to Feel Good
If you’re stuck in a rut, you’ll have to make a conscious effort to change. The most important thing is sticking to a game plan and making one small change at first.
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my parenting coaching programs that help guide you through Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters drama, Mothers and their Sons challenges, Fathers and Daughters as well as Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
Is It Really Okay to Not Be Ok?
Many of us view success as pretty, handsome, moneyed, good job, well-liked…
Then when we don’t achieve success for any of the reasons listed below or more…
- Haven’t finished (or started) college
- Don’t have the right job
- Grew up in the wrong neighborhood
- Married… didn’t marry
- Wrong skin color, gender, religious belief
We wonder why we feel defeated, depressed, uninspired.
Or, we have “everything going for ourselves”, outwardly as my mom would say, and yet we feel defeated, depressed, or uninspired inside. Today in our How to ❤️ Love ❤️ Yourself More…Intentionally clubhouse, we talked about how being pretty and beautiful are NICE, but have nothing to do with how you feel inside. People are obsessed with looks and fortune. How can you be sad and depressed when you have good looks and wealth?
Easy!
As my co-moderator said, we are “cracked glass” and looking out we don’t see our external beauty and wealth. We only feel brokenness and sadness. Many of us live in quiet desperation and don’t know how to find our way out.
Suicide is not the answer.
I’ve lost several family members to suicide and while I don’t know exactly what each one felt before taking their life, I know what it feels to be the one left to pick up the pieces and try to figure out what happened? Each member had worth and value but did not feel that there was another way for their story to be told.
One of the best things you can do is open up and share your pain with a supportive friend, group, or a therapist. The other thing to do is remember, you are unique with a God-given purpose! Be who you want to be instead of a copy of someone else. Stop buying the “image” and be the original – one of a kind – amazing you!
Interested in loving yourself more deeply? Click Here – to schedule a complimentary chat with Ms. Parent Guru about how her How to Love Yourself In 30 Days coaching program can support you.
Click Here to become a part of her parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
Being Happy Like a Child
Over the last couple of months, we have seen or interacted with our 2 1/2 year old grandson for multiple periods of time. While it’s been exhausting, what I’ve enjoyed most about spending time with him, was his playful nature and his ability to make anything fun!
Fun to him was hiding behind the plant in the living room, or running through the house saying “chase me” “chase me“! He could look at you, make a face and burst out laughing. 😂 When we corrected his behavior and he didn’t like it, he cried for a few minutes and then the sadness and tears were gone. He was off to another adventure!
I just wondered what would it take for us as adults, living our adult lives, to just burst out laughing! 😂 Would people think we were crazy and wonder if everything was OK? Seriously… how do we take moments in our day and turn them into joyful experiences, or just times to laugh and have fun?
I’m on a quest this year, in 2022, where I am looking for joy in my experiences; to lighten up and just laugh, have fun and enjoy myself more! 🤸🏽♀️🤸🏽♀️
Yeah I like that – enjoy myself more.
I know there will be bills to pay and serious discussions to be had and work to do, but there’s lots of fun out here to have and it doesn’t have to cost a lot of money or any money. Just go and do!
Hey… have a joyful, fun, delightful day today! 😂🤪
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my parenting coaching programs that help guide you through aging Parents, Mother and Daughter drama, Mothers and their Sons challenges, Father and Daughter issues as well as Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
Who We Are Matters
When I was growing up, my mom would tell me that my actions were a direct reflection of my home training by her and my dad. While I hated hearing that, I taught the same thing to my children as well.
Who we are matters.
I have been trying to write today’s blog since the January 6 insurrection at the White House. As I watched the people storm through the barriers, break glass, pump their fists, and FaceTime their audiences; all I could think of was “What would your mom (or dad) think of you?” Also, how could I explain (to my children) why these people are allowed to deface the nation’s capitol without being dragged to jail. Most of the people who participated in the insurrection were white males and females.
The other major event that has my attention, is a rash of carjackings/robberies that have been taking place in different communities in the Chicagoland area. Many of the young people who are carjacking people, are young black teenagers. I thought how I would feel if one of those young men was my son.
In each case, I’m angry and think what kind of training did the insurrectionists and carjackers receive at home while growing up? Were they raised to respect others? Were they respected by the people they lived with?
Here’s something that I want parents to remember: how your child shows up is a reflection of how you interacted with them. Children aren’t born to fight and attack. They learn that behavior. When you grow up in an angry environment, that’s what you do when you respond to situations whether you understand what’s going on or not.
There are many young people who are raising themselves; who are not participating in online school learning, (parents may or may not be home with them) and who are trying to survive. Survival tells them that they must steal from other people in order to survive. They believe If they don’t steal, they won’t eat or they will be unsheltered.
The insurrectionists have been told that the rights and privileges that they are used to experiencing, are going away. Having to play nice with people that don’t look like them, is a scary idea!
In both cases, people are afraid. They feel that they don’t matter. And when people feel that they don’t matter, they do extraordinarily dumb things to help those around them know that they do matter.
So what does that mean to everybody else?
- God made us a little lower than the angels, which means we are powerful.
- We are each other’s keepers.
- No one can achieve what they are trying to achieve by themselves.
- Our differences and cultures are okay – we don’t have act like anybody else to succeed.
Raising your children to “be somebody” as my grandmother used to say, is still noble and honorable. Love and respect yourself and know that what you do to others and for others – Matters. ✌🏽
What are your thoughts?
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my parenting coaching programs that help guide you through Aging Parents, Mother and Daughter drama, Mothers and their Sons challenges, Fathers and Daughters as well as Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Reprinted from January 28, 2021
How to Build Accountability In Your Child
Happy New Year and no… this is not a list of resolutions for better parenting!
Having talked to quite a few parents during the Holidays who wanted their child to do what they were asked; I’m reminded of two things:
- Keep it simple
- Hold your child accountable
As you tell your child for the 5th time to pick up his/her toys, clothes, etc. you might wonder what it will take for that delightful child of yours to become more accountable.
According to Century Dictionary, accountability is the state of being accountable or answerable; responsibility for the fulfilment of obligations; liability to account for conduct, meet or suffer consequences, etc.
The thing is, we want our kids to grow into accountable adults, which means that we want accountable teens, youths, toddlers.
So how do you get started?
Start now…ideally when your child is very young and impressionable. My daughter has been “guiding” our 2½ year old grandson with picking up his toys, since he could walk. He understands what picking up toys means, how to do it and the consequences of leaving them all over the floor.
Is she 100% successful? Nope, but she and her husband have a great start provided they stay consistent with their work with him. It gets more challenging, if you are starting to with children who are older and aren’t used to having to pick up after themselves.
Not impossible, but your work is cut out for you because your child won’t understand why all of a sudden, you are asking them to do something they’ve never had to do before.
3 tips for helping your child be more accountable:
- Model behavior (that you want to see repeated)
- Be as consistent as possible in holding your child responsible for what you’ve asked them to do
- Help your child see things from another person’s viewpoint
Modeling the behavior, you want to see, is one of the skills that a leader uses. It’s much easier to get your child to pick up their toys, clean their room, clean the bathroom, if they see you do the same.
Teaching your child to see things from another’s perspective builds empathy and compassion. If occasionally you have your daughter help her brother or sister clean their room, fold clothes or clean the kitchen, they may be less inclined to fight, argue and compete with each other.
Just a couple of thoughts as we enter 2022.
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens 
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