Posts tagged ‘Parent’

What Babies Mean When They Cry

We were flying to Charleston, SC and there were lots of families on the flight with babies or young children. Two toddlers got my complete attention because of how intense and long their cries were. Both were toddler boys and the one on the airplane cried for about 30-45 minutes – probably because his ears were popping as we descended. I felt so sorry for him and his mom. 

The other little boy was strapped in a stroller (at the airport) and none of his “kin” would take him out and soothe him. He was miserable!

I ❤️ watching children and their parents interact just because… Kids make parents earn their parent wings everyday because they are so unpredictable. Yet if you are in tune with your baby or very young child, you will be able to interpret what their crying means. 

Since babies and often young children can’t communicate in words we understand, their crying means different things at different times. A baby may cry if she’s too hot or cold, if she’s lonely, if she needs a change of scenery and wants to move around, or if she just needs to “let it all out.”

I suspect if the child in the airplane had been allowed to walk up and down the aisle, he would have settled down.

Here are several reasons that babies cry:

I’m hungry

Listen for: A low-pitched, rhythmic, repetitive cry, combined with other signals such as rooting for the breast, a sucking motion with her tongue, lip-smacking, or putting her fingers into her mouth.

My grandson does this and my daughter says to him “Oh you’re hungry huh?” They understand each other perfectly.

I’m tired or uncomfortable

Listen for: A whiny, nasal, continuous cry that builds in intensity is usually baby’s signal that she’s had enough (as in, “Nap, please!” — usually accompanied by yawns, eye-rubs or ear-tugs) or is otherwise uncomfortable (“I need a clean diaper” or “I can’t get comfortable in this car seat”). 

You will notice this in malls where Mom has been shopping and forgotten that her baby is on a schedule. The baby starts with a mild cry that builds in intensity. “Hurry up and take care of me Mom!

I’ve had enough

Listen for: Get ready for a fussy, whiny cry. She may try to turn her head or body away from over stimulating sights or sounds. 

This is a good time to change sceneries. If you are in a noisy place, move to a quieter area and rock the baby until he settles down.

This also happens when your baby or toddler is beyond tired. They are fighting sleep. You will have to settle them down, so that they can fall asleep.

Rub their back, say soothing things, or play relaxing music. There is a wonderful app by Calm that plays all kinds of music to help babies through adults relax.

I’m bored

Listen for: This cry starts out as coos (as baby tries to get a good interaction going), then turns into fussing (when the attention she’s craving isn’t coming), then builds to bursts of indignant crying (“Why are you ignoring me?”), alternating with whimpers (“C’mon, what’s a baby got to do to get a cuddle around here?”).

This is easy. Pick your child up; engage them; laugh and talk to them. It makes me crazy when people say “You spoil your child when you pick them up.” I guess at some point, you can spoil your child, but pick them up, talk and play with them, so that they are emotionally secure.

The power of touch and engagement is really important to a child’s emotional growth, self esteem and sense of security.

Go have fun with your child!

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

 

July 6, 2019 at 12:47 pm Leave a comment

This Was A New Lesson For Me

Have you ever had one of those weeks?

You know, the one where everything goes sideways?

I talk about it in this video blog. Click Here

 

 

 

 

 

Enjoy!

Are you a mom who wants less stress and more enjoyment out of life? Connect

Click Here to become a part of my Balanced Moms Facebook group.

C. Lynn Williams

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

 

October 20, 2018 at 10:55 pm Leave a comment

Summer’s Almost Over – Are You Where You Want to Be?

Have you ever stopped for a moment and thought about some of the things that you’ve accomplished? If your answer is no I completely understand. Usually that’s me too! I am so busy creating and accomplishing, that I don’t think about my achievements. However today is August 1 and the summer is coming to an end. I started thinking about what I’ve accomplished this summer and what it means to me.

I am super passionate about great relationships between parents and their children and have written several books about how achieve the relationship that you want with your children and your parents. This summer I’ve been writing a relationship book about fathers and daughters. While I’ve had some tears, I’ve had some laughter too as I think about my dad and my relationship with him.

You see, I grew up in the 60s, where adults could tell you what to do and you did it. That was a time where your village existed within the neighborhood you lived in, and you had more than one set of parents because every adult could tell you what to do. Parenting then was very different from what’s taking place today – the safety of the villages has all but disappeared.

But back to my father-daughter book. I didn’t think I had a lot to write about my relationship with my dad, until I began writing. His parenting style was quite a bit different from my mother’s and equally important for my growth into womanhood. Dad didn’t sugarcoat what he said, and I knew I could trust him. He was like most dads who don’t provide frills and flowery words to us, but they say what we (daughters) need to hear. 

I can’t wait until my book is ready to share with you. As a matter fact, I will be hosting a father – daughter discussion on August 6 from 7 to 9 PM here in Chicago. Here is the link if you want to attend this free discussion: daddaughtertalk.eventbrite.com. I would love for you to join me. #FathersandDaughtersRock

So… Are you where you want to be?

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

 

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

August 1, 2018 at 10:25 pm Leave a comment

Manners Matter

Have you ever seen something and wondered – ‘Did I just see that!’ 

I was driving on the expressway and traffic was really congested. In broad daylight a man pulled over to the side of the road and proceeded to pull out his genitals and use the bathroom! WHAT?!? Seriously!?! I thought what kind of home training did he have?

In another situation, a woman begins to talk on her phone. You can hear the voice on the other end of the phone because she has her caller on speakerphone. Why?

I met with one of my clients last week, at a public playroom for kids, since she had her kiddos with her. The playroom reminded me of when my kids were invited to places to play with each other while parents got to know each other. The biggest difference between then and now is that a few of the parents were on their phones while their child played.

What she did next got my attention. Before allowing her son to play with the other kids, she reminded him of the ‘house rules‘. The house rules were her expectations of his behavior. “Play nice.” “Hitting is not a way to resolve a problem.” Her little guy was only 4 1/2 years old, but he was being taught how to handle conflict and remain mannerable! She said that she noticed that when he and another child had conflict, he would hit. She wanted to teach him other ways to resolve conflict besides hitting (or taking what he wanted). Manners do matter, maybe not to adults who urinate on the side of expressways or when talking on speakerphone in public places. 

Manners are behaviors that are taught either by how you are raised or what you see at home. If kids are taught to be mannerable by adults who are mannerable, then that’s what they are. If the environment where you live, permits misbehavior like disrespect, littering, fighting, road rage, temper tantrums, things like that; then manners don’t matter to you.

But we live in a global society, where people from many cultures are expected to get along with each other. Manners matter because how we live our everyday lives spills over into how we treat each other and our neighbors. Respecting each other, protecting our environment and raising our children to do the same is what matters.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting relationship programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons or Fathers and Daughters.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

May 30, 2017 at 1:41 pm Leave a comment

The Good..The Bad..The Ugly

Even though my kids are adults, I’m still an involved mom because I talk with one or all of them daily about the good, the bad, and the ugly in their lives. It’s sort of like being on call. I find that I constantly manage my life and work (marriage too) around theirs. Moms who are reading this know what I’m talking about if this happens to you: You have a perfect plan to complete the chapter for your next book and receive a call from your daughter who needs to talk. Do you tell her – “I’m sorry I have a deadline for this chapter and I’ll have to talk with you later”? Or, do you put on your mother hat, and listen to her talk out the 20th problem that is ruining her life?

Whatever you decide, stress sets in when you allow too many of your children’s problems and concerns to hijack your day, week, or month. It’s difficult to say no to our kids, because we are so used to doing for them. However, since they are used to being cared for by us, it can become a challenge letting them grow into the wonderful, self-sufficient adults that we know they can be. Statistics show that 25% of parents are using their retirement to pay rent or groceries for their millennial children (21 years or older).communicating-with-adult-children-1c7xd8i

For Superwomen like me, here are some ideas on how to achieve less stress when it comes to your children:

  1. Take a moment to think about your answer and what you are committing to before you commit. For example if your son asks you to pay his car insurance (“Just for this month Mom”). Think about what it does to your budget. If you can afford it. What lessons does it teach him?
  2. Listen without advising the next time your daughter asks you what should she do about the guy that she’s been dating for five years. (You’re not crazy about him anyway, so keeping your opinions to yourself will be very challenging.)
  3. Let the call go to voicemail when your child calls you for the 5th time today because she can’t figure something out. I know this is really a tough one because who else will talk her through if not you. Give her some time to build her mental muscle (she is a superwoman in the making) and call her later. You will be surprised to see how she worked out her problem and matured a little more in the process.

 

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons or Fathers and Daughters.

Click Here to receive my newsletter and notices of my future events.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

January 13, 2017 at 9:16 pm Leave a comment

If You Are A Too Busy Working Mom…

Have you ever felt completely at your wits end because you had a project due at work or in your business, and your img_9908daughter needed you? I’ve been there and remember how difficult it was to make the choice to spend time with her. Yes I chose my daughter. Because there will ALWAYS be a project, a meeting, an event to attend.

Here’s the million dollar question! What’s the consequence if you don’t spend time when she needs (wants) you? Will she want to talk a week, month or year later? Will what was so important to her to share with you today, matter in six months (when you have more time)?

Go to my YouTube channel: MsParentGuru and check out my YouTube video blog: Click Here

If you are struggling to have meaningful conversations with your daughter and want help, let’s have a conversation about your next steps. Here’s a link to reach me. While you’re deciding if you really want to talk about that mother-daughter relationship, pick up a copy of my book, Raising Your Daughter.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentGuru

Connect with my parent community: www.clynnwilliams.com

November 10, 2016 at 1:32 pm Leave a comment

Gun Violence Begins at Home

acceptance

Growing up in the 50’s and 60’s, all I wanted was to be accepted for who I was – glasses and all, and look like my best girlfriend Susan. What I later learned is that it wouldn’t have mattered what I looked like, because most kids wanted to look like or be someone else.

While most of my friends had strict parents, I didn’t have any close friends (that I knew of) whose parents were verbally (or physically) cruel. I say that because as a kid we had parental permission to visit our close friends and I often watched how my friends’ moms and dads interacted with them. Yes I’ve been fascinated with family dynamics since I was a kid. I know what it’s like to grow up in a house where you’re constantly criticized or made to feel bad for who you are. I’ve seen it firsthand. As a child, it feels awful to be constantly criticized.Not Communicating

I also feel sorry for parents who expect to have (what they consider to be) normal kids, who aren’t. Maybe the child is sick, disabled/handicapped or have a different sexual orientation. It’s understandable to expect your child to grow up and be awesome! All parents want that. But when your child grows up and chooses a career or life that you did not expect or don’t value as acceptable, what do you do?

I believe you internalize your disappointment and think you’ve failed as a parent. Depending on your upbringing, you become critical of that young man or woman and say hurtful things that create division and separation. But let me tell you what can happen to that young man or woman; they feel rejected and hurt. You may never hear those feelings because it’s not safe for them to share them with you. If the dynamics in your household is violence and anger, they internalize that too.

Think about it! The gun violence over the last 6 years has often been random and impersonal. As a kid, if you haven’t been hugged, kissed or told how much you are loved (by your parents); if your only validation was to be told ‘How stupid you are’, ‘You’ll never amount to anything’, ‘I wish you were never born’ or ‘Shut up’; you’re ignored or beaten, it is easy to see how you would internalize those feelings and become bitter.

Anytime I read or hear about a mass or random shooting, I wonder what kind of environment that person grew up in. Were they loved, nurtured and well-cared for? Or were they allowed to do their own thing and somewhat ignored because their parents worked (a lot), didn’t know how to reach out to them, didn’t care. Gun violence photo

I am truly sorry for the mass shootings in Orlando, as well as the daily shootings in Chicago. Folks wake up! It’s not too late to reestablish a loving relationship with your child – no matter how old they are. ♥♥

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for aging parents, Mothers and Daughters or Mothers and Sons. Email me at: info@clynnwilliams.com

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Coach & Author

www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
Yours & Mine: The Winning Blended Family Formula (220 Publishing, 2015)

 

June 15, 2016 at 11:21 am 4 comments

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