Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens

Why Don’t Mothers & Daughters Get Along?

January 7, 2026 at 6:38 pm Leave a comment

We were at dinner last night, and I couldn’t help but notice a mother trying—really trying—to connect with her teenage daughter.

It was a family of five: two boys and one girl, plus mom and dad. The daughter was completely checked out, plugged into her phone, emotionally elsewhere. The mother kept making attempts—asking questions, commenting, reaching across the table in small, hopeful ways. None of it landed. The daughter didn’t respond.

Why was the mother trying so hard to get her daughter’s attention?

And why didn’t the daughter respond?

Those questions lingered… until I remembered why I was at dinner and turned back to enjoying the moment with my husband.

But the questions stayed with me.

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I grew up with a mother who had two daughters—my sister and me. I was the oldest. I was also the one who always needed to understand why things happened the way they did. Why was the rule the rule? Why couldn’t I do what others did? Why did something feel unfair?

My mother wasn’t good with explanations. In her culture, explaining yourself to a child wasn’t the norm. Obedience mattered more than understanding. Respect meant compliance, not conversation.

My sister, on the other hand, was more compliant. She didn’t question as much. She accepted things as they were. And because of that, she often stayed in my mother’s good graces.

I did not.

That dynamic made me wonder—why don’t more mothers and daughters get along?

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Is it because daughters are often mirrors of their mothers?

Watching someone who looks like you, sounds like you, carries your traits—but makes different choices—can be unsettling. Sometimes what we resist in our daughters is what we were never allowed to explore in ourselves. Their independence can feel like defiance. Their questions can feel like disrespect. Their confidence can feel threatening when we were taught to be quiet.

Or maybe it’s because the daughter is outspoken—something the mother was never encouraged to be.

What if the daughter is living the freedom the mother never had?

That can be painful to witness.

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There’s also the reality that adolescence is a season of separation. Daughters pull away not because they don’t love their mothers, but because they’re trying to figure out who they are. And mothers, especially those who gave so much of themselves to raising their children, can experience that distance as rejection.

So the mother tries harder.

And the daughter pulls back more.

And both feel misunderstood.

Neither is wrong.

Both are hurting.

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Another layer is unhealed wounds.

Many mothers are raising daughters while still carrying unresolved pain from their own childhoods—especially in relationships with their mothers. Without intention, those patterns repeat. Expectations go unspoken. Emotions go unmanaged. Love gets tangled with control, fear, and disappointment.

And daughters feel it—even when no one says a word.

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What if the question isn’t why don’t mothers and daughters get along?

What if the real question is: How do we learn to see each other as separate, whole people?

Not extensions.

Not reflections.

Not do-overs.

But two women—at different stages—trying to understand each other with the tools they were given.

Healing begins when curiosity replaces control.

When listening replaces assuming.

When love feels safe instead of conditional.

And sometimes, healing starts simply by asking the question… and being willing to sit with the answer.

It’s never too late to rekindle—or repair—your relationship with your mother or your daughter.

Healing doesn’t require perfection, just willingness. If you’re ready to explore these patterns with compassion and clarity, I invite you to book a private call with me. Together, we’ll create space for understanding, healing, and a new way forward.

Happy New Year 🥳

C. Lynn Williams

Entry filed under: Parenting. Tags: acceptance, Adolescence, Child, daughter, love, momlife, motherhood, mothers, MsParentguru, parenting, patience, relationships, respect, stress, support, teens, Women.