Posts tagged ‘male role models’

Other Mothers’ Sons…

I am tired, angry, and discouraged with the number of deaths by gun violence over the last 2-3 yearstop-gun-violences. As a mother with two sons, I thought about how I would feel if my sons were shot or killed randomly or by police. I mean, nowadays, there is such a disdain for life by “lost souls” that a bullet meant for someone else, can find its way to my boys.

When I read the news accounts on how the son (Joseph Graves or substitute any dead young man’s name here) was killed, I wonder what were the last words his mother said to him. I think about how he was raised, who were the influential people in his life, was he part of the problem or part of the solution. Since we are at epidemic proportions of young men dying by gun violence, I’ve changed my focus from the mothers of sons who have died, to the mothers of sons who are doing the shooting.

That’s who I want to think about in this post. Who do these young men go to for guidance? What kind of manners are they taught? What are their unmet needs? Do they need more love, more male interaction, or are they dealing with an untreated mental illness? Good behavior starts at home with good consistent parenting. Sons don’t start out bad, they are allowed to misbehave. It is reinforced when we don’t chastise, redirect them, discipline and teach them how to respect us and themselves.

When I was growing up and got out of control, we were called ‘wild hooligans’ and punished. Bad behavior was not tolerated. Nowadays, what are the consequences for temper tantrums for these boys at ages 2, 3 and 4? This is the age to train them to respect us (their parents) and authority. It i
s impossible to wait until your son is a teenager to train him on respect and good behavior.young_Shooters

My oldest son was raised by his mother and I got to be a part of his life when he was a late teen. He was very well-mannered and respectful. That’s how he was raised. My younger son, spent part of his years with me when I was a single parent, and his high school years with his father. He too understood the rules.

What I’m saying here is that respect and good behavior is learned and reinforced. The same is true for misbehavior. If you allow your son to say anything he wants to you, especially when he’s young and you think it’s cute, then you are breeding a monster. If he is a handful, put some male role models in his life either through your church, the local YMCA or a fraternity sponsored program.

Mothers, we can stop the gun violence now. Start controlling your ‘wild hooligan’ I mean your young man now. Teach your son how to treat people and how to behave appropriately, so that the streets or law enforcement won’t have to.

Interested in learning more about your how to best manage your son’s behavior? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for aging parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and Sons or Blended Families. Email me at: info@clynnwilliams.com

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Author, Coach & Family Dynamics Specialist

www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
NEW: Yours & Mine: The Winning Blended Family Formula (220 Publishing, 2015)

December 15, 2015 at 4:52 pm Leave a comment

Endangered Species – Our Sons

When I was growing up, if somebody had an issue with you, they put their fist up to their eyes and nose and then mouthed 315; which meant, I will see you once we get out of school. Nowadays, if somebody has an issue with you they shoot you and if they miss they hit your neighbors, unsuspecting children and anybody else who happens to be in their crossfire. modern-young-black-boy-with-headphones-in-red

As we were retreat more and more into our electronics and less and less into just talking to each other, it’s sad to say, but I understand how we’ve gotten to this point. When I was growing up, we ate dinner together and whether you wanted to tell your parents what was going on at school or not you had an opportunity to do that because there was no TV playing; we weren’t on our cell phones texting other people and if you didn’t talk, there was dead silence. Eventually somebody talked.

In many households today, everybody is busy. Parents are working multiple jobs or are not at home for their kids to talk to when they really need to talk. So who do these boys talk to? For our boys many who are being raised by their single moms, who do boys talk to? When my mother and father divorced, my father moved out. It seemed to me, my brother got into trouble immediately. He got into trouble at school, and started hanging out with the neighborhood troublemaker. My dad would come by the house to spank him and the next time we would see our dad would be when my brother got into trouble.

While I don’t live with many of you, I know that you are doing the best you can to raise your son as a respectable young man. As a single mom, that’s hard. I raised my son and daughter for a while as a divorced mom, and I know the challenges you face making sure that son of yours respects and obeys you. I would call my ex-husband when my son got beside himself. Usually a telephone conversation was enough for him to straighten out. If there is no dad at home, you run the risk of your son being influenced by the closest male figure to him, whether that man is positive or negative. So talk to your pastor, or enroll your son in a sports program where the coach is a positive, male role model.

To stop the violence I believe we have to be present and available. Show up at their events – unexpectedly, listen to what they have to say. Even listen to those things you don’t want to hear. Let’s win back the trust of our children and reduce this violence that’s happening every single day.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for aging parents, Mothers and Daughters or Mothers and Sons. Email me at: info@clynnwilliams.com

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Author, Coach & Family Dynamics Specialist

www.clynnwilliams.com
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)

The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)

Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)

NEW® Yours & Mine: The Winning Blended Family Formula (220 Publishing, 2015)

 

December 1, 2015 at 2:47 am Leave a comment

Your Son’s Role Model?

I keep trying to understand the male culture of taking one’s enemies out. As a woman, it is not an easily understood phenomenon. In my neighborhood, African American men and boys resolve their differences by shooting each other. Lots of males are dying these days. This kind of ethnic cleansing happens in Hispanic neighborhoods as well. Males in mainstream America also shoot, often harming or killing everyone in the general vicinity.

Very little discussion takes place because our society doesn’t seem to remember a time when we resolved our differences by talking things out. Tolerance is not a skill that seems to be taught or valued anymore. In the political arena, instead of working together, candidates annihilate each other with lies and insinuations, basically killing the accused candidate’s chances of winning anything. In corporate America, money and power rule to such an extent, that discussion and the possibility of working things out, very seldom occurs, unless a watchdog agency intervenes.

How do we teach our sons a better way to grow up in a society that does not value love, respect, honor and truth? What happened to the dads of yesteryear?  My dad is one of those “yesteryear” dads. He was Dr. Huxtable from The Cosby Show, Steve Douglas on My Three Sons (dating myself here), or the Mr. Eddie’s father on the Courtship of Eddie’s Father. I am talking about a dad that spends time with his family and talks to and with his son(s).  How else can boys grow into men without that kind of guidance?

I wonder if the Colorado shooter had had positive, quality time with his father during his formative years, if he would have been inclined to randomly shoot and kill people in a movie theatre. Don’t get me wrong, women own a piece of this parenting debacle too. Our boys can’t grow up like wild, uncontrollable plants without our assistance or good parenting. However, in the end they (our sons) are looking for a male role model; any old role model will do. If the only available role model is a drug dealer, that is who our sons will follow. If the role model is a caring, tolerant, man of faith – that’s who are son will follow instead.

Who is your son’s role model?

C. Lynn

November 4, 2012 at 1:26 pm 1 comment


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