When Mothers Struggle to Like Their Daughters: What’s Really Going On?
December 3, 2025 at 11:58 am Leave a comment
As a professor, coach, and parent advocate, I meet many bright, gifted college-aged women who carry an invisible ache: a mother who doesn’t seem to like them.
Not a mother who is absent.
Not a mother who is overwhelmed.
A mother who is physically present but emotionally cold, critical, or distant.
It’s a pain these young women rarely name out loud—yet it shows up in their anxiety, people-pleasing, perfectionism, or deep uncertainty about their worth. And every semester, I’m reminded that this dynamic is far more common than we admit.
Why Would a Mother Struggle With Her Daughter?
There is no single cause, but here are patterns I’ve seen repeatedly:
1. Unresolved wounds from her own childhood
Many women were never mothered well themselves. When their daughters reach the age where they were hurt, neglected, or criticized, old trauma surfaces.
Some mothers distance themselves because closeness feels dangerous or uncomfortable.
2. Seeing a reflection they’re not ready to face
Daughters often mirror a mother’s fears, regrets, insecurities, or abandoned dreams.
Instead of seeing their child, they see their younger self—and sometimes, that’s a self they never learned to love.
3. Feeling threatened by independence or confidence
When a daughter is bold, outspoken, talented, or emotionally aware, it can trigger a mother who grew up in a time when girls were taught to shrink.
What feels like “attitude” is often just a daughter growing.
4. Cultural pressure and emotional overload
Many women mothered under impossible expectations—be perfect, be quiet, hold the family together, don’t complain.
By the time their daughters arrive with needs, emotions, and opinions, they’re exhausted. And exhaustion often disguises itself as irritation or distance.
5. A lack of emotional vocabulary
Some mothers love deeply but never learned how to express it. Their daughter receives criticism instead of connection, rules instead of relationship.
What Daughters Learn From a Mother Who Doesn’t Seem to Like Them
The college-aged women I teach are often:
- Brilliant but afraid to fail
- Friendly but afraid of conflict
- Independent but emotionally guarded
- High-achieving but deeply unsure of their worth
They grew up believing they had to earn love, manage everyone’s emotions, or play small to stay safe. And yet, with support, they grow into incredible, self-aware adult women who break cycles—one boundary and one moment of healing at a time.
A Different Narrative Is Possible
Mother–daughter relationships are complicated, but not doomed. With communication, self-reflection, and sometimes professional guidance, many mothers and daughters learn to reconnect—often more deeply in adulthood than ever before.
If you’re a mother reading this, know this: you can rewrite this story. If you’re a daughter, know this: your mother’s wounds are not your identity.
Healing is possible on both sides.
Ready to strengthen your mother–daughter bond?
If this topic speaks to you, my books offer tools, scripts, and real-life strategies that help families reconnect with compassion:
👉 Explore my mother–daughter book, Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears, and HORMONES!, along with all my parenting resources here: clynn.company.site
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Entry filed under: #mothersanddaughters, #MsParentguru, adult daughters, competition, motherhood, mothers and daughters, Parenting, parenting tips, raising daughters. Tags: daughter, emotional health, family, life, love, Mental health, misunderstood, mothers, parenting, physical abuse, relationships, trauma, young girls.
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