How the Sins of Our Mothers Scar Us
My sister and I always felt that our mom favored our brother Tony. Her heart seemed to be softer on his behalf. Don’t get me wrong, Tony got into trouble and was punished too, but not as much once my parents split up. What I now know, is that Mom was compensating for my dad being absent in his life. She did the best she knew how.
Since I was in college during my sister and brother’s high years; years AD (after divorce), I didn’t see much preferential treatment bestowed on Tony.
Mom could do a lot of things really well! When it came to organization and getting things done, my mom was AWESOME! I learned how to speak up for and take care of myself because of my mother. Showing emotions, wasn’t her strength. She was unable to teach me how to love and nurture myself or anyone else. So in high school and college, I was pretty detached in my relationships. I kept to myself and only opened up to my closest friends.
Once I became a mom and started seeking my mother’s advice, I asked her why she seldom said she loved us or hugged. Her words were “My mom didn’t treat us that way.”
Here’s the deal: families live and die emotionally through experiences with the moms in their lives. If your mom did not receive praise and lots of ‘I love yous’ ❤️ as a child, then they either feel that it was unwarranted (when they raise children) or they are emotionally unable to share those kinds of feelings.
It is definitely possible that mothers will give lots of love and praise when they have their own children even if they didn’t receive it as a child. I have many friends who are wonderful moms, and when asked about their childhood, they say they didn’t get along with their mom. When pressed to explain further, they say they wanted a different experience for their own children. ❤️
When mothers are harsh and don’t exhibit warmth and love to their son or daughter, that child grows up similar to a sociopath who acts without feelings or conscious.
How do we change that behavior?
One child at a time…
Yes I know you are busy working and raising a family…
Yes, I know you never had a relationship with your mom or dad and don’t know how to talk (civilly) or show love…
Yes, it’s hard…
But not impossible…
Start by taking baby steps.
- “Good morning, I love you.”
- “Good night I love you.”
- “Have a good day at school.” (Hug your son or daughter)
- “You mean everything to me.”
These statements go a long way toward building a better relationship.
That’s nice. ❤️
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
How to Defuse Anger in Your Family
Have you noticed that the people around you (at work or school) are so angry? Maybe it’s you or people within your family.
How do you keep that anger emotion from taking over?
Listen to my YouTube vlog and let me know what you think. Click here. Once you’re done subscribe to my YouTube channel.
Want to learn more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
How To Let Our Daughters Go and Grow
If it’s hard for you to let your daughter go and grow into the young woman that you always imagined she would be… this blog is for you!
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons. Subscribe to my YouTube channel: http://bit.ly/youtubeclynn
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
Acceptance Is Key to Personal Happiness
Have you ever done something you regretted?
That happened to me last night.
I watched the nightly news – that was my regret. But while watching, I saw the story about actor, Jussie Smollett being attacked by two masked men who shouted MAGA. For those of you that don’t know what MAGA means — it means Make America Great Again. First of all, if you are proud of what you are doing, why hide behind a mask?
Someone on Quora coined MAGA as Morons Are Governing America. Either way you look at it a crime against another human being is wrong and usually behavior that is learned at home or learned under prejudicial leadership. And more importantly, criminal behavior should not be copied. People imitate what they see and respect. When weak people see that people who look or act differently (from them) should be punished, they perpetuate that behavior. Considering that we live in a country rich in diversity, acceptance needs to be one of our skillsets.
America is part of a global society of countries that influence people, economies and political leadership. We are asking nations like the Middle East, Africa, and Latin America, to respect the citizens in their countries and treat them fairly; respect their differences. We have to do the same in America. Accepting the differences that we encounter within our families, our communities, our workplaces has to take place.
The time is now to remind ourselves of three things:
- You don’t have to like someone to work with them.
- You don’t judge a book by its cover.
- Your life’s purpose is unique and not based on looking or being like someone else.
Being great again means having honor and integrity. It means using your voice to help others, not denigrate, embarrass or misuse them. Being great means that you are inclusive instead of exclusive. That means that judging a person by their socio-economic status, ethnicity, faith or gender preferences is unacceptable.
Being great in a positive way trickles down from top government to state and local governments, communities and families. Doctrines should inspire people to do better and be better. As you accept others for who they are, it has a reciprocal effect. Accepting others may help you accept things about yourself (that you may have rejected in the past).
There is too much work to do to HATE. Just my two cents.
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
When Growing Up Is Hard To Do
I am sharing a sad but heartfelt response from a mother who cannot get her 19 year old son to go to school or get a job. Thank you Jennifer Perez.
“Drive him to a homeless shelter and help him get on the waiting list. Then, on the way home, while he’s waiting for his name to come up on the list, discuss what homelessness will be like.
This way, you won’t find him in the streets when you kick him out…he’ll be on the list for shelter. No guilt! No worries! It’s all in his hands! And he’s already on a path to correction.
Then, give him a 30-day notice to either find a job, go to school or move. And have him pack while waiting to leave. Tell him, since he’s on the homeless list, he’ll be okay, EVENTUALLY, but he can sleep in the streets like other “bums” until then.
Stop giving him any more money. Make him earn it. And tell him he can collect cans and save to get a place. Let him learn how to get money when he’s homeless. Also, stop allowing him to use the washer and dryer at home. Let him figure out another way to get his clothing clean.
Put him in the life and let him see what he’s about to lose. He may change his mind and if he doesn’t? You’ve already prepared him for homelessness.”
This is tough love, and not something that is easy to do. At some point, when our young adult won’t move forward with their life, they need our help. We experienced this with our youngest son, who wouldn’t go to school and couldn’t (wouldn’t) work. For mothers, it is particularly hard to put your son out. We love our sons so much, and feel that putting them out is giving up on them.
Just remember that if you practice tough love at 19 years old, you won’t still support him financially at 35 years old.
Interested in learning more about mother-son dynamics? Read my book: The Pampered Prince: Mom’s Create A GREAT Relationship With Your Son. Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
Which One Are You Today?
It’s funny when your kids are small, you don’t ever want them to grow up. They are so innocent and precious and they listen to our every word. Then the day comes when they start saying things like “I’m grown, I can make my own decisions.” And you realize they are growing up and maybe you should let them (make their decisions). 
Then they change back into a non-adult! They say things like:
- Can you pay for my phone?
- Will you complete my FAFSA?
- Do you have money for me to get my nails done?
- Can you pay my car insurance?
- Will you pay my rent?
Wait a minute!
- I thought you were an adult?
- Isn’t that what you told me you were?
- What happened to “I can do this? Please stop telling me what to do!?”
This is the brain of our teenage or twenty-something kid. The problem is that they really don’t want a lessons learned talk, they kinda want to figure it out, but don’t mind asking for your money and support.
My feeling is that when your kid says, “I can do it”, it’s important to let him or her do it. I believe today’s parents don’t want their children to make the mistakes that they made. It sounds good, but isn’t realistic. Growing up means you make mistakes. I made them? You did too. It’s okay. 
Young people today don’t mind making mistakes. They don’t want to be nagged or guilt tripped, but they also want to be rescued when they’ve made a mistake. It’s doesn’t work both ways! Some lessons can only be learned through experience. A daughter who has a child without the security of marriage (against the advice of her parents), takes a risk that she will raise her child alone. A son who wants to play pro ball and decides not to go to college, takes a risk of having an injury (that keeps him from playing) and working the rest of his life as a laborer.
It’s hard watching our children make mistakes especially ones that can follow them for life. It’s harder when they tell you to butt out – let them live their life. Those are hard lessons for us as parents. However, just like our parents had to let us go and grow… we have to do the same thing. A little lesson learning never hurt anybody! Happy 2019!
Are you saying Yes when you really mean No? Click here to Join my FREE Facebook Group – Balanced Moms Club to join with other moms to receive tips about time management, organization and basic meal planning.
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C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
Are You An Invisible Woman?
Have you ever felt like you didn’t matter? Like you were invisible? Earlier this year, I began feeling that I could be easily replaced with someone who was just as fantastic as me, but younger. I began to feel that age mattered. It’s a sad but true fact that so many women over forty feel invisible. Then I read about Deborah Boland and her story.
“One of the things that inspired me to do what I now do, after having had an executive position with a telecom giant, was an experience I had one day following one of my seminars.
An attractive, well dressed woman came up to me and told me that the thing she hated most about becoming older was that she felt invisible. She explained how, everywhere you look, you see woman in their twenties and thirties being presented as role models for beauty and style. Rarely do you see mature women in TV and print ads and some of the fashion magazines feature teenagers as models. There are only a few magazines devoted entirely to the mature woman – More Magazine is one of them.”
Just because we’re getting older doesn’t mean we have to become an invisible part of society. It doesn’t mean that we have to let ourselves go, gain weight and start looking frumpy. My aunt Mary, while in her eighties, looks like she just stepped off the cover of Vogue whenever she goes out.
A woman can still look great as she ages if . . . she learns how to do it. 
Many of the makeup techniques that work on a twenty or thirty-year old, are a disaster on the face of a forty-five year old woman.
Unfortunately, many older women have not yet learned this. As we age, one of the makeup secrets we need to know is that “Less is better.”
Mistakes in wardrobe are even more apparent. Recently, Deborah Boland was asked by a national magazine to comment on some celebrity women. Here’s what she had to say about an outfit that Kim Cattrall was wearing: “Belly bearing cutoffs and lace up top are not for the over forty woman. Longer, boy cut shorts and a fuller cut tank with a built-in bra would give her the same bare look.”
Below are some fashion anchors every woman over forty should have in her wardrobe:
- A “Little Black Dress”
- Black/Navy Pencil or A-Line Skirt
- Black/Navy Slacks/Trousers
- Black Cashmere Sweater
- White Shirt
- Comfortable yet Chic Black 2” heels
- Classic Trench Coat
Fashion tips: Pants with clean lines, no pockets, no pleats look best on almost every woman because they are slimming.
Black or navy will make you look thinner, but add some color with accessories to give your look some flair. Elastic waist pants or skirts are to be avoided at all costs because they flatter no one.
Develop a signature. Wear a favorite ring or special bracelet all the time. Something people will always identify and remember about you.
The scarf should be a wardrobe staple. Learn how to use it and wear it many ways, such as, looped through your pants as a belt, or tied on the handle of your handbag.
If you want to learn more about Deborah’s insider techniques for looking fabulous after forty, fifty, sixty and beyond, visit: http://www.FabulousAfter40.com
Until next time, keep looking your best and claim your power.
Interested in learning more about yourself as a superwoman? Contact me – Finding Superwoman creator, C. Lynn Williams, to receive information about my inspiring work-life balance programs for corporate and entrepreneurial moms.
C. Lynn Williams, #FindingSuperwoman
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
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