Posts tagged ‘love’

My Spouse and I Parent Very Differently

How is it possible that the person you fell in love with; who understands you perfectly and finishes your sentences… parents so differently from you?

Not only do they parent differently, it’s inconsistent, they show favorites with your kids and it’s ALL WRONG 😑

Well, I wonder if they feel the same way about you?

The funny thing about parenting, is this: how can someone else tell you how to raise your child? Yet, that’s exactly what has to happen when you coparent whether you are in the same household or in separate households.

Ideally you discuss things that are important to you to instill in your children before they are born. If it’s important that your son or daughter to speak candidly, then your spouse can’t be annoyed when your out-spoken child speaks at a family gathering (and the comment embarrasses you).

Parenting isn’t one of those “scripted” professions. You start out with the best intentions of raising your child together, until you hit a non-negotiable topic.

Here are 3 things to consider to help you resolve those sticky parenting issues:

  • Take a moment to calm down (if you’re angry)
  • Think about whether you can accept what your spouse is saying (lose the ego)
  • Communicate your concerns with your spouse (outside of your child’s hearing)

Trying to talk while angry, is insanity. Once you calm down, you may feel differently and be willing to compromise. Marriage and raising children require compromise and patience from both of you. Acceptance of your spouse’s parenting style is important to your relationship, and the relationship of your spouse and child.

If you or your spouse are the bonus parent, and are new to the parent-child relationship, either one of you may have a difficult time, “allowing” the other parent to share in important decisions, behavior management and life issues. It’s a normal human emotion to be protective of your child. However, the blending takes place when you share your concerns and decide how to handle.

That was the challenge my husband and I faced when we married and blended our children of previous relationships together. It wasn’t easy when we started. It took a lot of conversations and a few arguments (when the kids were not around). It also took prayer and patience. Our children are adults now, and we are celebrating 20 years of marriage later this year.

You can do this!

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

clynnwilliams.com

April 28, 2022 at 8:00 pm Leave a comment

Raising Our Daughters to be Fearless

My daughter and me

As we celebrate Women’s History Month, I think back to when I found out our firstborn child would be a girl. Coming from a long line of strong women, I was excited to be a girlmom. 😆

I believe in women being bold, sassy and speaking their truths. What better way to raise a daughter who would live life from her internal perspective instead of how the world thinks she should live.

What’s crazy is that nobody expects girls to speak with confidence, especially girls of color. 🙄 As mothers, we have to encourage that confidence daily, so that our daughters are comfortable speaking up and out whether with their girlfriends, boyfriends, in the classroom or in their work environments. Living life on your own terms is important today where there are many opportunities to succeed, even when people tell you, you can’t.

Patience is key in this relationship with our daughter(s). As you help her build her “voice”, she will use it to argue and sometimes compete with you.🗣 Don’t be offended, just know that as her staunchest supporter – her mom, you are someone she trusts and loves.

Be her fence, love her unconditionally, but give her room to grow. She may make decisions that you don’t respect as she grows and matures. It’s okay. It has to be okay – it’s her life. Be there as her guide and coach.

Enjoy the journey with her, as she becomes the woman you always wanted and expected her to become. 🌸💕🌺

C. Lynn Williams, aka MsParentguru

clynnwilliams.com

March 9, 2022 at 3:29 pm Leave a comment

We Can Save Our Boys

It’s hard to advocate for equality and fairness from others, when our sons kill each other. Beefs, challenges, gang wars, whatever… it takes superhuman strength to change the heart and action of young men once the streets have become their parents.

Offer them love, support, structure and discipline while they are young. Continue it through their adolescent and teen years. Teach them to be good people, so they will grow up and be great adults

Be willing to move them out of dangerous communities and away from dangerous people. When I was growing up, an unruly young man was sent to the Army or military school.

If you are a single mom and your son’s dad is not in his life, find a good role model that will provide male support and discipline. Let’s start repeating affirmations of peace, freedom and love over ourselves and our sons. Instead of sending your son out to play, go outside and play with him. I coach parents, and one of my parents said her son has no one to play with outside, because the other kids are afraid of getting shot. That’s a sad commentary on some of our communities now. We can do better.

Our current circumstances do not define who we are, or who our sons are.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting coaching programs that help you through Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters and Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams @MsParentguru

Parent Coach, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

September 23, 2021 at 12:53 pm Leave a comment

7 Ways to Be Less Critical…

Photo by Ebuka Onyewuchi on Pexels.com

Do you find yourself criticizing the people around you more often than complimenting them? Perhaps you’re harsh on yourself as well…

One of the ways to stop being critical of others is to learn to define your own self-worth intrinsically, which means that you learn to see the beautiful qualities of who you are – caring, compassionate, empathetic, kind, and generous.

Today we will focus on ways to be less critical of our children.

7 Ways to Be Less Critical of Your Child 👶🏽 🧒🏽 

  1. Describe the Situation Instead of Fixing Blame.
  2. Say Nothing.
  3. Express Your Feelings.
  4. Put Things in Perspective and Let Things Slide.
  5. Make the Praise Descriptive Instead of Generic.
  6. Focus on the Effort Instead of the Outcome.
  7. Focus on Encouragement instead of Judgement.

We all make mistakes. 

We often criticize ourselves more severely than our loved ones or peers, interfering with our sense of harmony in our mental and emotional capabilities, strength, and spiritual beliefs. 

Maturity occurs as we practice forgiving ourselves, our children and each other.  

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parent coaching programs that help you through Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Coach, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

June 30, 2021 at 9:39 pm Leave a comment

Motherhood – The Greatest Role Ever

As March 2017 begins, I’m thinking about Women’s History Month, Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent, as well as my oldest daughter’s impending womens-history-month-2wedding. While each event influences my life in some way, anything related to my children touches me on a much deeper level.

My role as a mother has required that I learn how to:

  • Love
  • Share
  • Care
  • Stand firm
  • Fight
  • Listen
  • Become fearless
  • Hold my children (and myself) accountable

It’s the only role that I know of where you create a human legacy, and generations of people are born. Motherhood is a gift from our Creator that we can choose to be amazingly great at, or an abysmal failure. Often our childhood experiences shape the kind of mothers we become.

Mums and Babies

Mums and Babies

I will be sharing my thoughts about Motherhood today, March 1, 2017, 7:30 PM (CST) on Real Life, Real Love with Chatdaddy Sims on WVON 1390 AM. I would love for you to call in and join the conversation.

motherhood-quote

Interested in taking your family’s dynamics to a new level? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons or Fathers and Daughters.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

March 1, 2017 at 4:19 pm Leave a comment

The Good..The Bad..The Ugly

Even though my kids are adults, I’m still an involved mom because I talk with one or all of them daily about the good, the bad, and the ugly in their lives. It’s sort of like being on call. I find that I constantly manage my life and work (marriage too) around theirs. Moms who are reading this know what I’m talking about if this happens to you: You have a perfect plan to complete the chapter for your next book and receive a call from your daughter who needs to talk. Do you tell her – “I’m sorry I have a deadline for this chapter and I’ll have to talk with you later”? Or, do you put on your mother hat, and listen to her talk out the 20th problem that is ruining her life?

Whatever you decide, stress sets in when you allow too many of your children’s problems and concerns to hijack your day, week, or month. It’s difficult to say no to our kids, because we are so used to doing for them. However, since they are used to being cared for by us, it can become a challenge letting them grow into the wonderful, self-sufficient adults that we know they can be. Statistics show that 25% of parents are using their retirement to pay rent or groceries for their millennial children (21 years or older).communicating-with-adult-children-1c7xd8i

For Superwomen like me, here are some ideas on how to achieve less stress when it comes to your children:

  1. Take a moment to think about your answer and what you are committing to before you commit. For example if your son asks you to pay his car insurance (“Just for this month Mom”). Think about what it does to your budget. If you can afford it. What lessons does it teach him?
  2. Listen without advising the next time your daughter asks you what should she do about the guy that she’s been dating for five years. (You’re not crazy about him anyway, so keeping your opinions to yourself will be very challenging.)
  3. Let the call go to voicemail when your child calls you for the 5th time today because she can’t figure something out. I know this is really a tough one because who else will talk her through if not you. Give her some time to build her mental muscle (she is a superwoman in the making) and call her later. You will be surprised to see how she worked out her problem and matured a little more in the process.

 

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons or Fathers and Daughters.

Click Here to receive my newsletter and notices of my future events.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

January 13, 2017 at 9:16 pm Leave a comment

When He or She Is Not That Into You

(Reprinted from Candace A Williams.com blog.)

Watching the 2009 romantic comedy, He’s Just Not That Into You, is full of laughs and embarrassing moments, but there are some real examples of behaviors that men and women do when they are just not that into someone. What’s ironic about the movie is, when I went to go see it, I ran into someone who clearly wasn’t that into me. His words said one thing, his actions said another. I chuckled because he showed me exactly who I thought he was. From then on, I vowed to myself that I would share my knowledge and intuition with others [about relationships].

REGISTER for our Jan 10th webinar So You Want To Get Married

Now, of course, most people nod and agree; but they rarely listen to my advice because the reality is we all want to be loved. We want that romantic fairytale and we want someone to grow old with. As the holidays are fastly approaching and we are beginning a new year, 2017; my advice to everyone struggling with whether or not he or she is into you, if you have to ask, he or she is probably not. They could like you and not love you, date you and not want to marry you, have children with you but not want to stay committed to you. Run…and run fast. Deep down inside you truly know how that person makes you feel and what you want. Do not allow yourself to settle for anything else. Why stay with someone that you do not want or get along with? Why keep someone around when you know he or she is “Just Not That Into You?” So stop second guessing yourself when it comes to relationships and join our webinar.

We will discuss relationship issues like this and more in our free Jan 10th webinar.
Here’s the link to register: So You Want To Get Married

C. Lynn Williams,
Owner & Creator of Finding Superwoman™

www.clynnwilliams.com

 

December 28, 2016 at 8:31 pm Leave a comment

If You Are A Too Busy Working Mom…

Have you ever felt completely at your wits end because you had a project due at work or in your business, and your img_9908daughter needed you? I’ve been there and remember how difficult it was to make the choice to spend time with her. Yes I chose my daughter. Because there will ALWAYS be a project, a meeting, an event to attend.

Here’s the million dollar question! What’s the consequence if you don’t spend time when she needs (wants) you? Will she want to talk a week, month or year later? Will what was so important to her to share with you today, matter in six months (when you have more time)?

Go to my YouTube channel: MsParentGuru and check out my YouTube video blog: Click Here

If you are struggling to have meaningful conversations with your daughter and want help, let’s have a conversation about your next steps. Here’s a link to reach me. While you’re deciding if you really want to talk about that mother-daughter relationship, pick up a copy of my book, Raising Your Daughter.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentGuru

Connect with my parent community: www.clynnwilliams.com

November 10, 2016 at 1:32 pm Leave a comment

Gun Violence Begins at Home

acceptance

Growing up in the 50’s and 60’s, all I wanted was to be accepted for who I was – glasses and all, and look like my best girlfriend Susan. What I later learned is that it wouldn’t have mattered what I looked like, because most kids wanted to look like or be someone else.

While most of my friends had strict parents, I didn’t have any close friends (that I knew of) whose parents were verbally (or physically) cruel. I say that because as a kid we had parental permission to visit our close friends and I often watched how my friends’ moms and dads interacted with them. Yes I’ve been fascinated with family dynamics since I was a kid. I know what it’s like to grow up in a house where you’re constantly criticized or made to feel bad for who you are. I’ve seen it firsthand. As a child, it feels awful to be constantly criticized.Not Communicating

I also feel sorry for parents who expect to have (what they consider to be) normal kids, who aren’t. Maybe the child is sick, disabled/handicapped or have a different sexual orientation. It’s understandable to expect your child to grow up and be awesome! All parents want that. But when your child grows up and chooses a career or life that you did not expect or don’t value as acceptable, what do you do?

I believe you internalize your disappointment and think you’ve failed as a parent. Depending on your upbringing, you become critical of that young man or woman and say hurtful things that create division and separation. But let me tell you what can happen to that young man or woman; they feel rejected and hurt. You may never hear those feelings because it’s not safe for them to share them with you. If the dynamics in your household is violence and anger, they internalize that too.

Think about it! The gun violence over the last 6 years has often been random and impersonal. As a kid, if you haven’t been hugged, kissed or told how much you are loved (by your parents); if your only validation was to be told ‘How stupid you are’, ‘You’ll never amount to anything’, ‘I wish you were never born’ or ‘Shut up’; you’re ignored or beaten, it is easy to see how you would internalize those feelings and become bitter.

Anytime I read or hear about a mass or random shooting, I wonder what kind of environment that person grew up in. Were they loved, nurtured and well-cared for? Or were they allowed to do their own thing and somewhat ignored because their parents worked (a lot), didn’t know how to reach out to them, didn’t care. Gun violence photo

I am truly sorry for the mass shootings in Orlando, as well as the daily shootings in Chicago. Folks wake up! It’s not too late to reestablish a loving relationship with your child – no matter how old they are. ♥♥

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for aging parents, Mothers and Daughters or Mothers and Sons. Email me at: info@clynnwilliams.com

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Coach & Author

www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
Yours & Mine: The Winning Blended Family Formula (220 Publishing, 2015)

 

June 15, 2016 at 11:21 am 4 comments

Wicked Stepmoms Unite

I don’t think of myself as a stepmom, except when all of our kids are home to visit, or most recently to gather for my dad’s memorial service. While I am mother to children that I did physically have, I’d like to think that I am far from wicked.

Two events caused me to thinkof stepmoms   and “wicked” in the same sentence. The first was a conversation I’ve been having with one of my students about her stepmother and how controlling she is, and the other is a relative’s belief that stepchildren don’t have the same attachments to family members as our biological children, therefore they are not entitled to be part of the ‘inner family circle’.

I say hogwash! We stepmoms / blended family moms have a responsibility to keep our children close to us and keep the distinctions to a minimum. 

I know it’s easy to write this and hard to live it, but I know what it’s like to be seen as ‘different’ from the other children. So when we favor our biological children over our stepchildren, or allow others to show favoritism between our kids, we begin to create scars that last well into adulthood. If you feel insecure when your husband wants to spend time with his daughter (your stepdaughter), seek out a therapist, become a part of a supportive stepmoms support group or join my upcoming coaching program for mothers.

Happy, secure mothers are well loved and a joy to be around. Let’s remove “wicked” from our family’s vocabulary.  

 

C. Lynn Williams

#MsParentguru

http://www.clynnwilliams.com

February 1, 2016 at 3:35 pm Leave a comment

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