What Happened to Our Sex Life?
When marriage first starts, you can’t stop touching each other. And then there’s the sex. That is never a problem, until you get into the throes of child-rearing, or money gets tight and while trying to figure that out, you forget about the intimacy.
A few months ago, I had a conversation with one of my daughters who said “Mothers don’t share enough of the challenges of being a wife and mother.” I tried not to get defensive, but as I continue to think about her comment, I think about things I wish my mother shared with me.
When you talk to women who have been married for years, they say things like:
“Cherish your husband.”
“Nurture your marriage”.
“Trust God to bring you through”.
Depending on the stage of life you are in, you experience hot flashes and nobody says – your body goes from 98.7 F to 150.7 in seconds and you feel slightly insane! Does anybody bother to tell you that parts of you dry up and have to be hydrated with over-the-counter products? No, of course not! Nice women don’t tell their business…
One day you wake up and the hot flashes are gone… Yay… But the sex (and possibly the desire for it) has disappeared too! How in the world is that possible? And more importantly, how do women stay married during “such a time as this”?
Interested in learning more about women as mothers? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru. Look for our upcoming Modern Moms Love Themselves conference. Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
Stop Holding Onto Anger and Resentment
Have you ever had a problem with your co-worker or a family member like your mom or spouse, and the more you think about it, you notice a migraine, sore throat, or a head cold starting to develop…?
Or maybe you find yourself resentful of something someone said or did that you can’t let go! At first you notice that you’re not sleeping well. Then you wake up with a stomachache or sore throat. 🤒 🤯
It’s your body’s perfect way of staying in touch with your emotions and letting you know things ARE NOT okay.
During the holidays we had a lot of family and friends visit. People came to our house that we hadn’t seen in years; others were family members that lived out of town. Seeing everyone was fun and very enjoyable.
I thought…
I couldn’t understand why I had the sniffles most of the holidays, and a full-blown head cold last week. For a person who seldom gets sick, I purchased over-the-counter meds and stayed in bed a couple of days. By Day Three during my morning meditation, it dawned on me that I was holding on to some unresolved issues of anger and resentment. Some of those delightful visitors had pushed buttons that haven’t been pushed in years…
Clearly whatever my issue was, it was unresolved.
As I breathed deeply, I released the anger, the resentment and my breathing slowed to a more normal pace. It took about 30 minutes.
And I noticed…
I was no longer congested. 🤧
I haven’t taken the cough syrup or the night time sleeping medicine since.
Life is good… 🤩
What do you need to release to make you feel better?
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
Hey Mom Lose The Guilt!
It never surprises me when I ask a question to a mom and her daughter, and they have entirely different thoughts about how a particular experience or conversation turned out. Invariably the daughter may feel that the experience was worse than what her mom thought.
When that happens, mom feels like she has to defend her position. But it’s not the end of the world; just an opportunity to have a deeper understanding of what took place during that experience.
When my daughter was a teen, what I remember thinking was that I was a pretty understanding mom. According to my daughter, I was intolerant (and in her words – scary) 😞.
The good news was that I had a choice. I could modify my behavior so that we could hear and understand each other or I could decide that we just didn’t understand each other and never would. Feeling like a “bad parent” was the bad news.
As a parent, there are lots of uncharted territory, and if you feel guilty every time you do something that backfires, you’ll feel guilty A LOT! Plus your kids will use your guilt against you to get more privileges 😉.
After listening to many stories about challenges and misunderstandings that mothers and daughters face, I began conducting Mother & Daughter Teas. These events are fun, generate laughter, dress up, silly photos, yummy foods, good feelings and authentic conversations. 
I conduct them in school settings, ideally on Saturdays (or Sundays after church). If you are interested in how this event can be conducted with your school’s parents reply to this email.
I have a limited number of dates between March and May, so don’t wait!
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
Your No-Stress Guide to the Perfect Family Getaway
Unsplash.com
Guest blog by Leslie Campos
Becoming a parent might mean that your days of traveling on a whim with nothing but a backpack are behind you, but it doesn’t have to mean staying put at home, either. Traveling with young children will require some extra planning and preparation. But with strategic budgeting and the right attitude, you can avoid common travel pitfalls.
Want to save money and avoid stressing on your next family vacation? These tips will help you cut costs and enjoy your time off with your little ones.
Travel With Relatives
If you’re planning to hit the road during the holiday season or over the summer, when most people have time off, reach out to relatives or friends with children and see if they would be interested in joining you. Yes, traveling with another family can present challenges, like figuring out finances, coordinating schedules, and making sure the kids get along, but there are also plenty of perks.
With more adults around, parents can swap nights of staying in and babysitting the kids so that the other couple can have a romantic evening out. If you choose to rent a home or a large, multi-room hotel suite, you can save money by splitting the costs. Plus, the kids are less likely to get bored and antsy when they have cousins to hang out with.
Plan to Pump on the Go
When your child is still breastfeeding, you might feel nervous about going on vacation. It’s perfectly normal to have concerns about pumping, breastfeeding in public, or properly storing breast milk while you’re en route to your destination. Having the right supplies can help—for instance, The Bump recommends packing a cooler bag, a leak-resistant bra, and a nursing poncho.
If you’re flying, check out the TSA guidelines for transporting breast milk and other necessities for your baby before you take off. According to Kindred Bravely, women who are breastfeeding and need to store the bottles while traveling should be aware that breastmilk will technically last for about four to five days if refrigerated. However, it’s best for your baby to consume it within 72 hours. To keep the bottles as cold as possible, place them in the back of the fridge once you get to your accommodations.
Baby Wearing
Lugging a stroller around on vacation can be cumbersome, especially if you know that you’ll be flying or taking busses to get around. Instead, try babywearing! Since you’re in an unfamiliar place where your child will inevitably be exposed to extra stimulation, being physically closer to you will be soothing for your baby, especially if they are feeling a little fussy.
There are plenty of options for baby carriers and wraps. If you’re traveling with a newborn, Lamaze Internationalrecommends a ring sling to make nursing easier. Extended babywearing can be uncomfortable for your child’s hips, so it’s important to give them a break every hour or so. Your back and shoulders will thank you!
Early Bedtimes
Every parent knows that kids will be more prone to tantrums if they stay up past their bedtime. On vacation, your kids will probably be tempted to try bending the rules around bedtime, but letting them do so can lead to meltdowns. Treat your kids by letting them stay up a little later than usual, but make it clear that they will still have to stick with a relatively early bedtime.
Waking up and going to bed earlier means that your family can enjoy the popular attractions in the morning when crowds are thin. Bonus: If you make early dinner reservations, you may be able to take advantage of “Kids Eat Free” deals, which will help you cut down on your overall spending.
The costs and effort involved in booking a family vacation can dissuade some parents from hitting the road with their kids. But finding great deals, linking up with relatives, and packing all the gear your family needs can help you have a successful, stress-free trip.
Wishing you and your family a happy new year!
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
Co-Parenting Tips For The Holidays
Great article by Kelly Frawley and Emily Pollock
Having survived divorce and coparenting, I appreciate the pointers that are listed here for parents who are divorced and share custody.
“The most wonderful time of the year” has the potential to become not so wonderful when parents who share custody of their children don’t have a mutually agreeable holiday plan in place. This isn’t the time for arguments over who’s getting which day or who’s buying what gift; a carefully thought-out plan can help you avoid tension and uncertainty so that all of you — most importantly, your kids — can enjoy a drama-free winter break.
When deciding how to schedule time and collaborate during the holidays, co-parents should take a number of factors into account: the children’s ages, family traditions and religious beliefs, how well the parents get along, and the kind of relationships the parents have with each of the children (it’s important to respect the traditions that are important to each of them). You might also want to factor in what happens during other school breaks during the year. For example, if one parent traditionally takes the kids on a vacation during spring break, then perhaps the other should get the bulk of winter break.
Looking at the big picture can help you see the logical plan for your family.
Setting a Sensible Schedule
Co-parents typically choose to manage the holiday season one of two ways:
1. Alternating years. One parent keeps the children for the entire winter break in odd-numbered years; the other parent gets them for the entire break in even-numbered years. This approach enables each parent, in their designated years, to plan a lengthy trip or schedule activities throughout the break period without needing to worry about giving the other parent equal time. It tends to work best when neither parent has a strong affinity for the season. Perhaps their religious traditions are celebrated at other times of year; a family may have already celebrated Hanukkah, for example, which often falls before winter break.
The downside of this type of arrangement is that one parent is deprived of holiday time with the children during the parent’s “off” years. This causes many co-parents, especially those who place a high value on holiday traditions, to take a different approach.
2. Equal time. Often, co-parents divide winter break in half, which typically gives each of them a week to celebrate the holidays or take a trip with their kids. They may alternate years when considering who takes the first week versus the second, since Christmas usually falls in the first. Parents may also choose to split the time by day, particularly when it comes to Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. By each taking one of these important days, both parents, as well as the children, get meaningful Christmas time together each year.
In situations where co-parents get along, a third possibility arises: giving the children time with both parents together. For example, children who believe in Santa and cherish Christmas mornings might appreciate having both parents present in those festivities. In fact, children of any age might appreciate a visit by their other parent, as long as the experience remains amicable.
Buying Gifts: Together or Separately?
If your winter break includes a gift-giving occasion, it makes good sense to collaborate with your ex-spouse so you don’t duplicate gifts for your children or inadvertently neglect to buy the gifts they wanted most because you assumed the other parent was buying them. In a Santa situation, discuss who is responsible for that experience. Will it change year to year based on who has the kids on Christmas, or will you work together?
The more collaborative you can be, the better. However, if you absolutely cannot work with your ex-spouse, then it’s important to work through counsel to determine who will be responsible for what so you don’t put your children through undue awkwardness or stress.
You may also want to consider taking your children shopping so they can buy a holiday gift for the other parent. It teaches children not only about giving, but shows that you encourage kindness towards your ex-spouse.
Making the Plan Official (more…)
Modern Moms Embrace The Holidays 🦃🎅🏽🎄
Thanksgiving is right around the corner and Christmas soon after. How are you feeling? Is the stress building up?
I am so excited 😆 about seeing my new grandson Baby A, my kids and the many family members that will join us for dinner. However, I think about all of the things that need to get done 😝before we sit down to Thanksgiving dinner. It’s pretty overwhelming!
I’m a list creator, so I’ll create a list of things that need to be done like grocery shopping (3 different stores), chop up onions and celery for the dressing, clean off my kitchen counter… 😩
One of the biggest things for me is deciding what to do first 🤔? The second biggest thing I need to think about is who can I delegate the tasks to that I don’t want to do??
What about you? Which best describes you getting ready for Thanksgiving or any other major holiday?
“I can’t wait for the holidays” or “I’m exhausted just thinking about all that I need to do to get ready for the holidays”.
I have to admit that I love the holidays, but it’s also easy to feel completely overwhelmed, especially if you like things to be done perfectly. If you’re the type of person who has a thousand tasks, then creating a timeline will help you tremendously! A timeline also allows you to decide who can help you with tasks, whether other family members live with you or are willing to come by and help out.
If you’re a single parent and your kiddos are too young to help with the tasks, think about cutting down on some of the holiday tasks, so that you’re not overwhelmed. For example you may decide, not to decorate the outside of the house or perhaps you get an artificial tree instead of a real one because there’s less clean-up after the holidays.
As you put together a timeline of the things that need to be done, be sure to schedule time for something fun for you too. Book a hot stones massage, attend a yoga class or schedule girls’ night out.
Yes the majority of the responsibility for keeping holiday traditions and customs falls to “Mom”. But… it doesn’t mean that we have to be exhausted and irritable once guests arrive.
I talk about these and more ways to help busy moms reenergize in my upcoming online course. There are five seats left. Reply to this email to hold your seat.
These concepts work whether you are married and busy or single and busy. Stop letting holiday blues get you down and let’s “deck the halls” together.
Happy Thanksgiving 🍁🦃
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
8 Tips for Saving Money When Shopping for Halloween at Walmart
By guest blogger – Kristin Louis
The spooky season is upon us, and with it comes shopping and prep work. If you’re tight on money, it can be a bit intimidating to think of all the stuff you need to buy, especially with Christmas just a couple of months down the line. That’s why we have collected the best tips to save cash while shopping for Halloween at your favorite stores like Walmart.
Look for Rakuten Cash Back Opportunities
The single best thing you can do to save money while shopping at big-box retailers is to keep an eye out for coupons and promo codes. Rakuten is a great place to look, with hundreds of great deals at stores like Walmart, Target, Amazon, and Macy’s. So, before you start shopping, check out Rakuten to see what cash back opportunities are available.
Set a Budget
Before you start shopping, it helps to decide how much money you are willing to spend on Halloween. Bear in mind the costs of upcoming holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas, as well as how much you usually spend. The good news is that Halloween doesn’t tend to be a particularly expensive holiday: the average American spends $86.79 a year on the holiday.
Buy Cheaper Pumpkins
If going to a pumpkin patch every year is part of your family tradition, you can skip this one. However, if all you want is a pumpkin you can carve with your family, chances are it will be a lot cheaper if you head to the grocery store or to a big-box store. A large pumpkin from a pumpkin patch can cost as much as $14 to $20, while Walmart sells them for as little as $5.
Get Crafty with Your Decorations
Why spend loads of money on mass-produced plastic decorations when you can achieve great results with some basic craft supplies and some creativity? Redbook has a great collection of craft projects that are perfect for working on as a family. Try the adorable paper bats or flower pot spider with young kids, or get teens involved in making some bloody-looking candles.
DIY Your Costume
Homemade costumes aren’t just cheaper than their store-bought counterparts; they are also a lot more fun and creative. You can find loads of great homemade costume ideas online, from the super basic to more advanced and original projects like a disco ball or a cactus.
Have a Costume Swap Party
Another option if you want to save money on costumes is to organize a costume swap with friends or, if you have kids, with other parents. Green Child Magazine recommends setting up a costume swap in your local community and giving it enough time for everyone to get organized. The first Saturday of October is ideal, but any time around the start of the month also works.
Shop Around for the Best Candy Deals
Don’t start panic-buying candy the second it comes onto the shelves. Most major stores have great bulk deals during the month of October, so it pays to be strategic. According to Good Housekeeping, some of the best places to buy candy this year are Target, Walmart, and Party City. Where possible, combine sales with those online coupons to get an extra good deal.
Makeup, Not Masks
Scary Halloween masks can be expensive, but that’s not the only downside. As an adult, they are inconvenient and get in the way of drinking or eating, and for a child, they can be unsafe. Instead of buying a mask, learn how to do some cool Halloween makeup with tutorials. Bonus points if you can do it with regular makeup items you can pick up at the drugstore.
Halloween doesn’t have to be expensive. In fact, the more creative you get with your costumes, decorations, and activities, the more fun you are going to have. Start planning your shopping now so you can focus on putting together the perfect Halloween for your friends and family. Then, once November rolls around, don’t forget to look out for those deals on candy!
Happy Halloween!
Have a Son – Be Prepared to Be Swept Off Your Feet
My grandson is 7 months old and his personality is coming out more and more. I’m always happy to hear about his latest discovery and activity. While my daughter and son-in-law believe in Baby A sleeping in his own bed, lately he has been sleeping in theirs.
My daughter says she woke up one morning and Baby A had his arm around her neck, like a boyfriend and she was amused. Her hubby wasn’t…
Here’s what I know:
Moms are the first “girl” that their son knows…
He quickly learns that she takes care of him a lot, especially if she is breastfeeding him.
She plays with him and he loves it, so he gives her attention and unconditional love.
Unconditional love is intoxicating like a delicious bottle of wine…
You can’t get enough of it.
As baby boys get older, they bring their “favorite girl” (Mom) flowers (dandelions), gifts (worms or rocks) and anything else that will make her smile. Mom of course loves the gifts and the attention, and now the sweeping off your feet is taking place.
There is nothing like a son. Depending on his home environment, he will always be concerned about “Mom”. It’s a wonderful relationship to have as long as we remember that our sons will grow up, fall in love and leave home.
Let him and welcome the person that he chooses.
He will always be your son and you will always be his mother.
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics?
Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
Lessons Learned Don’t Have to Be Seen As Mistakes
Last week, I was giving myself a good talking to because I kept finding mistakes with a project I was working on. Once I realized the negative self-talk that was happening in my head, I stopped and talked to myself. Now before you think I’m crazy, think for minute about how you self-correct.
You do self-correct, right?
So, let’s get back to the mistakes… No one likes to make them; however, they are part of what makes us human, and often we learn more from mistakes than we do from anything else.
I reminded myself
that I was learning something new (about the topic and myself) and what was
important was the lessons that I was
learning. There was nothing wrong with making mistakes. What the
Universe was also showing me, was that I consider myself a lifelong learner. How
can you be a true learner, without making mistakes.
Here’s what I was saying to myself: I was so ready to beat
myself up and throw in the towel! What was wrong with me? Why was I making so many
mistakes?
I thought about these negative messages and wondered if my peers (that are women) talk the same way to themselves? And, do my peers that are men talk to themselves the way we women do when they make mistakes?
I also had to tell myself that I learned more that day from that series of mistakes than I learned when I do things in what I consider an organized way.
The other question that I thought about on that day, is how many of us, self-correct the negative thoughts we have before we talk to our children and/or the people that work for us?
Lessons learned don’t have to be seen as mistakes…
They are just lessons learned…
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
The Voices Heard Before Suicide
Suicide is a profound tragedy…
My daughter was a young girl when my brother committed suicide. I was devastated. He had been suffering with a chronic illness and told us he was praying to die, while we prayed for him to live.
He had talked about dying years before that because he was so unhappy. Suicide is seldom unplanned, and victims leave clues.
It is up to us to pay attention to those clues and intervene. That’s easy to say, and harder to do. There are lots of external influences that will make it challenging to notice the clues.
These days children are dealing with life issues that they don’t want to talk about. Bullying. Sexual abuse. Peer pressure. Parental expectations. Excelling in school. These issues are further exacerbated by the separatism that technology provides. Many of these issues young people face without appropriate coping skills. When an unpleasant event occurs they feel that life can’t go on and so they attempt suicide or they are successful. 🤯
I recently heard the story of a good kid who received detention at school and then was reprimanded by his s parents at home. Concerned that he had jeopardized his chances to get into a Ivy League school for college; he committed suicide. Did he leave any clues that he was fragile?
What about the girl who can no longer face school or online bullies and decides that suicide is a better alternative to living. What behaviors did her parents notice before she took her life?
How do we stop this madness?
Suicide is beyond devastating! It’s really bad when it happens to a child that you think is safe; has a good life; and looks normal.
Are there warning signs? They’re probably aren’t many if any unless you are watching intently and you are in tune with your child; even then there’s no guarantee that you will be aware of what’s going on.
Here is what I can tell you:
• Watch for changes of behavior
• Mood swings
• Quiet and withdrawn in an otherwise outgoing joyous kid
There’s no guarantee that you’ll catch the clues then, but it least if you start a conversation beyond ‘how was your day’; if you talk about how to build resilience; if you let your child know that there is nothing worth taking their life over…
Have those hard conversations now when everything is good. Let your child know that correcting their behavior is your job, but that you are always proud of them and love them.
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
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