Posts tagged ‘love’

Wicked Stepmoms Unite

I don’t think of myself as a stepmom, except when all of our kids are home to visit, or most recently to gather for my dad’s memorial service. While I am mother to children that I did physically have, I’d like to think that I am far from wicked.

Two events caused me to thinkof stepmoms   and “wicked” in the same sentence. The first was a conversation I’ve been having with one of my students about her stepmother and how controlling she is, and the other is a relative’s belief that stepchildren don’t have the same attachments to family members as our biological children, therefore they are not entitled to be part of the ‘inner family circle’.

I say hogwash! We stepmoms / blended family moms have a responsibility to keep our children close to us and keep the distinctions to a minimum. 

I know it’s easy to write this and hard to live it, but I know what it’s like to be seen as ‘different’ from the other children. So when we favor our biological children over our stepchildren, or allow others to show favoritism between our kids, we begin to create scars that last well into adulthood. If you feel insecure when your husband wants to spend time with his daughter (your stepdaughter), seek out a therapist, become a part of a supportive stepmoms support group or join my upcoming coaching program for mothers.

Happy, secure mothers are well loved and a joy to be around. Let’s remove “wicked” from our family’s vocabulary.  

 

C. Lynn Williams

#MsParentguru

http://www.clynnwilliams.com

February 1, 2016 at 3:35 pm Leave a comment

I Can’t Believe I’ve Turned Into My Mother

mom_n_girlsAs I reflected on my Mother’s Day weekend, I think about some things my mom said to me when I was growing up, like “Don’t forget the paper the toilet seat” or “Put a hat on so you don’t catch a cold!” Her favorite phrase was “Divine Order!” She would say that when we had no idea what we were supposed to do, and those magical words always yielded amazing results.

My mom’s faith encouraged me in tremendous ways especially when I faced crossroads and was afraid to move forward. She is no longer with me, however I will remember her words forever. I hope you had a mom_modwonderful Mother’s Day. Enjoy and make the best of every day that you have with your children, significant other and those that are close to you.

#MsParentGuru ❤️

Family. Foundations. Futures.
http://www.clynnwilliams.com
Ask Me About how to #HealTheWoundedDaughter

 

May 27, 2015 at 4:45 am Leave a comment

10 Dating Tips for College Women

three college womenNext
Dating in college can be really fun. It can also be disappointing, frustrating and just plain old annoying, but finding the right guy for you doesn’t need to take an act from Congress. So here are the top ten dating tips by college students for college students, or in other words things that have worked! (reposted from EmpowerHER.com)

Tip 1

Find someone who likes you for you. This might sound cliché, but it means that your guy loves you even with your many imperfections. If you worry about what he thinks about you too much it can hurt your relationship more than it could help. Your man should love you for all the quirks and cute things you do, just because he cares about you.

Click on the link below to read more tips.

http://www.empowher.com/sex-amp-relationships/content/top-ten-dating-tips-college-students

Interested in learning more about self-care and balance for women? Join us on March 24th for our Balancing Life with Love virtual webinar. REGISTER => http://bit.ly/1b9sCko

Contact Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about her inspiring parenting programs for Mothers & Daughters, Mothers & Sons or Dads & Daughters. Email her at: info@clynnwilliams.com

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Author & Generational Development Strategist

www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)

March 15, 2015 at 3:31 pm Leave a comment

How to be a Committed 2015 Parent

As 2014 draws to a close, thank you for supporting me and reading my Staying Sane blog. 2014 was a tough year for parents. The news constantly reported assaults (or murders) on our kids whether from strangers, peers or adults. It’s enough to make you want to move to an uninhabited island until your child becomes an adult. However, we know that’s not going to happen! The best we can do is enjoy the time we have with our young people, and be awesome role models. As a parent, my goal in 2015 is to be a better listener and example setter. What are your parent goals for 2015?

Love between dads & daughters

Love between dads & daughters

It’s easy to be the type of parent that says “Do What I Say” instead of being the type of role model that you want your son or daughter to follow. God holds us accountable to be the best parents we can be. Fatherless or motherless kids are forced to raise themselves and we have seen the devastation that a kid trying to raise himself/herself brings.

Are you committed to being the best parent you can possibly be? Our kids spell L-O-V-E with T-I-M-E. Make 2015 special with the time, love and commitment that you share with your son or daughter. Dads talk to that pre-teen daughter about a pledge to wait before having sex. Moms help your son become the best man he can become by holding him accountable to complete tasks and responsibilities when you assign them.

Is parenting easy? Not at all, however you can do this. And I can help! Become a part of my new parent membership program called Parent Sense. Click here to give me your contact information so that I can notify you with more details.

Happy New Parenting Year!

C. Lynn Williams, Ms. Parent Guru

January 2, 2015 at 9:43 pm 3 comments

Queen Latifah & Her Mom… #SustainingtheBond

Mothers, we are always giving to our children right?Queen and mother
I found this wonderful article about one of my sheroes, (actress and talk show host Queen Latifah) and how she is helping her mother through a serious illness. The bond between a mother and her daughter is can be a good one, might need work or may not exist at all. Don’t you agree?

Below is a reprint of part of the People Magazine article dated May 1, 2014 by Monica Rizzo.

Despite her very public persona, Queen Latifah has long been private about her family life. But last spring as she was ramping up production for her syndicated daytime talk show, The Queen Latifah Show, the entertainer was taking on a personal commitment to take charge of her mother Rita Owens’s round-the-clock medical needs.

Owens, 64, was diagnosed last year with scleroderma, an incurable autoimmune disease that has caused scar tissue build up (pulmonary fibrosis) in her lungs. Owens also has pulmonary hypertension (blood pressure in the lungs), which impacts her ability to breathe.

“I wasn’t going to do the show unless she came here,” Latifah tells PEOPLE in its latest issue. “I knew she was dealing with her health issues sometimes and I would not be able to get to her as easily.”

Despite the challenges caring for someone who’s ill, Latifah, 44, says she can’t imagine anyone else looking after her mother.

“Anyone who has a job and then has a family member at home who is ill, it’s 24 hours. You have to be there. They need you,” says Latifah, who enlisted friends and family members to help out while she’s at work. “I try to be as in the moment and as present as possible. And then I try to get some sleep and go to work and be present there and then go home and be present there.”

“It’s not a day or night that she doesn’t peek her head in my room and make sure I’m okay,” says Owens, a former high school teacher. “If it’s medical she’ll go in and grill the doctors and make sure they are doing what they are supposed to do. She sacrifices her time, her resources. She genuinely loves me and I know that.”

For more from Latifah and her mother, including details on Owens’ condition and her treatment, pick up the latest issue of PEOPLE magazine.

If you are taking care of an aging parent (and raising children) part of the sandwich generation. To learn more about loving and communicating with your mother, invest in a copy of my book, ‘Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES. http://bit.ly/Uzr9v6 If you would like to ask questions or dialogue with me about how tough adult issues affect our daughters, reach out to me on Twitter www.twitter.com/cgwwbook or on my Facebook fan page www.Facebook.com/CGWWBooks. Use hashtag #TellHerTheTruth

 

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Author & Generational Development Strategist

www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)

P.S. If you have a daughter and live in the Chicago area, treat yourselves to a half-day retreat on Nov. 22nd to share stories, experiences, bond and renew your relationship with each other. Here’s the link to register: mymothermyself.eventbrite.com

 

November 12, 2014 at 5:33 pm 2 comments

10 Ways to Show Love to Someone With Depression

10 ways to love_depression

Reblogged from Kelley – http://www.thedarlingbakers.com/love-someone-with-depression/

Note: I have struggled with clinical depression since I was a child. It has been a constant companion I have learned to manage and while I am better now than I have ever been, every so often I feel it returning. I describe it to my husband as a “demon eating my brain.” I have compiled this list from personal experiences that have been helpful to me. It is not intended to replace medical attention which can help many people who suffer from this illness.

Do You Love Someone With Depression?

If you have a partner or are close to someone who struggles with depression, you may not always know how to show them you love them. One day they may seem fine, and the next they are sad, distant and may push you away. It is important that you know that as a person who is close to them and trusted by them, you can help your friend or partner have shorter, less severe bouts of depression. Mental illness is as real as physical illness (it is physical actually, read more about that here) and your partner needs you as much as they would need to be cared for if they had the flu.

Your relationship may seem one-sided during these times, but by helping your partner through a very difficult and painful affliction, you are strengthening your relationship and their mental health in the long term.

1. Help them keep clutter at bay.
When a person begins spiraling into depression, they may feel like they are slowing down while the world around them speeds up. The mail may end up in stacks, dishes can pile up in the sink, laundry may go undone as the depressed person begins to feel more and more overwhelmed by their daily routine and unable to keep up. By giving your partner some extra help sorting mail, washing dishes or using paper plates and keeping chaos in check in general, you’ll be giving them (and yourself) the gift of a calm environment. (I’m a fan of the minimalist movement because of this, you can read more about that here.)

2. Fix them a healthy meal.
Your partner may do one of two things when they are in a depressed state. They may eat very little, or they may overeat. In either case, they may find that driving through a fast food restaurant or ordering a pizza online is just easier than fixing a meal. Eating like this, or neglecting to eat will only degrade your partner’s health, causing her to go deeper into her depression. Help your loved one keep her body healthy, and her mind will follow. This is a great article that talks about the “Brain Diet” which can help the symptoms of depression, and this article talks about how our modern diet could contribute to the recent rise in depression. Here is a recipe for a trail mix that is quick to make and has mood-boosting properties.

3.Get them outside.
The benefits of getting outside for a depressed person are huge. And it is possibly the last thing on earth your partner will want to do. Take them to be somewhere in nature. Pack a picnic and lie in the sun, take a leisurely hike (exercise is an effective mood booster!) or plant a garden. Being barefoot in the dirt, or “earthing” helps ground the body and reverse the effects of living in a world of emf’s, and digging in soil can actually act as an antidepressant, as a strain of bacterium in soil, Mycobacterium vaccae, triggers the release of seratonin, which in turn elevates mood and decreases anxiety. Sunshine increases Vitamin D production which can help alleviate depression. My friend Elizabeth wrote an excellent post about Vitamin D and its link to depression here. For more information about other sources of Vitamin D, this is a great post as well as this.

4. Ask them to help you understand what they’re feeling.
If your partner is able to articulate what they are going through, it will help them and you better understand what you are dealing with, and may give insight into a plan of action for helping your partner. Also, feeling alone is common for a depressed person and anything that combats that feeling will help alleviate the severity and length of the depression.

5. Encourage them to focus on self-care.
Depressed people often stop taking care of themselves. Showering, getting haircuts, going to the doctor or dentist, it’s all just too hard, and they don’t deserve to be well taken care of anyway in their minds. This can snowball quickly into greater feelings of worthlessness since “Now I’m such a mess, no one could ever love me”. Help your loved one by being proactive. Tell them “I’m going to do the dishes, why don’t you go enjoy a bubble bath?” can give them the permission they won’t give themselves to do something normal, healthy and self-loving.

6. Hug them.
Studies show that a sincere hug that lasts longer than 20 seconds can release feel-good chemicals in the brain and elevate the mood of the giver and receiver. Depressed people often don’t want to be touched, but a sincere hug with no expectation of anything further can give your partner a lift.

7. Laugh with them.
Telling a silly joke, watching a comedy or seeing a stand up comedian will encourage your partner to laugh in spite of herself. Laughing releases endorphins and studies show can actually counteract symptoms of depression and anxiety.

8. Reassure them that you can handle their feelings.
Your partner may be feeling worthless, angry and even guilty while they are depressed. They may be afraid that they will end up alone because no one will put up with their episodes forever. Reassure them that you are in the relationship for the long haul and they won’t scare you away because they have an illness.

9. Challenge their destructive thoughts.
A depressed person’s mind can be a never-ending loop of painful, destructive thoughts. “I’m unlovable, I’m a failure, I’m ugly, I’m stupid”. Challenge these untruths with the truth. “You’re not unlovable, I love you. You aren’t a failure, here are all the things you’ve accomplished.”

10.Remind them why you love them.
Look at pictures of happy times you’ve had together. Tell them your favorite things about them. Reminisce about your relationship and all the positive things that have happened, and remind your partner that you love them and they will get through this.

My friend Julie who blogs at Real Fit Mama has a great post about more things you can do to help with depression. Go have a look here! She also wrote a post about finding true happiness here.

This list is in no way exhaustive. I’d love for this to start a conversation, please leave the ways you have found to love someone with depression in the comments.

Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach
www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)

August 19, 2014 at 5:01 pm 1 comment

If You Make Time, They Will Come..

Mom Talking to Daughter 2

Ever wonder why we like reality TV? Probably because the stories are so true-life; the characters get to say & do whatever (ridiculous or not) comes to their minds (or the mind of the show’s writer) and there’s always a new angle! Oh most importantly — they are addicting.

Here’s an alternative: You and your daughter take some time 30-60-90 minutes; list your top five issues with each other. Set ground rules and make it ‘safe’ to talk openly & honestly. Promise each other that you will not HOLD Grudges after your time together. For my journalers, write down your thoughts. At my recent Stop Driving Me CraZy Mother – Daughter Retreat, daughters shared that they liked the activities like Mirror-Mirror and Trust Me! Some opened up and told their moms what was on their mind. Mothers enjoyed the video and breakout sessions.

It might feel awkward or ‘fake’, but don’t worry it can breathe life into your relationship. She may act like it doesn’t matter if you both talk or not. But don’t listen to that. Secretly (inside) she is dying for a wonderful relationship with you! Your normally unresponsive, hormonal teen daughter may share things you wouldn’t have imagined. Just try not to flip out if you hear something weird.

By the way, feel free to share this blog post with others and (share) your thoughts with me. I’d love to hear them! My next mother – daughter retreat will be held in November in Chicago, IL. Interested? Email me at clynn@clynnwilliams.com

Happy Relating!

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Author & Parent Coach
www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Communications, 2013)

June 19, 2014 at 4:39 pm Leave a comment

Waiting for Real Love

want_real_love_by_life_voice

Do people fall in love anymore? With dating services like E Harmony, Match.com and Christian Mingles, do people marry for convenience, or do people actually wait for Mr. (or Mrs.) Right to come along? I remember a conversation that I had years ago with my aunt. She wasn’t happy with the man that I planned to marry, and in so many words, told me so! She preferred that I marry a doctor or lawyer to have “the finer things in life”. That would have been okay, except that I had to be in love with the man I planned to marry.
My girlfriend feels the same way too. Her very complicated life has recently gotten a lot simpler and she says if she ever marries again, it will be the kind of “hard to breathe”, “can’t sleep at night without thinking about him” kind of love. I mean face it, if you marry someone for money or looks, both could vanish overnight right? A couple in New York felt the same way and married each other 35 years after falling in love at first sight! Okay maybe I wouldn’t wait that long. Oh the power of true love!

Click here to read the article: http://tiny.cc/tsx41w                     i love you love
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach

My Books:
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! Available August, 2013 – preorder starts Aug 23rd http://raisingyourdaughterpresale-esli.eventbrite.com/#!

August 28, 2013 at 2:06 pm 21 comments

Mothers – What’s Happening to Our Sons?

It’s been little more than a month since the Newtown shootings, and as a mother, I am still at a complete loss for how a son could kill his mother. I have two sons, my own and one I lovingly inherited when I married his father. I love them both and while I have had difficult conversations and tense moments with both sons, never in my wildest nightmares, would I imagine dying by their hand.

While we will never hear Nancy Lanza’s story about her relationship with her son Adam (the shooter), I came across an article where she cautioned one of her son’s babysitters to never turn his back on her son. Can you imagine living with a person and not being able to turn your back on him? http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-201_162-57559502/ex-babysitter-says-newtown-conn-school-shooter-adam-lanzas-mother-warned-dont-turn-your-back/
When we raise our sons, we pour so much love, attention, (hopefully) discipline, values and the kitchen sink into our boys, and yet many of them end up being killed, killing others, or going to prison. Mothers, where are we failing and why?

I also came across another article, where another mother lost her only son to gun violence and he was a good kid! We always think our sons are good kids! But this teen did what he was told; went to school every day (one of my requirements); obeyed his mother; and yet was randomly shot in the back after leaving a basketball game. http://my.chicagotribune.com/#section/544/article/p2p-74054502/

I’d like my sons to grow into wonderful men with families and great careers, like my dad and granddad. Is that too much to ask these days?

C. Lynn Williams
Author and Parenting Coach
#msparentguru

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)

January 19, 2013 at 1:03 pm Leave a comment

Mother – Daughter Reflections for my Newest Book!

Consider being part of a group of women that talks about your relationship with your mom or your daughter? I’m writing the last chapter in my new mother/daughter book and would love to include your anecdote or favorite memory. I only need a paragraph. You can message it to me on my CGWW Books fan page https://www.facebook.com/?ref=tn_tnmn#!/CGWWBooks or email it to me at: cgwwbooks@yahoo.com

If you prefer, send your thoughts to me via my blog. I will only be able to take the first 50 comments, so don’t delay. Send me your comments right away!

Happy Friday, C. Lynn

Image

August 10, 2012 at 12:23 pm 1 comment

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