Posts tagged ‘marriage’
đ» Part 1: Married But Carrying It All
The blog discusses the burden many women face in managing domestic responsibilities despite being in working partnerships. It highlights outdated beliefs about domestic labor as “womenâs work,” often perpetuated by societal norms and upbringing. This imbalance leads to resentment and emotional disconnection, urging women to speak up for equitable partnerships in their marriage relationships.
When Your Spouse Is Driving You Nuts: Speak Now, Later⊠or Not at All?
Letâs talk about the moments we donât post on Instagram.
The ones where your spouse is not charming, thoughtful, or helpfulâbut is instead being downright obnoxious, insufferable, or just plain irritating.
Maybe itâs snapping for no reason. Or saying things with a tone that makes you want to sleep in another room.
Or maybe itâs insisting on going on vacation while coughing up a lung, ignoring both your concern and the fact that we still live in a world where germs exist.
Yesâthis happened. We were packed, ready, and excited. And he insisted, âIâll be fine,â while hacking into his sleeve like it was no big deal. I wanted to say, âWhat about me? What about everyone else?â
But instead, I bit my tongue. At least at first.
So what do you do when your spouse is being⊠a lot?
You ask yourself:
Do I speak now? Wait until later? Or let it go entirely?
â Speak Now â if youâre calm
In that moment, I wasnât calm. I was irritated, worried, and frustrated. So instead of speaking from a centered place, I wouldâve spoken from a triggered one. That would have made things worse.
But if you can speak in the moment from a grounded place, you might say:
âHey, this doesnât feel thoughtful of meâor others. Can we slow down and talk through this?â
âł Speak Later â when emotions settle
On day two of that trip, when we were both more relaxed, I brought it up. I told him how I feltâabout the germs, yes, but also about the disregard. It wasnât about the cough. It was about how he made the decision without considering me.
That conversation went better because we werenât in the heat of the moment.
đ€ Say Nothing? SometimesâŠ
There are times when silence is grace. But it canât be your go-to if youâre feeling disrespected or unseen. Otherwise, silence becomes a slow burn of resentment.
Hereâs the truth:
Marriage is full of moments like these. And navigating them takes more than patienceâit takes intention.
So the next time your spouse is acting out or acting up, ask yourself:
What will serve this relationship bestâright now, later, or letting it go?
Not every moment needs a fight. But every relationship needs honesty, even if it comes with a cough. đ·
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
What Happened to Our Sex Life?
When marriage first starts, you can’t stop touching each other. And then there’s the sex. That is never a problem, until you get into the throes of child-rearing, or money gets tight and while trying to figure that out, you forget about the intimacy.
A few months ago, I had a conversation with one of my daughters who said “Mothers don’t share enough of the challenges of being a wife and mother.” I tried not to get defensive, but as I continue to think about her comment, I think about things I wish my mother shared with me.
When you talk to women who have been married for years, they say things like:
“Cherish your husband.”
“Nurture your marriage”.
“Trust God to bring you through”.
Depending on the stage of life you are in, you experience hot flashes and nobody says – your body goes from 98.7 F to 150.7 in seconds and you feel slightly insane! Does anybody bother to tell you that parts of you dry up and have to be hydrated with over-the-counter products? No, of course not! Nice women don’t tell their business…
One day you wake up and the hot flashes are gone… Yay… But the sex (and possibly the desire for it) has disappeared too! How in the world is that possible? And more importantly, how do women stay married during “such a time as this”?
Interested in learning more about women as mothers? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru. Look for our upcoming Modern Moms Love Themselves conference. Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
Donât Be Afraid to Let Go
Have you ever held onto something that you knew you needed to let go off? A relationship… job… business… 
Sometimes we hold on tightly because weâre afraid of what the change will mean in our life. And sometimes weâre just afraid of the change itself and what it will mean for our future.
Iâm thinking about the changes that Iâve made in my life. Many of them were life-changing. Others were more spiritually oriented and required that I change my thoughts, expectations or wants. Each change made me the women that I am today.
2018 is a year of positive change for me. I can feel it, and today I decided that I am open and receptive to what that will mean for me.
What changes are awaiting you? Are you ready embrace them and move forward? Letâs go!
C. Lynn Williams
#MsParentguru &Â Founder of Finding Superwomanâą
The Good..The Bad..The Ugly
Even though my kids are adults, Iâm still an involved mom because I talk with one or all of them daily about the good, the bad, and the ugly in their lives. Itâs sort of like being on call. I find that I constantly manage my life and work (marriage too) around theirs. Moms who are reading this know what Iâm talking about if this happens to you: You have a perfect plan to complete the chapter for your next book and receive a call from your daughter who needs to talk. Do you tell her â âIâm sorry I have a deadline for this chapter and Iâll have to talk with you laterâ? Or, do you put on your mother hat, and listen to her talk out the 20th problem that is ruining her life?
Whatever you decide, stress sets in when you allow too many of your childrenâs problems and concerns to hijack your day, week, or month. Itâs difficult to say no to our kids, because we are so used to doing for them. However, since they are used to being cared for by us, it can become a challenge letting them grow into the wonderful, self-sufficient adults that we know they can be. Statistics show that 25% of parents are using their retirement to pay rent or groceries for their millennial children (21 years or older).
For Superwomen like me, here are some ideas on how to achieve less stress when it comes to your children:
- Take a moment to think about your answer and what you are committing to before you commit. For example if your son asks you to pay his car insurance (âJust for this month Momâ). Think about what it does to your budget. If you can afford it. What lessons does it teach him?
- Listen without advising the next time your daughter asks you what should she do about the guy that sheâs been dating for five years. (You’re not crazy about him anyway, so keeping your opinions to yourself will be very challenging.)
- Let the call go to voicemail when your child calls you for the 5th time today because she canât figure something out. I know this is really a tough one because who else will talk her through if not you. Give her some time to build her mental muscle (she is a superwoman in the making) and call her later. You will be surprised to see how she worked out her problem and matured a little more in the process.
Interested in learning more about your familyâs dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons or Fathers and Daughters.
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C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
When He or She Is Not That Into You
(Reprinted from Candace A Williams.com blog.)
Watching the 2009 romantic 
comedy, Heâs Just Not That Into You, is full of laughs and embarrassing moments, but there are some real examples of behaviors that men and women do when they are just not that into someone. Whatâs ironic about the movie is, when I went to go see it, I ran into someone who clearly wasnât that into me. His words said one thing, his actions said another. I chuckled because he showed me exactly who I thought he was. From then on, I vowed to myself that I would share my knowledge and intuition with others [about relationships].
REGISTER for our Jan 10th webinar So You Want To Get Married
Now, of course, most people nod and agree; but they rarely listen to my advice because the reality is we all want to be loved. We want that romantic fairytale and we want someone to grow old with. As the holidays are fastly approaching and we are beginning a new year, 2017; my advice to everyone struggling with whether or not he or she is into you, if you have to ask, he or she is probably not. They could like you and not love you, date you and not want to marry you, have children with you but not want to stay committed to you. RunâŠand run fast. Deep down inside you truly know how that person makes you feel and what you want. Do not allow yourself to settle for anything else. Why stay with someone that you do not want or get along with? Why keep someone around when you know he or she is âJust Not That Into You?â So stop second guessing yourself when it comes to relationships and join our webinar.
We will discuss relationship issues like this and more in our free Jan 10th webinar.
Here’s the link to register: So You Want To Get Married
C. Lynn Williams,
Owner & Creator of Finding Superwomanâą
How to Keep Your Daughter from Making ‘Man’ Mistakes
As we drove home after a weekend of our 
daughter and son in law’s engagement party, I checked in with my Followers on Twitter and ran into a group of people who were lamenting having married people who didn’t appreciate them, dogged them, or left them for others.
Having been a child of divorced parents, and having gone through divorce myself, I remember how devastating divorce was on our family and how it wrecks both parents and kids (for a long time). I began thinking back over my conversations with this daughter to make sure I’ve been honest in our talks about love, relationships, men and marriage. 
Marriage is more than love. I mean yes you want to love the person you marry; you also need to be friends – good friends and be willing to serve each other with as little ego involved as possible. As many chic flick movies as I’ve seen (and enjoyed), at the end of the day I know they’re really fairy tales and as much as I’d like life to end up with my king riding up in a fast sports car to whisk me away, the truth is marriage takes:
- commitment by both parties
- acceptance
- love
- respect
- patience & tolerance
- Sharing
- friendship
- faith (in God)
As I think back on our conversations, I’ve shared my good times, the times I was wrong ( and how important it is to admit it to your spouse), and the importance of respect – being respectful and commanding respect with my daughter. Have talks with your daughter(s) so that when they’re ready to marry, they don’t unknowingly make the same mistakes we made.
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C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Desperate for LoveâŠ
Some of us marry to close that gaping hole. Others of us have sex early in our lives; maybe we have children (earlier than we are ready) that we hope will love us and fill that void. 
What we find is that NOTHING fills that void like a relationship with God. But as little girls, before we know God, we know our parents. As I watch programs like Being Mary Jane⊠or any reality show that deals with societyâs view of relationships, I want you to know is that, the very first love that a young girl knows is with her father. She determines that by how much he provides emotional support and is present in her life. The second but equally important relationship is her relationship with her mother. Here she learns what is acceptable and what isnât. Programs like Empire or Scandal may be entertaining, but the situations are fake. We have to teach our daughters that those are actors, who are paid to act a certain way. Teach them not to idolize the lifestyle shown in these programs; this is not real life.
If we want daughters that grow up without gaping holes, we must tell them w
e love them. We must show them we love them by making time for them and being patient as they grow and mature. We have to use words that heal instead of those that tear down. She is not a little b*&^%! If we want them to respect themselves, we (women) have to upgrade our standards for ourselves by walking away from dysfunctional relationships. Not every man is the one for you. If he is married, leave him alone. Take time to take care of you. Letâs focus on taking care of our bodies, mind and spirit too.
Letâs move away from desperate, damaged and defeated to caring, courageous, and CONFIDENT!
Interested in learning more about parenting, self-care & self-love? Contact Ms. Parent Guru (by email) to register for her parent mentoring program for Mothers and Daughters. Email her at: info@clynnwilliams.com
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Generational Development Strategist
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
Waiting for Real Love
Do people fall in love anymore? With dating services like E Harmony, Match.com and Christian Mingles, do people marry for convenience, or do people actually wait for Mr. (or Mrs.) Right to come along? I remember a conversation that I had years ago with my aunt. She wasn’t happy with the man that I planned to marry, and in so many words, told me so! She preferred that I marry a doctor or lawyer to have âthe finer things in lifeâ. That would have been okay, except that I had to be in love with the man I planned to marry.
My girlfriend feels the same way too. Her very complicated life has recently gotten a lot simpler and she says if she ever marries again, it will be the kind of âhard to breatheâ, âcanât sleep at night without thinking about himâ kind of love. I mean face it, if you marry someone for money or looks, both could vanish overnight right? A couple in New York felt the same way and married each other 35 years after falling in love at first sight! Okay maybe I wouldn’t wait that long. Oh the power of true love!
Click here to read the article: http://tiny.cc/tsx41w            
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach
My Books:
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! Available August, 2013 â preorder starts Aug 23rd http://raisingyourdaughterpresale-esli.eventbrite.com/#!
We Choose People Like Our Parents
Do you believe we choose mates like our parents? My daughter certainly thinks so, and I am really wondering if parents are the reasons young women in our communities to go awry, south, crazy, whatever phrase you want to attach here.
Hereâs the story: I am related or mentoring at least five women over the age of 20, who are pregnant and unmarried. Two of the young women I have known all of their lives. Their parents are hard-working people. Well their mother is hard-working; dad is retired now, but was always what my grandmother would say â ânickel slickâ. Nickel slick is someone who knows the rules, but doesnât always abide by the rules. These girls were raised properly, taught to respect themselves and yet seemed to follow the path of their girlfriends (getting pregnant) and not their mother. Why?
Daily I hear that social norms are changing, and marriage is passĂ©. Itâs no longer necessary to be married to have children. One of the young ladies felt that way long before she got pregnant. While I completely disagree with that line of thinking, letâs dig deeper to get at the root of the issue. Why are our daughters feeling that they have to raise children by themselves, with no husband and many times, no boyfriend? In African American communities, âNon-Hispanic black men and women aged 25-44 have lower percentages who have ever been married than non-Hispanic white and Hispanic persons of the same age.â – See more at: http://marriage.laws.com/marriage-statistics#sthash.ydfVSfgd.dpuf. According to Dr. Boyce Watkins, âblack women arenât getting married because many of the available black men are incarcerated.â http://tiny.cc/mtyjzw.
I believe the issue has to do with how we are raising our daughters. I talk about it in my new book: Raising Your Daughter: the Joys, Tears & Hormones! Itâs one thing to expect your daughter to conduct herself as a lady, wait until marriage to have sex, and allow men to respect her as the beautiful woman that she is. Is that the example that she sees growing up? Is that how you conducted yourself? Was her father (your husband) faithful to you? Did he treat you kindly and respectfully? Today, many women are starved for love & attention. Maybe you donât have a relationship with your father. Maybe you didnât know your father. Maybe he didnât tell you he loved you. So, the first âniceâ comment you receive from a guy, you have sex with him and you believe youâre in love. Major mistake! And not a mistake you want your daughter to have to learn from. Teach your daughter to have dates where nothing is required of her but her company. Matter of fact, teach her to be selective, have many dates, and decide if you like what your date is talking about. Get to know him, his family and his background before you become intimate.
Having a child should not be a âRights of Passageâ for your young daughter. I guess that means you have to do a better job of picking your mate too.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parenting Coach
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter: the Joys, Tears & Hormones! Available in late summer, 2013
Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens 
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