Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens

Teaching Responsibility versus Perfection

January 27, 2023 at 5:30 pm Leave a comment

This month I’ve focused on commitment and responsibility within our families, with ourselves as parents, and with our children.

I would not be MsParentguru, if I didn’t mention that many of us grew up with parents who taught us that success meant you did things exactly as you were told – perfectly.

That’s how I was raised.

Thinking back to my childhood, my siblings and I had chores. To deviate from my parent’s expectations was not good! There were consequences. 😩 For example, during the week, I was expected to heat up dinner, by the time my parents got home from work. My sister or brother would set the table.

Being the strong-willed child who stretched the limits of what my mom wanted me to do, I would not focus so much on having dinner ready, I would do something that I thought would make mom happy and proud of me.

Why? 🤷🏽‍♀️ Kids need the why…

Of course she reprimanded me because I did not do what she expected me to do, but what I felt as a child, was that I couldn’t please my mother.

How many times have you felt like that growing up? If you did exactly what your parents asked you to do they still weren’t pleased with the results? So we have children that suffer with self-esteem issues and I wonder if parents are requiring perfection as a need for control instead of teaching children the bigger picture?

The bigger picture is that there are many ways to complete tasks at home, at school or at work. When we get stuck with how something should be done, it causes issues in our relationship with our kids.

So how do we repair those relationships?

One way is to be really clear about what it is that we want our children to do when we assign tasks or chores – simply saying “clean up your room” could mean that there are no dirty clothes or plates of food underneath the bed or stuffed in the closet.

It might mean that your bed is made and whatever else you want them to do in their room. Once you have explained the task, have your child say back to you what it is that they heard you say so that both of you understand. I certainly remember saying “that’s not what I asked you to do”, and hearing – “Mom that’s what you said.”

Will this strategy work the first couple of times maybe so, maybe not. However, as you work on communicating in a way that they understand and cover it with a lot of love and grace, conversations, and the expectations will get better and better. I’d love to hear your thoughts on what it meant to be a perfect, parent and issues that you may have faced trying to control your child’s responses.

What was missing between my mom and I, was the explanation for why what I did was not good enough. These types of conversations help parents teach responsibility and life lessons to their children without squelching their self-esteem.

If your motherhood journey feels more like a chore, than an honored responsibility…Register here for my FREE 3-Day challenge: Make Family Living Easier.

C. Lynn Williams, Ms. Parentguru

Entry filed under: Parenting. Tags: father, Mother, Parent, relationships, youth.