Posts tagged ‘relationships’
Every Adult Is Not Parent Material
When I read or listen to the news about parents abusing or killing their children, my heart breaks and I know they must not have had someone that they could reach out to and ask 
for help. Last night I read about a woman who was insanely jealous and suffocated one of her children because she thought her boyfriend was cheating on her. Other stories talk about how women didn’t feel they had anything to live for and decided to take their own life and the lives of their children.
I realize that children come into our lives in different ways. Some people have kids very early in life (or late in life) and love them as the spiritual gifts they are. Other people have them “accidentally” and treat them as objects or hindrances and never really “get it“, that the child in their life is truly a gift from God and here to teach us specific lessons.
While I was a twenty-something, I didn’t want kids. I wanted to climb the corporate ladder and go as high as I could without the responsibility of raising children. Plus growing up I had had many jobs babysitting kids (as well as watching my own brother & sister), so no thank you was my answer to having kids! After much thought and five years of marriage, I decided, I had room in my heart for a child. While that was my decision, I realize not everybody gets to decide or puts that kind of thought into having their children; I just wish they would.
Raising kids is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done! Kids take your Time, your Patience, your Energy and all of your Money! However I would do it again without a second thought. Were there times that I wanted to give them back to the Creator? Yes – probably so! But that’s the time that you reach out to someone close to you; someone who is saner than you and you say “Help! I need some time to myself“.
If we’re honest, we know some of those women before they’ve reached the breaking point. If you’re like me, you feel their “strangeness” when they come around you. Follow your intuition next time. When you feel that one of your women-friends or family members is a little too quiet or withdrawn, reach out to her and offer her your time and attention. Take her children for the day, so she can take some time for herself. You’ll have to do it without judging her because life has a way of coming back around to each of us. Today it may be your turn to help a woman out, and tomorrow, that woman may be in a position to help you. You never know. I call it KARMA.
For my prayer warriors, here is my prayer: “Father, today we pray for those facing desperate and lonely times. We pray especially for poor and defenseless children everywhere. Help us meet their needs as we are able.” Daily Bread 12/21/2016
Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays!
C. Lynn Williams
@MsParentguru
www.clynnwilliams.com
Gun Violence Begins at Home
Growing up in the 50’s and 60’s, all I wanted was to be accepted for who I was – glasses and all, and look like my best girlfriend Susan. What I later learned is that it wouldn’t have mattered what I looked like, because most kids wanted to look like or be someone else.
While most of my friends had strict parents, I didn’t have any close friends (that I knew of) whose parents were verbally (or physically) cruel. I say that because as a kid we had parental permission to visit our close friends and I often watched how my friends’ moms and dads interacted with them. Yes I’ve been fascinated with family dynamics since I was a kid. I know what it’s like to grow up in a house where you’re constantly criticized or made to feel bad for who you are. I’ve seen it firsthand. As a child, it feels awful to be constantly criticized.
I also feel sorry for parents who expect to have (what they consider to be) normal kids, who aren’t. Maybe the child is sick, disabled/handicapped or have a different sexual orientation. It’s understandable to expect your child to grow up and be awesome! All parents want that. But when your child grows up and chooses a career or life that you did not expect or don’t value as acceptable, what do you do?
I believe you internalize your disappointment and think you’ve failed as a parent. Depending on your upbringing, you become critical of that young man or woman and say hurtful things that create division and separation. But let me tell you what can happen to that young man or woman; they feel rejected and hurt. You may never hear those feelings because it’s not safe for them to share them with you. If the dynamics in your household is violence and anger, they internalize that too.
Think about it! The gun violence over the last 6 years has often been random and impersonal. As a kid, if you haven’t been hugged, kissed or told how much you are loved (by your parents); if your only validation was to be told ‘How stupid you are’, ‘You’ll never amount to anything’, ‘I wish you were never born’ or ‘Shut up’; you’re ignored or beaten, it is easy to see how you would internalize those feelings and become bitter.
Anytime I read or hear about a mass or random shooting, I wonder what kind of environment that person grew up in. Were they loved, nurtured and well-cared for? Or were they allowed to do their own thing and somewhat ignored because their parents worked (a lot), didn’t know how to reach out to them, didn’t care. 
I am truly sorry for the mass shootings in Orlando, as well as the daily shootings in Chicago. Folks wake up! It’s not too late to reestablish a loving relationship with your child – no matter how old they are. ♥♥
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for aging parents, Mothers and Daughters or Mothers and Sons. Email me at: info@clynnwilliams.com
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Coach & Author
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
Yours & Mine: The Winning Blended Family Formula (220 Publishing, 2015)
I’m Grown Now Mom!
Have you ever wanted perfect so bad, you were willing to overstep your boundaries?
This has happened to me often, in different areas of my life, but today I’m talking about mothers & daughters. In her years as a teen, we went from having a I respect you because you’re my mom, to a very enjoyable one as she got older.
I learned a valuable lesson when I overstepped my boundaries thinking I knew best. Mothers always know best right? Well I reached out to one of her friends to resolve what I thought was a problem. I meant no harm, but it got back to her and we went through a rough patch.
It took me and my pride awhile to realize that I had been put in my place by my 20-something daughter, however once we talked about it, I realized I had to allow her to make her own decisions even when I thought they were mistakes.
I know it’s hard to see our little girls grow into adults and allow them to make their own decisions. When we interfere, we’re telling our daughters that we don’t trust the decisions they are making BUT more importantly, we are admitting to ourselves that we don’t believe we’ve raised them to the best of our ability. That sucks ladies!
Go ahead and let her make her own decision. You be there to cheer her on, or comfort her no matter what happens. Send me a comment and tell me how you’ve handled challenging situations with you daughter.
Need help with the hormones? Order your copy of my book: Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES!
C. Lynn Williams
Author, Creator of Finding Superwoman – a must have program for Women who Want It All
Teaching Millennial Young Women…OMG
I have been absent from this blog for the last month. Hard to believe, but it’s true and I apologize to those of you who look forward to my weekly posts. I have a good excuse though; I’ve been teaching a group of young ladies that have given me a run for my money. Call them young female millennials.
These young women are outspoken, opinionated, oppositional and hard to love. Many of them have dysfunctional relationships with their mothers – they have said “I hate my mom”, don’t respond well to rules and have very short attention spans.
I took it personally at first and couldn’t understand why I was dealing with this type of student. Then I realized that many of you have these young girls or women in your home. These are your daughters and they are not easy to parent or get close to. There are many reasons explaining why our daughters appear distant from us. It could be the fast pace of social media; how women and girls are portrayed in the media, or the inattention that they receive at home from us their mothers and fathers when we’re busy.
I know we have to change our mindset in order to reach this generation. They love technology. That means we can’t hate technology and expect to stay in touch with our girls. Whether it’s through texting, emailing, Face-timing or Facebook messages, talk to your girls and let them know you love them and are there for them.
While the attitudes of these students were enough to make me think about retiring early; I realized that I was being given an opportunity to do what I love to do – get close and share my love with this millennial generation – your daughters. There are all kinds of things going on in their young lives. Some good; some not so good. They just need to know that someone really cares and is listening. No matter what type of outward attitude they give off.
Keep the lines of communication open Moms…your daughters really are listening.
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for millennial daughters, aging parents, or mothers and sons.
Email me at: info@clynnwilliams.com
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author, Coach & Family Dynamics Specialist
www.clynnwilliams.com
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
NEW: Yours & Mine: A Winning Blended Family Formula (220 Publishing, 2015)
I Will Always Love You… Bobbi Kristina
Reprinted from Black Woman Unleashed magazine Feb 4, 2015
Imagine your child is helpless. She can’t do anything for herself. You have to do everything. As her mother, wouldn’t you do anything necessary to make sure she is okay? Of course you would.
Imagine that situation reversed. Your child has grown up watching you, cause that’s what our kids do. They don’t judge whether what we do is good or bad, it just is. So imagine for a minute, that you are Whitney Houston’s daughter Bobbi Kristina. She’s had a front row seat to the ups and downs of her parents’ life.
Three years ago her enigmatic, famous mother was found in a bathtub. While we hope that our children mirror us in positive ways. They will also follow us into the den of Hell. That’s how much they love us. Come back beautiful angel. Our prayers are with you Bobbi Kristina Brown and your family.
#PrayforBK
If you want to continue this discussion about protecting our #daughters, sign up for my Parenting Newsletter. Want to ask questions or dialogue with me about how tough adult issues affect our families; reach out to me on Twitter @MsParentguru or on my Facebook fan page www.Facebook.com/CGWWBooks. #parenting
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Generational Development Specialist
www.clynnwilliams.com
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
If You Make Time, They Will Come..
Ever wonder why we like reality TV? Probably because the stories are so true-life; the characters get to say & do whatever (ridiculous or not) comes to their minds (or the mind of the show’s writer) and there’s always a new angle! Oh most importantly — they are addicting.
Here’s an alternative: You and your daughter take some time 30-60-90 minutes; list your top five issues with each other. Set ground rules and make it ‘safe’ to talk openly & honestly. Promise each other that you will not HOLD Grudges after your time together. For my journalers, write down your thoughts. At my recent Stop Driving Me CraZy Mother – Daughter Retreat, daughters shared that they liked the activities like Mirror-Mirror and Trust Me! Some opened up and told their moms what was on their mind. Mothers enjoyed the video and breakout sessions.
It might feel awkward or ‘fake’, but don’t worry it can breathe life into your relationship. She may act like it doesn’t matter if you both talk or not. But don’t listen to that. Secretly (inside) she is dying for a wonderful relationship with you! Your normally unresponsive, hormonal teen daughter may share things you wouldn’t have imagined. Just try not to flip out if you hear something weird.
By the way, feel free to share this blog post with others and (share) your thoughts with me. I’d love to hear them! My next mother – daughter retreat will be held in November in Chicago, IL. Interested? Email me at clynn@clynnwilliams.com
Happy Relating!
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach
www.clynnwilliams.com
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Communications, 2013)
Your message has been sent
Ladies: Love Traditional Style!
I love Thanksgiving because I get to spend time with members of my family that I ordinarily don’t get to hang out with.
I have lots of nieces, nine I think; and my two of my closest nieces are in dysfunctional relationships with men! One of them is working out father abandonment issues, and she finds the most “ugh” guys to get involved with. They are either married to someone else or in love with someone else – WTH? The guy of the hour, can’t hold a job, smokes weed and runs around on her! I love her so much and so as usual, I stuck my head in her business, suggested she make a clean break with him (the father of her second child), and move on. She followed my move on advice, and changed apartments. Whatever..
My other niece, the more cautious one, got involved with a guy that she met over a year ago. They admired each other from a distance and she eventually accepted his request for a date. 
Ladies: dating is your opportunity to find out about that guy! It is not time to “jump into bed” with him! You don’t know him! He could be married, crazy, abusive, just NOT your type! Have a couple of months of pure dating without sex (of any kind). Let him talk about what he does and does not like. You do the same thing. Let your mind get to know him before you introduce your body. In any event, not practicing ‘safe sex’ gave her & her guy friend an early birthday present – a baby! Now she gets to find out that he has baby mama drama and since he’s a “Pampered Prince”, she also has periodic issues with his mother. (The Pampered Princes are those whose mothers don’t believe their sons do any wrong.)
Take your time to get to know him, before you KNOW him…
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Communications, 2013)
Waiting for Real Love
Do people fall in love anymore? With dating services like E Harmony, Match.com and Christian Mingles, do people marry for convenience, or do people actually wait for Mr. (or Mrs.) Right to come along? I remember a conversation that I had years ago with my aunt. She wasn’t happy with the man that I planned to marry, and in so many words, told me so! She preferred that I marry a doctor or lawyer to have “the finer things in life”. That would have been okay, except that I had to be in love with the man I planned to marry.
My girlfriend feels the same way too. Her very complicated life has recently gotten a lot simpler and she says if she ever marries again, it will be the kind of “hard to breathe”, “can’t sleep at night without thinking about him” kind of love. I mean face it, if you marry someone for money or looks, both could vanish overnight right? A couple in New York felt the same way and married each other 35 years after falling in love at first sight! Okay maybe I wouldn’t wait that long. Oh the power of true love!
Click here to read the article: http://tiny.cc/tsx41w 
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach
My Books:
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! Available August, 2013 – preorder starts Aug 23rd http://raisingyourdaughterpresale-esli.eventbrite.com/#!
Mother – Daughter Reflections for my Newest Book!
Consider being part of a group of women that talks about your relationship with your mom or your daughter? I’m writing the last chapter in my new mother/daughter book and would love to include your anecdote or favorite memory. I only need a paragraph. You can message it to me on my CGWW Books fan page https://www.facebook.com/?ref=tn_tnmn#!/CGWWBooks or email it to me at: cgwwbooks@yahoo.com
If you prefer, send your thoughts to me via my blog. I will only be able to take the first 50 comments, so don’t delay. Send me your comments right away!
Happy Friday, C. Lynn
Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens 
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