Posts tagged ‘father’
How to Have Healthier Menfolk
As I sit here and eat a bag of Hershey’s kisses, I wonder how in the world my kids learned to stop loving junk food š and stay healthy? š¤
Wonder how you build kids who love junk food, into healthy adults? šŖš
This month of June, celebrates men and boyās health. So letās talk about physical health.
When it comes to male health, I literally have to call āthe kidsā when my husband needs to go to the doctor. Heās pretty clear that there is no need to go to the doctor.. just take an Advil or Dayquil and stay in the bed. š¤·š½āāļø
So you can imagine, thereās no such thing as scheduling an annual well visit.
Do you live with someone like that? š¤¦š½āāļø
Scheduling annual well doctor and dentist visits are easy to do when our sons are young. They need both for school or to play sports. As they grow into men, it becomes more challenging to have them see a doctor as a preventative measure. My husband would rather write a check for a million dollars šµ than have a wellness visit. š¤·š½āāļø
Itās a shame that body parts have to stop working, in order to visit the doctor. Maybe itās the āif itās not broken, donāt fix itā strategy.
If the males in your family are the same way, it might be easier to help them eat healthier. Personally, I like vegetables and a fish protein since I donāt eat meat. I get a little push back if I make what my husband calls, double greens. š„¬ For example, cooking stir fry veggies and a side of spinach is considered double greens. On those days, Iām pressing my luck.
With your sons, especially if they play a sport, having a good amount of healthy carbs makes eating junk food less enticing. Maybe theyāre not interested in eating grapes, apples and cherries, but have them in the fridge. Having popcorn, cheese bites, and healthy snacks in the pantry, may make flaming hots, or hot Cheetos less attractive.
I recommend starting a healthy regime now at the beginning of the summer before more bad eating habits get started.
Consider adding in a mother-son (or husband-wife) evening walk to give you time with each other, and a little exercise.
Orā¦ encourage your husband and son to go to the park and throw a baseball, football, play soccer, or run on the track together. You might get push back if theyāve not done this before. Just keep encouraging them.
Iāve been trying to get my husband to walk with me in the evening, so that we donāt become a fixed part of the sofa. š Iāll keep trying.
At the end of the day, exercising and healthy eating, can help you control your weight and keep your sanity.
Write me and let me know how successful you are with the males in your family. Iāll do the same. š
Interested in learning more about your familyās dynamics?Ā Contact meĀ ā Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about myĀ parent coachingĀ programs that help guide you throughĀ Aging Parents,Ā Mother and DaughterĀ drama, Mothers and their SonsĀ challenges,Ā Fathers and DaughtersĀ as well asĀ Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
What Do I Need to Do To Get Your Attentionā
Whatās one of the first things you do when you get a moment to yourself? You probably pull out your phone. š±
There’s so much you can do on your phone. You can have a whole conversation by text or talking. You can play a game, shop or watch one of your favorite shows.
However, when youāre raising children, thereās so much of you thatās required for them to grow up healthy: physically, mentally, and emotionally. Most important is to know what’s going on in their heads.
I was talking to one of my friends about their kids who are under the age of 5. We all agreed that if your child was awake and the house was quiet š¤«, they were probably getting into something! You had to watch them constantly!
As our kids get older, we feel that we donāt have to watch them as closely and assume that things are okay with them. If they werenāt, our kids would tell us. Natural assumption right?
Wrong!
In families today, our children are relying on us to put aside our devices and initiate discussions; listen to whatās going on with them. It’s not easy….
Your teen will talk. They have to be assured that youāre listening and wonāt judge them. There canāt be any topic that you wonāt discuss with them. Are you willing to talk about anything and everything? Can you listen without letting your facial expressions show how horrified you are with the conversation? š«š¤Æ
We are living in times where anything is possible and are kids want to explore, try out new and different theories, relationships and experiences. Being able to share their thoughts and concerns with you, helps them put them in perspective. Keeping the lines of communication open, by relating to your childās thoughts and feelings; asking them what they think ā makes all the difference in the world.
Have a meal together; it doesnāt matter which one. First require that all phones and tablets be put away. 2nd requirement: allow your child the freedom to say whatever is on their mind (must be respectful). Ask āTell me whatās going onā. The first several conversations may be awkward while your kids try to figure out if youāre being honest and whether they can say what they feel. š¤·š½āāļø
Every time I hear or read about another mass shooting; I wonder who the shooter had to talk to within his family. If they shot or killed a family member before taking other lives, I wonder what kind of dysfunction was taking place. Were they able to share the fact that they were being bullied or that they were feeling anti-social? Were they abused? Are they suffering from a mental illness that went unaddressed?
I realize these are simple questions for complex issues. But what I do know is that young people have lots of challenges going on in their lives these days. We as parents can’t solve them all. However, being watchful, following your intuition (if you feel something is wrong, it is) and making it safe to tell you what’s going on, goes a long way to minimize issues that cause our kids to self-harm or harm others. Peace.
Interested in learning more about your familyās dynamics?Ā Contact meĀ ā Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my parent coaching programs that help guide you throughĀ Aging Parents,Ā Mother and DaughterĀ drama,Ā Mothers and their SonsĀ challenges,Ā Fathers and DaughtersĀ as well asĀ Fathers and their Sons.
Click HereĀ to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
What Being Patient Does Not Mean
Have you ever had somebody tell you, ājust be patient, it will come in time.ā?
What did you think?
Did a little guilt or anger creep in? Or perhaps all you could think about is OMG, when is āitā going to happen!?
The problem with statements like just be patient, is that we are impatient by nature. We want what we want, right away. Todayās technology just exacerbates that right-now mentality because of our ability to request & respond to people immediately!
Today, Iām not interested in talking about how to be patient; what I do want to talk about, is what being patient does not mean.
For creative, inventive, amazing people, there are many other things to do, to prepare for whatās coming. Here are things I think about when I am waiting…
- Is there any preparation that I can complete?
- Are there other unrelated tasks that need to be completed?
- What fun activities can I do, to take my mind off of “are we there yet” questions?
- Walking, yoga, running, or working-out, are great activities to help you refocus
Preparing for something new thatās coming into my life, whether itās a book that Iām writing, new clients joining my coaching program, or a vacation that I sorely need, requires patience.
Being patient does not mean being inactive or sitting still. Instead you are focusing your energies on activities, thoughts and preparation, so that when what you are expecting to come, occurs, you are ready for it!
Interested in learning more about your familyās dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my parenting coaching programs that help guide you through Aging Parents, Mother and Daughter drama, Mothers and their Sons challenges, Fathers and Daughters as well as Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
How to Boost Your Confidence to the Max
When you exude confidence and you’re comfortable in your own skin, the world becomes a better place, and you attract positivity. During times of stress, your mental and physical health can take a nosedive, and it affects your outlook on everything. There are many steps you can take to get your motivation back on track so that you can look and feel your best.Ā Guest blog by Gwen Payne from invisiblemoms.com.
Ways to Look and Feel Good
Sign up for a family photoshoot
Family photoshoots can inject a lot of fun into your life and give you an opportunity to connect with your loved ones. For the photoshoot, you can dress up and make an effort, which can help make you feel positive about your appearance. A skilled photographer will capture you and your family in the best light, making everyone look and feel good.
Improve your nutrition
Both sugar and caffeine give you an instant boost of energy, but too much can make your body crash and become fatigued. Too many additives, sugar, and processed foods can lead to weight gain. Improving your overall nutrition with a balanced diet can help clear brain fog and give you more body confidence.
Improve your living space
When your house is cluttered, disorganized and messy, it can feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. And most likely, you never want anyone to visit. If you love to entertain, this is likely holding you back from spending time with friends and family. Fortunately, you can easily reverse this! Spend a few weekends clearing out everything, cleaning and reorganizing your space. Next, open the shades, light some scented candles and add some new decor, and your home will be primed for maximum positivity.
Set goals
Set future goals and hold yourself accountable. When setting goals it’s important to make them challenging but achievable by breaking a big goal down into short and long-term goals. Draw up a step-by-step plan to achieve your goal, and then break it down into daily tasks. If you don’t achieve your daily or monthly goal, do better the next month.
A good goal is to go after career and academic goals. For example, if you’ve always wanted to get your master’s degree, enroll in an online program to start. An MBA program can increase your business knowledge in areas such as strategic planning and leadership, and enhance your self-awareness and self-assessment abilities.
Monthly pamper sessions
Don’t feel guilty about indulging in some pampering, as these can be great for detoxing, circulation, and creating a sense of calm. Whether it’s a sports massage or spa treatment, these moments can really make you feel good about yourself.
Pursue a childhood hobby
Get in touch with your child-like spirit by pursuing a hobby you enjoyed as a child. Loved roller skating? Buy a pair of skates! Enjoyed dancing and gymnastics? Sign-up for online dance classes. You don’t have to be the best at it ā just do something you enjoy.
Outdoor activities
Nature has the power to rejuvenate both mind and body. Take up an outdoor sport like running, walking, hiking, biking, or watersports, to enjoy the healing effect of nature and the rush of endorphins. Treat yourself to new gear when you take up an outdoor sport. Track your progress by investing in a fitness watch where you can download apps to map out new routes and monitor your efforts in real-time.
Take Steps to Feel Good
If you’re stuck in a rut, you’ll have to make a conscious effort to change. The most important thing is sticking to a game plan and making one small change at first.Ā Ā
Interested in learning more about your familyās dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my parenting coaching programs that help guide you through Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters drama, Mothers and their Sons challenges, Fathers and Daughters as well as Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
The Secret Lives of Teens on Social Media: Here’s What You Need to Know
Social media has become an integral part of our everyday lives. Parents use it, just like their children. However, on average, teenagers are the ones who spend the most time on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, TikTok and similar platforms.
This leaves many parents worried. Some are afraid that this habit will grow into an addiction, while others are concerned about cyberbullying, over-sharing, and an āall-about-attentionā attitude.
Author Donna Lynn Hope asks an important question: āHow different would people act if they couldn’t show off on social media? Would they still do it?ā
If our children were to be born in more innocent times, without social media, would they be any different?
Consider these questions:
- How do we know what our children are doing online?
- Is there a way to control our childās behavior on social media, without invading their privacy and breaking their trust?
- How do we recognize if social media is negatively affecting our children?
This topic is complicated, and there are no simple answers. However, if you ask your child about the time they spend on social media, you might be surprised at how willing they are to talk about it.
When you speak with them about their emotions and challenges, and address potential issues in self-esteem, you may find that social media wonāt pose such a threat to them.
Even so, you may still be wondering how you can safely explore your childās secret life on social media.
These solutions will help:
- Dignify their devices. If you want to limit your childās social media usage, avoid taking away their device. They will find another one. Help them find effective ways to self-regulate, instead.
- Fear of missing out often motivates the time spent on social media.
- However, teens are aware of the consequences this habit creates. Encourage them to reflect on these consequences and focus on the impact social media overload has on their personal, academic, and other goals.
- Fear of missing out often motivates the time spent on social media.
- Ask about the apps. Ask your child which apps they spend the most time on. Is it Instagram, Facebook, or perhaps Snapchat? Once you find out, install those apps on your phone, too, and figure out how they work.
- Some apps have geolocation which can pose a real danger. Try to manage your childās social media activity by informing them of the danger rather than imposing your opinion.
- Donāt be a manager, be a mentor.
- Some apps have geolocation which can pose a real danger. Try to manage your childās social media activity by informing them of the danger rather than imposing your opinion.
- Help them to protect their privacy. Talk about privacy settings on different social media accounts. Some teens are not aware of this option.
- Agree with them to accept only the followers and friends that they know personally. This is not an easy task for a teen because the number of followers is often the barometer of popularity.
- However, if they understand the necessity for well-managed online presence, this shouldnāt be a problem.
- Agree with them to accept only the followers and friends that they know personally. This is not an easy task for a teen because the number of followers is often the barometer of popularity.
- Talk about sexting. Parents find the infamous conversation about āThe Birds and the Beesā just as awkward as children do. However, now you have another level to deal with ā sexting.
- Teens can often confuse sending explicit messages and photos for intimacy that might not exist.
- Talk about what it means to have a healthy relationship and how to develop and maintain one.
- Teens can often confuse sending explicit messages and photos for intimacy that might not exist.
- Overcome social media prejudice. Many parents believe that social media is completely, or almost completely, bad. However, it is neither good nor bad per se. Itās a new form of communication.
- When parents talk to their children about social media from this standpoint, the child is likely to withhold and hide information.
- Genuine curiosity and an open mind about your childās interest in social media can make a significant difference.
- When parents talk to their children about social media from this standpoint, the child is likely to withhold and hide information.
- Care about their emotions. Teenagers want their opinions to be heard. This especially goes for the things theyāre passionate or angry about. Social media offers instant feedback to their posts, which makes kids feel listened to, validated, and acknowledged.
- However, if you offer empathy for challenges your child is facing, you can provide listening and validation inside of your family, too. This will give you an insight into what your teen posts on social media and an opportunity to help them self-filter.
When your child asks you for the first time if they can open a social media account, avoid judging them or jumping to conclusions. Accept their need to engage in such community-based way of communication, talk about it, and help them build a safe profile.
Teach them how to protect themselves and what to expect.
Youāll never have all the information about their activity, but if youāre interested and understanding, you might get just the right amount.
I help parents build the kind of communication and trust that allows parent-child relationships to grow and feel better through coaching and parent classes. Email me for more information: info@clynnwilliams.com š
Thanks for reading my blog and following me on Instagram and Twitter @MsParentguru.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
My Teen Is Old Enoughā¦
Being a teen is overrated. They are old enough to know what to do, but they donāt have the maturity or experience to consistently make the right decisions.
Being a teen is overrated. They are old enough to know what to do, but they donāt have the maturity or experience to consistently make the right decisions.
I was the oldest child and my mom and dad taught me the difference between right and wrong. I was responsible for āsetting a good exampleā for my brother and sister. While I didnāt want to disappoint them, my parents also had āeyesā in the community and throughout the city; other adults who would report back if they saw me in places where they didnāt think I should be. Even so, I broke the rulesā¦ like the time I rode on my boyfriendās motorcycle. Two broken rules:
- No boyfriends (at my age)
- No riding on anyoneās motorcycle
Never mind that we could have an accident and I could be hurt or killed. That never occurred to me (as a teen) because I was fearless and willing to try things. Even if it meant breaking the rules.
Parents often believe that once their child becomes a teenager, they donāt need as much supervision. Thatās not true either. You donāt have to worry that your teen will fall down the stairs, like a 2- or 3-year-old. But they could accept a ride from a stranger when they need to get someplace on time. Or they may be tricked into giving out their phone number in an online chat, because the person theyāre talking to says they are 15 too, like your child.
Think about the recent rash of carjackings or smash and grab crimes that are being performed by teens. Some of the kids are 12 or 13 years old. I can hear you ā āNot My Childā.
How do you know?
You work every day and youāve taught your child right from wrong. They would never steal a car, hold a person at gunpoint/knifepoint, or snatch their purse/wallet. Right?
You say, āmy child is smart, comes from a two-parent family, we are not poor.ā Those crimes only occur with/byā¦ You fill-in the rest of this sentence with your thoughts or biases.
As a parent expert who has taught and studied adolescents, teens, and 20-somethings for the past 20 years, I can tell you this:
- Teens love thrill and excitement
- They are easily influenced by their peers and the world around them
- Leaving them on their own for 3-4 hours every day (after school) without supervision is a problem
Join my Zoom Parent Masterclass on Thursday, October 21st where we will discuss teens: their wants, needs and love language. Admission is $25 until October 9th; $45 thereafter.
CLICK HERE to Register.
Interested in learning more about your familyās dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting coaching programs that help you through Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters and Fathers and their Sons.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
We Can Save Our Boys
Itās hard to advocate for equality and fairness from others, when our sons kill each other. Beefs, challenges, gang wars, whateverā¦ it takes superhuman strength to change the heart and action of young men once the streets have become their parents.
Offer them love, support, structure and discipline while they are young. Continue it through their adolescent and teen years. Teach them to be good people, so they will grow up and be great adults
Be willing to move them out of dangerous communities and away from dangerous people. When I was growing up, an unruly young man was sent to the Army or military school.
If you are a single mom and your sonās dad is not in his life, find a good role model that will provide male support and discipline. Letās start repeating affirmations of peace, freedom and love over ourselves and our sons. Instead of sending your son out to play, go outside and play with him. I coach parents, and one of my parents said her son has no one to play with outside, because the other kids are afraid of getting shot. That’s a sad commentary on some of our communities now. We can do better.
Our current circumstances do not define who we are, or who our sons are.
Interested in learning more about your familyās dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting coaching programs that help you through Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters and Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams @MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
How to Develop Our Children Into Critical Thinkers
This summer we have seen two top female athletes stop competing and take time off to practice self-care and work on mental health concerns. Earlier this month, professional tennis player Naomi Osaka told us it was okay not to be O.K. and walked away from the U.S. Open. She said she needed some time away to deal with issues of exhaustion and depression.
Last week, gymnastics superstar Simone Biles, withdrew from the Tokyo Olympics to focus on mental health.
Also impressive is by how singer Britney Spears is taking control of her life, her career and her fortune.
Those are not easy decisions to make.
What these young women are showing us is that they are:
ā Taking control of their life
ā Saying no when it comes to protecting their physical & mental health
ā Prepared to accept criticism from people who donāt understand their why
When we raise critical thinking children, we are teaching them to think, speak and act in ways that are beneficial to them and the people or organizations they believe in.
It can be challenging when they use those same critically thinking minds to disagree with us.
Tweet
It happens, but simply means the process is working.
In order to build those positive, well-adjusted adults, follow these Doās & Donāts:
- Do: Spend “child-centered time” with your kid every day.
- Don’t: Stop your kid from making his/her own mistakes — and learning from them. It may be one of the hardest tasks as a parent.
- Do: Praise personal effort instead of personal qualities, such as intelligence, otherwise you can make your kids self-conscious, which may lead to unwanted complexes like shame when they do t accomplish their tasks.
- Don’t: Shine the light on your childās misbehavior as it can often backfire.
- Do: Practice gratitude with your munchkin on a daily basis. Ask questions like: who is someone you love or who is someone who helps you?
- Don’t: Positive stories are good, but negative ones are just as — if not more — effective, because they illustrate perseverance.
- Do: Happy kids have friends, so help your child develop his friendships. You can start by not neglecting your own friends.
C. Lynn Williams, @MsParentguru
Give Them Something To Believe In
Life is funny, you leave one crisis, and move into a second or third one.Ā
This week Iām thinking about boysā¦ yes, our sons. And the challenges some of them face growing up.
For the last several years, we have experienced a number of young men losing their life to gun violence. Violence of being shot by rivals and violence due to police shootings. Last year (2020), not only did we experience over 600,000 people who died from COVID-19, we also watched as the number of black boys and men who were shot and killed by police, increased.
Toward the end of 2020, many cities noticed a rash of crimes where people were being carjacked and robbed or killed. Many of these crimes were committed by young men, some as young as 11 or 12. It makes you wonder what kind of direction or guidance they are receiving at home?
I had firsthand knowledge of guidance for a young boy.
My little brotherā¦
I think back to my brother and how he responded to my mom and dad’s divorce. He was young, about 11 years old and missed having Dad at home. He was angry and felt alone.
He started getting into trouble.
A lot. Getting into trouble in those days, meant being disrespectful, destroying somebodyās property, or stealing. Our dad wasnāt coming by for regular visits, but if my mother called about my brother, Dad would come and discipline him.
My brother was so unhappy that he began trying to take his life. (Thank God he was unsuccessful.) He also began hanging out with the ābad boysā in the neighborhood.
My mother sold our house and moved to a different neighborhood.
Who can say what kind of stress these boys are undergoing at home?
- It could be due to financial issues.
- Maybe the stress is verbal or physical.
- Your son could be dealing with depression.
- Perhaps he is reacting to deaths of people he knows due to COVID-19, domestic or gun violence. If his family has gang affiliation and the violence is orchestrated by gang leaders, imagine how stressful that could be.
How do you help your son if he is facing any of these (or other issues)? What do you do if heās going through male teen angst? Maybe heās exhibiting disrespectful, aggressive, violent behavior or mood swings.
What happens if you can’t change neighborhoods?
Try these five things before giving up or seeking professional help:
- Schedule Time With Your Son – talk frequently and spend regularly scheduled time with him and keep his schedule jam-packed with school, sports, clubs, time with friends, and after-school jobs.
- Set a Sleep Routine ā itās easier being a teen if heās getting enough sleep.
- Get Moving ā the last thing a moody teen wants to do is get up and move, but itās one of the best ways he can feel better.
- Listen Without Lecturing – resist the urge to lecture your son. Listen with an open mind.
- Keep Your Cool ā take a deep breath, keep your cool and find a way to communicate without lashing out.
Find an honorable, trustworthy male mentor that he can talk to, when he can’t talk to you. Remember to model healthy ways to handle stress. Take good care yourself.
I help parents build the kind of communication and trust that allows parent-child relationships to grow and feel better through coaching and parent classes. Email me for more information: info@clynnwilliams.com š
Thanks for reading my blog. Follow me on Instagram and Twitter @MsParentguru.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
7 Ways to Be Less Critical…
Do you find yourself criticizing the people around you more often than complimenting them? Perhaps you’re harsh on yourself as well…
One of the ways toĀ stop being criticalĀ of others is to learn to define your own self-worth intrinsically, which means that you learn to see the beautiful qualities of who you are ā caring, compassionate, empathetic, kind, and generous.
Today we will focus on ways to be less critical of our children.
7 Ways to Be Less Critical of Your Child š¶š½ š§š½
- DescribeĀ theĀ Situation Instead of Fixing Blame.
- Say Nothing.
- ExpressĀ YourĀ Feelings.
- Put Things in PerspectiveĀ andĀ Let Things Slide.
- MakeĀ theĀ Praise Descriptive Instead of Generic.
- Focus onĀ theĀ Effort Instead ofĀ theĀ Outcome.
- Focus onĀ EncouragementĀ instead of Judgement.
We all make mistakes.Ā
We often criticize ourselves more severely than our loved ones or peers, interfering with our sense of harmony in our mental and emotional capabilities, strength, and spiritual beliefs.Ā
Maturity occurs as we practice forgiving ourselves, our children and each other.
Interested in learning more about your familyās dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parent coaching programs that help you through Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens 
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