Posts tagged ‘sons’
How to Have Healthier Menfolk
As I sit here and eat a bag of Hershey’s kisses, I wonder how in the world my kids learned to stop loving junk food đ and stay healthy? đ¤
Wonder how you build kids who love junk food, into healthy adults? đŞđ
This month of June, celebrates men and boyâs health. So letâs talk about physical health.
When it comes to male health, I literally have to call âthe kidsâ when my husband needs to go to the doctor. Heâs pretty clear that there is no need to go to the doctor.. just take an Advil or Dayquil and stay in the bed. đ¤ˇđ˝ââď¸
So you can imagine, thereâs no such thing as scheduling an annual well visit.
Do you live with someone like that? đ¤Śđ˝ââď¸
Scheduling annual well doctor and dentist visits are easy to do when our sons are young. They need both for school or to play sports. As they grow into men, it becomes more challenging to have them see a doctor as a preventative measure. My husband would rather write a check for a million dollars đľ than have a wellness visit. đ¤ˇđ˝ââď¸
Itâs a shame that body parts have to stop working, in order to visit the doctor. Maybe itâs the âif itâs not broken, donât fix itâ strategy.
If the males in your family are the same way, it might be easier to help them eat healthier. Personally, I like vegetables and a fish protein since I donât eat meat. I get a little push back if I make what my husband calls, double greens. 𼏠For example, cooking stir fry veggies and a side of spinach is considered double greens. On those days, Iâm pressing my luck.
With your sons, especially if they play a sport, having a good amount of healthy carbs makes eating junk food less enticing. Maybe theyâre not interested in eating grapes, apples and cherries, but have them in the fridge. Having popcorn, cheese bites, and healthy snacks in the pantry, may make flaming hots, or hot Cheetos less attractive.
I recommend starting a healthy regime now at the beginning of the summer before more bad eating habits get started.
Consider adding in a mother-son (or husband-wife) evening walk to give you time with each other, and a little exercise.
Or⌠encourage your husband and son to go to the park and throw a baseball, football, play soccer, or run on the track together. You might get push back if theyâve not done this before. Just keep encouraging them.
Iâve been trying to get my husband to walk with me in the evening, so that we donât become a fixed part of the sofa. đ Iâll keep trying.
At the end of the day, exercising and healthy eating, can help you control your weight and keep your sanity.
Write me and let me know how successful you are with the males in your family. Iâll do the same. đ
Interested in learning more about your familyâs dynamics? Contact me â Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my parent coaching programs that help guide you through Aging Parents, Mother and Daughter drama, Mothers and their Sons challenges, Fathers and Daughters as well as Fathers and their Sons.
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Boys Will Be Boys…
I could never understand why the things that I got into trouble for, my brother didnât get into trouble for. The way it was explained to me was: âyou are not your brotherâ. Fast forward to a story that my husband used to tell me. He was the oldest of four, and two of those siblings were girls. His sisters did not understand why the discipline for him was different than the discipline for them. His dad simply told them âyou are not a 16-year-old boyâ. Now whether thatâs right or wrong, thatâs how our culture decides whatâs appropriate for boys versus whatâs appropriate for girls. It doesnât always match up with what is right.
Whatâs even more unbalanced is how our society is inconsistent in its justice for black boys versus white boys. I taught males in high school. When I taught at a male-only high school, and noticed that the punishment for African-American or Hispanic students tended to be more severe than the punishment for Caucasian students. What was that about?
So growing up as a girl, I realized that boysâ behavior was more acceptable than girls, and as a young adult woman I found that white males received more leniency for punishment than males of color.
So now we have a U.S. Supreme Court candidate who has been accused of sexual harassment as a teenage boy. During one of the news reports yesterday, I heard a commentator or maybe it was a U.S. senator say “well you know boys will be boys.â Thatâs a travesty and shouldnât be tolerated! A crime is a crime no matter who does it. If you sell dope, (I think we call them drugs today) then youâre guilty. Your punishment shouldnât be any different because of your skin color or your gender. If Bill Cosby, who had a reputation of being Americaâs funniest TV dad, can be accused and convicted of sexual misconduct, then so can Judge Kavanaugh and President Trump.
I mean justice is blind right? Click Here to purchase a copy of The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship With Your Son.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
Discipline Disparity Between Black Boys & Everybody Else’s Son
When we African American mothers complain that the system is against our son(s), we are told that we are paranoid. Probably not.
Of course it doesn’t help when our sons are consistently targeted /stopped / jailed / shot by law enforcement officers.
When my son was three, I took him to a neighborhood in-home day care. The day care provider had three kids; two who were too young to attend school. One day when I picked up my son, she told me that he bit her youngest son. While I wasn’t surprised; he was going through a biting stage; her next words surprised me. “You better get him some help or else he’s going to be a a danger to society (not verbatim).”
While I didn’t disregard his biting behavior, I also knew we had recently relocated the family and he was moved from a home he had known and loved since birth to one that was unfamiliar to him. I also knew other sons who bit, spit and punched each other and their moms simply said “Boys will be boys“.
Understand that I am not saying our sons can do no wrong. If they are wrong, it is our responsibility to correct their behavior. Continual targeting is not the way. If you are a single mother without a positive male role model in your son’s life, then it will be hard not to take to heart what school (or daycare) officials say. Don’t believe the hype.
It’s really important to the socio-emotional health of our sons for us to protect them when it appears that they are constantly punished, suspended or jailed for acts that are considered quite normal for sons of other races and ethnicities.
Please read the Washington Post article by Tunette Powell and let me know your thoughts on this topic. Click here to read.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Founder & Creator of Finding Superwoman
3 Tips to Prevent Excessive Prom Spending (reprinted)
Reprinted 5/26/2016 from Moms Magazine ~~~ 
Eons ago, I attended prom. I actually had my dress made and it was a big deal to match the dress with my shoes. I wore a natural hair style, so I only needed a trip to the barbershop to have it properly shaped. Iâm sure I wore some make-up and polished my nails, but the entire the whole preparation didnât cost more than maybe $200.
Have you had to prepare your child for prom recently? I remember getting my own daughters ready for prom and it was certainly more elaborate than when I was in high school. I believe the cost of one of the prom dresses was three hundred dollars!
There was even a process for how your date asked you to prom. Apparently your favorite girl wouldnât consider going to prom with you unless you had a creative way of asking her. 
Attended a prom party lately? My hubs and I attended a prom party and I was amazed and surprised at the elaborate things that took place. Her dress was flown out of New York and he had on the baddest pair of shoes I’ve ever seen even on a grown man; the fact that he was a high school kid made it unreal. I believe the shoes were blue suede. Between the videographer and the Rolls Royce limo, I imagine those parents easily spent $4,000.
Some parents feel if you have the money to spend why not spend it? My concern is that if youâre spending thousands of dollars for prom, what do you do when your daughter(s) or son(s) get married?
I believe we’re teaching our young people that they are entitled to this kind of excessive spending, when in actuality they arenât. What have they done to deserve this excess?
Instead here are three things we can teach them to help them develop fiscal responsibility.
1. Let them know that they are responsible for some of their prom expenses. Set a dollar amount of what you will contribute.
2. Open a savings account when they are in grade school. Help them develop a habit of savings.
3. Teach them the value of being frugal. Show them how to get the best for their money. (Help them learn this early â during middle school would be good.)
Recently parents were telling me how concerned they were that their children particularly the teens acted so entitled. How can you not feel entitled if your parents will allow you to spend thousands of dollars on your dress or tux without establishing limits?
Interested in learning more about your how to communicate with your teen daughter? Pick up a copy of my book -Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring family coaching programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters or Mothers and Sons. Email me at: info@clynnwilliams.com
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author, Coach & Family Dynamics Specialist
http://www.clynnwilliams.com
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
Yours & Mine: The Winning Blended Family Formula (220 Publishing, 2015)
Other Mothers’ Sons…
I am tired, angry, and discouraged with the number of deaths by gun violence over the last 2-3 year
s. As a mother with two sons, I thought about how I would feel if my sons were shot or killed randomly or by police. I mean, nowadays, there is such a disdain for life by âlost soulsâ that a bullet meant for someone else, can find its way to my boys.
When I read the news accounts on how the son (Joseph Graves or substitute any dead young manâs name here) was killed, I wonder what were the last words his mother said to him. I think about how he was raised, who were the influential people in his life, was he part of the problem or part of the solution. Since we are at epidemic proportions of young men dying by gun violence, Iâve changed my focus from the mothers of sons who have died, to the mothers of sons who are doing the shooting.
Thatâs who I want to think about in this post. Who do these young men go to for guidance? What kind of manners are they taught? What are their unmet needs? Do they need more love, more male interaction, or are they dealing with an untreated mental illness? Good behavior starts at home with good consistent parenting. Sons donât start out bad, they are allowed to misbehave. It is reinforced when we donât chastise, redirect them, discipline and teach them how to respect us and themselves.
When I was growing up and got out of control, we were called âwild hooligansâ and punished. Bad behavior was not tolerated. Nowadays, what are the consequences for temper tantrums for these boys at ages 2, 3 and 4? This is the age to train them to respect us (their parents) and authority. It i
s impossible to wait until your son is a teenager to train him on respect and good behavior.
My oldest son was raised by his mother and I got to be a part of his life when he was a late teen. He was very well-mannered and respectful. Thatâs how he was raised. My younger son, spent part of his years with me when I was a single parent, and his high school years with his father. He too understood the rules.
What Iâm saying here is that respect and good behavior is learned and reinforced. The same is true for misbehavior. If you allow your son to say anything he wants to you, especially when heâs young and you think itâs cute, then you are breeding a monster. If he is a handful, put some male role models in his life either through your church, the local YMCA or a fraternity sponsored program.
Mothers, we can stop the gun violence now. Start controlling your âwild hooliganâ I mean your young man now. Teach your son how to treat people and how to behave appropriately, so that the streets or law enforcement wonât have to.
Interested in learning more about your how to best manage your sonâs behavior? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for aging parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and Sons or Blended Families. Email me at: info@clynnwilliams.com
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author, Coach & Family Dynamics Specialist
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
NEW:Â Yours & Mine: The Winning Blended Family Formula (220 Publishing, 2015)
Is There a War Going on Between Fathers & Sons?
Ms. Parent Guru wants to know what is going on with the violence between fathers and sons. I get it when dads say “You can’t let your son get away with anything….If you give an inch, he will take a mile.” I realize that there is
a level of respect that every man wants his son to have for him. What is hard to understand is the aggression that seems to go along with the level of respect that fathers require from their sons.
Thinking back, my dad required respect from all of us, not just my brother. He hugged my sister and I, but I don’t remember seeing him hug my brother. He was from the school of hard knocks for boys. That’s the idea that some fathers tell me – “If I am not hard on him, he will not grow up and become a Man!”
Does that type of thinking push sons over the edge? I mean what could possibly be the reason that Thomas Gilbert Jr would kill his father over a decrease in allowance. What would cause Duffy Grogan to shoot his father? And what type of relationship existed between a father and his son would cause Marvin Gaye Sr. to shoot his own flesh and blood? 
There are probably a number of reasons like greed, drug usage, mental illness. However, as a society, the fact that we start removing any trace of love and nurture in young boys by telling them “Stop crying, you’re acting like a girl” or telling mothers (and fathers) “If you keep hugging him (your son), he won’t become a strong man.” All of that is hogwash! Boys need nurturing just like girls. Dads: please shower lots of love and attention on your son, so that he will grow up into a wonderful man that loves himself and is able to love others as well. Hopefully we can eliminate the aggression that exists.
If you want to understand more of what makes your son tick, invest in a copy of my book, âThe Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Sonâ. http://amzn.to/1l6PUcv If you would like to ask questions or dialogue with me about how tough adult issues affect our sons, reach out to me on Twitter @MsParentguru or on my Facebook author page www.Facebook.com/CGWWBooks. Use hashtag #WarBetweenFathersnSons
 C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach
www.clynnwilliams.com
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
Linda Listen to me…3 Year Old talking to Mom
He’s only three years old and clearly a handful. How would you handle this “pampered Prince”
?
#MsParentguru
Mothers – What’s Happening to Our Sons?
Itâs been little more than a month since the Newtown shootings, and as a mother, I am still at a complete loss for how a son could kill his mother. I have two sons, my own and one I lovingly inherited when I married his father. I love them both and while I have had difficult conversations and tense moments with both sons, never in my wildest nightmares, would I imagine dying by their hand.
While we will never hear Nancy Lanzaâs story about her relationship with her son Adam (the shooter), I came across an article where she cautioned one of her sonâs babysitters to never turn his back on her son. Can you imagine living with a person and not being able to turn your back on him? http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-201_162-57559502/ex-babysitter-says-newtown-conn-school-shooter-adam-lanzas-mother-warned-dont-turn-your-back/
When we raise our sons, we pour so much love, attention, (hopefully) discipline, values and the kitchen sink into our boys, and yet many of them end up being killed, killing others, or going to prison. Mothers, where are we failing and why?
I also came across another article, where another mother lost her only son to gun violence and he was a good kid! We always think our sons are good kids! But this teen did what he was told; went to school every day (one of my requirements); obeyed his mother; and yet was randomly shot in the back after leaving a basketball game. http://my.chicagotribune.com/#section/544/article/p2p-74054502/
Iâd like my sons to grow into wonderful men with families and great careers, like my dad and granddad. Is that too much to ask these days?
C. Lynn Williams
Author and Parenting Coach
#msparentguru
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens 
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