Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens

4 Shockingly Simple Rules That Could Keep Lots Of Teenaged Boys From Committing Rape (reblog)

A lot of people feel that this article is inappropriate and will be offended. I suggest that you read to the end and decide for yourself. Reblogged from Angieup.tumblr

Instead of teaching girls how to not get raped (“don’t wear this,” “don’t ever drink,” etc.), what if we went to the root of the problem and raised boys to know the ins and outs of consent?*

Here’s how you can rule out sleeping with someone:

1. She’s hammered.

2. She seems unsure if she wants to (you should never have to talk anyone into it).

3. She’s passed out.

4. It seems like there’s any other reason she might regret it in the morning. (Even if it’s not rape, do you really want to be someone’s morning-after regret, when instead they can remember you as a total gentleman?)

P.S. My he/she conventions here are in no way an attempt to shut out gay men from the conversation — these are notes to my son (who happens to be heterosexual) and other heterosexual sons. To gay sons out there, just pretend I said he, because this goes for you, too!

Here’s how you can be sure it’s okay to proceed with sex:

1. She is in control of her faculties.

2. She is enthusiastically willing.

3. Check in with her! “Do you want to be doing this?” is a great thing to ask when things are going to another sexual level. The worst thing that will happen is she’ll rethink it and say, no, she’s actually not ready. It’s important at that point to pivot to doing something else together, and not make her feel guilty for changing her mind. While that may feel like a bummer to you in the moment, what you’ve just achieved there is fucking badass. You’ve just put someone else’s feelings ahead of your physiological needs. You’ve just treated somebody the way you hope another guy would treat your sister.

All of this is to say, I actually think you’ve got this. You’re going to do great things in the world as you fully inhabit your manhood, and I think the integrity you’re made of is going to come through in all kinds of situations. I really wish you a great, fulfilling sex life where you each mutually benefit and you each come away from it feeling fortified and better for it; not damaged, confused, or disappointed in yourself.

Love and hugs and rainbows and all that,

Mom

To read the full article, click here: Son It’s Okay

If you liked what you read, follow my blog for more articles, info and camaraderie with other people just like you & me. Reach out to me on Twitter (@cgwwbook) or Facebook (CGWWBooks)

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Generational Development Coach
www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)

September 17, 2014 at 10:53 am Leave a comment

Secret Of Successful Marriage

Advice to Successful Marriage
I just attended my cousin’s wedding and loved how the groom & bride couldn’t keep their eyes (or hands) off of each other.
Best wishes to my fellow blogger, Black Grey and White. Enjoy friends! ~C. Lynn

Black Grey and White

Getting directly to the point. Here you are going to find those untold precious advices that can transform your married life from a ‘I-made-a-mistake’ song to a sweet love note!!! Tada!
Well, that was exaggeration. To tell you the truth, if you act upon the following three advices you will lower the chances of divorce in your relationship. Divorce rate in many (I think all the) countries, is sadly, getting higher and higher. The reason is (maybe) the increasing materialistic approach to get happiness and contentment in life. If it is not the only reason. It surely is one of the reasons.
Well, here on this blog our (why do I write our? Traces of a former lecturer style are still in my mind, maybe.) aim is to make life easier and happier. So, following are the three gems;
1. Wife should be thin as compared to husband. Now, I…

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September 16, 2014 at 9:50 pm Leave a comment

Tips For #Backpack Safety For Kids

(reblogged from TheBlackList Pub)

It’s that time of the year again, time to go back to school shopping. As another summer comes to an end and a new school year is quickly approaching, parents are beginning to prepare their kids for a successful year at school and this often means the purchasing of a new backpack. With so much to do in order to prepare for the upcoming school year, few stop to think about backpack safety for kids. Did you know that carrying a heavy backpack to school just may be causing health problems for your kids?

According to the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, children between the ages of 5-18 account for 6,500 emergency room visits related to carrying a backpack that is too heavy for them. More research indicates that by the end of the school year, nearly 60 percent of all school-aged children will experience at least one episode of lower back pain. Backpacks that are too heavy are responsible for a significant amount of back pain from children ranging in age from elementary school all the way up through college. Common symptoms of poor backpack loading and carrying can include headaches, poor posture, neck pain and shoulder pain or stiffness. Here are some tips to help you pick a bookbag that won’t harm your child’s back.

Tips for Backpack Safety for Kids:

Make sure your child’s bookbag is no more than 5-10 percent of his/her body weight. A backpack that is too heavy will cause your child to bend forward in an attempt to better support the weight of his/her backpack rather than allow the shoulders and straps to support the weight. A bookbag that is overweight can be dangerous to the health of your child’s back.

Compartments are key. Look for a backpack with compartments to effectively pack your child’s bag. You won’t have to worry about your child’s lunch being flattened under their textbooks.

When packing a backpack, make sure your child places items that are bulky or pointy away from the back of the backpack. Pens and pencils rubbing against your child’s back can lead to painful blisters.

To read more click here: http://bit.ly/1nMPBkE

If you liked what you read, follow my blog for more articles, info and camaraderie with other people just like you & me. Reach out to me on Twitter (@cgwwbook) or Facebook (CGWWBooks)

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach
www.clynnwilliams.com

August 31, 2014 at 1:05 pm Leave a comment

10 Ways to Show Love to Someone With Depression

Reblogged from Kelley – http://www.thedarlingbakers.com/love-someone-with-depression/

Note: I have struggled with clinical depression since I was a child. It has been a constant companion I have learned to manage and while I am better now than I have ever been, every so often I feel it returning. I describe it to my husband as a “demon eating my brain.” I have compiled this list from personal experiences that have been helpful to me. It is not intended to replace medical attention which can help many people who suffer from this illness.

Do You Love Someone With Depression?

If you have a partner or are close to someone who struggles with depression, you may not always know how to show them you love them. One day they may seem fine, and the next they are sad, distant and may push you away. It is important that you know that as a person who is close to them and trusted by them, you can help your friend or partner have shorter, less severe bouts of depression. Mental illness is as real as physical illness (it is physical actually, read more about that here) and your partner needs you as much as they would need to be cared for if they had the flu.

Your relationship may seem one-sided during these times, but by helping your partner through a very difficult and painful affliction, you are strengthening your relationship and their mental health in the long term.

1. Help them keep clutter at bay.
When a person begins spiraling into depression, they may feel like they are slowing down while the world around them speeds up. The mail may end up in stacks, dishes can pile up in the sink, laundry may go undone as the depressed person begins to feel more and more overwhelmed by their daily routine and unable to keep up. By giving your partner some extra help sorting mail, washing dishes or using paper plates and keeping chaos in check in general, you’ll be giving them (and yourself) the gift of a calm environment. (I’m a fan of the minimalist movement because of this, you can read more about that here.)

2. Fix them a healthy meal.
Your partner may do one of two things when they are in a depressed state. They may eat very little, or they may overeat. In either case, they may find that driving through a fast food restaurant or ordering a pizza online is just easier than fixing a meal. Eating like this, or neglecting to eat will only degrade your partner’s health, causing her to go deeper into her depression. Help your loved one keep her body healthy, and her mind will follow. This is a great article that talks about the “Brain Diet” which can help the symptoms of depression, and this article talks about how our modern diet could contribute to the recent rise in depression. Here is a recipe for a trail mix that is quick to make and has mood-boosting properties.

3.Get them outside.
The benefits of getting outside for a depressed person are huge. And it is possibly the last thing on earth your partner will want to do. Take them to be somewhere in nature. Pack a picnic and lie in the sun, take a leisurely hike (exercise is an effective mood booster!) or plant a garden. Being barefoot in the dirt, or “earthing” helps ground the body and reverse the effects of living in a world of emf’s, and digging in soil can actually act as an antidepressant, as a strain of bacterium in soil, Mycobacterium vaccae, triggers the release of seratonin, which in turn elevates mood and decreases anxiety. Sunshine increases Vitamin D production which can help alleviate depression. My friend Elizabeth wrote an excellent post about Vitamin D and its link to depression here. For more information about other sources of Vitamin D, this is a great post as well as this.

4. Ask them to help you understand what they’re feeling.
If your partner is able to articulate what they are going through, it will help them and you better understand what you are dealing with, and may give insight into a plan of action for helping your partner. Also, feeling alone is common for a depressed person and anything that combats that feeling will help alleviate the severity and length of the depression.

5. Encourage them to focus on self-care.
Depressed people often stop taking care of themselves. Showering, getting haircuts, going to the doctor or dentist, it’s all just too hard, and they don’t deserve to be well taken care of anyway in their minds. This can snowball quickly into greater feelings of worthlessness since “Now I’m such a mess, no one could ever love me”. Help your loved one by being proactive. Tell them “I’m going to do the dishes, why don’t you go enjoy a bubble bath?” can give them the permission they won’t give themselves to do something normal, healthy and self-loving.

6. Hug them.
Studies show that a sincere hug that lasts longer than 20 seconds can release feel-good chemicals in the brain and elevate the mood of the giver and receiver. Depressed people often don’t want to be touched, but a sincere hug with no expectation of anything further can give your partner a lift.

7. Laugh with them.
Telling a silly joke, watching a comedy or seeing a stand up comedian will encourage your partner to laugh in spite of herself. Laughing releases endorphins and studies show can actually counteract symptoms of depression and anxiety.

8. Reassure them that you can handle their feelings.
Your partner may be feeling worthless, angry and even guilty while they are depressed. They may be afraid that they will end up alone because no one will put up with their episodes forever. Reassure them that you are in the relationship for the long haul and they won’t scare you away because they have an illness.

9. Challenge their destructive thoughts.
A depressed person’s mind can be a never-ending loop of painful, destructive thoughts. “I’m unlovable, I’m a failure, I’m ugly, I’m stupid”. Challenge these untruths with the truth. “You’re not unlovable, I love you. You aren’t a failure, here are all the things you’ve accomplished.”

10.Remind them why you love them.
Look at pictures of happy times you’ve had together. Tell them your favorite things about them. Reminisce about your relationship and all the positive things that have happened, and remind your partner that you love them and they will get through this.

My friend Julie who blogs at Real Fit Mama has a great post about more things you can do to help with depression. Go have a look here! She also wrote a post about finding true happiness here.

This list is in no way exhaustive. I’d love for this to start a conversation, please leave the ways you have found to love someone with depression in the comments.

Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach
www.clynnwilliams.com

August 19, 2014 at 5:01 pm 1 comment

Having Babies is For Grown Women©

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I am so mad! “Who are you mad at” I ask myself. I am mad at them AND us! I am mad at all of the young girls who fell for the okeydoke that boys in heat tell them to satisfy their sexual curiosities. I’m mad when the girl’s best friend or mother suggests that they get an abortion and they say “No I plan to take care of this baby by myself.” But they have no idea how. I’m mad at the mothers who don’t talk to their daughters honestly and far enough in advance (age 8) about how our bodies will betray us by thoroughly enjoying that one time of thoroughly enjoyable sex and becoming pregnant. Tell your girls it only takes one time and the next thing you know you have another human being that you are responsible for. For mothers who had babies as teens, and refuse to talk openly with their daughters so that they don’t repeat that cycle of babies having babies, shame on you! Please tell them that taking birth control prevents pregnancy, but if they are promiscuous, they can catch genital herpes, pubic lice or syphilis just to name a few STIs. Tell them that girls are hard-wired differently than boys, and when we have sex, we fall in love. Doesn’t mean you like that boy, but you love him, you stop focusing on things that are important to you, and lose your mind over ‘that boy’.

I’m mad at those girls who are headstrong and expect their mothers and grandmothers to take care of their babies so they can grow up! You need a support system that goes beyond your mother & grandmother. It’s not easy raising kids. So babysit for your girlfriends and ask them to watch your kids too. If you have sisters, ask her to watch your child. If you want to attend college, take your baby with you and place it in the school’s day care center while you attend classes. That’s what grown women do. Will you miss the Friday and Saturday night parties? Probably so…

When I was a pre-teen, my mom & I had the ‘talk’. The gist of the talk was that I was to be respectable and not sleep around. If I couldn’t wait until marriage to have sex, I was to protect myself with birth control. Under no circumstances was I to bring home a baby and not be married to the baby’s father. Then she sent me to Teen Scene, a program initiated by the Chicago area Planned Parenthood to offer sex information and education to teens. They also handed out birth control pills, which makes people mad. Why? Because parents are the ones who are supposed to tell their daughters about sex & birth control right? Okay self- righteous people. Then I’m mad you and at church folk who refuse to remember when they were mistake-making teens and won’t share their experiences with the teens in their church.

I’m mad at men who don’t tell their sons the truth about what it means to be a father at 14 or 15; that being a father is not how many girls you’ve gotten pregnant, but how many children you are able to take care of and watch grow up. Please stop telling your son, “It’s probably not yours”. I realize that some girls have multiple sexual partners, but a word to the wise, if he slept with her, it’s a possibility it’s his! There is nothing wrong with testing for paternity, but also have him get a part-time job, so he can help his girl take care of their baby.

Sex is great, but it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. No, let me rephrase that – sex with a person you love and enjoy is great! The first time it’s probably terrible, especially if your first time is in a boys’ bathroom, in an alley, the back of a car, as a result of rape, or when you are not ready.

The stakes are high. For girls and women who had children while a teen and finished school, raised great kids, this conversation is NOT FOR YOU!

Hey Young Girls who are saving your virginity until you marry; this conversation is NOT FOR YOU! Grown folks, the mistakes of our children, are our mistakes too! Talk to those you mentor with honesty & love.

If you liked what you read, follow my blog for more articles, info and camaraderie with other people just like you & me. Reach out to me on Twitter (@cgwwbook) or Facebook (CGWWBooks)

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Author & Parent Coach
www.clynnwilliams.com

August 8, 2014 at 9:23 pm 2 comments

PBS Documentary Looks at One Juvenile’s Life-Without-Parole Sentence

Imagine this happening to your fourteen or fifteen year old son.

PBS Documentary Looks at One Juvenile’s Life-Without-Parole Sentence.

August 5, 2014 at 8:25 pm Leave a comment

Do Your Kids #Misbehave? Here’s What You Can Do…

Sharing a post written by Ray Mathis on misbehavior in kids. I like what he says because he agrees with my philosophy that when you parent and correct the “mis” behavior of your kids, you can’t respond emotionally. When we respond emotionally, we overreact and the message is lost on our children. See a portion of his article below.

Why Kids Do Things That Aren’t Good for Them & What to do About It

Why do kids do things like that?!

I’ve heard exasperated adults ask that question hundreds of times during my forty year career working with young people. I’ve heard kids ask the same question about their parents and I’ve asked the same question about mine. I first learned the answer in a basic psychology class in college: People start and continue to do things because it serves a purpose. Behavior is always goal-orientated.[1] There are three things which can lead to misbehavior in children: mistaken goals, emotions, and beliefs.

Mistaken Goals

It’s probably safe to assume that most people would like to live as long as they can, be healthy, happy, and successful; however, people often have what Rudolph Dreikurs[2] called mistaken goals[3] which takes them off course. They get something out of acting on these mistaken goals; however, their actions make it less likely that they’ll get what they really want in the long run. This definitely applies to children.

Dreikurs suggested that when kids experience feelings of not belonging to their social group, they engage in misbehavior which arises from one of four mistaken goals:

Think about a difficult interaction with your child, a child you’ve cared for, or a student in your classroom.

Did you feel annoyed? Perhaps the child’s goal was getting attention.
Did you feel beaten or intimidated? Perhaps the child’s goal was power and control.
Did you feel hurt? Perhaps the child’s goal was revenge.
Did you feel incapable? Perhaps the child’s goal was helplessness or inadequacy.

Consider that misbehavior in kids may be the tip of the iceberg. There can be things going on beneath the surface of a child’s mind, especially when they do things we don’t like, or that aren’t good for them. Misbehavior can be a symptom of the thoughts and feelings a child may need help with rather than the problem.

Emotions

Emotions can serve as energy to enhance our lives; however, people often generate what I call a dysfunctional amount of emotion – more emotion than is helpful or necessary, more than they want to have, and more than they know what to do with. It works against them instead of for them.[4][5] Anger, anxiety, depression, shame, and guilt can fit these definitions. As an educator, I’ve seen people do many unhealthy, self-defeating, unacceptable, and even self-destructive things when they felt these emotions. I saw my parents do it too. My father did it by smoking and drinking. My mother did it by engaging in emotional eating.[6]

READ THE ARTICLE: http://ourmomspot.net/community/index.php?topic=10666.msg113571#msg113571

If you liked what you read, register @ Our Parenting Spot for more great articles, info and camaraderie with other parents just like you & me. So… how do you handle misbehavior in your children? Reach out to me on Twitter (@cgwwbook) or Facebook (CGWWBooks)

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach
www.clynnwilliams.com

July 28, 2014 at 5:17 pm 4 comments

46 Top Websites to Promote Your Book for FREE

I’m just learning about you – great info!
Follow my blog too – Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens!
Thanks!

Savvy Writers & e-Books online

Stand out Against Thousands of Books

.
Added June 23, 2013:

Dear Reader: This list of websites, which we compiled in March 2012, grew in the meantime to almost 100. Please visit our two new blog posts with even more possibilities to announce your work for free:

http://savvybookwriters.wordpress.com/2012/11/03/50-web-links-to-let-your-book-go-viral/

http://savvybookwriters.wordpress.com/2012/11/04/part-2-45-more-websites-to-promote-your-book/

All three blog posts are officially copyright registered. To link to our blog posts, and let your own readers know about these websites, please use the RE-BLOG link on top of this page. Thanks! Please learn about re-blogging here:
http://savvybookwriters.wordpress.com/2013/06/01/re-blogging-vs-copyright-infringement/

Original Article from March 11, 2012:

1. Goodreads
Use your free membership to promote yourself and your books. Reviews are essential and reviews on Goodreads site help your book to really stand out to millions of visitors.

2. Wattpad
Wattpad has experienced explosive growth since its inception and has become the world’s most popular destination to publish and…

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July 28, 2014 at 3:54 pm Leave a comment

Good Grief Dad…It’s Only Money

I’m on a flight back to Chicago and I overhear the following conversation between a dad and his teenage daughter. She must have asked him for something, and this is how he responded. “… Didn’t I give you $173?” Smile from the daughter (I think she was a teen). “How much did you spend? You spent all of it??? That was $173 that I put on your card!!!” His teen daughter just smiled, although this time the smile looked a little sheepish. “You spent it all at Victoria Secret?” “I can’t believe you spent all of it!”

“You and your sister got your ears pierced? Who gave you permission to get your ears pierced?” This time his younger daughter spoke up and said “Mom told us it was okay with her if it was okay with you.” The father didn’t push the conversation any further, and the next thing I knew he was joking with the non-verbal daughter.

I felt sorry for dear old dad because from that brief conversation it was obvious that his daughters had him wrapped around their fingers; he was divorced from his wife, and they had not established rules on important things like piercings. Am I ancient or what? Reply and let me know if you agree that both Mom and Dad should agree on their kids’ having piercings or tattoos before they occur. Mark it hashtag dadparenting (#dadparenting)

C. Lynn Williams
#MsParentguru
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Like my fan page on www.Facebook.com/CGWWBooks

July 12, 2014 at 8:39 pm Leave a comment

#You’re Still My Little Boy

Have you ever felt guilty for saying ‘NO’ to your son when he’s asked for something that he did not need or you couldn’t afford?

I remember the story my husband tells where his ex-wife bought a car for their (teenage) son against his wishes. Son crashed the car by the third week of owning it. What do you say? Mothers say “I’m glad he’s unharmed. What a blessing.” Fathers say “That boy didn’t need a car. He’s too young for the responsibility and he won’t take care of it.” Fathers remember when they were teen boys and are speaking from their experience. Mothers just want their sons to be happy. Who’s right? Does it matter? Yes it matters a lot because there are quite a few boys today who are being shown a lifestyle (by their mothers) that they haven’t earned and it sets them up for failure as men. It teaches them to rely on women instead of themselves.

I know I made mistakes when raising my son. The way I know this is because he’s emotionally crippled today. Had I had the courage to ignore his wants and stick to the adage that I grew up with – “Go to school or Go to work”, maybe he would be well on his way with college and graduate school behind him. Instead I felt guilty and believed that I needed to be more accommodating because of my divorce from his father. I also felt that he might take the easy way out and take drastic measures like my brother did.

If you want to understand more of what makes your son tick, invest in a copy of my book, ‘The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son’. http://amzn.to/1l6PUcv If you would like to ask questions or dialogue with me about how tough adult issues affect our sons, reach out to me on Twitter @cgwwbook or on my Facebook fan page www.Facebook.com/CGWWBooks. Use hashtag #You’reStillMyLittleBoy