Posts tagged ‘mothers’

How to Develop Our Children Into Critical Thinkers

This summer we have seen two top female athletes stop competing and take time off to practice self-care and work on mental health concerns. Earlier this month, professional tennis player Naomi Osaka told us it was okay not to be O.K. and walked away from the U.S. Open. She said she needed some time away to deal with issues of exhaustion and depression.

Last week, gymnastics superstar Simone Biles, withdrew from the Tokyo Olympics to focus on mental health.

Also impressive is by how singer Britney Spears is taking control of her life, her career and her fortune.

Those are not easy decisions to make.

What these young women are showing us is that they are:

⁃ Taking control of their life

⁃ Saying no when it comes to protecting their physical & mental health

⁃ Prepared to accept criticism from people who don’t understand their why

When we raise critical thinking children, we are teaching them to think, speak and act in ways that are beneficial to them and the people or organizations they believe in.

It can be challenging when they use those same critically thinking minds to disagree with us.

It happens, but simply means the process is working.

In order to build those positive, well-adjusted adults, follow these Do’s & Don’ts:

  • Do: Spend “child-centered time” with your kid every day.
  • Don’t: Stop your kid from making his/her own mistakes — and learning from them. It may be one of the hardest tasks as a parent.
  • Do: Praise personal effort instead of personal qualities, such as intelligence, otherwise you can make your kids self-conscious, which may lead to unwanted complexes like shame when they do t accomplish their tasks.
  • Don’t: Shine the light on your child’s misbehavior as it can often backfire.
  • Do: Practice gratitude with your munchkin on a daily basis. Ask questions like: who is someone you love or who is someone who helps you?
  • Don’t: Positive stories are good, but negative ones are just as — if not more — effective, because they illustrate perseverance.
  • Do: Happy kids have friends, so help your child develop his friendships. You can start by not neglecting your own friends.

C. Lynn Williams, @MsParentguru

http://clynnwilliams.com

August 1, 2021 at 2:21 pm Leave a comment

Give Them Something To Believe In

Life is funny, you leave one crisis, and move into a second or third one. 

This week I’m thinking about boys… yes, our sons. And the challenges some of them face growing up.

For the last several years, we have experienced a number of young men losing their life to gun violence. Violence of being shot by rivals and violence due to police shootings. Last year (2020), not only did we experience over 600,000 people who died from COVID-19, we also watched as the number of black boys and men who were shot and killed by police, increased.

Toward the end of 2020, many cities noticed a rash of crimes where people were being carjacked and robbed or killed. Many of these crimes were committed by young men, some as young as 11 or 12. It makes you wonder what kind of direction or guidance they are receiving at home?

I had firsthand knowledge of guidance for a young boy.

My little brother…

I think back to my brother and how he responded to my mom and dad’s divorce. He was young, about 11 years old and missed having Dad at home. He was angry and felt alone.

He started getting into trouble.

A lot. Getting into trouble in those days, meant being disrespectful, destroying somebody’s property, or stealing. Our dad wasn’t coming by for regular visits, but if my mother called about my brother, Dad would come and discipline him. 

My brother was so unhappy that he began trying to take his life. (Thank God he was unsuccessful.) He also began hanging out with the “bad boys” in the neighborhood.

My mother sold our house and moved to a different neighborhood.

Who can say what kind of stress these boys are undergoing at home?

  • It could be due to financial issues.
  • Maybe the stress is verbal or physical.
  • Your son could be dealing with depression.
  • Perhaps he is reacting to deaths of people he knows due to COVID-19, domestic or gun violence. If his family has gang affiliation and the violence is orchestrated by gang leaders, imagine how stressful that could be.

How do you help your son if he is facing any of these (or other issues)? What do you do if he’s going through male teen angst? Maybe he’s exhibiting disrespectful, aggressive, violent behavior or mood swings.

What happens if you can’t change neighborhoods?

Try these five things before giving up or seeking professional help:

  • Schedule Time With Your Son – talk frequently and spend regularly scheduled time with him and keep his schedule jam-packed with school, sports, clubs, time with friends, and after-school jobs.
  • Set a Sleep Routine it’s easier being a teen if he’s getting enough sleep.
  • Get Moving – the last thing a moody teen wants to do is get up and move, but it’s one of the best ways he can feel better.
  • Listen Without Lecturingresist the urge to lecture your son. Listen with an open mind.
  • Keep Your Cool take a deep breath, keep your cool and find a way to communicate without lashing out.

Find an honorable, trustworthy male mentor that he can talk to, when he can’t talk to you. Remember to model healthy ways to handle stress. Take good care yourself.

I help parents build the kind of communication and trust that allows parent-child relationships to grow and feel better through coaching and parent classes. Email me for more information: info@clynnwilliams.com 😘 

Thanks for reading my blog. Follow me on Instagram and Twitter @MsParentguru.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Coach, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

July 20, 2021 at 9:45 pm Leave a comment

7 Ways to Be Less Critical…

Photo by Ebuka Onyewuchi on Pexels.com

Do you find yourself criticizing the people around you more often than complimenting them? Perhaps you’re harsh on yourself as well…

One of the ways to stop being critical of others is to learn to define your own self-worth intrinsically, which means that you learn to see the beautiful qualities of who you are – caring, compassionate, empathetic, kind, and generous.

Today we will focus on ways to be less critical of our children.

7 Ways to Be Less Critical of Your Child 👶🏽 🧒🏽 

  1. Describe the Situation Instead of Fixing Blame.
  2. Say Nothing.
  3. Express Your Feelings.
  4. Put Things in Perspective and Let Things Slide.
  5. Make the Praise Descriptive Instead of Generic.
  6. Focus on the Effort Instead of the Outcome.
  7. Focus on Encouragement instead of Judgement.

We all make mistakes. 

We often criticize ourselves more severely than our loved ones or peers, interfering with our sense of harmony in our mental and emotional capabilities, strength, and spiritual beliefs. 

Maturity occurs as we practice forgiving ourselves, our children and each other.  

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parent coaching programs that help you through Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Coach, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

June 30, 2021 at 9:39 pm Leave a comment

Care Enough To Join Me

We had an event in my community yesterday and it had been a culmination of twice weekly activities over a six week period, that included young people from elementary through high school as well as adults.

We had a pretty decent turnout, with most parents attending with their child. The odd thing was that the parents of one of our teens did not attend. She said they were home cleaning house 🧼 🧽. I was really bummed out, for her. She had had some rough times during our weekly meetings with family issues but during the entire time, we never met her parents. 👁👁

It took me back to the days when my children were younger. We tried to attend everything they were involved in. Of course that wasn’t possible, but we tried. And maybe this was true for my teen’s parents. Maybe they attend every other event and just couldn’t with this one. Watching her during our project meetings I got a different impression. To me she felt lonely and alone.

So this is what I want to say to her parents: It is important to show up in your kid’s life as often as you can. Doesn’t matter if they are 5, 15 or 25 years old. Our kids love our support! Yes it’s easy to show up for the large events like graduations and milestone birthdays. But sometimes we have to be parents no matter how busy our days are and be available! That means we play games with our kids, we go for walks (yea put down the headphones, game controllers and phones) 😁

As the parental unit (one of my daughter’s favorite phrases), our kids won’t remember that we were trying to make a living and had to put food on the table that’s not the first thing that they will remember about us. What they may remember is that we sat on the stairs and talked with them about what the 2020 election means; they’ll remember that we drove to the lakefront and watched the sunset; that we talked into the night about good and bad decisions, that we watch their favorite Disney movie 10 times… in a row. They will remember playing Monopoly with you and how many properties you bought!

Your child will remember the times you spent doing stuff together!

I feel bad because my teen friend looks and feels lonely. It doesn’t feel like she has a good support system and I hope she has a stronger one in the future.

Oh and parents… try to be more mindful of the time your child really needs with you.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

clynnwilliams.com

October 10, 2020 at 6:51 pm Leave a comment

I Heard Family…

family

Last week I watched the Democratic National Convention and Vice-President candidate Kamala Harris (D) spoke about how much she admired her mother and grandmother. She talked about kids going back to school whether in person or remotely and how important going to school was. She also talked about how challenging it is for parents and teachers during this time. There are so many questions to answer like what happens if I send my child to school and she gets the virus? Or what happens when I begin teaching my face-2-face classes and I catch the virus? As we head into the fall 2020 school year, these are questions that parents and teachers have. 

Everytime Senator Harris spoke I heard family. The importance of family! Mothers! Fathers! Grandmothers! In many households, parents have chosen to homeschool. In other households, the parents have to leave home and their children are either going to school, or sitting in front of a computer screen and learning virtually. No matter which story is ours, we are concerned with keeping our children (and ourselves) safe from coronavirus.

When Senator Harris spoke of her mother, it reminded me of how much my mother supported me throughout my high school, college, grad school career.

Her support meant everything to me, even though (at times) I felt that she was overbearing and too

my mom

strict. When I didn’t understand a school topic, if she couldn’t explain it, she found someone that could. With her guidance, my dad’s, aunts, uncles and grandparents, I am here today able to talk with you about the importance of family support.

As Senator Harris said, getting ready this school year is challenging whether you are the parent or the teacher. But what I know is that our children are counting on us to learn and thrive. We can give them that whether we are college grads or high school dropouts. We may not have all (or even some) of the answers, but let’s start with the three points listed below.

Commit to these things:

  • Your commitment to helping your child get online daily
  • Asking your child questions to help him think critically
  • Taking time to have fun. Play with your child and learn from him/her
  • Be a good listener
  • Be willing to learn new things

Know that this is an usual time, so have lots of teachable moments, fun, and learning something new times! Be patient with yourself, your situation and your children. Make memories that your children will talk about when they grow up. 

 

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Coach, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

August 28, 2020 at 6:08 pm Leave a comment

Now That I have Time to Think

One of the benefits of COVID-19 is the time that I am taking to motivate myself.
#selfcare #morningroutine

Continue Reading May 13, 2020 at 12:48 pm Leave a comment

Which One Are You Today?

It’s funny when your kids are small, you don’t ever want them to grow up. They are so innocent and precious and they listen to our every word. Then the day comes when they start saying things like “I’m grown, I can make my own decisions.” And you realize they are growing up and maybe you should let them (make their decisions). 

Then they change back into a non-adult! They say things like:

  • Can you pay for my phone?
  • Will you complete my FAFSA?
  • Do you have money for me to get my nails done?
  • Can you pay my car insurance?
  • Will you pay my rent?

Wait a minute!

  • I thought you were an adult?
  • Isn’t that what you told me you were?
  • What happened to “I can do this? Please stop telling me what to do!?”

This is the brain of our teenage or twenty-something kid. The problem is that they really don’t want a lessons learned talk, they kinda want to figure it out, but don’t mind asking for your money and support.

My feeling is that when your kid says, “I can do it”, it’s important to let him or her do it. I believe today’s parents don’t want their children to make the mistakes that they made. It sounds good, but isn’t realistic. Growing up means you make mistakes. I made them? You did too. It’s okay. 

Young people today don’t mind making mistakes. They don’t want to be nagged or guilt tripped, but they also want to be rescued when they’ve made a mistake. It’s doesn’t work both ways! Some lessons can only be learned through experience. A daughter who has a child without the security of marriage (against the advice of her parents), takes a risk that she will raise her child alone. A son who wants to play pro ball and decides not to go to college, takes a risk of having an injury (that keeps him from playing) and working the rest of his life as a laborer.

It’s hard watching our children make mistakes especially ones that can follow them for life. It’s harder when they tell you to butt out – let them live their life. Those are hard lessons for us as parents. However, just like our parents had to let us go and grow… we have to do the same thing. A little lesson learning never hurt anybody! Happy 2019!

Are you saying Yes when you really mean No? Click here to Join my FREE Facebook Group – Balanced Moms Club to join with other moms to receive tips about time management, organization and basic meal planning.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

January 4, 2019 at 10:14 pm 5 comments

Working Time Management For Moms

When you walk in the door, you see a stack of papers floating around your desk, and when you go home, just as at the office, you can’t find those important papers you need so desperately to stay out of trouble or make an excuse. 

When you come home at night, you and your spouse argue, and your children ignore you because you just aren’t spending family time with some of the important people in your life.

Does this sound familiar?

Have you ever wondered why?

Well, you are not managing your time accordingly so that you reap benefits and the ones you love are happy. You are not organized, so therefore how the heck can you find those important documents?

Moms already have a big responsibility and we neglect to manage our times, our responsibilities turn to chaos.

Let’s face it: it is never easy to stay organized when we have busy work schedules and a family to attend to, as well as other responsibilities.

The traditional individuals often store files in a filing cabinet, and clean their room and desk once every week. However, there are people out there that are spontaneous. Some of us even store documents so they are out of sight and soon find those documents are out of mind, until someone calls their attention to the papers.

The key to success moms is getting your priorities straight. If you shop for groceries once per week, you can cut back time by buying enough to last longer, so that grocery shopping isn’t part of your weekly plan. 

The extra hour or more that you spend at the supermarket can be spent on quality time with the family. This is only one solution to managing your time, but it is certainly a start. In addition, you can make up a list of your duties, starting with the most important tasks first, and working through the list one at a time. I found this to be a great solution for managing time, since when you work hard to complete one task, the rests fall into place with ease.

If you spend an hour or even one half hour in the mirror, it is probably because you are not feeling good about yourself. It takes approximately five minutes to put makeup on, and to stand in the mirror longer is only taking up time. Hair is also important since our person in general sets an impression. If you spend longer time than needed doing your hair, try finding nice looking hairstyles that are less complicated to style. This is also a great process of the time management solution. Clothing should also be limited but appropriate for whatever it is that you are doing and it should not take less than a couple of minutes to get dressed.

Unless you are a model, or actress, overdressing is not appropriate in most cases for everyday life situations. If you are spending extra time preparing meals, you might want to consider recipes that are quick and healthy to manage your time mom. Look for my time management, organization and meal planning coaching program to launch in January 2019.

Interested in controlling your time management issues? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my work-life balance programs for working and entrepreneurial mothers.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

December 19, 2018 at 6:18 pm Leave a comment

This Was A New Lesson For Me

Have you ever had one of those weeks?

You know, the one where everything goes sideways?

I talk about it in this video blog. Click Here

 

 

 

 

 

Enjoy!

Are you a mom who wants less stress and more enjoyment out of life? Connect

Click Here to become a part of my Balanced Moms Facebook group.

C. Lynn Williams

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

 

October 20, 2018 at 10:55 pm Leave a comment

You’re No Good To Us Dead

This week I sat in a very somber ceremony where we were celebrating the lives of women that had recently died. As I thought about their lives, I wondered how many of these women led the kind of life where they were more concerned with pleasing the people around them than taking time for themselves.

As women, we are often told that what matters is the sacrifice we make for other people – as mothers, wives or friends. I think about my mother, who give all of her time, money and energy to us (her children), family members, her  friends and community.

It sounds so wonderful to sacrifice yourself, and continuously give to other people, but when we don’t take time to nurture our dreams and create time for ourselves, we become tired, overwhelmed, disillusioned, or sick. Then we are no good to ourselves or anyone else.

When my children were young I don’t remember taking time to practice daily self-care or knowing what self-care was until two things happened:

  1. I lost a work colleague to cancer. Our lives mirrored each other’s in many ways: we were both in our 30’s, married with young children and working in corporate America. She seldom took time for herself. Lunch was an opportunity to purchase groceries or finish a project. Birthday gifts were practical household gifts. Everyone talked about how efficient and practical she was, but ultimately she didn’t get to live out her life.
  2. I went through a divorce about 10 years later. Going through divorce caused me to stop and take time to figure out what was important to me; where I wanted to be and what made me happy. It’s amazing how life crises can cause you to look at your life differently.

You don’t have to wait until a life crisis makes you make positive change in your life. Take time now to do something just for you every day. Begin a physical activity or a hobby that you love and start it today. Why wait? Find your inner Superwoman and nurture her.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my Finding Superwoman™ programs.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

 

July 11, 2018 at 12:41 pm Leave a comment

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